A Life In Turmoil

Recently I have been flung into the world of Autism. Unfortunately it's an "I told you so" situation and I'm the one saying "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Recently it has been suggested that my ADHD son may in fact be Autistic, or more specifically fall into the Autism Spectrum Disorder or Asperger's Syndrome, as well as ADHD and LD. And yes after extensive research this is all possible as the two are very similar in their characteristics and the area of the brain affected by both. The thing is, I'm not surprised not at all.

You see, when my son was an infant, I did what every good parent does, I vaccinated my baby at two and four months. However there was a noticeable difference in my son after his four month shot, he seemed to "go away" for lack of a better explanation. He was different, and because of this I chose not to have his six month shot. At that time, there was concern of the vaccination causing Autism, and I whole heartedly believe that this is what happened. Later on when he was to start kindergarten and needed his shots up to date, I had to explain why I chose not to vaccinate. The doctor at that time assured me that there was no conclusive evidence that the vaccine might cause Autism, so like a dutiful parent, he was updated. Now as I look back, I'm wondering if this is exactly what happened. Why would they consider it if it wasn't a possibility? All I know is he changed after the four month shot.

Over the years I struggled to understand why my son was different. Our close friends son was born two months before our son, and he developed normally and is successful in school with no issues, when I compared the two boys there was a marked difference in their comparative development. My friends son walked and talked sooner, and always seemed present. My son walked at about thirteen months while this is normal, he didn't really start talking until much later, more like eighteen months and always seemed in his own little world, so much so that he would seen to snap out of it when called (for the tenth time) We thought he was deaf for the longest time and had his hearing tested in kindergarten. At that time he was also in speech therapy because of his difficulty with pronunciation of some letters, which he did outgrow.

All the while, the nagging feeling something wasn't right was still keeping me up at night. He was fearless as a toddler and pre-schooler, he had an amazingly high pain threshold, yet loud noises drove him nuts. At daycare he fell from a tricycle and cut his head, the daycare workers had no idea until they saw the blood on the back of his shirt. He was stung by stingy nettles and didn't flinch while his sister screamed with the pain. There was definitely something not right here.

Pediatrician number one, said it's probably because we let him play with toy guns. OK not my first choice in play toys but they were a gift from his grandfather and he loved them. Also, perhaps it was a food allergy and we should just wait and see. Pediatrician number two, was an Autism "specialist" recommended by a neighbour who's own son had Asperger's and recognised some of the same traits in my son. Well this "specialist" said to wait until he's in kindergarten, and that he not likely Autistic because he can carry on a conversation. Humph.

Pediatrician number three said wait till he's in grade one. Finally pediatrician number four, Dr. David OuTim, said...try this if he's ADHD it will calm him down, if not he'll be bouncing off the walls for a few hours and we'll look at something else. FINALLY! At this time however, we were far more concerned with the hyperactivity and lack of focus which was very disruptive in his grade one class. The idea of him being Autistic didn't cross any one's mind because he was such a handful we were concerned he'd end up kicked out of school. However once he was on the correct dose of his medication he settled right down, it was like I had my son back! Yeah, now he can focus and learn, just like the other kids. Ya right.

Enter learning disability. Very ugly words, even uglier outlook for my boy. He is now in grade six and is at a learning level of about grade three, scary? Damn right. He seems to have just stopped retaining what he's being taught, he's stuck in grade three. Is this all I can hope for him? Maybe. We don't know right now, because as I said earlier, Autism has surfaced again. His pediatrician has requested referrals one to the Fraser Health Autism Network, as well as to a psychiatrist, who apparently is really the only professional who can properly diagnose Autism, that would have been helpful information eight years ago! Double damn.

All I want is an answer, why is my son so different? Why is it he can look at a Lego diagram and build what ever it is in no time flat? Why is it when he reads a sentence, it's just a row of words with no connection or meaning? Why does he still, at eleven, live in a perpetual fantasy world? Why is his reality so different from ours? Maybe we will finally get our answers, except now we have to wait six to eight months. Oh well, we will make due until then and until then I will continue to find out as much as I can just like I did with ADHD, so I am informed and armed for the eventual appointments that may change my son's life forever.

There is a silver lining, if he is Autistic, there is funding available for him to receive the help and support he will need. The school he attends now has been fantastic with their dealing with him, as well as making sure we are all on the same page. He gets allot of support now, and is of great concern to the teachers he has this year, and for that I am grateful. I do have hope for him, that I will always have, I will do everything in my power to ensure that he does not fall through the cracks. He's my baby boy and even if I can't fix him, I can help him grow up to be a valued member of society. If all else fails, he has a beautiful singing and maybe that will be the path he takes.