This is an interesting topic for me because it forces me to reconcile with my own human nature and with how I react, act and respond to other fellow humans. Lately there have been a lot of reactions, actions and responses. Some I'm not proud of some I would do again in a heart beat.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
OH! What a week!
It started out quiet, more or less...a little turmoil at the beginning which I have put behind me and moved away from a toxic situation, lesson learned. The end to the week was whirl wind to say the least!
My daughter participated in Vancouver Fashion Week and well I have to tell you it was an experience and a half for not just her, but her dad and me too! We were back and forth down town several times on our appointed days, she was walking in shows on four of the five days and judging by the first day there is a really good reason she wasn't part of the shows that day, she is just too young for some of the designers and that's fine, she will have plenty of time to mature before being faced with racy outfits.
So the week started Thursday at 1:00pm which was the time she needed to be at the hotel for hair, make-up, final fittings and instructions from the designer on how to walk. She wasn't to be on the runway until 6:00pm. This was the first of her dad's two days to chaperon. Well, all things being as they are the shows were running late and 6pm turned into 7:45pm good thing she was only in one show that night or getting up for school the next morning would have been tough.
The next day was my turn. I took the afternoon off because she had to be down town again by 2:30pm and we had a few errands to run before hand. I dropped her off at 2:20pm and headed back to the ex's to deal with our son, make sure he had dinner and just hang with him for a few hours because he dad was working a later than normal shift and wouldn't be home until about 9:00pm. At about 6:15pm I headed back down town for the 7:30pm show she was to walk in. Figuring they would be running late again I wasn't in that big a hurry except for the fact that she had forgotten something and needed it delivered I would have waited longer to head back out.
Good thing I didn't, these shows were right on schedule and I was only 10 minutes early! Thank GOD for small miracles, (or small requirements) I didn't miss a thing and she was walking in a second show later that evening so I got two for the price of one...not that the parents of under age models actually had to pay to get in but there was the parking and gas expense. She looked amazing in both shows, she really has a great walk and runway presence, and it's not just a mothers bias, the coordinator of the event commented to her as well as two of the designers she walked for. I can see her going far with this.
That evening as we drove home she was pretty excited, she chatted (uncharacteristically) all the way back to her dads. She told me all about the hair and make up and the designers and all the models and she really seemed to emerge from her normal quiet self. Nothing wrong with that it's just surprising how much she really loves this crazy industry. It wasn't too late when she got in but according to her dad her number one priority was to go wash off the pound of make up, something she's not accustom to, oh, and combing out the rats nest the hair stylist made of her hair.
The next day was Saturday and she was told to be back at 11:00 am because she was walking in an early show, 5:00pm. Well turns out she was too early, her and three other models. So they sat and waited and she worked on her homework...this is a whole other story for a late blog. Finally they got into the room at about 1:00pm. I headed back down town for 5:00pm thinking they would be on time again...not so much. I guess it's hit and miss with this event so ya, I waited about an hour before we were even able to get in to the ball room where the show was being held. No big deal, she was on early. She sent me a text saying she would be in two shows instead of the one we were thinking. This was fine because it more experience for her.
I tried taking pictures but ya, I suck at that...thankfully there were about a million photographers there and I've been able to get some great shots directly from a few of them. It's surreal seeing my daughter all made up. Certainly a far cry from the jeans, t-shirt, Converse All Stars and no make up that I'm used to. Not to mention that smile! Something my very serious daughter reserves only for modeling when required. Don't get me wrong she does smile at home it would just be nice to see it more often.
It's interesting how the further into fashion week we got the stranger the designs got. She even had one designer comment to her "you are very pretty and you have to wear that" about his own design, it did look fine on her I guess he thought she should have worn something else. No matter I think she was just flattered that he thought that. She definitely views this as a job and is willing to follow instructions, wear pretty much what ever the designer wants (age appropriate) and let the stylists do her hair and make up accordingly, but once she's done, the make up comes off and the hair is combed out.
Sunday was the last day, and her dad's turn to take her. She had one show, the last show and again they were running behind a little. This was by far the strangest designs and worst looking make up and hair, high fashion I suppose but I couldn't imagine who would wear some of these things, maybe Lady GaGa no one in their right minds that's for sure. Needless to say by the time she got home it was late and she had school the next day. Well she was too pumped to go to bed thanks to the not so wise decision of her father to give her coffee that late at night.
