I haven't written a thing in a long time, well long for me. Frankly it's not that I have nothing to say, I just didn't feel like spilling. Until today that is...
I have been observing various people in my life and trying to make sense of this crazy world in which we live. One of the interesting things I have discovered is no matter what we are faced with there is always a solution. It may not be the one we were hoping for but it's there waiting to be discovered and embraced.
Like cats we land on our feet, we may wince at the impact but like the saying goes that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. What is past is past and should be left there. If we constantly drum up and fret over what should have been we will miss what will or could be. I have experienced life to the extent of my abilities I have made mistakes, some bigger than others and from those mistakes I have learned valuable lessons. Do I practice what I've learned, no not nearly as much as I should. It's one thing to acknowledge the lesson it's a whole other story to abide by it.
If I had my life to live over again, from the very start would I? No I think not, I think I would like to try something different next time. I think I would like to take with me into the next all the valuable lessons I have learned and try really really hard not to make the same mistakes a second time.
They say Karma isn't instant, well maybe not instant but it can occur in the same lifetime and well sometimes Karma is a bitch. So, I take a deep breath and tell myself, it's better to get through the Karma now so I don't have to take it with me, and because of this maybe my next life will be marginally better than this one. If nothing else, a little easier would be nice.
With much love, light and personal insight,
Tammy.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A Question Of Vanity?
Today my thirteen year old daughter is having surgery to remove a rather large birthmark from her forehead. As her mother I am worried sick this is the right decision.
This particular birthmark made it's appearance when she was about a week old. It was tiny barely noticeable in her hairline. As she grew so did 'it'. It became part of her, who she is. Her father and I could have had it removed when she was a baby but decided to let it be her decision. Mistake number one? Maybe.
All through school it wasn't an issue until she moved to middle school in grade six. She started wearing her hair differently. In order to hide her small imperfection she would hold her hair to her face if a sudden wind came up. She despises this blemish 'it' has brought her to tears on many occassion. She has been begging for the past two years to have it removed. So in an attempt to make her happy I took her to the doctor and got a referral to a cosmetic surgeon. This was last summer.
Because of it's position directly above her right eyebrow and because it's quite large, if memory serves 7mm by 5mm having it removed will alter her appearance. From what we were told at that time she would look surprised but only on one side of her face. The plastic surgeon suggested we try having it lasered off. So we did what she suggested.
Six laser treatments and some $300.00 later the birthmark remains. Albeit lighter than it was but the size has not changed and the fact that it still cannot be concealed with makeup we are back at square one. So almost a year to the day we went back to see the surgeon, explained that yes we did try the laser option but it didn't work as we had hoped.
There is another alternative, we can have it removed by cutting it vertically and pulling the two sides together. The incision will be an inverted T this will leave a larger scar but the surprised look will be averted. So you would think this would calm my nerves somewhat right? Nope not so. Last night I had terrible dreams about this whole thing, and suffice it to say this decision has been weighing heavily on my mind since exactly 3:17am.
My fear is this. If we pull the skin on our forehead sideways it affects our appearance as well. Sure you don't look surprised but you do look different. My daughter is a very pretty girl I am devastated thinking this will alter her appearance beyond repair. All for the sake of her vanity is this really the right decision? Is letting her decide her fate at thirteen a wise idea? Mistake number two? Probably.
Her surgery is scheduled for 8:15 this very morning I'm afraid it's too late to change our minds. There is no monetary requirement, our Provincial medical will pay for this because she's under eighteen and it's bigger than the eraser end of a pencil. But should we decide last minute to cancel? I would think the surgeon would want to be compensated for her time. For the entire fifteen minutes it will apparently take her to perform this surgery.
The one good thing that will come of all of this and something no parent or child should have to deal with is confirmation that it is not cancerous. The surgeon doesn't think it is but will have it biopsied to by sure. Sigh of relief yes, but if it's not and this ends badly would it have been better to have a valid reason to have it removed? To be justified?
So for the sake of my daughters fragile thirteen year old self esteem I will bite my lip and see her through this. If the change is too drastic I'm sure there are things that can be done to correct it, once the initial scar heals. To want to trade a part of you for a scar is baffling, but to her it's the only option. To trade her 'look' because the thought of having a big brown birthmark is far worse in her opinion is something I may never understand, it's not my face. As her parents should we step in and say no? Mistake number three? Definitely.
We will go through with this, it's what she's begged for, for two years. We will deal with what may result and we will fix what we can. If she's so willing to sacrifice her appearance because the alternative is so disgusting to her who am I to try to change her mind? Her mother, yes of course. But at the end of the day it is her face, she's the one who has to live with it. I may see this as a mistake, but what if it works? I have to convince myself it will work. She will still be as lovely as always. What's a little scar right? Easily covered with makeup, eventually fading away. Not such a bad trade.
But when I pinch my forehead where her birthmark is I have to wonder how the surgeon is going to prevent her left eyebrow from being pulled dramatically to the right. I guess it's a matter of faith. Faith that the cosmetic/reconstructive surgeon who will be performing the surgery knows what she's doing. That's pretty much all I can ask for, and believe me I have been.
With much love, light and a deep breath,
Tammy.
This particular birthmark made it's appearance when she was about a week old. It was tiny barely noticeable in her hairline. As she grew so did 'it'. It became part of her, who she is. Her father and I could have had it removed when she was a baby but decided to let it be her decision. Mistake number one? Maybe.
All through school it wasn't an issue until she moved to middle school in grade six. She started wearing her hair differently. In order to hide her small imperfection she would hold her hair to her face if a sudden wind came up. She despises this blemish 'it' has brought her to tears on many occassion. She has been begging for the past two years to have it removed. So in an attempt to make her happy I took her to the doctor and got a referral to a cosmetic surgeon. This was last summer.
Because of it's position directly above her right eyebrow and because it's quite large, if memory serves 7mm by 5mm having it removed will alter her appearance. From what we were told at that time she would look surprised but only on one side of her face. The plastic surgeon suggested we try having it lasered off. So we did what she suggested.
