...further to "My Beautiful Girl" blog.
Turns out Pulse Management, is not 100% what we are looking for. We got a phone call the following week from Stacey Eastman who thinks my daughter is "Amazing." I wonder how many parents heard that? I know she's amazing, and not just her looks, she's smart too sometimes too smart for her own good but that's a whole other story.
So after some considerable research and following my gut instinct we've decided to stay local with this at least to start with. After all Coco Rocha is a Richmond girl and if she can make it as a super model after being discovered by Charles Stuart here in Vancouver (one of the agencies we will be seeing on Friday) then why not my daughter?
As for Stacey Eastman, he got a "Thanks but no thanks" email today. He may have a foot in the industry but he's not the only game on the planet and he's asking too much according to everyone I've talked to including Mr. Charles Stuart himself, his comment, "Oh, only $2,500.00 for a book, is that all?" said extremely sarcastically. He was unimpressed to hear that Stacey is claiming having discovered Coco Rocha, I couldn't find anything online to confirm this which lead to my suspicions about the legitimacy of his "claims". So ya, no thanks.
The Pulse contract was pretty basic, nothing too extravagant, two pages saying we do not guarantee anything but want you to pay for all your travel and work expenses. They are a management company nothing more, I can manage my daughter, and charge her way less for it. The way it works is you sign with your "mother agency" then they share you with other agencies who want your specific look, they split the 20% commission and the model gets her 80%. It can be very lucrative if you get work, the key word there "if".
This past weekend her dad and I did a series of photos which will serve as her "Polaroid's" something the industry requires for initial submissions. They turned out ok, good enough for their purpose. I emailed seven of the required shots to a few local agencies yesterday, I got a reply email right away from Liz Bell Agency and a phone call this morning from Charles Stuart International Models. They are kind of competing because Charles wants to see her before Liz which tells me they are on a hunt for that next big discovery. Good for us if she has what it takes.
Friday will tell the tale. Depending on how this goes will determine how we proceed. It's a great experience for her regardless and if this year it doesn't work out we'll try again next year. She is after all only 13 (and a half) and a year can do allot for a young girl, good or bad. Either way, this is something she wants to try and I will not stop her because we had one run in with an unscrupulous individual. Don't get me wrong, he does work in the industry it's just they way he works I don't agree with.
...so we continue the journey and until my daughter tells me she's done we keep going. This may be short lived this may be a career choice that enables her to realize her dream of attending an Ivy League university and becoming a doctor, and interesting twist in the fashion industry, super-model turned nuro surgeon...I like it either way she has her parents full support and encouragement. Something she's never been denied.
With much love, light and a real trip,
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Beautiful Girl
This past weekend was what might be the beginning of my daughters modeling career, in fact it is the beginning regardless of the outcome of Saturday's events.
You see, on the September long weekend my kids went with their dad to the Bumpershoot Music Festival in Seattle and a scout from Pulse Management approached my ex and asked if the tall young lady with him was his daughter. Well, my girl is 5'91/4" tall, slim and very pretty so it's no wonder she was noticed. They exchanged email addresses and some other information and the scout indicated that there would be an open call sometime in October and that she would let them know the details. Well...
A week and a half ago my ex got the email with the details and being that the call fell on my weekend with the kids I was more than happy to take her to Seattle. After all I have experience in this particular industry and I was leery that it might be a scam, as was everyone who knew what was going on with regards to this invitation.
So last week I spoke with the scout personally and found out more information, turns our Pulse Management has an exclusive partnership with Elite Models. For those of you who have not heard of Elite, this is the agency who launched Cindy Crawford's modeling career. Not to mention Tyra Banks, Naiomi Campbell, Iman, Cameron Diaz, Andy McDowell, Heidi Klume, Giselle Bunzchen to name a few. So ya, this is legitimate. The owner of Pulse, Stacey Eastman was the presenter and explained who he was and who he works with, Trump (as in "The Donald") Models is also a partner and that he was looking for girls who have the potential, and future potential to make it in this very tough business.
