I've been giving some thought lately as to what my next blog will be about. One thing that came to mind after recent events is all the truly remarkable people I know.
When I look at my facebook friends list I am astonished by the people I have as friends. Such a variety, some family, some friends, some friends of friends, etc. But all unique and remarkable in there own way.
Which brings me to another thought, we are ALL unique and remarkable and not one living soul on this Earth has the right to take that away from us or diminish it in anyway, yet...
It happens, so frequently it happens. Sometimes not on purpose, but for the most part very purposefully. Why? Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Why would someone want to make you feel unworthy? Why would you let them? All very valid questions, some not easy to answer, some down right difficult to answer.
First, Why? Well that's not so hard, ego. Ego dictates how we view ourselves in comparison to others. We are driven by ego and a lot of our decisions are based on ego, we are after all a very self centered bunch.
Next, Why would someone want you to feel less important than you are? Not so easy, why would they single you out? What did you do to facilitate this behaviour if anything at all. When it becomes personal like this there is more at play here than just ego, there are emotions involved. An example that comes to mind. I have a friend who is divorced from her husband yet he feels compelled on a regular basis to make sure she knows she's not important. Why on earth would he do this? They don't live together their dealings are limited to their child's needs yet he makes sure she feels inadequate. He is acting out of hurt, rejection and anger. All these years later he has not let go of these emotions and still feels justified in his behaviour.
When we bring emotions into the equation we essentially raise the bar. What we would normally tolerate in strangers is far different than what we tolerate from our 'loved ones'. Since when does having an intimate relationship entitle us to treat the other person with less than the highest regard. Safety that's what. When a child is angry about something the likely target is mom. Mom is safe, mom will not throw their child to the wolves for acting out against them, mom will nurture and ensure her child feels safe until the 'temper tantrum' is over. Sometimes dad is safe but usually it's mom.
When a person feels safe in a relationship they have no problem letting the other 'have it' when they are displeased with actions, behaviours or comments. It's part of the relationship, it's expected. When the relationship is over and the individuals move on shouldn't their behaviour towards each other change too? You would think right? Not necessarily, the history of the relationship dictates "it's ok to treat my ex-partner like crap because that's what I've always done." This is so wrong on so many levels. You wouldn't treat a complete stranger this way, why someone you're close to?
There are families who deal with that one bad apple. You know the one, that person who treats their friends like gold and family like crap. What goes through their minds that tells them this behaviour is acceptable. I asked one such person and they were actually surprised that I had observed this. They had no idea that they were doing this it was done on a subconscious level they were shocked at themselves for acting this way. This led to some reflection on that persons part and the answer was simple. Their family knew them so well that there was no illusion to be anything different, their friends didn't know them as well so in an attempt to maintain these friendships this person had learned how to 'behave' in a social setting thus giving the illusion of being a 'nice' person when the truth was they really were not
very nice at all, on the whole that is.
Why do we allow this to happen, well I think we just don't really notice it. We want so desperately to be accepted that we over look poor behaviour. Again I think about my friend who puts up with their ex making them feel less important and worthy than they really are in an attempt to keep the peace. We avoid conflict, this is in our nature. I wouldn't want to constantly be telling people they are wrong in their assessment of my worthiness, after a while I would be seen as somewhat a trouble maker. Someone looking for a fight. Instead I adopt a "you're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine" attitude. In doing so I am allowing some individuals to make me feel less worthy not because I am but because that's how they view me.
What have I done to perpetrate such behaviour, I simply allowed it. I don't act any differently towards this individual than I do anyone else, yet I feel intimidated by said individual therefore will not stand up for myself. I must however qualify my comments. This is a situation I deal with in my personal life and although recently I have stood up to this person, when I do I am viewed as combative. It's interesting how defending ones honour can be so misconstrued because it's not the norm. If our particular relationship had been equal then this would not be seen as combative, it wouldn't be seen as much of anything than equal.
As a population in general we don't ask to be placed on pedestals. There are those of us who do, but usually they are the same people stepping on those they deem 'below' them in order to validate their own existence. Perhaps they had to deal with someone in their lives who made them feel less than worthy, this doesn't by any means excuse this behaviour, it just offers a possible explanation. When we are children we are guided and moulded by our parents, extended family, teachers and peers and if in that bunch there is one person who feels superior that child may be taught that they are inferior and it only takes one.
If a child is taught they are superior to others what do you think that does to their psyche? We teach them to be essentially horrible adults. That's what this all boils down to, how horribly we treat each other. As I type this I'm thinking of that infamous court case where Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police and as a result of a not guilty ruling Reginald Denny was pulled from his truck and beaten within an inch of his life. What rings in my ears is Rodney King's plea of "Why can't we all just get along?" Seriously? WHY! We are all here for the same reason, why do we treat each other so horribly. Why do you think you're better than the next guy? Why do you think the next guy is better than you?
I guess my point of this whole blog is to draw attention to how great we all are. In our own ways we are fabulous. All my friends are worthy valid INDIVIDUALS who deserve respect and appreciation from those around them. Even the ones who's ego's get in the way of logical thinking, they are worthy too, not MORE worthy, but worthy none the less. I'm going to try every day to make sure I treat others with respect and appreciation so that maybe I will be treated that way in return. To all the remarkable people I know, you are worthy and you are appreciated you are AWESOME and you are loved and don't you dare let anyone tell you any differently, if they do you send them my way. I'll give them "WHAT FOR?".
With much love, light and doing onto others as you would have done onto you,
Tammy.
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