Some thirty two years ago I lost something, or someone rather...today I found that person and I have to tell you I'm so happy I did. The occasion was not the happiest but the resulting "find" certainly was.
You see, my dad's parents, though having six kids of their own, also raised in part my grandmothers sisters four kids. The result of that was an extended family member that was more than a second cousin. As far as my sister and I were concerned he was an Uncle, his wife an Aunt and their kids were, in our minds, first cousins...of course the related difference is a little farther removed but who cares they are no less important to make up of the entire family.
Today my cousins laid to rest their dad, my Uncle. He perished in a house fire last July and today would have been his 71st maybe 72nd birthday no one there knew for sure, doesn't really matter it was an appropriate choice in days to honour his memory. For me to have had the opportunity to be part of it was an incredible experience.
It's funny though, I almost didn't go. I had a bit of a rough night fighting a migraine but regardless of how tired I was from two and a half hours of sleep I pulled it together and made my way to Maple Ridge. I'm so happy I did!
I have not seen these cousins since about 1979 when they moved back to the lower mainland. My Aunt and Uncle had six kids, five sons and a daughter, she is all of five months older than me...(though neither of us look our ages) we were friends as kids of course and over the years, after they moved away, I wondered what had become of her. Well today I found out. She's been living right down the road (more or less) all this time.
After thirty two years I found my cousin and all those years in between evaporated, we re-connected. Of course I had conversations with three of her four remaining brothers. The oldest died in a tragic car accident when he was thirteen, and the brother that was living with my Uncle when he died seemed to keep to himself, likely he just didn't remember me he is much. It was my Aunt however who spotted me first. Me mostly due to my resemblance to my mom, but I have to tell you it was a great feeling to be recognized after all these years.
Bittersweet as the day was I feel as though it was meant to be. If I could I would turn back time my Uncle would still be here for his family. It was because of their loss that I was able to find them again and that might not have happened otherwise. In a perfect world there would be no loss but this world is not perfect and I can't wave my magic wand and fix everything I wish I could...
So this was the event of the day, we parted company at the cemetery exchanging phone numbers and promises to get together...my mom and dad will be down in May so the plans revolve around that. For my cousin and me, well we're planning for a few weekends from now, we still have some catching up to do, about thirty two years worth.
With much love, light and treasures found,
Tammy.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saint Valentine's Day
So here we are February 14th, Valentine's Day. For some it's the only time of year they feel truly loved and appreciate. To me that's really sad. One out of 365 days to feel that way? What have we been reduced to?
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
Monday, January 24, 2011
We Have So Much To Learn.
We are born and we grow up. Along the way we are taught. First by our parents then our friends, teachers and eventually by our own children if we decide to have kids. We experience so much in our life time as short or long as it may be that we tend to take some of these lessons for granted.
My parents taught me to love myself and others equally. My friends taught me that we are all individuals, unique, but all striving for the same goal, survival. My teachers taught me about the world around me and how simultaneously big and small it is. My children have taught me that I'm not done learning.
It's what we do with this knowledge that will make the difference in our lives. We are all attending this school called life and sometimes we misbehave and get "detention" you know what I'm talking about. Those experiences we have that we are not entirely happy about the "why me?" experiences. All part of learning. We need to have these experiences good and bad to determine what kind of individual we will be. Where our place in this classroom is when our last breath is exhaled. Are we the class clown, the bully, the popular kid, the nerd, the jock, the perpetual hall monitor, or the invisible kid?
I think most of us are the invisible kid. You know the one, he/she sits at the back of the class listens intently but says little. The one at your high school reunion you vaguely remember, it's not a bad thing, it's just the way it is. That's the person we should all strive to be, not invisible but existing in harmony with everyone, not needing to be the clown or the bully or popular or a nerd or jock and certainly not the hall monitor. Just being, and absorbing and taking with them volumes of knowledge to pass on to the next generation.
I was that kid, invisible for the most part. At least that's how I saw it. I'm still somewhat invisible. I try not to call attention to myself, however I suppose blogging and facebook has changed that for me somewhat. But what I really wanted was to be popular or smart or even the class clown. Didn't want the title of bully or hall monitor, but invisible...not my first choice not back then. Yet I sit here and am learning that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.
You see, I did a lot of observing, I tried a few things too but mostly I watched and waited. The one thing I observed is a lot of people out there are just like me...quietly sitting at the back of the class watching the other students and learning, absorbing and digesting so that when the time comes for us to step up, we have the answers. Are they the right answers? Maybe, only time will tell. What I do know is that as long as we keep a higher purpose in mind they certainly won't be the wrong answers.