All that being said, we sat through the first hour and a half listening and watching intently, all the while my ADHD son sat quietly and very patiently next to me doodling. My daughter was nervous, not knowing what to expect and when it came time to go face to face with Stacey I thought for sure she would back out, she didn't. She is a very driven young lady and when she sees something she wants she goes for it. All the girls lined up outside the room and came in one at a time for a quick few words with Stacey, there were probably 50 to 60 girls ranging in age from 12 to 23 and all of varying height, my daughter being one of the tallest.
She was third from last and when her turn finally arrived she dutifully handed Stacey her information sheet and he asked her when she would be turning 14, she answered, then he asked what her shoe size was, she answered 10. Stacey that turned to the crowd as he had for numerous girls before my daughter and shouted out "mom?" I stood up and he asked how tall I was, 5'10" and how tall her dad is, 6'2" the reason for this is to determine how tall she will be when she finishes growing. Being 13 and 5'9-1/4" and a size 10 foot she will likely be over 6' tall which in this industry is spectacular!
She had always hated her height, and I always told her that one day she will love it, well this past Saturday she discovered exactly what I was talking about. Height is a huge benefit in the modeling industry and tall girls make good money. I'll get into the details of exactly how much a little later. Needless to say, her self esteem was significantly boosted that day.
Once all the girls had the first run through and were seated with their parents, Stacey explained that he would be calling the names of the girls that he wanted to see and that the rest were free to go, he was very kind about it, he explained that he was looking for a specific type of girl and that all the girls were beautiful and not to give up their dream, but he can't keep everyone and have a great afternoon.
We sat and waited, he held a small stack of info sheets in his hand and I was convinced at that point that we would be done. After he called the six girls up to the front with their parents and asked them to wait a moment he would speak to them in a moment. Ok, I thought we're done...
Nope not so, he then took a larger stack and told us that the names he called out next would be staying for the second half of the presentation and that these girls have potential. He handed the stack to his assistant and went off the talk to the first group he called. I have no idea what he said to them, but one thing all the girls in that group had in common was they all had "books" in my day they were called portfolios so they were obviously experienced, maybe he told them he would contact them, maybe he told them to look elsewhere who knows, it was the stack in the assistants hand I was interested in.
The assistant started naming off the girls and as the stack grew smaller and smaller my stomach did little flips, second from last my daughters name was called, phew! She made it to the second half both a blessing and a curse, it was already noon and we were starving, but we persevered.
Stacey thanked all the girls who's names were not called and sent them on their way. Now the second half of the presentation begins. This is where we get the dirt on the industry, it's still as ugly as I remember, so no surprise there, it's still extremely lucrative if you make it, that being the key, if you make it. It's a tough thing to break into the modeling scene, when I made my attempt I was freelance because I didn't know any better, I thought you just sign with an agency and voila you're in, well, not so. There were and still are thousands of young slim pretty girls trying to market themselves and it's still a total crap shoot. Unless you're discovered.
This is like winning the lottery in this industry, it happens but it's rare. My daughter was scouted, not the same thing, you're not "discovered" until you have a contract and your first big job and everyone knows your name. We are not quite there yet we are still sitting in a room with about 25 other pretty girls hoping to be discovered.
The afternoon presentation lasted another two hours, at this point my son was starting to complain, not too much but he was getting hungry as we all were and pretty much done with sitting still. He persevered and we endured. We watched video of some of Stacey's models, we saw video of what goes on back stage at runway shows in places like Milan, London, and Paris. We were told that Stacey's models do not work for less than $60.00 per hour and that the industry average is about $275.00 per hour. We learned that if you are really good and in demand you could command $10,000.00 to $20,000.00 per day and a day is defined as four hours anything over that and your at time and a half. HOLY CRAP that's a lot of money, not to mention the possibility of landing an entire campaign for oh say Chanel or Prada and now were talking six figures, but that's only if you're really good.
So as we rap up and all this information is being digested Stacey informs us that there is just one more step to completing the process this afternoon. Polaroids. This is where he takes head and body shots of all the girls so he can make his final decision back in Manhattan with Elite or Trump on the girls from this afternoon, my daughter being one of them. I had done her measurements the night before and recorded them on a piece of paper tucked in my purse, for those mom's who didn't know the process, Stacey had a bunch of measuring tapes.
