Some thirty two years ago I lost something, or someone rather...today I found that person and I have to tell you I'm so happy I did. The occasion was not the happiest but the resulting "find" certainly was.
You see, my dad's parents, though having six kids of their own, also raised in part my grandmothers sisters four kids. The result of that was an extended family member that was more than a second cousin. As far as my sister and I were concerned he was an Uncle, his wife an Aunt and their kids were, in our minds, first cousins...of course the related difference is a little farther removed but who cares they are no less important to make up of the entire family.
Today my cousins laid to rest their dad, my Uncle. He perished in a house fire last July and today would have been his 71st maybe 72nd birthday no one there knew for sure, doesn't really matter it was an appropriate choice in days to honour his memory. For me to have had the opportunity to be part of it was an incredible experience.
It's funny though, I almost didn't go. I had a bit of a rough night fighting a migraine but regardless of how tired I was from two and a half hours of sleep I pulled it together and made my way to Maple Ridge. I'm so happy I did!
I have not seen these cousins since about 1979 when they moved back to the lower mainland. My Aunt and Uncle had six kids, five sons and a daughter, she is all of five months older than me...(though neither of us look our ages) we were friends as kids of course and over the years, after they moved away, I wondered what had become of her. Well today I found out. She's been living right down the road (more or less) all this time.
After thirty two years I found my cousin and all those years in between evaporated, we re-connected. Of course I had conversations with three of her four remaining brothers. The oldest died in a tragic car accident when he was thirteen, and the brother that was living with my Uncle when he died seemed to keep to himself, likely he just didn't remember me he is much. It was my Aunt however who spotted me first. Me mostly due to my resemblance to my mom, but I have to tell you it was a great feeling to be recognized after all these years.
Bittersweet as the day was I feel as though it was meant to be. If I could I would turn back time my Uncle would still be here for his family. It was because of their loss that I was able to find them again and that might not have happened otherwise. In a perfect world there would be no loss but this world is not perfect and I can't wave my magic wand and fix everything I wish I could...
So this was the event of the day, we parted company at the cemetery exchanging phone numbers and promises to get together...my mom and dad will be down in May so the plans revolve around that. For my cousin and me, well we're planning for a few weekends from now, we still have some catching up to do, about thirty two years worth.
With much love, light and treasures found,
Tammy.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saint Valentine's Day
So here we are February 14th, Valentine's Day. For some it's the only time of year they feel truly loved and appreciate. To me that's really sad. One out of 365 days to feel that way? What have we been reduced to?
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
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