Seems an odd statement "enablers and the damage they do" well when you break it down I believe it is accurate and of course I will tell you why.
You see when we are faced with a situation that requires our action or reaction how we respond can have devastating consequence and the only reason for this is because we "enable" it. We choose to respond and the out come is based on this response.
For example, you are confronted by an individual who is not pleased about something, doesn't matter what just know they are hell bent on a reaction from you. So what do you do? Do you get into it with them or do you ignore the behaviour until the individual looses steam and settles down to a state where reason can be dealt.
As an enabler it is solely up to you how you will respond. It is not in the control of the individual with the issue. The only thing they control is their own behaviour. When you enable them you are letting them know that their behaviour is acceptable and justified. When we are dealing with an individual who is seeking a confrontation their behaviour is generally not acceptable or justifiable.
How is being an enabler damaging? Well the result of the confrontation generally hurts someone. It's a snow ball effect because not only is the enabler hurt but there is usually an Innocent third party indirectly hurt by the outcome of the enabled confrontation. Not to mention that the individual being enabled, they will come to expect it from everyone when they don't get their way therefore creating in themselves a destructive mind set that they will always be enabled thus their bad behaviour escalates.
We have a choice here, we always have a choice. It takes allot of practice but with time and a calm centred mind you can learn how NOT to be an enabler thus teaching the confrontational individual how NOT to be confrontational. The next time some one flips out on you, rather than reacting take a step back a deep breath and internally tell your self "I will not get sucked in" Even if the other person is still in the process of flipping out it doesn't matter if you didn't hear everything they have to say you are not to respond to them. Do not even give them a glimmer of hope that you might get into it with them.
Once they've said their peace, change the subject or walk away. Do not hang up if it's over the phone, this just fuels the fire. If they insist on a response (what they are looking for is a reaction) simply say, "That's your view (or opinion or position etc whatever verb works) and you are entitled to it." Another one liner that usually knocks the wind out of their sales. "I'm not in a position to discuss this right now." or "I will get back to you."
The best is to just not answer at all if you can help it. Move onto something else. I've been practicing this with individuals who try to bate me into a confrontation. It's all in the attitude you present. Say someone it nattering on about how so in so is doing something to really annoy them and they feel you are responsible for making so in so stop. Instead of snapping back that so in so is not annoying and that the individual nattering on is being unreasonable thus creating a dialog about so in so that could be hurtful and damaging simply walk away. DO NOT SAY A WORD in this case. When a third party is involved do not respond. It's not your fight do not enable it.
When the issue is directed at you or is about you, you need to deflate the situation with a CALM one liner.
For example:
Angry person: "You are selfish and arrogant, I'm really mad at you! All the decisions you make are wrong, you are always wrong I am always right" (doesn't really matter the context of the anger just know this person is really angry)
Wrong Enabler response: "I am not, you're the one who's always wrong, you are selfish for these reasons and I'm the one who suffers for it" (this response opens up the floor now for angry person to escalate the attack).
Enabler non-response: Turn and walk away.
Angry person: "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" (they would be following at this point)
Better Enabler response: "When you actually decide to "TALK" to me we can discuss this." Again turn and walk away or find something to do, tidy up or something distracting. Take your attention away from the angry person.
Angry person: (Still yelling) "I am trying to talk to you but you keep ignoring me!"
Enabler: "I'm not in the right frame of mind to discuss this." (you are engaging but not responding to the accusations, keep in mind this is WORK)
Angry person: "YOU NEVER ARE!" (so now one of two things could happen here) The angry person will give up and go fume until they calm down or it will continue to escalate until they get what they are after, a confrontation.
Enabler: Firmly BUT calmly "I will NOT discuss this with you right now." (if angry person continues on their rant)
Can you see how differently the out come of both scenarios can be? Can you see how enabling someone who is angry can only fuel the fire? Can you see how as an enabler you are causing just as much damage? Angry person is just that angry. Anger is an emotion and like all emotions they pass. One cannot remain in an escalated state of anger for long, it's emotionally and physically draining. Eventually anger passes. If you enable the anger you cause it to linger long past it's natural expiry.
I'm using anger as an example because I feel this is the most damaging emotion and one we all relate to, but we can also enable other behaviours and emotions in others and ourselves. Yes we can enable reactions in ourselves. When we see or experience something that "angers" us, we obsess about it, we fuel our own fire. We create in our minds scenarios and out comes that are generally damaging. We enable our own rage by allowing it to consume us.
Here's one I've experienced recently. There is a situation I have become aware of and it angers me to no end because of the Innocent people involved (Innocent beyond belief) needless to say the perpetrator has stirred in me an anger that unless I consciously work to let it go will consume me to the point of doing something I will regret. IF I enable my absolute rage towards this person I would not only hurt myself but several Innocent people who have nothing to do with this. My choice to enable is going to do more damage than what this individual has done over all.
So for the sake of my own well being and the well being of several others I WILL NOT ENABLE this anger and rage. I will let this individual go and I will focus on the person who was hurt by them. Enabling my anger, indirectly enables and gives substance to their actions. They do not deserve this, they deserve a good kick in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one who gives it. I'll leave that to Karma.