My daughter was the third girl to be photographed because it was just a matter of filling in the blanks and making sure my email address was clear. Everything these days seems to be electronic, in my day you took your portfolio to pre-set appointments and waited for a phone call. Now in this digital age, all the pictures will be downloaded and emailed around the world in seconds. Needless to say, when the shots were done, Stacey gave my daughter a high five, now I have no idea if anyone else got one, we left right after that. BUT...physical contact is a good thing it cements a person in the mind. I'm taking it as a positive.
So, now we wait. We were told it could take up to two weeks to hear back, so far I've not seen anything so no news is good news right? This is both exciting and daunting, if this happens and she gets a contract I will need to get her first set of photos done. In this industry you do pay for your first set, unless you get signed to an agency right away that is. Pulse is a management company, they would put the girls in front of the agency, without a book it's hard to be seen by anyone. Management companies might advance the cost of the book to a model if they are confident that model will get lots of work. Agencies will pay for the book because at that point they know this particular model will work.
The only question that weighs on my mind right now is, if she does get signed to Pulse and Elite how on earth am I going to be able to travel with her? Being only 13 she will need a parent present, or grandparent, apparently Stacey has what he calls his "granny squad" grandmothers who travel with their granddaughters. Both grandmothers have agreed to travel, my mom when her back is better and my ex-mother-in-law any time we need her. I for one however would love the opportunity to travel with her, are you kidding? Paris? Milan? New York? Miami? It's a no brainer. But...like I said, she needs to be discovered and we're not quite there yet.
The one parting comment that Stacey made before he started photographing the girls was something to the effect of..."the reason you are all in this room now is because I see in each of you potential, you are here because you should be. If this doesn't work out with me do not give up, find a local agent or manager and keep going." So regardless of the outcome of this first open call my daughter has ever attended she will not quit, this is something she wants to do, this is not her final career choice, you see, she plans on being a doctor and wants to go to school somewhere other than Vancouver. This is not a cheep endeavor and she sees modeling as a way to ensure she can go to any university she chooses, and she will, like I said before she's very driven and a gifted student.
Who'd a thunk, my beautiful girl is about to embark on a remarkable journey one that I hope will fulfill all her dreams.
With much love, light and wonder,
Tammy.
You see, on the September long weekend my kids went with their dad to the Bumpershoot Music Festival in Seattle and a scout from Pulse Management approached my ex and asked if the tall young lady with him was his daughter. Well, my girl is 5'91/4" tall, slim and very pretty so it's no wonder she was noticed. They exchanged email addresses and some other information and the scout indicated that there would be an open call sometime in October and that she would let them know the details. Well...
A week and a half ago my ex got the email with the details and being that the call fell on my weekend with the kids I was more than happy to take her to Seattle. After all I have experience in this particular industry and I was leery that it might be a scam, as was everyone who knew what was going on with regards to this invitation.
So last week I spoke with the scout personally and found out more information, turns our Pulse Management has an exclusive partnership with Elite Models. For those of you who have not heard of Elite, this is the agency who launched Cindy Crawford's modeling career. Not to mention Tyra Banks, Naiomi Campbell, Iman, Cameron Diaz, Andy McDowell, Heidi Klume, Giselle Bunzchen to name a few. So ya, this is legitimate. The owner of Pulse, Stacey Eastman was the presenter and explained who he was and who he works with, Trump (as in "The Donald") Models is also a partner and that he was looking for girls who have the potential, and future potential to make it in this very tough business.
All that being said, we sat through the first hour and a half listening and watching intently, all the while my ADHD son sat quietly and very patiently next to me doodling. My daughter was nervous, not knowing what to expect and when it came time to go face to face with Stacey I thought for sure she would back out, she didn't. She is a very driven young lady and when she sees something she wants she goes for it. All the girls lined up outside the room and came in one at a time for a quick few words with Stacey, there were probably 50 to 60 girls ranging in age from 12 to 23 and all of varying height, my daughter being one of the tallest.
She was third from last and when her turn finally arrived she dutifully handed Stacey her information sheet and he asked her when she would be turning 14, she answered, then he asked what her shoe size was, she answered 10. Stacey that turned to the crowd as he had for numerous girls before my daughter and shouted out "mom?" I stood up and he asked how tall I was, 5'10" and how tall her dad is, 6'2" the reason for this is to determine how tall she will be when she finishes growing. Being 13 and 5'9-1/4" and a size 10 foot she will likely be over 6' tall which in this industry is spectacular!
