Recently I have been discussing the effects of negative thought on peoples lives, and this is what I've found.
For reasons beyond my comprehension there seem to be several negative people in my life. I am what you may call the consummate optimist. Being a Sagittarius and all. If you know anything about sun signs, Sages are the eternal optimists of the signs and we choose to see the world through rose coloured glasses. This is only true to an extent of course. There are always variables, but me, I like this descriptive and I run with it. Now, Cancers on the other hand, well, don't get me started. OK get me started.
There are three Cancers in my life that will doom and gloom you to death! WOW what a downer it can be to have a conversation with them. My sister, my dad and my partners mom, all three never have anything positive to say about anything. And complain! Yah they can do that in spades. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they mean well, and they aren't nasty for the most part, but it can be really exhausting talking to them for any length of time. And don't try being happy about anything because they are sure to find some fault in your happiness. They certainly are a reality check though even if you're not looking for one.
Now, astrological signs aside there are those of use who would rather talk about all the bad things they have endured possibly because to them that is far more interesting than the good things right? WRONG! I think they are fishing for sympathy or maybe they just like to dwell on the negative, I've said it before I'll say it again, misery LOVES company. I try really hard not to fall victim to the poor me mentality. Those friends and love ones who only want to cry on your shoulder, over and over and over again. All right already, I get it, your life is crap. What are you going to do about it? Keep feeling sorry for yourself? Eventually you will run out of shoulders, and mine is soaked through so I need some drying time please.
Why not put a positive spin on it? What ever it is. I think about friends of mine who are fighting the worst possible fight you could imagine. Their son is battling, and winning I might add cancer for the third time. If I had even half the strength his mom has to keep a positive spin on this then I would be ever so grateful. This woman is truly an inspiration to everyone who knows her. I'm sure she has her moments but those are reserved for private, not public viewing. I aspire to be just like her when I grow up. We all should.
One thing that you might notice about positive people is that they look happy. And by that I mean they have a glow about them that makes you want to be in their company. The happiness that shows on their faces translates to a youthful appearance. I have had the pleasure of being thought of as younger than I actually am, and it was explained to me that when I'm happy and smiling I look young. I love that! I don't have frown lines because I don't frown. I laugh easily, and don't take myself too seriously. I know people who have aged themselves beyond their years with worry and negativity. This I know for a fact is true because when I'm having a bad or stressful day I look old and tired. We all do.
The worst part about being negative is when we try to justify it to excuse bad behaviour or hurtful behaviour. You chose how you deal with your baggage, why dump it on anyone else. Why not paint it pink put a bow on it and stick it on the top shelf of your closet were you need a chair to get at it. It still exists, it's just under control. Be happy, be positive, try looking at your world through rose coloured glasses, you will see it's the same just way better than you make it out to be. Do you have a roof over your head? Food in your cupboard? Enough money to pay the bills? They what on earth are you so miserable about? Now, if you don't have any of those things, you really need to ask yourself, why? What have you done in your life to put yourself in such a low place? Are you asking the right people for help?
My grandmother used to always say we should count our blessings, and she was right. We all have so much to be grateful for that being negative throws a big wet blanket over all those shinny things we have. I love being positive, I feel physically well, and spiritually lifted when I spin it positive. When I went through a dark time I was physically unwell and in pain, but it was a pain only I could cure with a change of attitude, and you know what I did and it worked. You can too.
With love, light and rose coloured glasses,
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Where The Wild Things Aren't!
Yesterday I took my kids to see "Where The Wild Things Are". What a depressing movie.
I don't recall ever reading the book to my kids, my daughter said she remembers it being one of her favourite books when she was little, they might have had it at daycare. I vaguely recognize the characters, ugly as they are. My son, has no recollection of the book at all. It was his choice to see this movie, he received a movie gift card for his birthday so I let him choose the movie. He had been talking about seeing Where The Wild Things Are for some time so the choice was obvious. What wasn't obvious was exactly how bad this movie is.
As we were approaching the theatre from the parking lot I noticed that Astro Boy was also playing and suggested we should see that instead, which my daughter replied "I'm not interested in watching Astro Boy". Fine, we'll see Where The Wild Things Are. So in we go, wait in line to get our tickets and over priced popcorn and drinks. The three of us for the movie and treats, $45.00! That is unbelievable, now I know why I buy DVD's, but I digress. We go in and pick our seats which are in abundance because the theatre isn't packed or even marginally full. The seats are comfy which is nice they even recline a bit, which I found a little annoying when my son decided to use it as a rocking chair.
The previews start, and there appears to be some interesting movies coming, one of which is "Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock, mental note, rent that one. The new CG A Christmas Carole looks good too, maybe a good one to own. All in all, the previews were short which was a nice change from what could be a half hour of commercials before the movie you paid for actually starts. And so the feature presentation begins.