Six laser treatments and some $300.00 later the birthmark remains. Albeit lighter than it was but the size has not changed and the fact that it still cannot be concealed with makeup we are back at square one. So almost a year to the day we went back to see the surgeon, explained that yes we did try the laser option but it didn't work as we had hoped.
There is another alternative, we can have it removed by cutting it vertically and pulling the two sides together. The incision will be an inverted T this will leave a larger scar but the surprised look will be averted. So you would think this would calm my nerves somewhat right? Nope not so. Last night I had terrible dreams about this whole thing, and suffice it to say this decision has been weighing heavily on my mind since exactly 3:17am.
My fear is this. If we pull the skin on our forehead sideways it affects our appearance as well. Sure you don't look surprised but you do look different. My daughter is a very pretty girl I am devastated thinking this will alter her appearance beyond repair. All for the sake of her vanity is this really the right decision? Is letting her decide her fate at thirteen a wise idea? Mistake number two? Probably.
Her surgery is scheduled for 8:15 this very morning I'm afraid it's too late to change our minds. There is no monetary requirement, our Provincial medical will pay for this because she's under eighteen and it's bigger than the eraser end of a pencil. But should we decide last minute to cancel? I would think the surgeon would want to be compensated for her time. For the entire fifteen minutes it will apparently take her to perform this surgery.
The one good thing that will come of all of this and something no parent or child should have to deal with is confirmation that it is not cancerous. The surgeon doesn't think it is but will have it biopsied to by sure. Sigh of relief yes, but if it's not and this ends badly would it have been better to have a valid reason to have it removed? To be justified?
So for the sake of my daughters fragile thirteen year old self esteem I will bite my lip and see her through this. If the change is too drastic I'm sure there are things that can be done to correct it, once the initial scar heals. To want to trade a part of you for a scar is baffling, but to her it's the only option. To trade her 'look' because the thought of having a big brown birthmark is far worse in her opinion is something I may never understand, it's not my face. As her parents should we step in and say no? Mistake number three? Definitely.
We will go through with this, it's what she's begged for, for two years. We will deal with what may result and we will fix what we can. If she's so willing to sacrifice her appearance because the alternative is so disgusting to her who am I to try to change her mind? Her mother, yes of course. But at the end of the day it is her face, she's the one who has to live with it. I may see this as a mistake, but what if it works? I have to convince myself it will work. She will still be as lovely as always. What's a little scar right? Easily covered with makeup, eventually fading away. Not such a bad trade.
But when I pinch my forehead where her birthmark is I have to wonder how the surgeon is going to prevent her left eyebrow from being pulled dramatically to the right. I guess it's a matter of faith. Faith that the cosmetic/reconstructive surgeon who will be performing the surgery knows what she's doing. That's pretty much all I can ask for, and believe me I have been.
With much love, light and a deep breath,
Tammy.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
One Giant Step!
It's been a while since my last post and I have a really really good reason. You see the purpose of this blog was to start writing. Not about any one topic but just to practice. The reason I have been lax in my posts is due to the GIANT step I've taken and a journey I had not expected.
I have actually managed to write a book, a real book. Well, two books actually, the second is still a work in progress. The first book is over 110,000 words and this apparently is a no no for a first time work. The problem is I was only half way through the story when I hit chapter 30, thus the need for the second book. I'm currently working on chapter 12 of this one.
What surprised me most was the ease of writing and story telling. The first book practically wrote itself and the second is flowing quite nicely as well. The story has evolved and unfolded as I completed each chapter. A direction I had originally planed would change and head off in a new direction, all in a relevant and pertinent way. What I wrote in the first book is relative to the continuing story in the second, and maybe even third. I can see this developing into a series.
My next step is publishing, well editing then publishing. I have done my research and have a pretty good idea of how to write a great query letter, a very important component to publishing fiction, which my books are. The perfect hook and all encompassing synopsis is a daunting task to say the least. However, if I can write some 140,000 words thus far a simple query letter should be a piece of cake right? No, not at all. Try condensing your entire work into first one or two sentences, the hook. Then a short paragraph, the synopsis. All the while trying to convey to the publisher or agent why they should take a chance on your book when they are inundated with such queries every hour. Good luck to me.
The nice thing about the process is, regardless of whether it's published or not at least I've done what I set out to do and that's write. I've enjoyed every moment of it. I've faced little to no writers block because the story line is based 'loosely' on my own experiences so I have a wealth of information to draw upon add to that a very active imagination. The nice thing about fiction is the ability to be outlandishly creative.
A friend of mine told me that if the main character is likable and the reader can relate and become emotionally attached to said character you've done a good job. Is my main character likable, I would say yes, I like her. More so my mom likes her and that's huge. My mom has been reading the chapters as they are completed, she's my first set of eyes other than my own to witness the evolution of my story. In fact, I am honoured to say that in the second book there is a chapter that actually brought her to tears. That's exactly what I was going for and I succeeded. YEAH!
So what's my book about, well, you'll just have to wait until it's published to find out. I can tell you this, it's fiction, and it's a chick book. Not to mention, trying to explain what it's about is like having someone describe the flavour of chocolate ice cream to someone who has never tasted it before. So you'll just have to read it to find out what it's all about.
If you want a sneak peak I am looking for editors to read through the first draft looking for grammar and consistency issues, if any one's interested you know where to find me.
With much love, light and great expectations,
Tammy.
I have actually managed to write a book, a real book. Well, two books actually, the second is still a work in progress. The first book is over 110,000 words and this apparently is a no no for a first time work. The problem is I was only half way through the story when I hit chapter 30, thus the need for the second book. I'm currently working on chapter 12 of this one.
What surprised me most was the ease of writing and story telling. The first book practically wrote itself and the second is flowing quite nicely as well. The story has evolved and unfolded as I completed each chapter. A direction I had originally planed would change and head off in a new direction, all in a relevant and pertinent way. What I wrote in the first book is relative to the continuing story in the second, and maybe even third. I can see this developing into a series.