She had always hated her height, and I always told her that one day she will love it, well this past Saturday she discovered exactly what I was talking about. Height is a huge benefit in the modeling industry and tall girls make good money. I'll get into the details of exactly how much a little later. Needless to say, her self esteem was significantly boosted that day.
Once all the girls had the first run through and were seated with their parents, Stacey explained that he would be calling the names of the girls that he wanted to see and that the rest were free to go, he was very kind about it, he explained that he was looking for a specific type of girl and that all the girls were beautiful and not to give up their dream, but he can't keep everyone and have a great afternoon.
We sat and waited, he held a small stack of info sheets in his hand and I was convinced at that point that we would be done. After he called the six girls up to the front with their parents and asked them to wait a moment he would speak to them in a moment. Ok, I thought we're done...
Nope not so, he then took a larger stack and told us that the names he called out next would be staying for the second half of the presentation and that these girls have potential. He handed the stack to his assistant and went off the talk to the first group he called. I have no idea what he said to them, but one thing all the girls in that group had in common was they all had "books" in my day they were called portfolios so they were obviously experienced, maybe he told them he would contact them, maybe he told them to look elsewhere who knows, it was the stack in the assistants hand I was interested in.
The assistant started naming off the girls and as the stack grew smaller and smaller my stomach did little flips, second from last my daughters name was called, phew! She made it to the second half both a blessing and a curse, it was already noon and we were starving, but we persevered.
Stacey thanked all the girls who's names were not called and sent them on their way. Now the second half of the presentation begins. This is where we get the dirt on the industry, it's still as ugly as I remember, so no surprise there, it's still extremely lucrative if you make it, that being the key, if you make it. It's a tough thing to break into the modeling scene, when I made my attempt I was freelance because I didn't know any better, I thought you just sign with an agency and voila you're in, well, not so. There were and still are thousands of young slim pretty girls trying to market themselves and it's still a total crap shoot. Unless you're discovered.
This is like winning the lottery in this industry, it happens but it's rare. My daughter was scouted, not the same thing, you're not "discovered" until you have a contract and your first big job and everyone knows your name. We are not quite there yet we are still sitting in a room with about 25 other pretty girls hoping to be discovered.
The afternoon presentation lasted another two hours, at this point my son was starting to complain, not too much but he was getting hungry as we all were and pretty much done with sitting still. He persevered and we endured. We watched video of some of Stacey's models, we saw video of what goes on back stage at runway shows in places like Milan, London, and Paris. We were told that Stacey's models do not work for less than $60.00 per hour and that the industry average is about $275.00 per hour. We learned that if you are really good and in demand you could command $10,000.00 to $20,000.00 per day and a day is defined as four hours anything over that and your at time and a half. HOLY CRAP that's a lot of money, not to mention the possibility of landing an entire campaign for oh say Chanel or Prada and now were talking six figures, but that's only if you're really good.
So as we rap up and all this information is being digested Stacey informs us that there is just one more step to completing the process this afternoon. Polaroids. This is where he takes head and body shots of all the girls so he can make his final decision back in Manhattan with Elite or Trump on the girls from this afternoon, my daughter being one of them. I had done her measurements the night before and recorded them on a piece of paper tucked in my purse, for those mom's who didn't know the process, Stacey had a bunch of measuring tapes.
My daughter was the third girl to be photographed because it was just a matter of filling in the blanks and making sure my email address was clear. Everything these days seems to be electronic, in my day you took your portfolio to pre-set appointments and waited for a phone call. Now in this digital age, all the pictures will be downloaded and emailed around the world in seconds. Needless to say, when the shots were done, Stacey gave my daughter a high five, now I have no idea if anyone else got one, we left right after that. BUT...physical contact is a good thing it cements a person in the mind. I'm taking it as a positive.
So, now we wait. We were told it could take up to two weeks to hear back, so far I've not seen anything so no news is good news right? This is both exciting and daunting, if this happens and she gets a contract I will need to get her first set of photos done. In this industry you do pay for your first set, unless you get signed to an agency right away that is. Pulse is a management company, they would put the girls in front of the agency, without a book it's hard to be seen by anyone. Management companies might advance the cost of the book to a model if they are confident that model will get lots of work. Agencies will pay for the book because at that point they know this particular model will work.