With much love, light and becoming a non-enabler.
Tammy.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Unauthentic Individuals
We all know that person, the one who says one thing then does another. Why do we care? Because that person is usually hurting those around them and in some cases there are mutual someones who we can't bare to see hurt. Sometimes unauthentic people do this knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. This is my random thought today...bare with me as I wrap my brain around this one.
So, as I was saying, we all know someone who is "unauthentic". That individual who is not true to their own character, personality or spirit. They are the posers the drama kings and queens who love to let us know how down and out they are yet their actions are not indicative of the situation they vehemently claim. I like to call them sympathy mongers. We are all guilty of seeking sympathy, but for these individuals it's a way of life.
People like this are exhausting for those of us who see through them. As someone who deals with an unauthentic person I can tell you it's emotionally, mentally and physically taxing. It's infuriating to know someone so well and watch them portray to the rest of the world a false image of them self. How do you deal with this?
You can do one of two things, confront them or ignore them. I do the latter. Why? Because I don't like confrontation and generally speaking these unauthentic individuals usually have a great defense and argument. They are incapable of seeing another's point of view because in their opinion they are right therefore you can't be. They are justified and they have a great excuse for why they do what they do...it's usually someone else's fault.
If you choose to ignore it as I'm finding out, you can end up making yourself crazy trying to NOT obsess about what it is you've witnessed. This is not healthy, what is healthy is distancing yourself from said individual and letting go of the mental hold their behaviour has on you. You need to clean house. But what if cleaning house causes more problems than just putting up with it? What if severing ties will hurt someone else? What do you do then?
Well you do what you know is best for the people who really matter to you. You bite your tongue, bow your head and pray the situation changes...fast. I will not risk destroying someone else because I am tired of dealing with an unauthentic individual. In the end they will get what they deserve. The thing is they will likely turn it around and somehow come off looking like the pathetic victim they constantly claim to be. They are FAR from the victim, they are for lack of a better word, bullies. They can bully subtly or they can just be down right nasty. I've experienced both.
One thing to remember, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU! Simple. Your thoughts and actions are reflected back on you so if you are nasty you're gonna get nasty back, even if you do it with a smile on your face...you are unauthentic the universe knows this. Oh and by the way they are the first to advertise just how authentic they are...just in case you might wonder. And why would we question, unless of course there is a fragment of doubt. They know they are false, they just want to make sure you never figure it out.
The world if full of unauthentic people, luckily they are still out numbered. For every one unauthentic person I know, I know at least 100 authentic people (this is just a guesstimate) I would like to think we are all authentic, but I know for a fact this is not the case. I just wish I had the ability to make these unauthentic individuals see exactly how nasty and hurtful they really are. Maybe in my next life.
With much love, light and as much authenticity as I can muster,
Tammy.
So, as I was saying, we all know someone who is "unauthentic". That individual who is not true to their own character, personality or spirit. They are the posers the drama kings and queens who love to let us know how down and out they are yet their actions are not indicative of the situation they vehemently claim. I like to call them sympathy mongers. We are all guilty of seeking sympathy, but for these individuals it's a way of life.
People like this are exhausting for those of us who see through them. As someone who deals with an unauthentic person I can tell you it's emotionally, mentally and physically taxing. It's infuriating to know someone so well and watch them portray to the rest of the world a false image of them self. How do you deal with this?
You can do one of two things, confront them or ignore them. I do the latter. Why? Because I don't like confrontation and generally speaking these unauthentic individuals usually have a great defense and argument. They are incapable of seeing another's point of view because in their opinion they are right therefore you can't be. They are justified and they have a great excuse for why they do what they do...it's usually someone else's fault.
If you choose to ignore it as I'm finding out, you can end up making yourself crazy trying to NOT obsess about what it is you've witnessed. This is not healthy, what is healthy is distancing yourself from said individual and letting go of the mental hold their behaviour has on you. You need to clean house. But what if cleaning house causes more problems than just putting up with it? What if severing ties will hurt someone else? What do you do then?
Well you do what you know is best for the people who really matter to you. You bite your tongue, bow your head and pray the situation changes...fast. I will not risk destroying someone else because I am tired of dealing with an unauthentic individual. In the end they will get what they deserve. The thing is they will likely turn it around and somehow come off looking like the pathetic victim they constantly claim to be. They are FAR from the victim, they are for lack of a better word, bullies. They can bully subtly or they can just be down right nasty. I've experienced both.
One thing to remember, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU! Simple. Your thoughts and actions are reflected back on you so if you are nasty you're gonna get nasty back, even if you do it with a smile on your face...you are unauthentic the universe knows this. Oh and by the way they are the first to advertise just how authentic they are...just in case you might wonder. And why would we question, unless of course there is a fragment of doubt. They know they are false, they just want to make sure you never figure it out.