She told me all about the show and how uncomfortable the shoes were to wear and almost not be able to walk in, again high fashion, and how one girl actually cut her foot on one of the shoes. We looked through the pictures that had been uploaded to the VFW site and at some of the photographers face book pages. Up until now she hadn't really seen how she looked on the runway. We finally closed the laptop just after midnight.
So there you have it Vancouver Fashion Week from one mom's perspective. It was allot of work allot of driving a small fortune in gas but the end result was well worth it. On that note however I did get a text from my daughter on the Saturday saying and I quote...
"OMG. I do not want to do this again. No more Fashion Week."
We'll see, I bet she does the one in November for 2012 Spring and Summer.
With much love, light and a promising future,
Tammy.
My daughter participated in Vancouver Fashion Week and well I have to tell you it was an experience and a half for not just her, but her dad and me too! We were back and forth down town several times on our appointed days, she was walking in shows on four of the five days and judging by the first day there is a really good reason she wasn't part of the shows that day, she is just too young for some of the designers and that's fine, she will have plenty of time to mature before being faced with racy outfits.
So the week started Thursday at 1:00pm which was the time she needed to be at the hotel for hair, make-up, final fittings and instructions from the designer on how to walk. She wasn't to be on the runway until 6:00pm. This was the first of her dad's two days to chaperon. Well, all things being as they are the shows were running late and 6pm turned into 7:45pm good thing she was only in one show that night or getting up for school the next morning would have been tough.
The next day was my turn. I took the afternoon off because she had to be down town again by 2:30pm and we had a few errands to run before hand. I dropped her off at 2:20pm and headed back to the ex's to deal with our son, make sure he had dinner and just hang with him for a few hours because he dad was working a later than normal shift and wouldn't be home until about 9:00pm. At about 6:15pm I headed back down town for the 7:30pm show she was to walk in. Figuring they would be running late again I wasn't in that big a hurry except for the fact that she had forgotten something and needed it delivered I would have waited longer to head back out.
Good thing I didn't, these shows were right on schedule and I was only 10 minutes early! Thank GOD for small miracles, (or small requirements) I didn't miss a thing and she was walking in a second show later that evening so I got two for the price of one...not that the parents of under age models actually had to pay to get in but there was the parking and gas expense. She looked amazing in both shows, she really has a great walk and runway presence, and it's not just a mothers bias, the coordinator of the event commented to her as well as two of the designers she walked for. I can see her going far with this.
That evening as we drove home she was pretty excited, she chatted (uncharacteristically) all the way back to her dads. She told me all about the hair and make up and the designers and all the models and she really seemed to emerge from her normal quiet self. Nothing wrong with that it's just surprising how much she really loves this crazy industry. It wasn't too late when she got in but according to her dad her number one priority was to go wash off the pound of make up, something she's not accustom to, oh, and combing out the rats nest the hair stylist made of her hair.
The next day was Saturday and she was told to be back at 11:00 am because she was walking in an early show, 5:00pm. Well turns out she was too early, her and three other models. So they sat and waited and she worked on her homework...this is a whole other story for a late blog. Finally they got into the room at about 1:00pm. I headed back down town for 5:00pm thinking they would be on time again...not so much. I guess it's hit and miss with this event so ya, I waited about an hour before we were even able to get in to the ball room where the show was being held. No big deal, she was on early. She sent me a text saying she would be in two shows instead of the one we were thinking. This was fine because it more experience for her.
I tried taking pictures but ya, I suck at that...thankfully there were about a million photographers there and I've been able to get some great shots directly from a few of them. It's surreal seeing my daughter all made up. Certainly a far cry from the jeans, t-shirt, Converse All Stars and no make up that I'm used to. Not to mention that smile! Something my very serious daughter reserves only for modeling when required. Don't get me wrong she does smile at home it would just be nice to see it more often.
It's interesting how the further into fashion week we got the stranger the designs got. She even had one designer comment to her "you are very pretty and you have to wear that" about his own design, it did look fine on her I guess he thought she should have worn something else. No matter I think she was just flattered that he thought that. She definitely views this as a job and is willing to follow instructions, wear pretty much what ever the designer wants (age appropriate) and let the stylists do her hair and make up accordingly, but once she's done, the make up comes off and the hair is combed out.