My next step is publishing, well editing then publishing. I have done my research and have a pretty good idea of how to write a great query letter, a very important component to publishing fiction, which my books are. The perfect hook and all encompassing synopsis is a daunting task to say the least. However, if I can write some 140,000 words thus far a simple query letter should be a piece of cake right? No, not at all. Try condensing your entire work into first one or two sentences, the hook. Then a short paragraph, the synopsis. All the while trying to convey to the publisher or agent why they should take a chance on your book when they are inundated with such queries every hour. Good luck to me.
The nice thing about the process is, regardless of whether it's published or not at least I've done what I set out to do and that's write. I've enjoyed every moment of it. I've faced little to no writers block because the story line is based 'loosely' on my own experiences so I have a wealth of information to draw upon add to that a very active imagination. The nice thing about fiction is the ability to be outlandishly creative.
A friend of mine told me that if the main character is likable and the reader can relate and become emotionally attached to said character you've done a good job. Is my main character likable, I would say yes, I like her. More so my mom likes her and that's huge. My mom has been reading the chapters as they are completed, she's my first set of eyes other than my own to witness the evolution of my story. In fact, I am honoured to say that in the second book there is a chapter that actually brought her to tears. That's exactly what I was going for and I succeeded. YEAH!
So what's my book about, well, you'll just have to wait until it's published to find out. I can tell you this, it's fiction, and it's a chick book. Not to mention, trying to explain what it's about is like having someone describe the flavour of chocolate ice cream to someone who has never tasted it before. So you'll just have to read it to find out what it's all about.
If you want a sneak peak I am looking for editors to read through the first draft looking for grammar and consistency issues, if any one's interested you know where to find me.
With much love, light and great expectations,
Tammy.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Center Of The Universe
Family dynamics are both interesting and challenging, and blended families are no exception.
Both of my kids have gone through acceptance of this in different ways. My daughter shows her emotions in her eyes. You know just by looking at her she's unhappy about something. My son, he tells you, or he acts out, either way I know when my kids are unhappy with something I've done.
So what do I do when I encounter either of them unhappy? Well, I try to fix it. First however I need to find out the cause, what did I do to perpetuate their unhappiness?
Most of the time it's not really something I've done but something I could do something about and therefore their unhappiness is directed at me, the one who can fix it. Not surprising, as their parent it is my job to ensure their happiness right? For now at least.
One thing that is a common reoccurring theme in my daughters unhappiness is jealousy. She is jealous of any attention I give to my partner and his children. As she gets older this seems to occur less and less, she has resigned herself to the fact that they are a part of my life and therefore not going anywhere. In short she has accepted them but she also now knows she is still my number one priority and I think she finally believes me.
My son also suffers from jealousy but instead of giving me dirty looks he voices his opinion which usually lands him in trouble because he has no tact, he has no filter to tell him, "if I say this, this way I'm going to get in trouble" I try to be understanding but there are times when I view this behaviour as selfish. He still needs me to let him know he's also my number one priority.
Really though, why shouldn't they be selfish? I am after all their mom, they are my children they always will be. I have always thought I put their needs first to the sacrifice of my own, yet they don't see it that way. They see what they choose to see. Their mom paying attention to people other than them.
When my partner and I were first together this was a very big issue for them. More so because they had just lost their own family and now were having to deal with four new individuals taking my attention not just one. We have worked through this and after three years it's getting better but it's not perfect I don't know if it will ever be. But we are managing and that's more than I can ask for.
Recently my partners youngest has been wanting to spend more time with his mother. Nothing wrong with this but it did make us wonder why all of a sudden it was so important to him.
Was he unhappy here? Is he not getting the attention he's needing from his dad? Doubtful, his dad makes sure he spends one on one time with each of his kids as time permits and recently made a point to spend time with just him.
Then the light bulb went on. He's might be jealous. This was not a conclusion that was easily decided there are a few clues however that point in this direction.
First, my partner was raised by a single mom, one who dated. Nothing terrible there accept my partner loathed every man his mom brought home to the point of temper tantrums, as he explained it he was jealous of the time she spent with them and not him. As far as this situation goes he is an expert in determining how it feels to have someone new to adjust to and accept.
Second, when my partner and I were first together the youngest would wedge himself between his dad and I to ensure his place. This was also normal and after a while his jealousy of me subsided and doesn't feel or at least appear to feel a need to place himself between his dad and I.
Third, my partners ex has a male friend who recently has been spending time with her and the kids and while they all like him it has become evident that the youngest is no longer the center of his moms universe in his eyes regardless of whether this is correct or not this is how he sees it. Now keep in mind he is eight and up until now has had his mom's full attention.
Yes he's happy to spend time with his dad, and he's happy spending time with his mom, what we are seeing is that he has an acute need right now to be with his mom to cement his position firmly between her and her friend. Again with time this will subside. He just needs to make sure he's still the center of her universe, even though this has not changed for his mom. No one is at fault.
Acceptance is difficult at any age, imagine being a child and having to accept a new family into you're life, and unless you have actually experienced it there is no way to fully comprehend it. Logic plays no part, for adults it's easy, for kids it's scary. As adults we know our place, kids don't, they are constantly vying for first in their parents eyes competing with their siblings for this position, it's natural. As parents we want to ensure our children are all equal in our eyes and hearts. Its how they perceive themselves that causes issues for them.
Case in point, my son has LD and is ADHD, my daughter is a straight A student, I love them both equally and they frustrate me equally but if you ask either of them who they think is my favourite, they will both say they other because of how they perceive themselves in my eyes, now add to this four more people vying for my attention, let alone one.
So my point here is, no matter how careful we are to instill in our children how much we love them when the dynamics of a family changes even in the slightest it has an impact on their fragile psyche and all that is really needed to fix it is, time and an abundance of love. Time with them one on one and time overall to show them they are still the center of the universe.
I know eventually my kids will grow up and all that they have experienced will make sense and fit in with who they are, all their experiences combined will make them better people as long as they have parents and step-parents who instill in them now that they are important and cherished, that no one could ever replace them and that they are and always will be the center of their parents universe.
with much love, light and patience,
Tammy.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Go Figure.