The only question that weighs on my mind right now is, if she does get signed to Pulse and Elite how on earth am I going to be able to travel with her? Being only 13 she will need a parent present, or grandparent, apparently Stacey has what he calls his "granny squad" grandmothers who travel with their granddaughters. Both grandmothers have agreed to travel, my mom when her back is better and my ex-mother-in-law any time we need her. I for one however would love the opportunity to travel with her, are you kidding? Paris? Milan? New York? Miami? It's a no brainer. But...like I said, she needs to be discovered and we're not quite there yet.
The one parting comment that Stacey made before he started photographing the girls was something to the effect of..."the reason you are all in this room now is because I see in each of you potential, you are here because you should be. If this doesn't work out with me do not give up, find a local agent or manager and keep going." So regardless of the outcome of this first open call my daughter has ever attended she will not quit, this is something she wants to do, this is not her final career choice, you see, she plans on being a doctor and wants to go to school somewhere other than Vancouver. This is not a cheep endeavor and she sees modeling as a way to ensure she can go to any university she chooses, and she will, like I said before she's very driven and a gifted student.
Who'd a thunk, my beautiful girl is about to embark on a remarkable journey one that I hope will fulfill all her dreams.
With much love, light and wonder,
Tammy.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Happy Thanks Giving!
Two in one day, don't stop me, I'm on a roll.
So I read my last blog and as I sit and contemplate why we do such horrible things to each other I find myself thinking about Thanks Giving and what it means to me.
For me it's not what I would call traditional. Thanks Giving the holiday is work. It's standing in the kitchen all day preparing food, which I should be thankful I have, it's running around like a mad woman cleaning the house for dinner guests, a house I should be thankful I have and friends I should also be thankful I have and I am really I am or I wouldn't bother with all the stress that goes along with the day. What is missing for me however is my family. That being my mom, dad, sister and nieces and all the extras come with them.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for allot of things, my job, my pay cheque, my home, my own family, my friends. I'm so very thankful for all of it. I guess I'm just missing the whole big happy family picture. How very selfish of me. I know people who for personal reasons do not have the luxury of 'family' in the traditional sense. Things were said that neither party is willing to apologise for because both feel they are right and justified in their actions and words. So be it. But...wouldn't it be nice if this Thanks Giving they could put aside their differences, agree to disagree and be a family once again? I think so, I think it's worth my blogging about it if my message to them is heard.
For the love of GOD and all that is Holy, put your differences aside and be a family AGAIN! Would it kill you? Really, would it? There are so many things you all have to be thankful for, each other, should be at the top of the list. Stop being so damn stubborn about this and forgive each other already!
I for one see the hurt this is causing, not just to the two individuals involved but to the children who's family has been torn apart because of it. Haven't they suffered enough for your disagreement? Isn't it time to "practice what you preach"? Isn't it time to make amends? Is it really so hard to swallow your pride and say "I'm SO sorry, I love you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" Is that so hard? Are you beyond forgiveness? WWJD?
This may all go unheard (or unread rather) but I'm hoping and praying that maybe this year, maybe. If not, well, Christmas is coming and that's another good reason for me to hope. There is so much being missed out on it's really quite sad. My heart goes out to all of them and I will continue to hope and pray they find each other again.
As for my missing my parents and sister et all, well, ya it would be nice if we all lived in the same town and I could just pop over whenever the mood struck but I made a decision years ago to move away and every holiday I deal with the longing for my traditional family gathering. I just hope when my kids are adults that they don't leave town, that we are able to be one big happy family and celebrate together.
With much love, light and a HAPPY THANKS GIVING!
Tammy.
So I read my last blog and as I sit and contemplate why we do such horrible things to each other I find myself thinking about Thanks Giving and what it means to me.