Sunday was the last day, and her dad's turn to take her. She had one show, the last show and again they were running behind a little. This was by far the strangest designs and worst looking make up and hair, high fashion I suppose but I couldn't imagine who would wear some of these things, maybe Lady GaGa no one in their right minds that's for sure. Needless to say by the time she got home it was late and she had school the next day. Well she was too pumped to go to bed thanks to the not so wise decision of her father to give her coffee that late at night.
She told me all about the show and how uncomfortable the shoes were to wear and almost not be able to walk in, again high fashion, and how one girl actually cut her foot on one of the shoes. We looked through the pictures that had been uploaded to the VFW site and at some of the photographers face book pages. Up until now she hadn't really seen how she looked on the runway. We finally closed the laptop just after midnight.
So there you have it Vancouver Fashion Week from one mom's perspective. It was allot of work allot of driving a small fortune in gas but the end result was well worth it. On that note however I did get a text from my daughter on the Saturday saying and I quote...
"OMG. I do not want to do this again. No more Fashion Week."
We'll see, I bet she does the one in November for 2012 Spring and Summer.
With much love, light and a promising future,
Tammy.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Second Chances and Lessons Learned
As some of you might have read I posted a blog called My Liberation. This post was removed once I realised that it was done from a place of unbelievable hurt, anger and betrayal. Not a good place to blog from, lesson learned.
So does this open up the possibility for a second chance. Likely, no. I'm the type of person who tries to see the best in people, some times to my detriment. I view the world at times through rose coloured glasses which I chalk down to my Sagittarius nature, we're like that, until they are ripped from our faces and we see the harsh reality we had sugar coated for too long. When this final blow was dealt, I was sent flying and knocked on my ass. I was physically ill by the event that preceded the blog and instead of biting my tongue I let 'er rip without consideration of who it might hurt and that was wrong.
I have in the past and for many various reasons granted second, third and fourth chances. I have also been on the receiving end of said chances. I know I'm too trusting at least right up until there is nothing left to hold my trust. In this particular situation it wasn't so much a betrayal of my trust, more so it was the realisation that I had placed my trust in the wrong hands. Hands that for reasons known only to them, felt it necessary to defamate, accuse and berate someone far closer to me than they are and that my friends is my truth. I will sit and I will watch, and I will be mindful. But openly hurt someone who has no recourse well, watch out. I will defend, I will get nasty, the bitch will raise her head and let you know she's NOT impressed. Take it or leave it but mostly learn from it.
When we do something we shouldn't have as a species we avoid claiming our bad behaviour sighting this excuse or that. I claim mine here and now. I should have bit my tongue but it's too late. It's for the best because this may have escalated completely out of control and ended much much worse. Not that it wasn't bad enough. It's never easy letting go of a relationship no matter how toxic it might be. The way I saw it, I was watching/reading the woes of someone (their personal take on it) and knowing that in most cases the exact opposite was true and I was powerless to do anything about it. One may see themselves as the victim but as the observer I see their position from a different angle and it was all I could do to hold my tongue, over and over and over.
Another lesson I learned is that knowing too much about a situation does not make being neutral easy. There are two sides to every story and there is no way to be neutral for very long when you are constantly bombarded with inconsistencies and half truths. It's exhausting to say the least. To believe one thing, have doubt seeded into your mind then have to make sense of the situation that isn't your situation in the first place can put a sour taste in your mouth. Yet there I was caught in the middle, placed there by me. I volunteered I have no one to blame for my position than myself. I opened myself up and slowly found myself shutting down. It took along time and my patience were tried on many occasion but as I said I choose to see the good in people and I really tried with this person...until the final event.
I'm sorry for trusting, I'm sorry for not having the good sense to steer clear, I'm sorry that this will take me a while to let go. BUT...I am not sorry for speaking my mind and standing up for someone who otherwise would choose not to out of utter fear. A fear I know too well, a fear I face personally on a daily basis. A fear that causes a one to tippy-toe for fear of waking the sleeping lion. A fear the perpetrator will never understand because it does not belong to them it is caused by them.
Another lesson I will take away form this experience is to listen to my friends. I was warned not to open myself up like this. I explained that everyone deserves a second chance and that people can change. What I learned is that no matter how convincing someone is that they have changed or are willing to change, it's impossible to be something you are not. That thinking I could be friends with someone who on more than one occasion set out to destroy what I was so desperately trying to hold on to should have been my first indication that this was not going to work. I was warned about this. Did I listen? Obviously not and for that I'm sorry, lesson learned.