The world if full of unauthentic people, luckily they are still out numbered. For every one unauthentic person I know, I know at least 100 authentic people (this is just a guesstimate) I would like to think we are all authentic, but I know for a fact this is not the case. I just wish I had the ability to make these unauthentic individuals see exactly how nasty and hurtful they really are. Maybe in my next life.
With much love, light and as much authenticity as I can muster,
Tammy.
Friday, March 4, 2011
It's A Girl!
March 4th 1997 is a day I will never forget, every detail is burned in my memory, it's the day my first child made her entrance into this world, and what an entrance it was!
I was late, 5 days not terribly past due by all accounts but I was done. I had gained a whopping 70lbs with this first pregnancy and high blood pressure had set in over the past week so ya, I was ready to have what we thought was our son...
It was March 3rd a little before midnight, I had been having light contractions all day and after a brief visit to the hospital and being told, nope not yet and sent home I was sure this kid was going to make my body it's permanent home. After a day of waiting and wondering we decided to go for dinner at our favourite Mexican restaurant on Commercial Drive. A little spicy food might do the trick.
After wards we stopped at our close friends house for a visit and they happened to be watching Eraser with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams, not necessarily the funniest movie but there is one scene where Arnie falls from a plane and lands on top of a car in a wrecking yard. He's discovered by two young kids, brother and sister, and when he asks them "Where am I?" the little girl replies "Earth, welcome." I laughed so hard I think I broke my water...I still chuckle when I think of that scene.
I say I think I broke my water because there was never the gush that most women experience. The baby's head was fully engaged and blocking anything from doing more than a trickle and when we were at the hospital I was told, if my water turns green to come in right away...
Well at about 11pm that Monday night my water turned green. Basically what that means for anyone who doesn't know. Green water is a sign that the baby has had it's first bowel movement which should occur after being born but in some cases it happens in utero and it's dangerous to the baby because if they inhale it on exit it can gum up their lungs and cause problems such as infection, so not a good thing.
At this point my contractions were a little more frequent but not unbearable if it weren't for the green water we would have waited. I wasn't about to take a risk on this one so off we went to BC Women's Hospital, a twenty minute drive from our house. So my official check in time at the hospital was 11:30pm more or less. The triage doctor was impressed by my enormous belly suggesting the baby would be five feet tall at birth.
We spent some time in the triage area until a room was available, once we were in and settled we were inundated with doctors and their students...it's a teaching hospital, somehow I missed that on the tour. Didn't matter having 13 doctors along with a handful of nurses in the room was comforting.
And so began Tuesday March 4th, me hooked up to an IV being pumped full of antibiotics to ensure the baby doesn't develop an infection and for a way to give me the anticipated pain medication or any other drug to make this process tolerable. The hours passed and nothing. My labour was sporadic stopping and starting, nothing regular so in goes the oxytocin to regulate my contractions, it worked and by 12:00pm I was in full labour...
Not fun! The doctor decided that after 15 hours of up and down I needed to rest or there would be no way I could push this baby out, enter epidural. Child birth is a cake walk compared to having a horse needle stuck in your spine. Not to mention they want you to bend over so your back is curved well good luck with a beach ball attached to your front! So after much discomfort and pain from the garden hose sized needle in the spine not to mention the flexible one they leave in, I'm numb from the waist down, more or less, I can at least relax enough to sleep, so I did.
Drugs are a funny thing they either work or they don't, after about 45 minutes of much needed deep sleep I recall dreaming I'm pushing a school bus up a hill. The next thing I know I'm wide awake and NEED to push. Panic sets in, the epidural is wearing off and the tube has slipped and there's no time to put another one in. The nurses are yelling at me not to push, I'm yelling at them I HAVE TOO! They're trying to explain that they need to be sure everything is ok with the baby, they had earlier in the day attached clamps to the baby's head to monitor it's heart rate but they kept coming off so they relied on the monitor strapped to my belly, not as accurate but good enough.
Ok, so it's probably about 2:30pm now and I'm on my side because the epidural site is too painful to lay on, the IV in my hand is in the worst possible spot we discover because I can't bend my wrist to push myself up so I'm one handing it, thank GOD my mother-in-law was present she helped hold my back when the time came to push. My ex stood next to the bed holding my right leg in the air and rolling his eyes for having the task...ya, that's right it was an annoyance for him, his arms were tired. His mom gave him crap, I was otherwise preoccupied trying to get the alien out of me.
Two and a half hours of pushing and on the second to last push the baby's heart rate dropped as expected but this time it didn't recover, the nurse yelled at the doctor words that still ring in my ears. "Baby need to come NOW!" The doctor was lightning fast he had the scalpel in one hand a needle with freezing in the other and told me, "I'm going to cut to get the baby's head out and I'll freeze you at the same time, he did and yes it hurt like hell but only for a moment. Out popped the baby's head, the umbilical cord was wrapped around it's neck not tight but none the less not a good thing either. So it was cut right away.
