I've moved Random Thoughts to NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHTS and will use this one as a forum for working through life's little mysteries. Some posts may be rants, some may be raves. Either or, they are and always will be my not so random thoughts.
With much love, light and mental organization!
Tammy.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
My Blog
So I was just scrolling through my blogs and there are a few consistencies I would like to change.
First, I've noticed that most of my posts are not as positive or helpful as I would have liked, a little ranty and self centred. Sorry.
Second, OMG can I ramble on! Who wants to read countless paragraphs about what rattles around in my head. The thought behind Random Thoughts was just that random but not so heavy and from what I'm seeing that's not the direction I went. It looks something like a boring self help book designed to help no one.
Today I've decided to either change how I write or retire Random Thoughts completely and do something different with my blog.
I've thumbed through some of the blogs on this site and there are allot of really interesting people out there with some really great insight and I look at mine and I think "what am I really offering?"
I'll keep everyone posted with my decision.
With much love, light and new ideas,
Tammy.
First, I've noticed that most of my posts are not as positive or helpful as I would have liked, a little ranty and self centred. Sorry.
Second, OMG can I ramble on! Who wants to read countless paragraphs about what rattles around in my head. The thought behind Random Thoughts was just that random but not so heavy and from what I'm seeing that's not the direction I went. It looks something like a boring self help book designed to help no one.
Today I've decided to either change how I write or retire Random Thoughts completely and do something different with my blog.
I've thumbed through some of the blogs on this site and there are allot of really interesting people out there with some really great insight and I look at mine and I think "what am I really offering?"
I'll keep everyone posted with my decision.
With much love, light and new ideas,
Tammy.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mother's Day
My first mother's day should have been May 11, 1997 but because my daughter was only two months old she was incapable of making me something or going out an buying a gift and a card.
I had hoped her dad would have done that for her but you see, I'm not HIS mother so why should he? This was the excuse I was given. Never mind the fact that I had just given birth to our daughter a few months back, apparently it wasn't his responsibility. Any wonder I didn't leave him then.
The next day Monday May 12th after a day of harassment from his dad and brother that he was a selfish jerk he showed up at home with a huge bouquet of flowers. Sure I was happy to receive them but it was too little too late. I knew exactly where I stood with him, bottom of the totem pole. Side note, he doesn't acknowledge his own mom so this is really no surprise.
So today as I write this, I've seen 14 mother's days and they are always met with trepidation. My kids are 14 and 12 and though I know my son made something at school for me, which I will cherish as I always do the gifts they make I don't know about my daughter or if she even realises what this Sunday is. Their dad hasn't asked what I would like from the kids for mother's day so I can guarantee you it's not his top priority. It's not about the gifts I really don't need anything, a card would be nice and maybe a "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" from my kids.
Last year my mother's day was not so great, I had a "text fight" with my daughter about not wanting to go for dinner with me (it was her dad's week last year) I don't even remember what they got me, I'm sure there was something, it's the fight I remember.
The year before I got a Jasmine plant which is thankfully still alive in the front garden. But as I said, it's not about the gifts for me it's about being recognised as a good mom, if only once a year. As my kids get older I would hope they realise this responsibility afterall it is only once a year right?
Every year I make sure I get my mom something, it may arrive a little late and some years it is just a card but I at least call her. I talk to my mom pretty much every day thanks to my Rogers "My Five Canada" I call for free from my cell phone. I'll call on Sunday and when they arrive for their visit on the 12th I'll give her a card and token of how much she means to me then, being a mom isn't easy we really should be appreciated all year long.
Don't get me wrong I know my kids love me. My son tells me on a regular basis my daughter shows it in a different way. She talks to me, and keeps me in her loop. All I can ask from a teenager I suppose. She's far more reserved and guarded more like her dad in that way. My son wears his heart on his sleeve and has no problems giving me a hug and telling me "I love you mom". That's the best gift ever!
So this mother's day I'm not going to remind my ex, if he remembers then great but all I really want is for my kids to be happy and if they remember, a kiss and a hug and a wish for a happy day would be great too.
With much love, light and Happy Mother's Day!
Tammy.
I had hoped her dad would have done that for her but you see, I'm not HIS mother so why should he? This was the excuse I was given. Never mind the fact that I had just given birth to our daughter a few months back, apparently it wasn't his responsibility. Any wonder I didn't leave him then.
The next day Monday May 12th after a day of harassment from his dad and brother that he was a selfish jerk he showed up at home with a huge bouquet of flowers. Sure I was happy to receive them but it was too little too late. I knew exactly where I stood with him, bottom of the totem pole. Side note, he doesn't acknowledge his own mom so this is really no surprise.