Arms length civility is all I can offer. I will not utter a negative word about this person to those closest to either of us, that serves absolutely no good and it's not fair to drag the innocent through any of this. This person exists as a fog, visible in the distance but vanishes as they approach. I too will be a fog, I will keep a low profile and not make a spectacle, nor will I put myself in a position of being visible. This may be confusing for some to understand but in the long run it is for the best. I would sincerely appreciate the same consideration but I don't expect it.
Seeing this with a clear head I claim the damage my words have done and for that I am sorry. If they had the desired effect (I will never really know). Then I'm not sorry, mission accomplished. All I want is for this person to stop trying to hurt or destroy the one person who will not and can not defend themselves. This person has no idea, (or maybe they do now) the torment that is suffered at their hand. I only ever wanted that to end I only ever wanted this person to see how hurtful they are. That was my only motivation for getting in the middle of this, to create a sense of peace. It didn't work, it only worsened and I really don't think this person can appreciate how difficult this task was for me. I can put on a brave face but the reality was I was living on an eggshell.
I hope this message reaches this person and helps them realise that maybe just maybe they are facilitating pain and suffering for others more so than they see in themselves. We must all be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions. But mostly our words. The pen is mightier than the sword and words wound deeply. I just want this person to understand that their words did just that, and although they may believe what they accused as their reality, I know differently.
I also know that I am a better person for this experience. I know that I will proceed with great caution if faced with a similar situation and I also know my breaking point. I will temper my reaction if in the future I need to react and I will be more tactful in my execution. Anger and angry words are damaging and hurtful and that's really not what I'm about. I forgive this other person for their unfair accusations and blatant defamation of character and I wish them happiness and success and send them off with love and light. The universe can do the rest.
With this blog I put to rest a situation that has weighed heavily on my mind and in my heart. My internal conflict is subsiding and I am letting go. Tonight I will go home and hug my kids and my partner and thank God they are a part of my life.
With much love, light and inner peace.
Tammy.
So does this open up the possibility for a second chance. Likely, no. I'm the type of person who tries to see the best in people, some times to my detriment. I view the world at times through rose coloured glasses which I chalk down to my Sagittarius nature, we're like that, until they are ripped from our faces and we see the harsh reality we had sugar coated for too long. When this final blow was dealt, I was sent flying and knocked on my ass. I was physically ill by the event that preceded the blog and instead of biting my tongue I let 'er rip without consideration of who it might hurt and that was wrong.
I have in the past and for many various reasons granted second, third and fourth chances. I have also been on the receiving end of said chances. I know I'm too trusting at least right up until there is nothing left to hold my trust. In this particular situation it wasn't so much a betrayal of my trust, more so it was the realisation that I had placed my trust in the wrong hands. Hands that for reasons known only to them, felt it necessary to defamate, accuse and berate someone far closer to me than they are and that my friends is my truth. I will sit and I will watch, and I will be mindful. But openly hurt someone who has no recourse well, watch out. I will defend, I will get nasty, the bitch will raise her head and let you know she's NOT impressed. Take it or leave it but mostly learn from it.
When we do something we shouldn't have as a species we avoid claiming our bad behaviour sighting this excuse or that. I claim mine here and now. I should have bit my tongue but it's too late. It's for the best because this may have escalated completely out of control and ended much much worse. Not that it wasn't bad enough. It's never easy letting go of a relationship no matter how toxic it might be. The way I saw it, I was watching/reading the woes of someone (their personal take on it) and knowing that in most cases the exact opposite was true and I was powerless to do anything about it. One may see themselves as the victim but as the observer I see their position from a different angle and it was all I could do to hold my tongue, over and over and over.
Another lesson I learned is that knowing too much about a situation does not make being neutral easy. There are two sides to every story and there is no way to be neutral for very long when you are constantly bombarded with inconsistencies and half truths. It's exhausting to say the least. To believe one thing, have doubt seeded into your mind then have to make sense of the situation that isn't your situation in the first place can put a sour taste in your mouth. Yet there I was caught in the middle, placed there by me. I volunteered I have no one to blame for my position than myself. I opened myself up and slowly found myself shutting down. It took along time and my patience were tried on many occasion but as I said I choose to see the good in people and I really tried with this person...until the final event.