Recently it has been brought to my attention that my blogs are "very negative". I find this assessment interesting for several reasons as I will explain below.
First, this comment was made by an individual who does not know me, we have never been formally introduced yet we are aware of each others existence. What I find interesting is that this individual sought me out and their motives were not 'honorable'. It was an information gathering exercise on their part to possibly hurt another individual by insinuating that my blogs were negative or in their words "very negative". This backfired because the other individual knows me quite well and knows that my blog is not written with malice.
That being said, I do have some rants in my blog, and they are strictly personal opinion. For example F.U.Cancer was written after loosing a friend to her fight against the horrible decease and if I came across as negative then so be it. I also talk about my concerns about my son and why. Some of my blogs are intended to add a different perspective on a variety of situations. Some are intended to give insight into who I am and what I'm about. In fact I have a couple of blogs on looking at things from a more positive perspective, ie; "Spin It Positive, Baby". So why would someone see only negativity in my blogs? Well, I'll tell you.
Maybe that's all they see in their lives. This individual, when I heard of their misguided opinion of my blog was described to me as a very negative person, so I deduced that if you spend your day wallowing in negativity then that's all you will see. It's about choice, you can choose either or. I am a Sagittarius, a very common personality trait for most Sadges is the uncanny ability to see the world through rose coloured glasses. I embrace this trait whole heartily. I don't watch the news because it generally portrays this wonderful world in which we live, in a negative light. They don't start out with "good news, we have nothing bad to report", that never happens, it wouldn't be news otherwise.
I have told my daughter who at times has a negative attitude that she has a choice. That being negative all the time will eventually make her a miserable person no one will want to be around, whereas, if she were positive and upbeat the world will seem a much better place and people will want to be around you because your positive energy will make them feel better about themselves. It's a proven fact that positive people are happy people and I dare anyone to challenge that statement.
I feel bad for the individual who passed judgement on me without knowing me, really is it there place? Is it any one's? I truly hope they find happiness but from what I've been told this may be an impossible task for them to achieve. I know that the other individual who is involved in this situation is questioning their ability to assess character and with all my assurance their doubt remains, so I'll do what I can to help this person find the positive in the situation and to accept that they have done nothing wrong. Their character is intact and the other individual was bent on destruction.
Another interesting thought on this that might explain the catalyst that drove the individual to seek me out is jealousy. You see I have a close friendship with the "other" individual and while this relationship was accepted in the beginning it became a weapon. This was briefly discussed and determined that there does seem to be a pattern, that the relationship we have can cause issues after a time. The problem is, neither of us are willing to end our relationship because of outside influence. Friendship is friendship and that's a rare gift. It's sad when it causes jealousy but that's not our problem it's theirs. I will not compromise a longtime friendship for a complete stranger. If my friend requires that our relationship change as the result of said stranger than that's different and will be difficult to adjust but I will respect the request and the reason if valid.
I know I'm not a negative person, I know what negativity can do to people, I have worked very hard through so much to maintain a positive attitude. Do I falter, absolutely, but I would never show it. I get my perspective back quickly and put on my rose coloured glasses and all is well with the world. You don't read The Secret as many times as I did and still have a negative attitude, it's impossible. You don't put years of effort developing your own personal spirituality and remain negative, again, impossible.
If I ever had the opportunity to speak with the individual who prompted this particular blog I would ask them one question. "How can you judge me when you know nothing about me?" Of course I'm being a hypocryt aren't I? Am I imparting my judgement that this person is negative, not exactly, go back and re-read from the begining, I am very careful in my wording, I have no idea as to this person's true character, I'm just basing my opionion of why they would comment on my blog from what I have been told. I do have only one side of this story, but that's enough for me. If the other side has been misinterpreted then I will recind my previous comments, otherwise they stand as is. I have far more faith in my friends than in strangers and even less in strangers who pass judgement not only on me but anyone based on what they read in a personal blog. Shame on them.
In future, I am going to try much harder to be more positive in my blogs but there will be times when I need to vent and this is where I choose to do just that. If you don't like what you are reading you have the choice to stop, I can't force you to continue. This blog is a forum for my personal thoughts and perspective. I'm not going to stop writing because I fear what individuals may think of me but be warned if I find out that my blog is being used as a weapon, I will blog about it and give my take on the situation. This is my blog, not something I'm asking for censorship of. If anyone reading this does so with a closed mind, that's not my problem, so don't make it my problem, it's greatly unappreciated. OK so that was a little negative, but I think I'm aloud to defend myself aren't I?
It is my sincere hope that said individual reads this so they will know that their critique of my blog has been discussed and it is determined that the reason for the critique was done so out of malice yet with little effect except this rebuttal and my perspective of the situation on the whole, gratefully this individual is now and will remain an unfortunate occurrence, nothing more.
With much love, light and a positive attitude.
Tammy.
First, this comment was made by an individual who does not know me, we have never been formally introduced yet we are aware of each others existence. What I find interesting is that this individual sought me out and their motives were not 'honorable'. It was an information gathering exercise on their part to possibly hurt another individual by insinuating that my blogs were negative or in their words "very negative". This backfired because the other individual knows me quite well and knows that my blog is not written with malice.
That being said, I do have some rants in my blog, and they are strictly personal opinion. For example F.U.Cancer was written after loosing a friend to her fight against the horrible decease and if I came across as negative then so be it. I also talk about my concerns about my son and why. Some of my blogs are intended to add a different perspective on a variety of situations. Some are intended to give insight into who I am and what I'm about. In fact I have a couple of blogs on looking at things from a more positive perspective, ie; "Spin It Positive, Baby". So why would someone see only negativity in my blogs? Well, I'll tell you.