So today as I write this, I've seen 14 mother's days and they are always met with trepidation. My kids are 14 and 12 and though I know my son made something at school for me, which I will cherish as I always do the gifts they make I don't know about my daughter or if she even realises what this Sunday is. Their dad hasn't asked what I would like from the kids for mother's day so I can guarantee you it's not his top priority. It's not about the gifts I really don't need anything, a card would be nice and maybe a "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" from my kids.
Last year my mother's day was not so great, I had a "text fight" with my daughter about not wanting to go for dinner with me (it was her dad's week last year) I don't even remember what they got me, I'm sure there was something, it's the fight I remember.
The year before I got a Jasmine plant which is thankfully still alive in the front garden. But as I said, it's not about the gifts for me it's about being recognised as a good mom, if only once a year. As my kids get older I would hope they realise this responsibility afterall it is only once a year right?
Every year I make sure I get my mom something, it may arrive a little late and some years it is just a card but I at least call her. I talk to my mom pretty much every day thanks to my Rogers "My Five Canada" I call for free from my cell phone. I'll call on Sunday and when they arrive for their visit on the 12th I'll give her a card and token of how much she means to me then, being a mom isn't easy we really should be appreciated all year long.
Don't get me wrong I know my kids love me. My son tells me on a regular basis my daughter shows it in a different way. She talks to me, and keeps me in her loop. All I can ask from a teenager I suppose. She's far more reserved and guarded more like her dad in that way. My son wears his heart on his sleeve and has no problems giving me a hug and telling me "I love you mom". That's the best gift ever!
So this mother's day I'm not going to remind my ex, if he remembers then great but all I really want is for my kids to be happy and if they remember, a kiss and a hug and a wish for a happy day would be great too.
With much love, light and Happy Mother's Day!
Tammy.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Past That Haunts
I read a face book post today that mentions the past staying in the past and not coming back and destroying the future. That's the gist of the post and I couldn't agree more. But what if your past haunts you?
My random thought on this is lack of closure. For whatever reason the past be it a problem a person or just thoughts, needs to be reconciled before it truly is the past. It's not the past if it invades your present, it's present. Giving people, problems and thoughts closure will put them to rest once and for all where they belong. Behind you.
Not an easy task though. This means having to deal with painful situations that we might not want to face. We thought we were done but what we really did was ignore it long enough to feel like it's behind us. What we were really doing was allowing it to fester and grow into something far worse than it started out to be. Even if you've let go, it hasn't and is back for round two. Your past will continue to haunt you until you face it head on and deal with it once and for all.
Of course this is far easier when you aren't dealing with another human who can't let the past go. Problems and thoughts are a little easier but people from your past hell bent on remaining in your present so to have a negative affect on your future are a challenge if not more.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to re-hash and re-hash past events or situations? Is it because we don't have the closure we are seeking? Probably, or maybe we just love the drama of it all. Some people are not happy unless they have a fair amount of drama in their lives. The problem with this is it's generally very destructive for both parties.
No matter how you slice it, if your past is haunting you, even if you thought you put it behind you there is unresolved business that needs to be dealt with. You may think it's silly or trivial and of no real consequence but it's back for a reason and usually not silly or trivial to the issue or person who has re-emerged.
My two cents, re-assess the situation, look the problem, person or thought in the eye and once and for all resolve what ever is causing the haunting. It will return to your past and this time will stay there.
With much love, light and resolve.
Tammy.
My random thought on this is lack of closure. For whatever reason the past be it a problem a person or just thoughts, needs to be reconciled before it truly is the past. It's not the past if it invades your present, it's present. Giving people, problems and thoughts closure will put them to rest once and for all where they belong. Behind you.
Not an easy task though. This means having to deal with painful situations that we might not want to face. We thought we were done but what we really did was ignore it long enough to feel like it's behind us. What we were really doing was allowing it to fester and grow into something far worse than it started out to be. Even if you've let go, it hasn't and is back for round two. Your past will continue to haunt you until you face it head on and deal with it once and for all.
Of course this is far easier when you aren't dealing with another human who can't let the past go. Problems and thoughts are a little easier but people from your past hell bent on remaining in your present so to have a negative affect on your future are a challenge if not more.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to re-hash and re-hash past events or situations? Is it because we don't have the closure we are seeking? Probably, or maybe we just love the drama of it all. Some people are not happy unless they have a fair amount of drama in their lives. The problem with this is it's generally very destructive for both parties.
No matter how you slice it, if your past is haunting you, even if you thought you put it behind you there is unresolved business that needs to be dealt with. You may think it's silly or trivial and of no real consequence but it's back for a reason and usually not silly or trivial to the issue or person who has re-emerged.