I'm sorry for trusting, I'm sorry for not having the good sense to steer clear, I'm sorry that this will take me a while to let go. BUT...I am not sorry for speaking my mind and standing up for someone who otherwise would choose not to out of utter fear. A fear I know too well, a fear I face personally on a daily basis. A fear that causes a one to tippy-toe for fear of waking the sleeping lion. A fear the perpetrator will never understand because it does not belong to them it is caused by them.
Another lesson I will take away form this experience is to listen to my friends. I was warned not to open myself up like this. I explained that everyone deserves a second chance and that people can change. What I learned is that no matter how convincing someone is that they have changed or are willing to change, it's impossible to be something you are not. That thinking I could be friends with someone who on more than one occasion set out to destroy what I was so desperately trying to hold on to should have been my first indication that this was not going to work. I was warned about this. Did I listen? Obviously not and for that I'm sorry, lesson learned.
Arms length civility is all I can offer. I will not utter a negative word about this person to those closest to either of us, that serves absolutely no good and it's not fair to drag the innocent through any of this. This person exists as a fog, visible in the distance but vanishes as they approach. I too will be a fog, I will keep a low profile and not make a spectacle, nor will I put myself in a position of being visible. This may be confusing for some to understand but in the long run it is for the best. I would sincerely appreciate the same consideration but I don't expect it.
Seeing this with a clear head I claim the damage my words have done and for that I am sorry. If they had the desired effect (I will never really know). Then I'm not sorry, mission accomplished. All I want is for this person to stop trying to hurt or destroy the one person who will not and can not defend themselves. This person has no idea, (or maybe they do now) the torment that is suffered at their hand. I only ever wanted that to end I only ever wanted this person to see how hurtful they are. That was my only motivation for getting in the middle of this, to create a sense of peace. It didn't work, it only worsened and I really don't think this person can appreciate how difficult this task was for me. I can put on a brave face but the reality was I was living on an eggshell.
I hope this message reaches this person and helps them realise that maybe just maybe they are facilitating pain and suffering for others more so than they see in themselves. We must all be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions. But mostly our words. The pen is mightier than the sword and words wound deeply. I just want this person to understand that their words did just that, and although they may believe what they accused as their reality, I know differently.
I also know that I am a better person for this experience. I know that I will proceed with great caution if faced with a similar situation and I also know my breaking point. I will temper my reaction if in the future I need to react and I will be more tactful in my execution. Anger and angry words are damaging and hurtful and that's really not what I'm about. I forgive this other person for their unfair accusations and blatant defamation of character and I wish them happiness and success and send them off with love and light. The universe can do the rest.
With this blog I put to rest a situation that has weighed heavily on my mind and in my heart. My internal conflict is subsiding and I am letting go. Tonight I will go home and hug my kids and my partner and thank God they are a part of my life.
With much love, light and inner peace.
Tammy.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ready? Set? GO!
April 12th to 17th will prove to be a remarkable week for my daughter. Since signing with her agent back in October there hasn't been much going on for her as far a modeling goes...until now.
I had sent an email to her agent to let him know she had officially hit the 5'10" mark and was wondering if we should have more pictures done. He called me and asked if we could come into his office for a review of what's been happening since Faces West. In a word, nothing. He asked if she had done any fashion shows which kinds surprised me because as her agent I thought it was his job to find her work, from what I surmised we were to be looking as well.
We had a few false starts with the meeting date, we were either not available or he wasn't available and finally I re-arranged our spring break plans so we could get downtown to his office to see him. This was Saturday March 26th and I'm so glad we decided to make the effort because had we waited we would have missed the opportunity to try out for Vancouver Fashion Week (VFW).
The agent has been working with the organizers of VFW for the past ten years, as I'm sure have other agents and the auditions were to be held at the agents office the following Monday March 28th at 6:00pm down town at the agent office. Like I said good thing we changed our plans.
We arrived on time for the audition, for lack of a better word it was kind of an audition, the VFW organizer had the models walk for him and did a little interview looked at their books and sent them on their way. We were in and out in twelve minutes, my daughter was the second model to walk, both the organizer and her agent were impressed that she had only participated in Faces West and had no runway experience. She's a natural apparently and out of the thirty models that auditioned that night she was one of five who were chosen. Kudos for her!