Maybe that's all they see in their lives. This individual, when I heard of their misguided opinion of my blog was described to me as a very negative person, so I deduced that if you spend your day wallowing in negativity then that's all you will see. It's about choice, you can choose either or. I am a Sagittarius, a very common personality trait for most Sadges is the uncanny ability to see the world through rose coloured glasses. I embrace this trait whole heartily. I don't watch the news because it generally portrays this wonderful world in which we live, in a negative light. They don't start out with "good news, we have nothing bad to report", that never happens, it wouldn't be news otherwise.
I have told my daughter who at times has a negative attitude that she has a choice. That being negative all the time will eventually make her a miserable person no one will want to be around, whereas, if she were positive and upbeat the world will seem a much better place and people will want to be around you because your positive energy will make them feel better about themselves. It's a proven fact that positive people are happy people and I dare anyone to challenge that statement.
I feel bad for the individual who passed judgement on me without knowing me, really is it there place? Is it any one's? I truly hope they find happiness but from what I've been told this may be an impossible task for them to achieve. I know that the other individual who is involved in this situation is questioning their ability to assess character and with all my assurance their doubt remains, so I'll do what I can to help this person find the positive in the situation and to accept that they have done nothing wrong. Their character is intact and the other individual was bent on destruction.
Another interesting thought on this that might explain the catalyst that drove the individual to seek me out is jealousy. You see I have a close friendship with the "other" individual and while this relationship was accepted in the beginning it became a weapon. This was briefly discussed and determined that there does seem to be a pattern, that the relationship we have can cause issues after a time. The problem is, neither of us are willing to end our relationship because of outside influence. Friendship is friendship and that's a rare gift. It's sad when it causes jealousy but that's not our problem it's theirs. I will not compromise a longtime friendship for a complete stranger. If my friend requires that our relationship change as the result of said stranger than that's different and will be difficult to adjust but I will respect the request and the reason if valid.
I know I'm not a negative person, I know what negativity can do to people, I have worked very hard through so much to maintain a positive attitude. Do I falter, absolutely, but I would never show it. I get my perspective back quickly and put on my rose coloured glasses and all is well with the world. You don't read The Secret as many times as I did and still have a negative attitude, it's impossible. You don't put years of effort developing your own personal spirituality and remain negative, again, impossible.
If I ever had the opportunity to speak with the individual who prompted this particular blog I would ask them one question. "How can you judge me when you know nothing about me?" Of course I'm being a hypocryt aren't I? Am I imparting my judgement that this person is negative, not exactly, go back and re-read from the begining, I am very careful in my wording, I have no idea as to this person's true character, I'm just basing my opionion of why they would comment on my blog from what I have been told. I do have only one side of this story, but that's enough for me. If the other side has been misinterpreted then I will recind my previous comments, otherwise they stand as is. I have far more faith in my friends than in strangers and even less in strangers who pass judgement not only on me but anyone based on what they read in a personal blog. Shame on them.
In future, I am going to try much harder to be more positive in my blogs but there will be times when I need to vent and this is where I choose to do just that. If you don't like what you are reading you have the choice to stop, I can't force you to continue. This blog is a forum for my personal thoughts and perspective. I'm not going to stop writing because I fear what individuals may think of me but be warned if I find out that my blog is being used as a weapon, I will blog about it and give my take on the situation. This is my blog, not something I'm asking for censorship of. If anyone reading this does so with a closed mind, that's not my problem, so don't make it my problem, it's greatly unappreciated. OK so that was a little negative, but I think I'm aloud to defend myself aren't I?
It is my sincere hope that said individual reads this so they will know that their critique of my blog has been discussed and it is determined that the reason for the critique was done so out of malice yet with little effect except this rebuttal and my perspective of the situation on the whole, gratefully this individual is now and will remain an unfortunate occurrence, nothing more.
With much love, light and a positive attitude.
Tammy.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I Don't Get It.
In our house, I am the primary house keeper. This entails, cooking, cleaning and laundry. I have delegated some of these tasks to my partner such as garbage and recycling as well as some loading and unloading of the dishwasher.
One chore I guess I insist on doing myself is laundry. I have a very specific modus operandus when it comes to laundry and I admit I'm just too anal to let anyone else do it. I have a theory about laundry. My theory is this. Clothes come out cleaner if they are NOT inside out. This is also a pet peeve of mine. Socks are the worst for this, I have matched socks that when one is washed and dried inside out, and compared to it's match that was right side out, the inside out sock was still dirty and worst of all, crunchy. GROSS! So I make it a point to turn everything the right way around.
I do however have ONE exception to the rule and that is sweaters. Reason for this, to minimise pilling. And not on all sweaters either, just the really soft pill prone type. Again, personal preference. So, where am I going with this, well let me tell you. Last night as I was moving the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer I notice a pair of jeans were inside out. UGH! I hadn't notice when I put them in because they are very light and inside looks like out side and so they were washed that way. Ok so one item of clothing missed my scrutiny. Oh well, Except, I made a comment.
You see the jeans belong to my partners daughter, and yesterday when she was wearing them I noticed they were dirty, being such a light colour the dirt shows. So I mentioned that before she goes back to her mom's that I wanted to wash her jeans so she needed to throw them in the laundry and she did. The thing is my partners kids are trained to turn their jeans inside out to preserve the colour. Ok, I get that, but, first these jeans are so light there is very little colour left, they were bought that way and second I think it was important for him to defend his daughter because I was slightly annoyed. Mostly I was annoyed with myself because I missed that they were inside out and wanted them to come clean.
You see, at some point in my life I heard or saw some "point of interest" thing that it was a myth turning your jeans inside out to preseve the colour, unfortunately I made the mistake of saying this out loud. And so the debate began.
My partner was adamant that he had known for years that you turn your jeans inside out to keep them from fading, I've heard this too, who hasn't? The thing is, I do not turn my jeans inside out, I don't think they come as clean when you do this. Also, if memory serves the example was two pairs of identical jeans washed in soapy water, rinsed and spun. The water was collected and the amount of dye left in the water was almost identical, so much so that the idea of turning your jeans was strictly a personal preference. Logically it made sense to me, you are submerging the material in the same soapy water there is no magical barrier that prevents the dye from coming out.
