This is an interesting topic for me because it forces me to reconcile with my own human nature and with how I react, act and respond to other fellow humans. Lately there have been a lot of reactions, actions and responses. Some I'm not proud of some I would do again in a heart beat.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
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