Last week when her agent called to let me know she got the job at VFW, (the non-paying job) he asked if she could be downtown by 7:00pm for another possible paying job. This time it was for an Internet catalogue for a high end Italian fashion store called Sasso Moda, and by high end we are talking hand made jeans for oh around $229.00! Dresses (not gowns just dresses) $590.00 insane and not somewhere I would shop!
Her agent was a little concerned she would appear too young so we were to make sure she was wearing makeup. When she does she looks much older, so much so that people are surprised to hear she's only fourteen. She normally doesn't wear makeup so seeing her made up is surreal. Needless to say after a couple of hours of trying one outfits we were sent on our way with the promise from the store owner he would let her agent know if she got the job. Now the photo shoot for the catalogue was set for the next night so when I got the call at noon the next day panic set in! She got the job and had to be back down town for 7:00pm that very night!
Why the panic? Well, I was at work for one and the agent gave me a list of items she would need to bring to the shoot oh, and he asked if we could go see another client of his before 6:15pm for another job, a fashion show at the end of April for Obakki Designs, apparently a favourite of Gweneth Paltro's cool huh? Yah, except I had to race to Port Moody pick up the kids go home get my daughter to do her make up and gather an assortment of shoes then be back on the road for no later than 5:00pm to get back down town for the Obakki audition and then the photo shoot...YIKES!
Well, we were early for the audition which meant we were early for the shoot so as luck would have it right next to were I parked was a Sushi restaurant, nothing fancy but good enough that my healthy eating daughter would agree to, oh, and her brother was dragged along for this one too, so this had to appeal to both.
After a quick bite we walked up to the corner were the store was located, we were only slightly early at this point, the owner and the photographer had just arrived as had one of the other models. We stood and chatted with her and her mom, they had driven in from Abbotsford! Now I don't feel so bad. This model was from the same agency as was also at Faces West. She had done VFW in the fall and was telling us that it was the best experience she had with runway. That it's absolutely organized chaos! After having just gone through two days of fittings over the weekend we were getting that impression as well.
The photo shoot was going to be several hours so I decided to take my son home and just come back and get her. Well, she wasn't done until about 11:40pm by the time we got home it was 1:00am and ya, the next morning came way too early! She had a blast though, the photographer had her jumping an spinning in these long flowing dresses and while giving the other girls crap for not bringing a selection of shoes my daughter had a bag full and shared with the other girls. One thing I've learned is sometimes too much is just enough.
The pictures for this shoot will be posted in a week or so and one benefit is we get to use them in her book thus eliminating the need for another expensive photo shoot just now. We will also have access to some of the images from VFW so there`s a bonus too. As for Obakki, we won`t know until April 18th if she got the job but we`re hopeful and if she doesn't well, there will be more. Judging by the whirl wind of the past two weeks a little break might be nice. We haven`t even done the VFW shows yet which should be interesting to say the least.
The weekend of the 2nd and 3rd were fitting days for the local designers, these are the new up and coming designers no one really well known. She managed to get chosen by Sarah Runnalls and Eva Chen, those shows are Thursday and Friday respectively. The international designers (the ones you want to walk for) won`t make their selections until the day of their shows, so even though she`s not scheduled to walk she has to be back down town both Saturday and Sunday. Luckily VFW has a guest list for parents so neither her dad nor I will have to pay to watch her. Parking on the other hand UGH!
So begins another week of rushing around like chickens with their heads cut off, the nice part is I`ve enlisted her dad to help out with this, he gets two days I get two days, my daughter gets two half days at school and four very long afternoons and evenings of hurry up and wait. I`m looking forward to seeing her on the runway! My fourteen year old daughter on the runway at a very well covered by the media Fashion Week...Next year Europe here she comes!
With much love, light and amazement,
Tammy.
I had sent an email to her agent to let him know she had officially hit the 5'10" mark and was wondering if we should have more pictures done. He called me and asked if we could come into his office for a review of what's been happening since Faces West. In a word, nothing. He asked if she had done any fashion shows which kinds surprised me because as her agent I thought it was his job to find her work, from what I surmised we were to be looking as well.
We had a few false starts with the meeting date, we were either not available or he wasn't available and finally I re-arranged our spring break plans so we could get downtown to his office to see him. This was Saturday March 26th and I'm so glad we decided to make the effort because had we waited we would have missed the opportunity to try out for Vancouver Fashion Week (VFW).