My kids are relying on me now to impart the knowledge I have gathered so far on them. So far it's been a pretty positive experience. I also see where my negative experiences will help them make better choices for themselves, I've learned so they don't have too. But then maybe they need to as well, or maybe they will encounter a situation that I hadn't and they will teach me. Learning is a life long commitment. And for some, even longer.
When I'm faced with my graduation from this life to the next I hope to not only leave behind a lifetime of knowledge but to take with me these same experiences so when I return maybe I will get the be the popular kid, or the jock or even the nerd. So long as I'm not a bully I'll take invisible too!
With much love, light and what did you learn today?
Tammy.
My parents taught me to love myself and others equally. My friends taught me that we are all individuals, unique, but all striving for the same goal, survival. My teachers taught me about the world around me and how simultaneously big and small it is. My children have taught me that I'm not done learning.
It's what we do with this knowledge that will make the difference in our lives. We are all attending this school called life and sometimes we misbehave and get "detention" you know what I'm talking about. Those experiences we have that we are not entirely happy about the "why me?" experiences. All part of learning. We need to have these experiences good and bad to determine what kind of individual we will be. Where our place in this classroom is when our last breath is exhaled. Are we the class clown, the bully, the popular kid, the nerd, the jock, the perpetual hall monitor, or the invisible kid?
I think most of us are the invisible kid. You know the one, he/she sits at the back of the class listens intently but says little. The one at your high school reunion you vaguely remember, it's not a bad thing, it's just the way it is. That's the person we should all strive to be, not invisible but existing in harmony with everyone, not needing to be the clown or the bully or popular or a nerd or jock and certainly not the hall monitor. Just being, and absorbing and taking with them volumes of knowledge to pass on to the next generation.
I was that kid, invisible for the most part. At least that's how I saw it. I'm still somewhat invisible. I try not to call attention to myself, however I suppose blogging and facebook has changed that for me somewhat. But what I really wanted was to be popular or smart or even the class clown. Didn't want the title of bully or hall monitor, but invisible...not my first choice not back then. Yet I sit here and am learning that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.
You see, I did a lot of observing, I tried a few things too but mostly I watched and waited. The one thing I observed is a lot of people out there are just like me...quietly sitting at the back of the class watching the other students and learning, absorbing and digesting so that when the time comes for us to step up, we have the answers. Are they the right answers? Maybe, only time will tell. What I do know is that as long as we keep a higher purpose in mind they certainly won't be the wrong answers.
My kids are relying on me now to impart the knowledge I have gathered so far on them. So far it's been a pretty positive experience. I also see where my negative experiences will help them make better choices for themselves, I've learned so they don't have too. But then maybe they need to as well, or maybe they will encounter a situation that I hadn't and they will teach me. Learning is a life long commitment. And for some, even longer.
When I'm faced with my graduation from this life to the next I hope to not only leave behind a lifetime of knowledge but to take with me these same experiences so when I return maybe I will get the be the popular kid, or the jock or even the nerd. So long as I'm not a bully I'll take invisible too!
With much love, light and what did you learn today?
Tammy.
Judgement Day
I was taught that it is not our place to pass judgement on others. That right is reserved solely for one individual, God. Having been raised Catholic I was taught that when you die you go to a place called Purgatory and that's where your actions, good and bad, from your time on earth are judged and it is decided if you can enter heaven.
I agree with the part about not having the right to pass judgement. Whole heatedly, yet we do. I do it but I just said I agree we shouldn't it's not our birthright. So why do we feel we have this right? Because it exists plane and simple. The act of judging exists here on earth. We judge criminals, that's acceptable. We judge competitions, that's acceptable too. It's when we judge individuals based on their personal choices and merit that it's not acceptable. Who am I to say what another child of God should do? We were not placed on this earth to pass judgement on individuals personal right to make decisions for themselves.
We are most welcome to judge ourselves. That keeps us real. But to judge someone because of a choice they have made that you may disagree with is fundamentally wrong. Who died and made you God? Last I checked, no one. The next time I'm sitting here judging someone I'm going to make a concerted effort to stop myself and just accept what is decided and let go of my judgement of that person. I don't have to like the decision that's my right but I will not judge someone because they made a decision that they themselves are comfortable with. They will face their judgement eventually.
I think the reason we judge is ego. We feel we know best, we put ourselves above God when we judge. Here is an example, an individual decides to stop going to church because they no longer feel connected to their faith. Some may view this as turning their back on God, others may see that this individual is struggling with something they don't understand. Others still will pass judgement because they have decided that this individual is no longer worthy of Gods love and therefore not worthy of their compassion or respect.