For me it's not what I would call traditional. Thanks Giving the holiday is work. It's standing in the kitchen all day preparing food, which I should be thankful I have, it's running around like a mad woman cleaning the house for dinner guests, a house I should be thankful I have and friends I should also be thankful I have and I am really I am or I wouldn't bother with all the stress that goes along with the day. What is missing for me however is my family. That being my mom, dad, sister and nieces and all the extras come with them.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for allot of things, my job, my pay cheque, my home, my own family, my friends. I'm so very thankful for all of it. I guess I'm just missing the whole big happy family picture. How very selfish of me. I know people who for personal reasons do not have the luxury of 'family' in the traditional sense. Things were said that neither party is willing to apologise for because both feel they are right and justified in their actions and words. So be it. But...wouldn't it be nice if this Thanks Giving they could put aside their differences, agree to disagree and be a family once again? I think so, I think it's worth my blogging about it if my message to them is heard.
For the love of GOD and all that is Holy, put your differences aside and be a family AGAIN! Would it kill you? Really, would it? There are so many things you all have to be thankful for, each other, should be at the top of the list. Stop being so damn stubborn about this and forgive each other already!
I for one see the hurt this is causing, not just to the two individuals involved but to the children who's family has been torn apart because of it. Haven't they suffered enough for your disagreement? Isn't it time to "practice what you preach"? Isn't it time to make amends? Is it really so hard to swallow your pride and say "I'm SO sorry, I love you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" Is that so hard? Are you beyond forgiveness? WWJD?
This may all go unheard (or unread rather) but I'm hoping and praying that maybe this year, maybe. If not, well, Christmas is coming and that's another good reason for me to hope. There is so much being missed out on it's really quite sad. My heart goes out to all of them and I will continue to hope and pray they find each other again.
As for my missing my parents and sister et all, well, ya it would be nice if we all lived in the same town and I could just pop over whenever the mood struck but I made a decision years ago to move away and every holiday I deal with the longing for my traditional family gathering. I just hope when my kids are adults that they don't leave town, that we are able to be one big happy family and celebrate together.
With much love, light and a HAPPY THANKS GIVING!
Tammy.
I Know Some Pretty Remarkable People!
I've been giving some thought lately as to what my next blog will be about. One thing that came to mind after recent events is all the truly remarkable people I know.
When I look at my facebook friends list I am astonished by the people I have as friends. Such a variety, some family, some friends, some friends of friends, etc. But all unique and remarkable in there own way.
Which brings me to another thought, we are ALL unique and remarkable and not one living soul on this Earth has the right to take that away from us or diminish it in anyway, yet...
It happens, so frequently it happens. Sometimes not on purpose, but for the most part very purposefully. Why? Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Why would someone want to make you feel unworthy? Why would you let them? All very valid questions, some not easy to answer, some down right difficult to answer.
First, Why? Well that's not so hard, ego. Ego dictates how we view ourselves in comparison to others. We are driven by ego and a lot of our decisions are based on ego, we are after all a very self centered bunch.
Next, Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Not so easy, why would they single you out? What did you do to facilitate this behaviour if anything at all. When it becomes personal like this there is more at play here than just ego, there are emotions involved. An example that comes to mind. I have a friend who is divorced from her husband yet he feels compelled on a regular basis to make sure she knows she's not important. Why on earth would he do this? They don't live together their dealings are limited to their child's needs yet he makes sure she feels inadequate. He is acting out of hurt, rejection and anger. All these years later he has not let go of these emotions and still feels justified in his behaviour.
When we bring emotions into the equation we essentially raise the bar. What we would normally tolerate in strangers is far different than what we tolerate from our 'loved ones'. Since when does having an intimate relationship entitle us to treat the other person with less than the highest regard. Safety that's what. When a child is angry about something the likely target is mom. Mom is safe, mom will not throw their child to the wolves for acting out against them, mom will nurture and ensure her child feels safe until the 'temper tantrum' is over. Sometimes dad is safe but usually it's mom.
When a person feels safe in a relationship they have no problem letting the other 'have it' when they are displeased with actions, behaviours or comments. It's part of the relationship, it's expected. When the relationship is over and the individuals move on shouldn't their behaviour towards each other change too? You would think right? Not necessarily, the history of the relationship dictates "it's ok to treat my ex-partner like crap because that's what I've always done." This is so wrong on so many levels. You wouldn't treat a complete stranger this way, why someone you're close to?