The thing is, I was adamant that it was a myth, poor choice of words I admit, what I should have said is it's a personal choice and personally I do not wash my jeans inside out. Well, my partner, rather than letting it go, which is what I was willing to do decided to consult the google gods to prove me wrong. Well every thing he pulled up said the same thing, wash your jeans inside out if you don't want them to fade as quickly. OK, so if you don't care then who cares? Right? Well apparently because I didn't bow down to the google gods and my partner for being right he decided that if the information isn't what I say it is, it's wrong. Well, no, I just don't agree, I can do that it's called free will.
So, now I'm mad. I'm mad not because google proved his argument. I'm mad because he felt it necessary to prove me wrong. Why would he do that? Is there something wrong with our relationship that he now feels entitled to take it that step further? What should have been a discussion of personal preference turned into an attack of character because I didn't agree. The thing is it's made me question my worth in the relationship. I know if he were to read this he's say I was overreacting and that somehow because I chose to defend my apparent misinformation that I'm in the wrong but will not admit it. OK according to google I'm wrong.
It comes down to this. I do the laundry, I decide how it gets done. I will not start turning jeans inside out because google says I should, I really don't care if the jeans I wash fade, they are not $100.00+ jeans and well, they generally wear out or are grown out of before they fade anyway. This will not change regardless of what his kids are taught, they can turn them inside out, I'll just turn them the right way around it's not like they will ever know their clean laundry mysteriously appears when they return, it's all good. If the theory of dye not washing out as easily when inside out is correct then logically neither will the dirt right? I would much rather have clean jeans than dirty unfaded jeans any day, thank you very much.
This event occurred last night basically at bed time, and I was soooo mad I was having a hard time falling asleep. He on the other hand, feeling vindicated I suppose, had no problem driffting off to dreamland. I had a decision to make, apologise for defending myself and let it go, or steam all night long and loose sleep. Silly, I know but this is what I was faced with. So being me, I ate crow, woke him up and apologised, his response was, "well you do the laundry so you're going to do it your way anyway, no big deal." OMG! are you serious? I was all worked up for nothing? Could he have not said that when we were debating it? OR at least agree that I will do it my way regardless as I had said earlier? Here I was all worried that he was mad at me for putting up such a fuss about it being a myth that I was going to loose sleep over it. Well, now I know, keep my big mouth shut, on all accounts.
I thought about searching the Internet for the example that stuck in my head but I think it was pre-www so I'm probably out of luck, I'll look but I'm not holding out hope. The bottom line is, I do the laundry, I will continue doing it my way, if there's a problem with this then I will only do MY laundry and everyone else in the house is on their own. The one point that I don't get, why do we really care if our jeans fade? In this technological day and age have we not improved the dying process to prevent this? Not to mention, I have a new pair of jeans that are quite dark and I have to tell you I can not wait for the dye to wash out I'm tired of my hands turning blue from touching them.
As I was typing the last sentence I recall years ago when I move back to Vancouver with my first husband, we had cream coloured furniture. Being pre-microfiber this was a cotton blend and not easily cleaned. The spot on the couch were my ex consistently sat was stained blue from his dark jeans. Now you tell me, would you rather your $40.00 jeans fade or your $600.00 couch end up ruined because you were told to turn your jeans inside out. Maybe another argument for doing it my way. It doesn't really matter, again it is completely personal preference and to defend either side will only end up in a fight so, why bother?
Needless to say, I though about posting some sort of survey on my facebook to see how many people turn their jeans inside out or really don't care if they fade. I may still just as a point of interest. Really though there is no right or wrong. If your doing your laundry then it's completely up to you if you want to wash your jeans inside out. I wouldn't recommend drying them that way though. They tend to get dryer lint stuck to them more so when inside out. OOOHHH another argument for not turning inside out...soap residue. Gets caught on the inside and when the outside is the inside, ya, you all know what I'm talking about. I win! LOL
With much love, light and faded jeans.
Tammy.
One chore I guess I insist on doing myself is laundry. I have a very specific modus operandus when it comes to laundry and I admit I'm just too anal to let anyone else do it. I have a theory about laundry. My theory is this. Clothes come out cleaner if they are NOT inside out. This is also a pet peeve of mine. Socks are the worst for this, I have matched socks that when one is washed and dried inside out, and compared to it's match that was right side out, the inside out sock was still dirty and worst of all, crunchy. GROSS! So I make it a point to turn everything the right way around.
I do however have ONE exception to the rule and that is sweaters. Reason for this, to minimise pilling. And not on all sweaters either, just the really soft pill prone type. Again, personal preference. So, where am I going with this, well let me tell you. Last night as I was moving the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer I notice a pair of jeans were inside out. UGH! I hadn't notice when I put them in because they are very light and inside looks like out side and so they were washed that way. Ok so one item of clothing missed my scrutiny. Oh well, Except, I made a comment.
You see the jeans belong to my partners daughter, and yesterday when she was wearing them I noticed they were dirty, being such a light colour the dirt shows. So I mentioned that before she goes back to her mom's that I wanted to wash her jeans so she needed to throw them in the laundry and she did. The thing is my partners kids are trained to turn their jeans inside out to preserve the colour. Ok, I get that, but, first these jeans are so light there is very little colour left, they were bought that way and second I think it was important for him to defend his daughter because I was slightly annoyed. Mostly I was annoyed with myself because I missed that they were inside out and wanted them to come clean.
You see, at some point in my life I heard or saw some "point of interest" thing that it was a myth turning your jeans inside out to preseve the colour, unfortunately I made the mistake of saying this out loud. And so the debate began.
My partner was adamant that he had known for years that you turn your jeans inside out to keep them from fading, I've heard this too, who hasn't? The thing is, I do not turn my jeans inside out, I don't think they come as clean when you do this. Also, if memory serves the example was two pairs of identical jeans washed in soapy water, rinsed and spun. The water was collected and the amount of dye left in the water was almost identical, so much so that the idea of turning your jeans was strictly a personal preference. Logically it made sense to me, you are submerging the material in the same soapy water there is no magical barrier that prevents the dye from coming out.