Who is to say what is right or wrong in this situation? Certainly not I. Yet there are people out there who regard themselves in such high esteem that they take the place of God and pass their own narrow minded judgement on this individual who by now is feeling even less connected because of this unwelcome judgement. It's not God judging it's man and it's wrong.
My hope for anyone who stumbles upon this blog is that they take from it a realisation that they are not above God that they do not have the right to judge and that their opinion is exactly that, an opinion and theirs alone. Judge not least ye be judged. Good words to live by. Oh and any religious organization that condones judgement of others is not serving God but their own agenda and my advise would be to run really fast in the opposite direction.
With much love, light and a judgement free existence.
Tammy
I agree with the part about not having the right to pass judgement. Whole heatedly, yet we do. I do it but I just said I agree we shouldn't it's not our birthright. So why do we feel we have this right? Because it exists plane and simple. The act of judging exists here on earth. We judge criminals, that's acceptable. We judge competitions, that's acceptable too. It's when we judge individuals based on their personal choices and merit that it's not acceptable. Who am I to say what another child of God should do? We were not placed on this earth to pass judgement on individuals personal right to make decisions for themselves.
We are most welcome to judge ourselves. That keeps us real. But to judge someone because of a choice they have made that you may disagree with is fundamentally wrong. Who died and made you God? Last I checked, no one. The next time I'm sitting here judging someone I'm going to make a concerted effort to stop myself and just accept what is decided and let go of my judgement of that person. I don't have to like the decision that's my right but I will not judge someone because they made a decision that they themselves are comfortable with. They will face their judgement eventually.
I think the reason we judge is ego. We feel we know best, we put ourselves above God when we judge. Here is an example, an individual decides to stop going to church because they no longer feel connected to their faith. Some may view this as turning their back on God, others may see that this individual is struggling with something they don't understand. Others still will pass judgement because they have decided that this individual is no longer worthy of Gods love and therefore not worthy of their compassion or respect.
Who is to say what is right or wrong in this situation? Certainly not I. Yet there are people out there who regard themselves in such high esteem that they take the place of God and pass their own narrow minded judgement on this individual who by now is feeling even less connected because of this unwelcome judgement. It's not God judging it's man and it's wrong.
My hope for anyone who stumbles upon this blog is that they take from it a realisation that they are not above God that they do not have the right to judge and that their opinion is exactly that, an opinion and theirs alone. Judge not least ye be judged. Good words to live by. Oh and any religious organization that condones judgement of others is not serving God but their own agenda and my advise would be to run really fast in the opposite direction.
With much love, light and a judgement free existence.
Tammy
The Universe And Me.
We have a unique relationship, the universe and me. We don't always agree and there are times I think it's insane, or maybe I'm the one who's insane and the universe is just trying to show me what's real.
This past Saturday I was given the opportunity to give a Reiki treatment to a friend of mine who had been giving me Bio-energy treatments which are somewhat similar. Bio-energy is more focused on outer energy Reiki on inner, both work with the bodies Chakras.
So as I'm giving this treatment I'm receiving all kinds of messages from Spirit. For those of you reading this who don't know the history. I've spent the better part of the past thirteen or so years now working on my mediumship and healing gifts. So being so closely connected with Spirit during the session I receive information. Sometimes I hear sometimes it's just feelings or knowing. Either way I listen and try to make sense of it.
I was able to pin point and work on troubled areas for my friend and she felt it, confirmation for me that I was on task. What I also got was encouragement to get "back into it" so I will. Slowly but surly I will rekindle my relationship with the Universe. It's a little bit of work but more so it's commitment. And time permitting I will.
The Universe and Spirit are amazing entities for lack of a better description and I know from personal experience that we really do work in harmony together, the trick is knowing this and further more listening. Sometimes the Universe is yelling at us but we are not listening, or we hear but chose to ignore. Well I heard and I will take heed and do as instructed. I know it's for my own good and further for the good of others. After all that's what we are here for.
With much love, light and a strong connection!
Tammy.
This past Saturday I was given the opportunity to give a Reiki treatment to a friend of mine who had been giving me Bio-energy treatments which are somewhat similar. Bio-energy is more focused on outer energy Reiki on inner, both work with the bodies Chakras.
So as I'm giving this treatment I'm receiving all kinds of messages from Spirit. For those of you reading this who don't know the history. I've spent the better part of the past thirteen or so years now working on my mediumship and healing gifts. So being so closely connected with Spirit during the session I receive information. Sometimes I hear sometimes it's just feelings or knowing. Either way I listen and try to make sense of it.
I was able to pin point and work on troubled areas for my friend and she felt it, confirmation for me that I was on task. What I also got was encouragement to get "back into it" so I will. Slowly but surly I will rekindle my relationship with the Universe. It's a little bit of work but more so it's commitment. And time permitting I will.