In the opening scene, you see the main character Max tearing down a flight of stairs in pursuit of what I guess to be the family dog, flailing his arms and making a hideous noise that can best be described as that of a crazed animal. He tackles the poor dog in the living room and is being nothing short of way too rough with him to the point were I was waiting to hear the snap of the dogs neck. I don't think I was the only one either, a few rows back, a very little voice pipes up at the end of this scene "I don't want to see this movie" to which the audience laughed, it certainly broke the tension caused by this scene, and it goes downhill from here.
The story line in the book was basically (I googled it) that a disobedient little boy is sent to bed without any supper and he creates this imaginary place with the wild creatures and he's the king. Sounds harmless to say the least. The movie didn't really follow this story line and really that is unfortunate because at least it might have made sense.
The rest of the movie did nothing to develop the characters or set a plot or have any semblance of a story line, the scenes were random and confusing, inconsistent and the dialog was far beyond the audience it targeted. Half way through I leaned over to my daughter and said "we should have gone to Astro Boy" to which she replied "no kidding". All through this movie I sat waiting for something relevant to happen so it would all fall together and make sense. Yah that never happened, at all. The movie from what I could gather was an exploration of emotions and personality types, all of which were represented by the creatures. This would make a great movie for psychology students, they would be the only people who would understand it and get something out of it, and not be entertained.
My son loved this movie. At the end he said, "that was a great movie". Once my shock and disbelief subsided and I gave some thought as to how he could have possibly enjoyed this movie my conclusion is this. This movie was made in the same way that he thinks. As I mentioned in a previous blog, he is ADHD, and his though patterns are so random that following this movie which in itself was random and non-sensical made sense to him. Considering it was his choice, I'm glad he enjoyed it, and who knows maybe other kids his age did too. I certainly didn't in fact for some time afterwards I was left trying to make sense of it, it was to me a very depressing movie.
Maybe I'm over analysing, maybe I didn't get the gist of the movie, after all it's a kids movie and maybe that's what kids like, am I loosing touch as my kids grow up as to what is entertaining to them? My daughter being 12 (almost 13) didn't enjoy it like she presumed she would, yet my son at 11 thought it was great, but this is the same kid at a very young age loved the B movie Eight Legged Freaks" so go figure.
My advice, if your planing on taking your kids to see this one, don't. Save your money, rent it when it comes out on DVD, or better yet wait until it's on TV and free. I'm still having a hard time letting this one go, it's disturbed me to the point that I'm hoping blogging about it releases this demon from my mind. I would have to say, if Spike Jones was hoping for an M. Night Shamalan feel to this movie, he failed miserably. At least M. Night Shamalan's movies have a story line, plot and substance.
I can honestly say, this is the worst kids movie I have seen and I have seen allot of kids movies, in fact we own allot of kids movies and this one was horrible. Maybe for me it's comparable to Borat. (I didn't like that one either for similar reasons). Hmmmm maybe it's just me. Maybe I need a formula to the movies I watch, who knows. What matters most is my son liked it, and it was his choice so I'm gonna leave it at that.
With much love, light and confusion,
Tammy.
I don't recall ever reading the book to my kids, my daughter said she remembers it being one of her favourite books when she was little, they might have had it at daycare. I vaguely recognize the characters, ugly as they are. My son, has no recollection of the book at all. It was his choice to see this movie, he received a movie gift card for his birthday so I let him choose the movie. He had been talking about seeing Where The Wild Things Are for some time so the choice was obvious. What wasn't obvious was exactly how bad this movie is.
As we were approaching the theatre from the parking lot I noticed that Astro Boy was also playing and suggested we should see that instead, which my daughter replied "I'm not interested in watching Astro Boy". Fine, we'll see Where The Wild Things Are. So in we go, wait in line to get our tickets and over priced popcorn and drinks. The three of us for the movie and treats, $45.00! That is unbelievable, now I know why I buy DVD's, but I digress. We go in and pick our seats which are in abundance because the theatre isn't packed or even marginally full. The seats are comfy which is nice they even recline a bit, which I found a little annoying when my son decided to use it as a rocking chair.
The previews start, and there appears to be some interesting movies coming, one of which is "Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock, mental note, rent that one. The new CG A Christmas Carole looks good too, maybe a good one to own. All in all, the previews were short which was a nice change from what could be a half hour of commercials before the movie you paid for actually starts. And so the feature presentation begins.