The thing is, I was adamant that it was a myth, poor choice of words I admit, what I should have said is it's a personal choice and personally I do not wash my jeans inside out. Well, my partner, rather than letting it go, which is what I was willing to do decided to consult the google gods to prove me wrong. Well every thing he pulled up said the same thing, wash your jeans inside out if you don't want them to fade as quickly. OK, so if you don't care then who cares? Right? Well apparently because I didn't bow down to the google gods and my partner for being right he decided that if the information isn't what I say it is, it's wrong. Well, no, I just don't agree, I can do that it's called free will.
So, now I'm mad. I'm mad not because google proved his argument. I'm mad because he felt it necessary to prove me wrong. Why would he do that? Is there something wrong with our relationship that he now feels entitled to take it that step further? What should have been a discussion of personal preference turned into an attack of character because I didn't agree. The thing is it's made me question my worth in the relationship. I know if he were to read this he's say I was overreacting and that somehow because I chose to defend my apparent misinformation that I'm in the wrong but will not admit it. OK according to google I'm wrong.
It comes down to this. I do the laundry, I decide how it gets done. I will not start turning jeans inside out because google says I should, I really don't care if the jeans I wash fade, they are not $100.00+ jeans and well, they generally wear out or are grown out of before they fade anyway. This will not change regardless of what his kids are taught, they can turn them inside out, I'll just turn them the right way around it's not like they will ever know their clean laundry mysteriously appears when they return, it's all good. If the theory of dye not washing out as easily when inside out is correct then logically neither will the dirt right? I would much rather have clean jeans than dirty unfaded jeans any day, thank you very much.
This event occurred last night basically at bed time, and I was soooo mad I was having a hard time falling asleep. He on the other hand, feeling vindicated I suppose, had no problem driffting off to dreamland. I had a decision to make, apologise for defending myself and let it go, or steam all night long and loose sleep. Silly, I know but this is what I was faced with. So being me, I ate crow, woke him up and apologised, his response was, "well you do the laundry so you're going to do it your way anyway, no big deal." OMG! are you serious? I was all worked up for nothing? Could he have not said that when we were debating it? OR at least agree that I will do it my way regardless as I had said earlier? Here I was all worried that he was mad at me for putting up such a fuss about it being a myth that I was going to loose sleep over it. Well, now I know, keep my big mouth shut, on all accounts.
I thought about searching the Internet for the example that stuck in my head but I think it was pre-www so I'm probably out of luck, I'll look but I'm not holding out hope. The bottom line is, I do the laundry, I will continue doing it my way, if there's a problem with this then I will only do MY laundry and everyone else in the house is on their own. The one point that I don't get, why do we really care if our jeans fade? In this technological day and age have we not improved the dying process to prevent this? Not to mention, I have a new pair of jeans that are quite dark and I have to tell you I can not wait for the dye to wash out I'm tired of my hands turning blue from touching them.
As I was typing the last sentence I recall years ago when I move back to Vancouver with my first husband, we had cream coloured furniture. Being pre-microfiber this was a cotton blend and not easily cleaned. The spot on the couch were my ex consistently sat was stained blue from his dark jeans. Now you tell me, would you rather your $40.00 jeans fade or your $600.00 couch end up ruined because you were told to turn your jeans inside out. Maybe another argument for doing it my way. It doesn't really matter, again it is completely personal preference and to defend either side will only end up in a fight so, why bother?
Needless to say, I though about posting some sort of survey on my facebook to see how many people turn their jeans inside out or really don't care if they fade. I may still just as a point of interest. Really though there is no right or wrong. If your doing your laundry then it's completely up to you if you want to wash your jeans inside out. I wouldn't recommend drying them that way though. They tend to get dryer lint stuck to them more so when inside out. OOOHHH another argument for not turning inside out...soap residue. Gets caught on the inside and when the outside is the inside, ya, you all know what I'm talking about. I win! LOL
With much love, light and faded jeans.
Tammy.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A Constant State Of Confusion
I have blogged about my son in the past and although there really is nothing new to add; my reason for blogging now is more a form of record keeping. I don't have the best memory, I can recall that I wanted to discuss something with his pediatrician but not necessarily the details. His appointments are so far apart, if I don't write it down I will likely forget.
As I have mentioned before, I am taking my kids to Disneyland for spring break. I had wanted to keep it a secret from my son because I felt he couldn't deal with the excitement. Well, I was wrong. Unlike Christmas, this sort of trip does not happen every year and being that we have never been my son has no idea how exciting this should be. Instead it has him extremely confused, and maybe a little excited, maybe.
When he first found out we were going he was upset with me because this meant we were not going to visit my parents. Then the whole spring break schedules threw him off. My niece is on spring break from March 15 to 19. My son at the beginning of March told his teacher that he was going to be off school for three weeks because he thought we were going to Quesnel for one week then California for two weeks. Even though I carefully explained it to him, he still drew his own conclusions.
Now, trying to figure out the timing of events is not a difficult task. You can take a look at a calendar and see how many weeks or days until an event occurs. My son is eleven and a half and he still gets confused naming the months in order. Just last night he was trying to figure out how long until my birthday. He asked what month we are in now, I challenged him to figure that one out on his own, he got it. Then I told him to name the months until he reaches December and count them on his fingers. No brainer right? Not for him, he mixed them up and forgot a few. Eventually with my assistance, he made it to December but forgot to count on his fingers. We started again, and he wondered were March went. He's eleven and a half. Why does he not know this?
We jokingly call him 10 second Tom, a character from the Adam Sandler movie 50 First Dates. The thing is it's not funny anymore. This is serious and I fear if we don't get answers fast he's only going to get worse. We couldn't figure out why he would insist on watching a move a second time, sometimes right after he just finished watching it. I think it's because he honestly doesn't recall what he just saw. There are times were he will watch the same movie three and four times over the course of a few days. Annoying for anyone else, but not for him.