The Universe and Spirit are amazing entities for lack of a better description and I know from personal experience that we really do work in harmony together, the trick is knowing this and further more listening. Sometimes the Universe is yelling at us but we are not listening, or we hear but chose to ignore. Well I heard and I will take heed and do as instructed. I know it's for my own good and further for the good of others. After all that's what we are here for.
With much love, light and a strong connection!
Tammy.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Is This What Depression Feels Like?
I am sitting here at my desk knowing I have a tone of work to get through but I'm paralysed. I have no motivation to do anything let along what I'm actually paid for and I'm fighting hard not to cry. Am I depressed? I've never felt this bad with no apparent reason. OK I have my reasons but they have never gotten me so down that I feel this listless.
Should I go to a councilor? Costs too much, reason number one. Lack of money. Sure I work and I make a decent living but the strain I feel to support not only me and my kids but my partner and his as well is overwhelming. It's a stress I've never before experienced and I don't know how long I can manage.
Maybe I need alone time? Virtually impossible, reason number two. There is always something that has to get done or some one always needing my attention or assistance. For a fleeting moment I thought I would have one of the elusive kid free weekends that come around every once in a while but I was informed today that that is not going to happen. Fine, I'll deal with it like I always do, with little to no help from anyone.
Maybe I should ask for help? Pipe dream, reason number three. I've done that to myself, I do all the cooking and for the most part cleaning, the dishwasher will get loaded and unloaded if I leave the dishes sitting on the counter long enough but everything else seems to fall into my lap. I don't force chores on the kids, though I know for a fact that they do chores at their other parents houses. I figure they could use the break when they are at my house. Stupid me, I deserve this one.
What do I do? I want to run away and hide but that's not really an option. I just want an end to the stress and pressure I feel overwhelming me. I can kind of understand why people kill themselves, if you spend every day feeling this badly I suppose that option would start looking pretty good. Don't worry, I'm not there. Just an observation. Besides I certainly wouldn't do that to my kids. The thought of their father raising them without my input is far more terrifying.
I'm expected to be strong, be the "rock" and maybe that's the impression I give people. I bottle things up and don't say a word. I feel as though I'm about to crumble into dust. I don't want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad about how I'm feeling so I'll suck it up, do my duties as assigned and put on a smile and no one will be the wiser. I'll know. I'm numb, I've dimmed, I'm crumbling. I'm mentally and physically drained I have nothing left. I would wallow in self pity but that's gone too.
Somethings got to give.
Should I go to a councilor? Costs too much, reason number one. Lack of money. Sure I work and I make a decent living but the strain I feel to support not only me and my kids but my partner and his as well is overwhelming. It's a stress I've never before experienced and I don't know how long I can manage.
Maybe I need alone time? Virtually impossible, reason number two. There is always something that has to get done or some one always needing my attention or assistance. For a fleeting moment I thought I would have one of the elusive kid free weekends that come around every once in a while but I was informed today that that is not going to happen. Fine, I'll deal with it like I always do, with little to no help from anyone.
Maybe I should ask for help? Pipe dream, reason number three. I've done that to myself, I do all the cooking and for the most part cleaning, the dishwasher will get loaded and unloaded if I leave the dishes sitting on the counter long enough but everything else seems to fall into my lap. I don't force chores on the kids, though I know for a fact that they do chores at their other parents houses. I figure they could use the break when they are at my house. Stupid me, I deserve this one.
What do I do? I want to run away and hide but that's not really an option. I just want an end to the stress and pressure I feel overwhelming me. I can kind of understand why people kill themselves, if you spend every day feeling this badly I suppose that option would start looking pretty good. Don't worry, I'm not there. Just an observation. Besides I certainly wouldn't do that to my kids. The thought of their father raising them without my input is far more terrifying.
I'm expected to be strong, be the "rock" and maybe that's the impression I give people. I bottle things up and don't say a word. I feel as though I'm about to crumble into dust. I don't want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad about how I'm feeling so I'll suck it up, do my duties as assigned and put on a smile and no one will be the wiser. I'll know. I'm numb, I've dimmed, I'm crumbling. I'm mentally and physically drained I have nothing left. I would wallow in self pity but that's gone too.
Somethings got to give.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Initiating Change
Every now and then I feel a very strong force pushing me to make changes in my life. Whether it be in my job, relationship or personally. Change is something I've come to accept and embrace. But deciding when and what to change is the trick.