In the opening scene, you see the main character Max tearing down a flight of stairs in pursuit of what I guess to be the family dog, flailing his arms and making a hideous noise that can best be described as that of a crazed animal. He tackles the poor dog in the living room and is being nothing short of way too rough with him to the point were I was waiting to hear the snap of the dogs neck. I don't think I was the only one either, a few rows back, a very little voice pipes up at the end of this scene "I don't want to see this movie" to which the audience laughed, it certainly broke the tension caused by this scene, and it goes downhill from here.
The story line in the book was basically (I googled it) that a disobedient little boy is sent to bed without any supper and he creates this imaginary place with the wild creatures and he's the king. Sounds harmless to say the least. The movie didn't really follow this story line and really that is unfortunate because at least it might have made sense.
The rest of the movie did nothing to develop the characters or set a plot or have any semblance of a story line, the scenes were random and confusing, inconsistent and the dialog was far beyond the audience it targeted. Half way through I leaned over to my daughter and said "we should have gone to Astro Boy" to which she replied "no kidding". All through this movie I sat waiting for something relevant to happen so it would all fall together and make sense. Yah that never happened, at all. The movie from what I could gather was an exploration of emotions and personality types, all of which were represented by the creatures. This would make a great movie for psychology students, they would be the only people who would understand it and get something out of it, and not be entertained.
My son loved this movie. At the end he said, "that was a great movie". Once my shock and disbelief subsided and I gave some thought as to how he could have possibly enjoyed this movie my conclusion is this. This movie was made in the same way that he thinks. As I mentioned in a previous blog, he is ADHD, and his though patterns are so random that following this movie which in itself was random and non-sensical made sense to him. Considering it was his choice, I'm glad he enjoyed it, and who knows maybe other kids his age did too. I certainly didn't in fact for some time afterwards I was left trying to make sense of it, it was to me a very depressing movie.
Maybe I'm over analysing, maybe I didn't get the gist of the movie, after all it's a kids movie and maybe that's what kids like, am I loosing touch as my kids grow up as to what is entertaining to them? My daughter being 12 (almost 13) didn't enjoy it like she presumed she would, yet my son at 11 thought it was great, but this is the same kid at a very young age loved the B movie Eight Legged Freaks" so go figure.
My advice, if your planing on taking your kids to see this one, don't. Save your money, rent it when it comes out on DVD, or better yet wait until it's on TV and free. I'm still having a hard time letting this one go, it's disturbed me to the point that I'm hoping blogging about it releases this demon from my mind. I would have to say, if Spike Jones was hoping for an M. Night Shamalan feel to this movie, he failed miserably. At least M. Night Shamalan's movies have a story line, plot and substance.
I can honestly say, this is the worst kids movie I have seen and I have seen allot of kids movies, in fact we own allot of kids movies and this one was horrible. Maybe for me it's comparable to Borat. (I didn't like that one either for similar reasons). Hmmmm maybe it's just me. Maybe I need a formula to the movies I watch, who knows. What matters most is my son liked it, and it was his choice so I'm gonna leave it at that.
With much love, light and confusion,
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Attention Seekers
At some point we have all encountered this personality type. Maybe in a way we are all attention seekers, some more than others.
Take for example, my ex-husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to berate him, I'm just pointing out the obvious. He's an attention seeker, and he knows it. He is the type of person who needs constant praise and attention. He talks about himself to an almost nauseating extent, in fact he is so aware of this that he even wrote on a piece of paper that "he needed to stop talking about himself so much". This didn't work, he still talks at great length about himself and how great he is. Oh, and don't bother trying to add your accomplishments to the conversation they are completely irrelevant to him. I have over the years learned to tune it out, but I truly feel empathy for anyone who, not being used to his incessant rambling, must endure this attention seeking.
There are several different methods attention seekers use. There is the medical attention seekers, I would say Munchhausen but maybe not to such a great extent. There are those individuals who no matter what is going on in your life medically, they have it worse. They are those individuals who will ask you how you are doing or feeling, and use this as an opportunity to espouse all their ailments. Rest assured they are not interested in what's wrong with you but only what's wrong with them. Maybe they are fishing for sympathy, or maybe they just really enjoy always being unwell and like to share this with others. However after a time, and after they have exhausted all their family, friends and acquaintances with their ailments what's left. Well, they come up with something new to complain about, and the cycle starts all over again.
The sad thing is, is there are allot of unwell people out there who graciously keep it to themselves and until something seriously happens, know one is the wiser. I knew someone like that, my grandmother. Apparently for months before the heart attack that killed her, she had been experiencing chest pain. She had gone through bi-pass surgery ten years prior and did not want to go through it again, so she kept this to herself and only told her doctor. It wasn't until after her death that the family found this out. Her doctor said she didn't want to worry anyone, or be a burden so with that she accepted the inevitable and left us. Of course we were angry, but soon got over it, because that's just how she was, and how I aspire to be.
