Today my thirteen year old daughter is having surgery to remove a rather large birthmark from her forehead. As her mother I am worried sick this is the right decision.
This particular birthmark made it's appearance when she was about a week old. It was tiny barely noticeable in her hairline. As she grew so did 'it'. It became part of her, who she is. Her father and I could have had it removed when she was a baby but decided to let it be her decision. Mistake number one? Maybe.
All through school it wasn't an issue until she moved to middle school in grade six. She started wearing her hair differently. In order to hide her small imperfection she would hold her hair to her face if a sudden wind came up. She despises this blemish 'it' has brought her to tears on many occassion. She has been begging for the past two years to have it removed. So in an attempt to make her happy I took her to the doctor and got a referral to a cosmetic surgeon. This was last summer.
Because of it's position directly above her right eyebrow and because it's quite large, if memory serves 7mm by 5mm having it removed will alter her appearance. From what we were told at that time she would look surprised but only on one side of her face. The plastic surgeon suggested we try having it lasered off. So we did what she suggested.
Six laser treatments and some $300.00 later the birthmark remains. Albeit lighter than it was but the size has not changed and the fact that it still cannot be concealed with makeup we are back at square one. So almost a year to the day we went back to see the surgeon, explained that yes we did try the laser option but it didn't work as we had hoped.
There is another alternative, we can have it removed by cutting it vertically and pulling the two sides together. The incision will be an inverted T this will leave a larger scar but the surprised look will be averted. So you would think this would calm my nerves somewhat right? Nope not so. Last night I had terrible dreams about this whole thing, and suffice it to say this decision has been weighing heavily on my mind since exactly 3:17am.
My fear is this. If we pull the skin on our forehead sideways it affects our appearance as well. Sure you don't look surprised but you do look different. My daughter is a very pretty girl I am devastated thinking this will alter her appearance beyond repair. All for the sake of her vanity is this really the right decision? Is letting her decide her fate at thirteen a wise idea? Mistake number two? Probably.
Her surgery is scheduled for 8:15 this very morning I'm afraid it's too late to change our minds. There is no monetary requirement, our Provincial medical will pay for this because she's under eighteen and it's bigger than the eraser end of a pencil. But should we decide last minute to cancel? I would think the surgeon would want to be compensated for her time. For the entire fifteen minutes it will apparently take her to perform this surgery.
The one good thing that will come of all of this and something no parent or child should have to deal with is confirmation that it is not cancerous. The surgeon doesn't think it is but will have it biopsied to by sure. Sigh of relief yes, but if it's not and this ends badly would it have been better to have a valid reason to have it removed? To be justified?
So for the sake of my daughters fragile thirteen year old self esteem I will bite my lip and see her through this. If the change is too drastic I'm sure there are things that can be done to correct it, once the initial scar heals. To want to trade a part of you for a scar is baffling, but to her it's the only option. To trade her 'look' because the thought of having a big brown birthmark is far worse in her opinion is something I may never understand, it's not my face. As her parents should we step in and say no? Mistake number three? Definitely.
We will go through with this, it's what she's begged for, for two years. We will deal with what may result and we will fix what we can. If she's so willing to sacrifice her appearance because the alternative is so disgusting to her who am I to try to change her mind? Her mother, yes of course. But at the end of the day it is her face, she's the one who has to live with it. I may see this as a mistake, but what if it works? I have to convince myself it will work. She will still be as lovely as always. What's a little scar right? Easily covered with makeup, eventually fading away. Not such a bad trade.
But when I pinch my forehead where her birthmark is I have to wonder how the surgeon is going to prevent her left eyebrow from being pulled dramatically to the right. I guess it's a matter of faith. Faith that the cosmetic/reconstructive surgeon who will be performing the surgery knows what she's doing. That's pretty much all I can ask for, and believe me I have been.
With much love, light and a deep breath,
Tammy.