There are families who deal with that one bad apple. You know the one, that person who treats their friends like gold and family like crap. What goes through their minds that tells them this behaviour is acceptable. I asked one such person and they were actually surprised that I had observed this. They had no idea that they were doing this it was done on a subconscious level they were shocked at themselves for acting this way. This led to some reflection on that persons part and the answer was simple. Their family knew them so well that there was no illusion to be anything different, their friends didn't know them as well so in an attempt to maintain these friendships this person had learned how to 'behave' in a social setting thus giving the illusion of being a 'nice' person when the truth was they really were not
very nice at all, on the whole that is.
Why do we allow this to happen, well I think we just don't really notice it. We want so desperately to be accepted that we over look poor behaviour. Again I think about my friend who puts up with their ex making them feel less important and worthy than they really are in an attempt to keep the peace. We avoid conflict, this is in our nature. I wouldn't want to constantly be telling people they are wrong in their assessment of my worthiness, after a while I would be seen as somewhat a trouble maker. Someone looking for a fight. Instead I adopt a "you're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine" attitude. In doing so I am allowing some individuals to make me feel less worthy not because I am but because that's how they view me.
What have I done to perpetrate such behaviour, I simply allowed it. I don't act any differently towards this individual than I do anyone else, yet I feel intimidated by said individual therefore will not stand up for myself. I must however qualify my comments. This is a situation I deal with in my personal life and although recently I have stood up to this person, when I do I am viewed as combative. It's interesting how defending ones honour can be so misconstrued because it's not the norm. If our particular relationship had been equal then this would not be seen as combative, it wouldn't be seen as much of anything than equal.
As a population in general we don't ask to be placed on pedestals. There are those of us who do, but usually they are the same people stepping on those they deem 'below' them in order to validate their own existence. Perhaps they had to deal with someone in their lives who made them feel less than worthy, this doesn't by any means excuse this behaviour, it just offers a possible explanation. When we are children we are guided and moulded by our parents, extended family, teachers and peers and if in that bunch there is one person who feels superior that child may be taught that they are inferior and it only takes one.
If a child is taught they are superior to others what do you think that does to their psyche? We teach them to be essentially horrible adults. That's what this all boils down to, how horribly we treat each other. As I type this I'm thinking of that infamous court case where Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police and as a result of a not guilty ruling Reginald Denny was pulled from his truck and beaten within an inch of his life. What rings in my ears is Rodney King's plea of "Why can't we all just get along?" Seriously? WHY! We are all here for the same reason, why do we treat each other so horribly. Why do you think you're better than the next guy? Why do you think the next guy is better than you?
I guess my point of this whole blog is to draw attention to how great we all are. In our own ways we are fabulous. All my friends are worthy valid INDIVIDUALS who deserve respect and appreciation from those around them. Even the ones who's ego's get in the way of logical thinking, they are worthy too, not MORE worthy, but worthy none the less. I'm going to try every day to make sure I treat others with respect and appreciation so that maybe I will be treated that way in return. To all the remarkable people I know, you are worthy and you are appreciated you are AWESOME and you are loved and don't you dare let anyone tell you any differently, if they do you send them my way. I'll give them "WHAT FOR?".
With much love, light and doing onto others as you would have done onto you,
Tammy.
When I look at my facebook friends list I am astonished by the people I have as friends. Such a variety, some family, some friends, some friends of friends, etc. But all unique and remarkable in there own way.
Which brings me to another thought, we are ALL unique and remarkable and not one living soul on this Earth has the right to take that away from us or diminish it in anyway, yet...
It happens, so frequently it happens. Sometimes not on purpose, but for the most part very purposefully. Why? Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Why would someone want to make you feel unworthy? Why would you let them? All very valid questions, some not easy to answer, some down right difficult to answer.
First, Why? Well that's not so hard, ego. Ego dictates how we view ourselves in comparison to others. We are driven by ego and a lot of our decisions are based on ego, we are after all a very self centered bunch.
Next, Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Not so easy, why would they single you out? What did you do to facilitate this behaviour if anything at all. When it becomes personal like this there is more at play here than just ego, there are emotions involved. An example that comes to mind. I have a friend who is divorced from her husband yet he feels compelled on a regular basis to make sure she knows she's not important. Why on earth would he do this? They don't live together their dealings are limited to their child's needs yet he makes sure she feels inadequate. He is acting out of hurt, rejection and anger. All these years later he has not let go of these emotions and still feels justified in his behaviour.