I know for a fact that he thinks in pictures. This became apparent when he was learning how to spell with flash cards and he would as he explained it "take a picture" of the card and then repeat what he saw in his head. Give him the exact same list days later, and he's likely to not recall how to spell the word. He is a master Lego and Bionicle builder, the instructions are all pictures. He struggles with reading, and after completing the T & E Centre he is now at level 40 which is about the grade four level. This is fantastic considering he started eight weeks ago at grade one. We read every night, and for the sake of flow, I give him the words he struggles with, and generally they are the little ones. Big words seem a little easier for him.
So were do we go from here? We are still waiting for our appointments with the psychiatrist and the B.C. Autism Society, I don't know if he's autistic, I do know there is something very different about him. Aside from his ADHD which is confirmed and his LD also confirmed, what other set of letters are we going to pin to this child? I really don't care that there might be the addition of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) or whatever, I just want him to get the help he needs. Yesterday, he commented that he wanted his LD to go away, I told him to read absolutely everything he can set his eyes on. He gets that. He asked how he gets rid of ADHD, I told him he will likely grow out of it. I hope I'm right. My sister did as did his dad. He may just be high energy, and there's nothing wrong with that. But the LD, well, that's a little scarier.
We have hope for his future. His dad is a finishing carpenter and when our son is old enough he can work with him during summer holidays and learn that trade. He could potentially graduate (I hope) and step into a $25.00/hr finishing carpenter job. He's would certainly be successful because of the visual aspect of it, and with his dad being in the union, he will get in no problem. I know his future will be ok, I worry about getting him there. He has already been taken advantage of by an older child at his school who was using my son for his own personal gain. I quickly put a stop to that so called friendship. When my son confronted this kid, the kid admitted he was only using him. A tough lesson but one I hope he can recall if a similar situation presents itself. Fingers crossed.
Now that I have this in print, I can re-read it before his next appointment and relay this to his doctor who hopefully will have an answer or something. Until then I will continue to research mental disorders and maybe something will present itself so I can arm myself with the tools he needs to be successful. He's got both parents rooting for him, along with friends and family. He's going to be ok, if it kills me he's going to be ok.
With much love, light and fingers crossed.
Tammy.
As I have mentioned before, I am taking my kids to Disneyland for spring break. I had wanted to keep it a secret from my son because I felt he couldn't deal with the excitement. Well, I was wrong. Unlike Christmas, this sort of trip does not happen every year and being that we have never been my son has no idea how exciting this should be. Instead it has him extremely confused, and maybe a little excited, maybe.
When he first found out we were going he was upset with me because this meant we were not going to visit my parents. Then the whole spring break schedules threw him off. My niece is on spring break from March 15 to 19. My son at the beginning of March told his teacher that he was going to be off school for three weeks because he thought we were going to Quesnel for one week then California for two weeks. Even though I carefully explained it to him, he still drew his own conclusions.
Now, trying to figure out the timing of events is not a difficult task. You can take a look at a calendar and see how many weeks or days until an event occurs. My son is eleven and a half and he still gets confused naming the months in order. Just last night he was trying to figure out how long until my birthday. He asked what month we are in now, I challenged him to figure that one out on his own, he got it. Then I told him to name the months until he reaches December and count them on his fingers. No brainer right? Not for him, he mixed them up and forgot a few. Eventually with my assistance, he made it to December but forgot to count on his fingers. We started again, and he wondered were March went. He's eleven and a half. Why does he not know this?
We jokingly call him 10 second Tom, a character from the Adam Sandler movie 50 First Dates. The thing is it's not funny anymore. This is serious and I fear if we don't get answers fast he's only going to get worse. We couldn't figure out why he would insist on watching a move a second time, sometimes right after he just finished watching it. I think it's because he honestly doesn't recall what he just saw. There are times were he will watch the same movie three and four times over the course of a few days. Annoying for anyone else, but not for him.
I know for a fact that he thinks in pictures. This became apparent when he was learning how to spell with flash cards and he would as he explained it "take a picture" of the card and then repeat what he saw in his head. Give him the exact same list days later, and he's likely to not recall how to spell the word. He is a master Lego and Bionicle builder, the instructions are all pictures. He struggles with reading, and after completing the T & E Centre he is now at level 40 which is about the grade four level. This is fantastic considering he started eight weeks ago at grade one. We read every night, and for the sake of flow, I give him the words he struggles with, and generally they are the little ones. Big words seem a little easier for him.
So were do we go from here? We are still waiting for our appointments with the psychiatrist and the B.C. Autism Society, I don't know if he's autistic, I do know there is something very different about him. Aside from his ADHD which is confirmed and his LD also confirmed, what other set of letters are we going to pin to this child? I really don't care that there might be the addition of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) or whatever, I just want him to get the help he needs. Yesterday, he commented that he wanted his LD to go away, I told him to read absolutely everything he can set his eyes on. He gets that. He asked how he gets rid of ADHD, I told him he will likely grow out of it. I hope I'm right. My sister did as did his dad. He may just be high energy, and there's nothing wrong with that. But the LD, well, that's a little scarier.
We have hope for his future. His dad is a finishing carpenter and when our son is old enough he can work with him during summer holidays and learn that trade. He could potentially graduate (I hope) and step into a $25.00/hr finishing carpenter job. He's would certainly be successful because of the visual aspect of it, and with his dad being in the union, he will get in no problem. I know his future will be ok, I worry about getting him there. He has already been taken advantage of by an older child at his school who was using my son for his own personal gain. I quickly put a stop to that so called friendship. When my son confronted this kid, the kid admitted he was only using him. A tough lesson but one I hope he can recall if a similar situation presents itself. Fingers crossed.
Now that I have this in print, I can re-read it before his next appointment and relay this to his doctor who hopefully will have an answer or something. Until then I will continue to research mental disorders and maybe something will present itself so I can arm myself with the tools he needs to be successful. He's got both parents rooting for him, along with friends and family. He's going to be ok, if it kills me he's going to be ok.
With much love, light and fingers crossed.
Tammy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)