The agent has been working with the organizers of VFW for the past ten years, as I'm sure have other agents and the auditions were to be held at the agents office the following Monday March 28th at 6:00pm down town at the agent office. Like I said good thing we changed our plans.
We arrived on time for the audition, for lack of a better word it was kind of an audition, the VFW organizer had the models walk for him and did a little interview looked at their books and sent them on their way. We were in and out in twelve minutes, my daughter was the second model to walk, both the organizer and her agent were impressed that she had only participated in Faces West and had no runway experience. She's a natural apparently and out of the thirty models that auditioned that night she was one of five who were chosen. Kudos for her!
Last week when her agent called to let me know she got the job at VFW, (the non-paying job) he asked if she could be downtown by 7:00pm for another possible paying job. This time it was for an Internet catalogue for a high end Italian fashion store called Sasso Moda, and by high end we are talking hand made jeans for oh around $229.00! Dresses (not gowns just dresses) $590.00 insane and not somewhere I would shop!
Her agent was a little concerned she would appear too young so we were to make sure she was wearing makeup. When she does she looks much older, so much so that people are surprised to hear she's only fourteen. She normally doesn't wear makeup so seeing her made up is surreal. Needless to say after a couple of hours of trying one outfits we were sent on our way with the promise from the store owner he would let her agent know if she got the job. Now the photo shoot for the catalogue was set for the next night so when I got the call at noon the next day panic set in! She got the job and had to be back down town for 7:00pm that very night!
Why the panic? Well, I was at work for one and the agent gave me a list of items she would need to bring to the shoot oh, and he asked if we could go see another client of his before 6:15pm for another job, a fashion show at the end of April for Obakki Designs, apparently a favourite of Gweneth Paltro's cool huh? Yah, except I had to race to Port Moody pick up the kids go home get my daughter to do her make up and gather an assortment of shoes then be back on the road for no later than 5:00pm to get back down town for the Obakki audition and then the photo shoot...YIKES!
Well, we were early for the audition which meant we were early for the shoot so as luck would have it right next to were I parked was a Sushi restaurant, nothing fancy but good enough that my healthy eating daughter would agree to, oh, and her brother was dragged along for this one too, so this had to appeal to both.
After a quick bite we walked up to the corner were the store was located, we were only slightly early at this point, the owner and the photographer had just arrived as had one of the other models. We stood and chatted with her and her mom, they had driven in from Abbotsford! Now I don't feel so bad. This model was from the same agency as was also at Faces West. She had done VFW in the fall and was telling us that it was the best experience she had with runway. That it's absolutely organized chaos! After having just gone through two days of fittings over the weekend we were getting that impression as well.
The photo shoot was going to be several hours so I decided to take my son home and just come back and get her. Well, she wasn't done until about 11:40pm by the time we got home it was 1:00am and ya, the next morning came way too early! She had a blast though, the photographer had her jumping an spinning in these long flowing dresses and while giving the other girls crap for not bringing a selection of shoes my daughter had a bag full and shared with the other girls. One thing I've learned is sometimes too much is just enough.
The pictures for this shoot will be posted in a week or so and one benefit is we get to use them in her book thus eliminating the need for another expensive photo shoot just now. We will also have access to some of the images from VFW so there`s a bonus too. As for Obakki, we won`t know until April 18th if she got the job but we`re hopeful and if she doesn't well, there will be more. Judging by the whirl wind of the past two weeks a little break might be nice. We haven`t even done the VFW shows yet which should be interesting to say the least.
The weekend of the 2nd and 3rd were fitting days for the local designers, these are the new up and coming designers no one really well known. She managed to get chosen by Sarah Runnalls and Eva Chen, those shows are Thursday and Friday respectively. The international designers (the ones you want to walk for) won`t make their selections until the day of their shows, so even though she`s not scheduled to walk she has to be back down town both Saturday and Sunday. Luckily VFW has a guest list for parents so neither her dad nor I will have to pay to watch her. Parking on the other hand UGH!
So begins another week of rushing around like chickens with their heads cut off, the nice part is I`ve enlisted her dad to help out with this, he gets two days I get two days, my daughter gets two half days at school and four very long afternoons and evenings of hurry up and wait. I`m looking forward to seeing her on the runway! My fourteen year old daughter on the runway at a very well covered by the media Fashion Week...Next year Europe here she comes!
With much love, light and amazement,
Tammy.
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