My two cents, re-assess the situation, look the problem, person or thought in the eye and once and for all resolve what ever is causing the haunting. It will return to your past and this time will stay there.
With much love, light and resolve.
Tammy.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Godly Justification
I think I've touched on this before but a few new thoughts have come to mind that I need to get out of my head.
What exactly do I mean by Godly Justification? Simply using God or Christianity to justify ones bad behaviour. This isn't your typical justification either this one is far more devious because the person behaving badly truly believes God condones their behaviour, they see themselves taking the high road so to speak.
Here is an example. A person says or does something to another individual that is deeply hurtful and this continues over a long period of time. When the person being hurt finally stands up for themselves to the offending party the offending party justifies it to themselves that what they have done would be looked upon with favour by God because they are "Christian" and they believe that they have done nothing offensive because they think they are incapable of such atrocities and ONLY they know the truth. Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Well, this is not the case. God does not look favourably on a bully. Even a bully dressed in Christian clothing cannot fool God. The victim is the one who is looked favourably upon, they are the ones whom God will protect and preserve. They have persevered the bullying and abuse and with Gods strength managed to stand up for themselves to their abuser only to be accused of being spiteful and malicious. Was the bullies victim simply expected to continue taking the abuse directly? Or even indirectly? I guess so.
I endured a few years of witnessing such abuse, eventually it got to me and I lashed out. Was it the wrong thing to do? Maybe, but then, maybe not. I don't justify my lashing out by claiming I was supported by God. I lashed out because I was angry and I had finally had enough and needed to put a stop to it plain and simple. Nothing more nothing less. The unfortunate thing is the offending party thinks they were justified in their behaviour because of their alleged belief in God. I'm sure Bin Laden felt the same way.
Funny thing is this person continues to put on a great show for anyone who will watch. They really believe they are the victim. They are the victim of their own fantasy. They live in a world of delusion creating a reality so far from real it's frightening. No normal human (and I use that term loosely) would live in such a fantasy world knowingly.
In this particular case I believe this person suffers from some form of mental illness because there is no way someone in their right mind would continue bullying others and claiming themselves to be the victim all at the same time, it's not logical. Past events confirm my suspicion unfortunately said individual is not interested in helping themselves rather only glorifying their behavior and continuing on this road to utter madness.
There will come a day when we will all stand in judgement (if that's your belief) and when asked if you treated others as you would have them treat you, I wonder what the bully would say? Probably yes, because they believe they have God on their side that they are beyond reproach. It would be interesting to see the out come of this one last lie after a lifetime of many. (what would I say? I would say "I tried but at times I failed and for that I'm sorry", an answer of just "yes" would be a lie).
I was at a seminar this past March and the speaker said "we are all ALWAYS right". "I'm always right, your always right, the person next to you is always right." What did he mean by this? Well, if I say it and I believe it, it's right, to me. You may not believe me and your right not to because you believe that you are right. This is where this whole Godly justification comes into play and may seem viable.
This bully believes they are right. I believe I am right in my reaction to this bully. Who is right? The bully claims to be "Christian", I was raised "Catholic" yes that's a Christian religion but in my opinion (and remember I'm always right) different. How? Catholics, or at least the ones I grew up with didn't try converting everyone they talked to. We don't stand on the street corner on our soap boxes "preaching" then go off, bully someone we detest to the nth degree and justify it by claiming we are something we really aren't.
I'm not saying Catholicism is better than any other "Christian" religion, I'm just saying we have certain rules (the Ten Commandments) that we adhere to and we don't pick and choose that which suites us to justify bad behaviour. I lashed out in anger, I broke a rule, I felt justified not because I'm Catholic but because I had had enough plain as that. I'm human and I get angry and for two years I damn near bit my tongue off tempering my emotions. My friends are astonished I was able to for as long as I did. (That's the peace keeper in me) then that final blow was dealt and I snapped. What I should have done was sow my mouth shut, glue my hands together and turn the other cheek. Alas, I didn't and now I pay.
There will always be people and situations in your life that are less than desirable. I believe they are sent to teach us valuable lessons. What I've learned from this whole experience is that it's ok to hurt others as long as you go to church and think you have God on your side. Good lesson huh? All kidding aside, the real lesson here is do not waste your valuable energy on people who's only purpose in life is to make your life miserable.
One other point before I go. How is it possible for one person to hold such hate and disrespect for another on one hand, then turn around and claim the exact opposite when confronted with their own bad behaviour? This one is truly puzzling. How can one harbour such hatred for someone and expect so much in return? Again puzzling. How can one justify their hatred and claim to be a loving Christian all in the same breath? It's a mystery.