I have been working at my current employer going on five years now. For me that's a long time at one job. I know it's not wise to change jobs too often but I get bored and stagnate and I hate that. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing, well, ok maybe a little bit. I certainly don't love it. That's probably why I loose interest and want to move on.
I recently cut about two and a half inches off my hair. I know that sounds silly but it's taken me years to grow it out and I finally get it to the middle of my back and snip snip it's shorter again. My reasoning, it's a renewable resource it will grow back and I'm in need of the change. So by taking the initiative and cutting it I've satisfied the need for personal change. For now. I'm working on getting back into my "skinny" clothes...that takes a little longer.
I dreamt last night that I was unbelievably fit. I had a perfectly flat rock hard stomach with little to no body fat to speak of...I wish! Believe me I didn't want to wake up from that dream. I know it's something I could attain if I put my mind to it but you see that's the trick, convincing my mind it's a good thing. I need to initiate a change in my attitude towards exercise. Or just keep dreaming about it that certainly sounds easier.
I'm one of those people who rearrange the furniture on a regular basis. I'm sure it drives every one crazy but for me it's necessary. I like moving too, new house, new location for me change is almost an obsession. I remember when I liven in Toronto for six years, I think I had something like eight different addresses, my mom got to the point where she used pencil in her address book for me. I like change!
Let me qualify that, I like the change that I can choose and control. I'm ok with forced change it just takes a bit to adjust. Change is good if it's good change. I don't try to change others, I'm busy enough changing myself and my surroundings. It's fun to watch someone watching me when I'm in one of those moods, usually they just shake their heads and walk away. Guess they just don't get it.
I need change, without it I become agitated and depressed. I can put it off if I have to, if circumstances won't allow the change I require. I can switch the focus of my change from rearranging furniture to painting the walls or tearing up old icky carpet. When what I would really like to do is pack up and move to a bigger better house. Not yet though the market hasn't recovered enough to justify a move. So I paint or renovate or whatever I can do to satisfy my need for change.
Initiating change when you are less motivated to change it tricky. I would love to change jobs, do something a little different or more exciting but there's not much out their in the job market so I try to switch things up at work. I take on new tasks that temporarily fill the need. Or I rearrange my daily routine to make it seem a little different. But the underlying desire for all out change still nags at me. Do I initiate or do I stagnate? I already know the answer to that one.
With much love, light and a need to change,
Tammy.
I have been working at my current employer going on five years now. For me that's a long time at one job. I know it's not wise to change jobs too often but I get bored and stagnate and I hate that. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing, well, ok maybe a little bit. I certainly don't love it. That's probably why I loose interest and want to move on.
I recently cut about two and a half inches off my hair. I know that sounds silly but it's taken me years to grow it out and I finally get it to the middle of my back and snip snip it's shorter again. My reasoning, it's a renewable resource it will grow back and I'm in need of the change. So by taking the initiative and cutting it I've satisfied the need for personal change. For now. I'm working on getting back into my "skinny" clothes...that takes a little longer.
I dreamt last night that I was unbelievably fit. I had a perfectly flat rock hard stomach with little to no body fat to speak of...I wish! Believe me I didn't want to wake up from that dream. I know it's something I could attain if I put my mind to it but you see that's the trick, convincing my mind it's a good thing. I need to initiate a change in my attitude towards exercise. Or just keep dreaming about it that certainly sounds easier.
I'm one of those people who rearrange the furniture on a regular basis. I'm sure it drives every one crazy but for me it's necessary. I like moving too, new house, new location for me change is almost an obsession. I remember when I liven in Toronto for six years, I think I had something like eight different addresses, my mom got to the point where she used pencil in her address book for me. I like change!
Let me qualify that, I like the change that I can choose and control. I'm ok with forced change it just takes a bit to adjust. Change is good if it's good change. I don't try to change others, I'm busy enough changing myself and my surroundings. It's fun to watch someone watching me when I'm in one of those moods, usually they just shake their heads and walk away. Guess they just don't get it.
I need change, without it I become agitated and depressed. I can put it off if I have to, if circumstances won't allow the change I require. I can switch the focus of my change from rearranging furniture to painting the walls or tearing up old icky carpet. When what I would really like to do is pack up and move to a bigger better house. Not yet though the market hasn't recovered enough to justify a move. So I paint or renovate or whatever I can do to satisfy my need for change.
Initiating change when you are less motivated to change it tricky. I would love to change jobs, do something a little different or more exciting but there's not much out their in the job market so I try to switch things up at work. I take on new tasks that temporarily fill the need. Or I rearrange my daily routine to make it seem a little different. But the underlying desire for all out change still nags at me. Do I initiate or do I stagnate? I already know the answer to that one.
With much love, light and a need to change,
Tammy.
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