When we bring emotions into the equation we essentially raise the bar. What we would normally tolerate in strangers is far different than what we tolerate from our 'loved ones'. Since when does having an intimate relationship entitle us to treat the other person with less than the highest regard. Safety that's what. When a child is angry about something the likely target is mom. Mom is safe, mom will not throw their child to the wolves for acting out against them, mom will nurture and ensure her child feels safe until the 'temper tantrum' is over. Sometimes dad is safe but usually it's mom.
When a person feels safe in a relationship they have no problem letting the other 'have it' when they are displeased with actions, behaviours or comments. It's part of the relationship, it's expected. When the relationship is over and the individuals move on shouldn't their behaviour towards each other change too? You would think right? Not necessarily, the history of the relationship dictates "it's ok to treat my ex-partner like crap because that's what I've always done." This is so wrong on so many levels. You wouldn't treat a complete stranger this way, why someone you're close to?
There are families who deal with that one bad apple. You know the one, that person who treats their friends like gold and family like crap. What goes through their minds that tells them this behaviour is acceptable. I asked one such person and they were actually surprised that I had observed this. They had no idea that they were doing this it was done on a subconscious level they were shocked at themselves for acting this way. This led to some reflection on that persons part and the answer was simple. Their family knew them so well that there was no illusion to be anything different, their friends didn't know them as well so in an attempt to maintain these friendships this person had learned how to 'behave' in a social setting thus giving the illusion of being a 'nice' person when the truth was they really were not
very nice at all, on the whole that is.
Why do we allow this to happen, well I think we just don't really notice it. We want so desperately to be accepted that we over look poor behaviour. Again I think about my friend who puts up with their ex making them feel less important and worthy than they really are in an attempt to keep the peace. We avoid conflict, this is in our nature. I wouldn't want to constantly be telling people they are wrong in their assessment of my worthiness, after a while I would be seen as somewhat a trouble maker. Someone looking for a fight. Instead I adopt a "you're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine" attitude. In doing so I am allowing some individuals to make me feel less worthy not because I am but because that's how they view me.
What have I done to perpetrate such behaviour, I simply allowed it. I don't act any differently towards this individual than I do anyone else, yet I feel intimidated by said individual therefore will not stand up for myself. I must however qualify my comments. This is a situation I deal with in my personal life and although recently I have stood up to this person, when I do I am viewed as combative. It's interesting how defending ones honour can be so misconstrued because it's not the norm. If our particular relationship had been equal then this would not be seen as combative, it wouldn't be seen as much of anything than equal.
As a population in general we don't ask to be placed on pedestals. There are those of us who do, but usually they are the same people stepping on those they deem 'below' them in order to validate their own existence. Perhaps they had to deal with someone in their lives who made them feel less than worthy, this doesn't by any means excuse this behaviour, it just offers a possible explanation. When we are children we are guided and moulded by our parents, extended family, teachers and peers and if in that bunch there is one person who feels superior that child may be taught that they are inferior and it only takes one.
If a child is taught they are superior to others what do you think that does to their psyche? We teach them to be essentially horrible adults. That's what this all boils down to, how horribly we treat each other. As I type this I'm thinking of that infamous court case where Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police and as a result of a not guilty ruling Reginald Denny was pulled from his truck and beaten within an inch of his life. What rings in my ears is Rodney King's plea of "Why can't we all just get along?" Seriously? WHY! We are all here for the same reason, why do we treat each other so horribly. Why do you think you're better than the next guy? Why do you think the next guy is better than you?
I guess my point of this whole blog is to draw attention to how great we all are. In our own ways we are fabulous. All my friends are worthy valid INDIVIDUALS who deserve respect and appreciation from those around them. Even the ones who's ego's get in the way of logical thinking, they are worthy too, not MORE worthy, but worthy none the less. I'm going to try every day to make sure I treat others with respect and appreciation so that maybe I will be treated that way in return. To all the remarkable people I know, you are worthy and you are appreciated you are AWESOME and you are loved and don't you dare let anyone tell you any differently, if they do you send them my way. I'll give them "WHAT FOR?".
With much love, light and doing onto others as you would have done onto you,
Tammy.
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