With much love, light and my take on things,
Tammy.
What exactly do I mean by Godly Justification? Simply using God or Christianity to justify ones bad behaviour. This isn't your typical justification either this one is far more devious because the person behaving badly truly believes God condones their behaviour, they see themselves taking the high road so to speak.
Here is an example. A person says or does something to another individual that is deeply hurtful and this continues over a long period of time. When the person being hurt finally stands up for themselves to the offending party the offending party justifies it to themselves that what they have done would be looked upon with favour by God because they are "Christian" and they believe that they have done nothing offensive because they think they are incapable of such atrocities and ONLY they know the truth. Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Well, this is not the case. God does not look favourably on a bully. Even a bully dressed in Christian clothing cannot fool God. The victim is the one who is looked favourably upon, they are the ones whom God will protect and preserve. They have persevered the bullying and abuse and with Gods strength managed to stand up for themselves to their abuser only to be accused of being spiteful and malicious. Was the bullies victim simply expected to continue taking the abuse directly? Or even indirectly? I guess so.
I endured a few years of witnessing such abuse, eventually it got to me and I lashed out. Was it the wrong thing to do? Maybe, but then, maybe not. I don't justify my lashing out by claiming I was supported by God. I lashed out because I was angry and I had finally had enough and needed to put a stop to it plain and simple. Nothing more nothing less. The unfortunate thing is the offending party thinks they were justified in their behaviour because of their alleged belief in God. I'm sure Bin Laden felt the same way.
Funny thing is this person continues to put on a great show for anyone who will watch. They really believe they are the victim. They are the victim of their own fantasy. They live in a world of delusion creating a reality so far from real it's frightening. No normal human (and I use that term loosely) would live in such a fantasy world knowingly.
In this particular case I believe this person suffers from some form of mental illness because there is no way someone in their right mind would continue bullying others and claiming themselves to be the victim all at the same time, it's not logical. Past events confirm my suspicion unfortunately said individual is not interested in helping themselves rather only glorifying their behavior and continuing on this road to utter madness.
There will come a day when we will all stand in judgement (if that's your belief) and when asked if you treated others as you would have them treat you, I wonder what the bully would say? Probably yes, because they believe they have God on their side that they are beyond reproach. It would be interesting to see the out come of this one last lie after a lifetime of many. (what would I say? I would say "I tried but at times I failed and for that I'm sorry", an answer of just "yes" would be a lie).
I was at a seminar this past March and the speaker said "we are all ALWAYS right". "I'm always right, your always right, the person next to you is always right." What did he mean by this? Well, if I say it and I believe it, it's right, to me. You may not believe me and your right not to because you believe that you are right. This is where this whole Godly justification comes into play and may seem viable.
This bully believes they are right. I believe I am right in my reaction to this bully. Who is right? The bully claims to be "Christian", I was raised "Catholic" yes that's a Christian religion but in my opinion (and remember I'm always right) different. How? Catholics, or at least the ones I grew up with didn't try converting everyone they talked to. We don't stand on the street corner on our soap boxes "preaching" then go off, bully someone we detest to the nth degree and justify it by claiming we are something we really aren't.
I'm not saying Catholicism is better than any other "Christian" religion, I'm just saying we have certain rules (the Ten Commandments) that we adhere to and we don't pick and choose that which suites us to justify bad behaviour. I lashed out in anger, I broke a rule, I felt justified not because I'm Catholic but because I had had enough plain as that. I'm human and I get angry and for two years I damn near bit my tongue off tempering my emotions. My friends are astonished I was able to for as long as I did. (That's the peace keeper in me) then that final blow was dealt and I snapped. What I should have done was sow my mouth shut, glue my hands together and turn the other cheek. Alas, I didn't and now I pay.
There will always be people and situations in your life that are less than desirable. I believe they are sent to teach us valuable lessons. What I've learned from this whole experience is that it's ok to hurt others as long as you go to church and think you have God on your side. Good lesson huh? All kidding aside, the real lesson here is do not waste your valuable energy on people who's only purpose in life is to make your life miserable.
One other point before I go. How is it possible for one person to hold such hate and disrespect for another on one hand, then turn around and claim the exact opposite when confronted with their own bad behaviour? This one is truly puzzling. How can one harbour such hatred for someone and expect so much in return? Again puzzling. How can one justify their hatred and claim to be a loving Christian all in the same breath? It's a mystery.
With much love, light and my take on things,
Tammy.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Politics
That one word can open a can of worms depending on your circle of friends...