Then the worse possible thing happened, in my opinion anyway. The baby was stuck. Once this was discovered, the fact that there were several extra doctors in the room along with the chief pediatrician I was in good hands. Three of the doctors jumped on the bed and literally popped the baby out by forcefully pushing on the top of my belly. The time was 5:00pm on the nose.
The baby was whisked away to another area of the room and surrounded by what seemed like a million backs, because that's all I could see. No sound yet, no cries, I don't even know what I had, a son or a daugher? We wait for what seems like an eternity for that first sound...
Not only were we concerned about heart rate but this is when disasters can happen, not enough oxygen to the brain and the baby can be inflicted with Cerebral Palsy, we knew that. We also knew that if the baby inhaled before the air passages were suctioned out that would not be good either, so we wait...and pray. At least I know that's what I was doing. My ex just stood in shock, later I would find out that because of his vantage point he saw the whole show including the vision of a grey lifeless creature seconds before it was whisked out of sight.
Then miracle of miracles, a squeak, then a real cry, only a few short bursts but strong none the less. And now..."It's a GIRL!" from someone off to my left it didn't matter, she was alive! I looked at her dad and said "You ok with that?" dumb question but we were so sure it was a boy I didn't know if he was disappointed. He was fine with it, phew, I couldn't imagine putting her back until the extra parts grew. That was kind of the joke for a while.
I got to see her briefly I didn't get to hold her, they wanted her in the NICU in an incubator and on antibiotics immediately. So I stayed behind to get stitched up and eat, finally, my last meal had been Mexican the night before. I was starving! All they had was toast and peanut butter. Oh well I was happy to have the whole ordeal over with. We waited in the delivery room for what seemed like hours, I was anxious to get upstairs to see my daughter, I didn't even have the stats on her yet, the room cleared pretty quick once she was taken up to the NICU. I knew she was in good hands, there were enough of them.
Another reason they waited to move me, I had hemorrhaged, a common issue in my family, my mom hemorrhaged as did my sister with their first so the floor looked like a war zone and I'm guessing they didn't want me seeing how much I had lost. Of course it looked worse than it was so I'm told because the rest of my water came out afterwards too and there was allot of that. I remember looking at myself in the mirror the next day and being shocked at how grey I was. Startlingly grey. When I asked the doctor how much blood I lost he said about 700cc's so a fair bit. Didn't matter, my baby girl was fine.
So much so that she looked strange amongst the pre-mees. My daughter entered this world at 9lbs 12oz, that's right, 4oz shy of 10lbs! 21inches long. She looked like a one month old and didn't fit in the sleepers I had brought. When we went to see her she practically filled the incubator, and had her leg up resting on the side, a very thick leg at that. No skinny chicken with this girl. She had a full head of jet black hair, which later we would learn was from the meconium (first bowel movement) the nurse had shaved the top of her head for the IV and cut a little pill cup in half and taped it over the needle because she kept knocking it out. She looked like a little old man...my dad to be exact, he was balding the same way.
We spent the rest of the week in the hospital. She was in NICU until the 6th and the last day with me in my room. I had to travel to her to feed her and the nurses were supplementing her with formula because I hadn't started to produce milk and she was starving all the time, and made sure they knew it! I heard allot of comments about how big she was and why was she in with the pre-mees? My only explanation, "She got stuck".
Today my daughter is 14! She's 5'10" tall, a straight A student who has just been accepted to the International Baccalaureate programme for grade 9 next year and is drop dead gorgeous with her golden brown hair, creamy complexion, big brown eyes and a killer smile. She is my pride and joy, every day I am in awe of her, she is all I had hoped for in a daughter and more. My wish for her on this day is a lifetime of success, happiness and the world in the palm of her hand. She may have come into this world grey but now shines bright like the sun.
With much love, light and birthday wishes,
Mom.
I was late, 5 days not terribly past due by all accounts but I was done. I had gained a whopping 70lbs with this first pregnancy and high blood pressure had set in over the past week so ya, I was ready to have what we thought was our son...
It was March 3rd a little before midnight, I had been having light contractions all day and after a brief visit to the hospital and being told, nope not yet and sent home I was sure this kid was going to make my body it's permanent home. After a day of waiting and wondering we decided to go for dinner at our favourite Mexican restaurant on Commercial Drive. A little spicy food might do the trick.
After wards we stopped at our close friends house for a visit and they happened to be watching Eraser with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams, not necessarily the funniest movie but there is one scene where Arnie falls from a plane and lands on top of a car in a wrecking yard. He's discovered by two young kids, brother and sister, and when he asks them "Where am I?" the little girl replies "Earth, welcome." I laughed so hard I think I broke my water...I still chuckle when I think of that scene.
I say I think I broke my water because there was never the gush that most women experience. The baby's head was fully engaged and blocking anything from doing more than a trickle and when we were at the hospital I was told, if my water turns green to come in right away...
Well at about 11pm that Monday night my water turned green. Basically what that means for anyone who doesn't know. Green water is a sign that the baby has had it's first bowel movement which should occur after being born but in some cases it happens in utero and it's dangerous to the baby because if they inhale it on exit it can gum up their lungs and cause problems such as infection, so not a good thing.
At this point my contractions were a little more frequent but not unbearable if it weren't for the green water we would have waited. I wasn't about to take a risk on this one so off we went to BC Women's Hospital, a twenty minute drive from our house. So my official check in time at the hospital was 11:30pm more or less. The triage doctor was impressed by my enormous belly suggesting the baby would be five feet tall at birth.
We spent some time in the triage area until a room was available, once we were in and settled we were inundated with doctors and their students...it's a teaching hospital, somehow I missed that on the tour. Didn't matter having 13 doctors along with a handful of nurses in the room was comforting.
And so began Tuesday March 4th, me hooked up to an IV being pumped full of antibiotics to ensure the baby doesn't develop an infection and for a way to give me the anticipated pain medication or any other drug to make this process tolerable. The hours passed and nothing. My labour was sporadic stopping and starting, nothing regular so in goes the oxytocin to regulate my contractions, it worked and by 12:00pm I was in full labour...
Not fun! The doctor decided that after 15 hours of up and down I needed to rest or there would be no way I could push this baby out, enter epidural. Child birth is a cake walk compared to having a horse needle stuck in your spine. Not to mention they want you to bend over so your back is curved well good luck with a beach ball attached to your front! So after much discomfort and pain from the garden hose sized needle in the spine not to mention the flexible one they leave in, I'm numb from the waist down, more or less, I can at least relax enough to sleep, so I did.
Drugs are a funny thing they either work or they don't, after about 45 minutes of much needed deep sleep I recall dreaming I'm pushing a school bus up a hill. The next thing I know I'm wide awake and NEED to push. Panic sets in, the epidural is wearing off and the tube has slipped and there's no time to put another one in. The nurses are yelling at me not to push, I'm yelling at them I HAVE TOO! They're trying to explain that they need to be sure everything is ok with the baby, they had earlier in the day attached clamps to the baby's head to monitor it's heart rate but they kept coming off so they relied on the monitor strapped to my belly, not as accurate but good enough.
Ok, so it's probably about 2:30pm now and I'm on my side because the epidural site is too painful to lay on, the IV in my hand is in the worst possible spot we discover because I can't bend my wrist to push myself up so I'm one handing it, thank GOD my mother-in-law was present she helped hold my back when the time came to push. My ex stood next to the bed holding my right leg in the air and rolling his eyes for having the task...ya, that's right it was an annoyance for him, his arms were tired. His mom gave him crap, I was otherwise preoccupied trying to get the alien out of me.
Two and a half hours of pushing and on the second to last push the baby's heart rate dropped as expected but this time it didn't recover, the nurse yelled at the doctor words that still ring in my ears. "Baby need to come NOW!" The doctor was lightning fast he had the scalpel in one hand a needle with freezing in the other and told me, "I'm going to cut to get the baby's head out and I'll freeze you at the same time, he did and yes it hurt like hell but only for a moment. Out popped the baby's head, the umbilical cord was wrapped around it's neck not tight but none the less not a good thing either. So it was cut right away.
Then the worse possible thing happened, in my opinion anyway. The baby was stuck. Once this was discovered, the fact that there were several extra doctors in the room along with the chief pediatrician I was in good hands. Three of the doctors jumped on the bed and literally popped the baby out by forcefully pushing on the top of my belly. The time was 5:00pm on the nose.
The baby was whisked away to another area of the room and surrounded by what seemed like a million backs, because that's all I could see. No sound yet, no cries, I don't even know what I had, a son or a daugher? We wait for what seems like an eternity for that first sound...
Not only were we concerned about heart rate but this is when disasters can happen, not enough oxygen to the brain and the baby can be inflicted with Cerebral Palsy, we knew that. We also knew that if the baby inhaled before the air passages were suctioned out that would not be good either, so we wait...and pray. At least I know that's what I was doing. My ex just stood in shock, later I would find out that because of his vantage point he saw the whole show including the vision of a grey lifeless creature seconds before it was whisked out of sight.
Then miracle of miracles, a squeak, then a real cry, only a few short bursts but strong none the less. And now..."It's a GIRL!" from someone off to my left it didn't matter, she was alive! I looked at her dad and said "You ok with that?" dumb question but we were so sure it was a boy I didn't know if he was disappointed. He was fine with it, phew, I couldn't imagine putting her back until the extra parts grew. That was kind of the joke for a while.
I got to see her briefly I didn't get to hold her, they wanted her in the NICU in an incubator and on antibiotics immediately. So I stayed behind to get stitched up and eat, finally, my last meal had been Mexican the night before. I was starving! All they had was toast and peanut butter. Oh well I was happy to have the whole ordeal over with. We waited in the delivery room for what seemed like hours, I was anxious to get upstairs to see my daughter, I didn't even have the stats on her yet, the room cleared pretty quick once she was taken up to the NICU. I knew she was in good hands, there were enough of them.