Yesterday we as Canadians cast our votes for our chosen parties. No big secret I'm a Conservative, I have always voted Conservative federally (BC Conservatives had no candidate in my riding the last few elections) I base my decision on a few things, first do I agree with Conservative policy? More than I do the other parties. Do I know and like the Conservative candidate in my riding? Yes, I do. Do I feel that my party will do a better job for Canada on the whole compared to the other choices? Hands down!
Sure Harper has a reputation as a bit of a bully amongst his own MP's and maybe he's a bit of a dictator but in all fairness look what he was up against with a minority government. Because of this Canadians have paid millions in election costs over the past nine years and every time Harper and the Conservative get back in...this time with a majority and maybe this time we can go the full term and see some real governing as it were.
I have always felt a minority government is a useless government, ineffective because of alliances of the opposition, you're out voted no matter what. How can you effectively run a country like that? The thing is they did, and they had a hand in preventing what could have been a far worse recession than it has been. The scary thing is when I give it brain time, how would the other parties handled this?
The NDP are all for social policy and that's great but at what expense? They love throwing money at social services without consideration of where it's coming from. BC's own experience with the provincial NDP's I think made everyone a little leery of the federal NDP and aside from the swing vote, I'll get onto the Liberals shortly, the Conservatives still have a strong showing here in BC.
Now as for the Liberals well, mistake number one...Ignatieff. Sorry but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. Thirty years in the US and he wants to be Prime Minister, I think not and I think anyone who voted Liberal in the past has made their point by swinging to the NDP didn't bode well for the Liberal party over all but a point was definitely made.
What I surmised from all this is Canadian voters for the most part want a Conservative government if not they would not be in a majority position today. NDP as the official opposition could be a good thing because the are so polar opposite, my concern is the party I voted for not listening. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I put this forth, if a majority government does more harm than good for Canada I will vote NDP in the next federal election...this will kill me but I will do it. What constitutes harm and good is yet to be seen, the thing is it's all relative to your individual interpretation. What is perceived as good to me might be perceived as harmful to you. I will follow politics closer than I have in the past, I will sign up for both Conservative and NDP news letters and keep tabs on what's happening in this wonderful country.
On a final note. RIP Bloq.
With much love, light and a great four years!
Tammy.
Yesterday we as Canadians cast our votes for our chosen parties. No big secret I'm a Conservative, I have always voted Conservative federally (BC Conservatives had no candidate in my riding the last few elections) I base my decision on a few things, first do I agree with Conservative policy? More than I do the other parties. Do I know and like the Conservative candidate in my riding? Yes, I do. Do I feel that my party will do a better job for Canada on the whole compared to the other choices? Hands down!
Sure Harper has a reputation as a bit of a bully amongst his own MP's and maybe he's a bit of a dictator but in all fairness look what he was up against with a minority government. Because of this Canadians have paid millions in election costs over the past nine years and every time Harper and the Conservative get back in...this time with a majority and maybe this time we can go the full term and see some real governing as it were.
I have always felt a minority government is a useless government, ineffective because of alliances of the opposition, you're out voted no matter what. How can you effectively run a country like that? The thing is they did, and they had a hand in preventing what could have been a far worse recession than it has been. The scary thing is when I give it brain time, how would the other parties handled this?
The NDP are all for social policy and that's great but at what expense? They love throwing money at social services without consideration of where it's coming from. BC's own experience with the provincial NDP's I think made everyone a little leery of the federal NDP and aside from the swing vote, I'll get onto the Liberals shortly, the Conservatives still have a strong showing here in BC.
Now as for the Liberals well, mistake number one...Ignatieff. Sorry but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. Thirty years in the US and he wants to be Prime Minister, I think not and I think anyone who voted Liberal in the past has made their point by swinging to the NDP didn't bode well for the Liberal party over all but a point was definitely made.
What I surmised from all this is Canadian voters for the most part want a Conservative government if not they would not be in a majority position today. NDP as the official opposition could be a good thing because the are so polar opposite, my concern is the party I voted for not listening. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I put this forth, if a majority government does more harm than good for Canada I will vote NDP in the next federal election...this will kill me but I will do it. What constitutes harm and good is yet to be seen, the thing is it's all relative to your individual interpretation. What is perceived as good to me might be perceived as harmful to you. I will follow politics closer than I have in the past, I will sign up for both Conservative and NDP news letters and keep tabs on what's happening in this wonderful country.
On a final note. RIP Bloq.
With much love, light and a great four years!
Tammy.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Human Nature
This is an interesting topic for me because it forces me to reconcile with my own human nature and with how I react, act and respond to other fellow humans. Lately there have been a lot of reactions, actions and responses. Some I'm not proud of some I would do again in a heart beat.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)