Another reason they waited to move me, I had hemorrhaged, a common issue in my family, my mom hemorrhaged as did my sister with their first so the floor looked like a war zone and I'm guessing they didn't want me seeing how much I had lost. Of course it looked worse than it was so I'm told because the rest of my water came out afterwards too and there was allot of that. I remember looking at myself in the mirror the next day and being shocked at how grey I was. Startlingly grey. When I asked the doctor how much blood I lost he said about 700cc's so a fair bit. Didn't matter, my baby girl was fine.
So much so that she looked strange amongst the pre-mees. My daughter entered this world at 9lbs 12oz, that's right, 4oz shy of 10lbs! 21inches long. She looked like a one month old and didn't fit in the sleepers I had brought. When we went to see her she practically filled the incubator, and had her leg up resting on the side, a very thick leg at that. No skinny chicken with this girl. She had a full head of jet black hair, which later we would learn was from the meconium (first bowel movement) the nurse had shaved the top of her head for the IV and cut a little pill cup in half and taped it over the needle because she kept knocking it out. She looked like a little old man...my dad to be exact, he was balding the same way.
We spent the rest of the week in the hospital. She was in NICU until the 6th and the last day with me in my room. I had to travel to her to feed her and the nurses were supplementing her with formula because I hadn't started to produce milk and she was starving all the time, and made sure they knew it! I heard allot of comments about how big she was and why was she in with the pre-mees? My only explanation, "She got stuck".
Today my daughter is 14! She's 5'10" tall, a straight A student who has just been accepted to the International Baccalaureate programme for grade 9 next year and is drop dead gorgeous with her golden brown hair, creamy complexion, big brown eyes and a killer smile. She is my pride and joy, every day I am in awe of her, she is all I had hoped for in a daughter and more. My wish for her on this day is a lifetime of success, happiness and the world in the palm of her hand. She may have come into this world grey but now shines bright like the sun.
With much love, light and birthday wishes,
Mom.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Beating A Dead Horse
Odd that expression but it makes a point...
Why bother? Is the horse going to get up and obey? Not bloody likely. Yet we try and try and try to what end? Releasing our frustrations or causing them to flourish in our attempt revive a dead horse?
The definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different out come each time. Love that one, we are all insane if this is the case! The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change our perspective. For example, not that long ago I was paying some bills on line and as each one was posted my bank balance grew smaller and smaller...not a pleasant sight but inevitable none the less. I started thinking about how I could do something differently to make it go in the other direction. I changed my perspective.
Instead of focusing on what I didn't have I started mentally listing all that I did have and further to that all that I had the ability to attain. You know what...it's working, it's slow but I'm seeing progress. Because I didn't focus on what I didn't have it wasn't reflected back on me. What I see now is ONLY abundance. I don't ask "How can I afford this?" I state "I have the means to afford this." Even if at the time I don't I still say it. You know what? So far I have had the means to do what is needed when it's needed...not necessarily more than that but I'm not left struggling. And believe me I have struggled.
This can work for anyone, it's amazing how just counting your blessings as it were can make such a difference! I was at the Health and Wellness Show a few weekends ago and had the opportunity to listen to a speaker give some insight into manifestation and one of the most important things he said was DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE OR DON'T WANT...you know why? Because that's exactly what you will end up with. Instead focus on what you do have and increase it mentally and believe! If you don't believe it will work, it won't work.
I have been through spots where I had doubt and you know what happened? I ended up financially strapped and stressed to the point of illness. It's unbelievably frustrating in the beginning but once you realise that you can initiate change in yourself and thus stop beating your dead horse you will be able to breath a sigh of relief and your troubles will passed. That doesn't mean you can stop doing the work, no way! Everyday you work at it, every day until it becomes part of you like breathing or blinking.
This is not an easy task to undertake. In the beginning it's painful and the benefits are slow to materialize but don't give up, never give up. Giving up is certain death. Be that insane person doing the same thing over and over until you see different results. It can happen you have to believe it will.
You know the expression 'misery loves company' well truer words were never spoken. I know this because I've been contemplating letting myself get sick and with all that's floating around it shouldn't be difficult. Why would I want to do this to myself when I've done such a good job at staying relatively healthy? Sympathy maybe, sick people get sympathy, more so I just want a day off to laze around in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. Dumb? Ya, really dumb. Instead I'm taking one of the two weeks my kids are off for spring break, much better use of my energy, focus on doing something fun with them and having the means to do so.
So my challenge to you TODAY...stop beating your dead horse, leave it to rot and dissolve into dust. Think of all you have and expand it. If it's money you require, think about your bank balance increasing don't focus on it decreasing. If it's better health, close your eyes and remember when you felt at your best and try to recapture that feeling. Tell yourself "I'm healthy, I'm happy and I feel GREAT!" you may have to say it a few times for it to stick but don't give up it will happen. If you want to attract your soul mate, put it out there ask for someone who is a perfect match to you and open your heart and mind. That person is there waiting for you.
The biggest mistake we make is looking over the fence. Expressions exist for a reason, to teach us lessons, sometimes we just don't learn. Here are a few of my favourite. "Be careful what you wish for." "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." "There's no point crying over spilt milk." "Count your blessings." "Never go to bed angry." "Actions speak louder than words." "Lead by example".
Some of these are kind of like warnings, others are just common sense. BUT there is a reason for each and every one of them. If we choose to ignore them we set our selves up to encounter exactly what we are being warned against. I've seen it first hand. I know people living with regret because they viewed the grass as greener, or what they wished for didn't turn out as they expected. They did it wrong, what we should wish for should be a reflection of all that is good and positive in OUR own lives not what we perceive in the lives of others. We can not wish to have what someone else has...that belongs to them...make your own variation and wish for that.
How many of you out there would LOVE to win the lottery? Not just a couple of bucks but the big one...fifty million sounds good to me! Now let me ask you this, how many of you have imagined what your life would be like if you did win? Pretty spectacular right? Well why not view your life right now as spectacular? When you wake up in the morning are you grateful you're still here? That's pretty spectacular! Do you have kids who love you unconditionally? That too is spectacular. How about a roof over your head? Food in the cupboard? Clothes on your back? Pretty damn spectacular if you ask me. See your life that way and it will be.
Oh and when you go buy your lottery ticket before they push the button on the machine ask for the "winning numbers only please" it sounds dumb and the clerk my laugh but how does that one expression go "Ask and ye shall receive"(?) Ok, I will, and thank you very very much, in advance!
With much love, light and a SPECTACULAR LIFE!
Tammy.
Why bother? Is the horse going to get up and obey? Not bloody likely. Yet we try and try and try to what end? Releasing our frustrations or causing them to flourish in our attempt revive a dead horse?
The definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different out come each time. Love that one, we are all insane if this is the case! The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change our perspective. For example, not that long ago I was paying some bills on line and as each one was posted my bank balance grew smaller and smaller...not a pleasant sight but inevitable none the less. I started thinking about how I could do something differently to make it go in the other direction. I changed my perspective.
Instead of focusing on what I didn't have I started mentally listing all that I did have and further to that all that I had the ability to attain. You know what...it's working, it's slow but I'm seeing progress. Because I didn't focus on what I didn't have it wasn't reflected back on me. What I see now is ONLY abundance. I don't ask "How can I afford this?" I state "I have the means to afford this." Even if at the time I don't I still say it. You know what? So far I have had the means to do what is needed when it's needed...not necessarily more than that but I'm not left struggling. And believe me I have struggled.
This can work for anyone, it's amazing how just counting your blessings as it were can make such a difference! I was at the Health and Wellness Show a few weekends ago and had the opportunity to listen to a speaker give some insight into manifestation and one of the most important things he said was DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE OR DON'T WANT...you know why? Because that's exactly what you will end up with. Instead focus on what you do have and increase it mentally and believe! If you don't believe it will work, it won't work.
I have been through spots where I had doubt and you know what happened? I ended up financially strapped and stressed to the point of illness. It's unbelievably frustrating in the beginning but once you realise that you can initiate change in yourself and thus stop beating your dead horse you will be able to breath a sigh of relief and your troubles will passed. That doesn't mean you can stop doing the work, no way! Everyday you work at it, every day until it becomes part of you like breathing or blinking.
This is not an easy task to undertake. In the beginning it's painful and the benefits are slow to materialize but don't give up, never give up. Giving up is certain death. Be that insane person doing the same thing over and over until you see different results. It can happen you have to believe it will.
You know the expression 'misery loves company' well truer words were never spoken. I know this because I've been contemplating letting myself get sick and with all that's floating around it shouldn't be difficult. Why would I want to do this to myself when I've done such a good job at staying relatively healthy? Sympathy maybe, sick people get sympathy, more so I just want a day off to laze around in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. Dumb? Ya, really dumb. Instead I'm taking one of the two weeks my kids are off for spring break, much better use of my energy, focus on doing something fun with them and having the means to do so.
So my challenge to you TODAY...stop beating your dead horse, leave it to rot and dissolve into dust. Think of all you have and expand it. If it's money you require, think about your bank balance increasing don't focus on it decreasing. If it's better health, close your eyes and remember when you felt at your best and try to recapture that feeling. Tell yourself "I'm healthy, I'm happy and I feel GREAT!" you may have to say it a few times for it to stick but don't give up it will happen. If you want to attract your soul mate, put it out there ask for someone who is a perfect match to you and open your heart and mind. That person is there waiting for you.
The biggest mistake we make is looking over the fence. Expressions exist for a reason, to teach us lessons, sometimes we just don't learn. Here are a few of my favourite. "Be careful what you wish for." "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." "There's no point crying over spilt milk." "Count your blessings." "Never go to bed angry." "Actions speak louder than words." "Lead by example".
Some of these are kind of like warnings, others are just common sense. BUT there is a reason for each and every one of them. If we choose to ignore them we set our selves up to encounter exactly what we are being warned against. I've seen it first hand. I know people living with regret because they viewed the grass as greener, or what they wished for didn't turn out as they expected. They did it wrong, what we should wish for should be a reflection of all that is good and positive in OUR own lives not what we perceive in the lives of others. We can not wish to have what someone else has...that belongs to them...make your own variation and wish for that.
How many of you out there would LOVE to win the lottery? Not just a couple of bucks but the big one...fifty million sounds good to me! Now let me ask you this, how many of you have imagined what your life would be like if you did win? Pretty spectacular right? Well why not view your life right now as spectacular? When you wake up in the morning are you grateful you're still here? That's pretty spectacular! Do you have kids who love you unconditionally? That too is spectacular. How about a roof over your head? Food in the cupboard? Clothes on your back? Pretty damn spectacular if you ask me. See your life that way and it will be.
Oh and when you go buy your lottery ticket before they push the button on the machine ask for the "winning numbers only please" it sounds dumb and the clerk my laugh but how does that one expression go "Ask and ye shall receive"(?) Ok, I will, and thank you very very much, in advance!
With much love, light and a SPECTACULAR LIFE!
Tammy.
International Baccalaureate
The International Baccalaureate aims to develop inquiring, knowledgeable and caring young people who help to create a better and more peaceful world through intercultural understanding and respect. To this end the organization works with schools, governments and international organizations to develop challenging programmes of international education and rigorous assessment. These programmes encourage students across the world to become active, compassionate and lifelong learners who understand that other people, with their differences, can also be right.—International Baccalaureate Mission Statement. http://www.ibo.org/
Yesterday my daughter received a letter. Not just any letter but one we have been waiting for with great trepidation. The contents of this letter would determine for her the next four years in her academic career. She's in grade eight right now and already thinking about university and what it will take to ensure she gets into the university of her choice.
On February 12th she, along with about 250 other hopefuls sat through four assessments required for the 120 seats available in the IB programme at Port Moody Secondary. This along with a very comprehensive application will determine if she or any of the students qualify for this somewhat exclusive programme.
Yesterday's letter indicated that yes, my daughter has what it takes to be an IB student. So what does this mean for her? It's a huge opportunity for her but she doesn't see it that way, not entirely. She's saddened by this news because it will mean attending a school that will not include many of her friends, well, none of her friends to be precise. She will have one classmate joining her, in fact she's known him since grade two and his mom is my BFF. They can rely on each other until they establish themselves amongst their peers.
She's resigned herself to the fact that her father will insist she take this opportunity, my position is a little softer. While I agree that this could be the opportunity of a life time I also understand what it's like to be an introverted teenage girl...very very different from and extroverted teenage boy! (her father) He feels she's too young to make such a decision. My argument is that if she's smart enough and mature enough to get into this programme she's also not going to make her decision lightly. Doesn't matter though, she and I both know there is no arguing with her father, a lesson I learned years ago.
So she'll bow her head and agree to attend, will she be happy? That's up to her. I think once she's actually going and realises it's not so bad she'll embrace this opportunity. Right now though, she's already missing friends that may or may not have staying power. I've told her, if they are really good friends, going to different schools won't matter. In fact that may make the friendship stronger because you're not "stuck" with each other all day long, that you will actually have something to talk about that hasn't been said a million times already.
She has had a door opened for her, it's up to her to walk through it...
With much love, light and a mothers pride,
Tammy.
Yesterday my daughter received a letter. Not just any letter but one we have been waiting for with great trepidation. The contents of this letter would determine for her the next four years in her academic career. She's in grade eight right now and already thinking about university and what it will take to ensure she gets into the university of her choice.
On February 12th she, along with about 250 other hopefuls sat through four assessments required for the 120 seats available in the IB programme at Port Moody Secondary. This along with a very comprehensive application will determine if she or any of the students qualify for this somewhat exclusive programme.
Yesterday's letter indicated that yes, my daughter has what it takes to be an IB student. So what does this mean for her? It's a huge opportunity for her but she doesn't see it that way, not entirely. She's saddened by this news because it will mean attending a school that will not include many of her friends, well, none of her friends to be precise. She will have one classmate joining her, in fact she's known him since grade two and his mom is my BFF. They can rely on each other until they establish themselves amongst their peers.
She's resigned herself to the fact that her father will insist she take this opportunity, my position is a little softer. While I agree that this could be the opportunity of a life time I also understand what it's like to be an introverted teenage girl...very very different from and extroverted teenage boy! (her father) He feels she's too young to make such a decision. My argument is that if she's smart enough and mature enough to get into this programme she's also not going to make her decision lightly. Doesn't matter though, she and I both know there is no arguing with her father, a lesson I learned years ago.
So she'll bow her head and agree to attend, will she be happy? That's up to her. I think once she's actually going and realises it's not so bad she'll embrace this opportunity. Right now though, she's already missing friends that may or may not have staying power. I've told her, if they are really good friends, going to different schools won't matter. In fact that may make the friendship stronger because you're not "stuck" with each other all day long, that you will actually have something to talk about that hasn't been said a million times already.
She has had a door opened for her, it's up to her to walk through it...
With much love, light and a mothers pride,
Tammy.
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