It's not a competition who is more sick than the next person, why make it one. Why enjoy one-upping everyone, is your ego that fragile? That is essentially what attention seeking is all about, ego. We all have one, and some of us need it stroked more than others. If we live our lives in an egotistical manner we are truly not living to our full potential with all that is good about us. That being our compassion and empathy for our fellow man, or woman for that matter. Ego won't allow it, and what it does allow is generally from a self serving perspective. The "what's in it for me" perspective. Again, ego driven.
Attention seekers are generally not harmful to others but more so to themselves. There are those who knowingly injure themselves for attention, but make it out to be an accident. These individuals are far more likely to fake an injury as well. A sprained ankle or wrist, a back injury anything that is not so visibly obvious but difficult to disprove. Kids are probably the most likely to attention seek using "fake injuries". They see the attention others get from parents, other family members, teachers and friends and they want that too. If the child is not getting the attention at home when not ill or injured that they desperately crave they see this as a method to get what they desire, attention. Parents that nurture their children and give them the attention they need, and every kid is different, generally don't have the same incidence of illness or injury.
I am very proud to say that in spite of their fathers constant need for attention, my kids do not attention seek to the extent of self injury. There have been minor incidents were they may feel my full attention is not directed to them and they act out, but with time I'm hoping that subsides too. They both have been to the hospital for different real injuries, like jumping from a height that their ankles and wrists can't withstand and at times they may try to fake being sick in order to stay home from school but those are few and far between now that they have adjusted to their parents separation. That in itself can bring about the need to attention seek as they adjust to this new situation. I find what works the best is to give more attention to healthy behaviour and less to unhealthy behaviour. The trick is knowing the difference.
People generally don't respond well to stress, and when the stress comes as a result of someone else's need for attention, unhealthy behaviour can and will escalate. If a mother is not nurturing, (yes those women do exist) or so self absorbed, her child or children will act out in an undesirable manner. Logically, if the mother is nurturing and not self absorbed the children tend to be better behaved. We set an example for our children, and when an attention seeker teaches their children that this is normal behaviour, then you are continuing the cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
This becomes a difficult situation if the other parent is not an attention seeker and sees the damage the attention seeking parent is inflicting on the child. Who is right in this situation? Both parents feel the other is wrong in their behaviour and unless you have equality in your marriage, one parent is far more dominant than the other, and this can be the determining factor in who has the most influence. Were children are concerned, the mother if nurturing will have the dominant effect, if not then it's likely the father who dominates, but typically out of fear. The "wait till your father gets home" threat. The children may be craving attention at this point, and regardless of whether it's positive or negative, they are going to get it.
After living with an attention seeker, my advise is this. Don't buy in. Don't let them bate you with "how are you today" when what they really want to say is "let me tell you how I am today". If you choose to start a conversation, and need them to pay attention to your needs, play their game, but don't become them. Start the conversation, don't ask questions, state facts. You will be surprised how well this works. When I speak to my ex, the conversation can go one of two ways depending on the reason for the call. There are times when he does call me to give me facts, but more often than not they are one sided conversations about how great he is. Sometimes it's amusing too, most times it's annoying. If I call to give him information, I generally don't ask him how he's doing. I know that sounds rude, but they typically won't notice, remember self absorbed. I start by saying, "I need" or "I would like it if" make your needs known right off the bat and you will have a successful conversation.
On the flip side, there are those of us who are enablers, we allow the attention seekers to exist. We fall prey to their maladies and provide the sympathetic ear they require. I know I'm an enabler, as much as I would like to be hard shelled and not get sucked in it's difficult for me not to. When someone is hurt my initial reaction is to be empathetic and understanding, this is natural for me. Then after watching how this person interacts with others and lets say works the room searching for attention, I become skeptical that the situation is really as it was presented. A person who is truly unwell or injured acts in a consistent manner, someone who is attention seeking doesn't. They reinvent their story based on who they are telling it to in order to get the desired reaction they are after. Attention seekers are master manipulators, as was my ex. If he put his mind to it he could convince you the sky is green and not blue.
Recently a co-worker who is an attention seeker injured himself. All you get to hear about is his injury and how it's affecting how he does his job. The attention his supervisor is giving him is obscene, none of the other staff are afforded such attention, probably because they do not seek it. After hearing about this injury for the umpteenth time, I simply said. I hope you get better soon so you can put your full attention back into your job. A little harsh, maybe, but that was the last time I had to endure his story. It's amazing what a little sarcasm can accomplish with these types, it basically tells them, "I'm on to you and I'm not buying it." It's a little more difficult to say this directly, because we are a civilized society right? Well then why is it easy to be direct with our children? Probably because it's our job to be, they may not want to hear that you don't believe they are really sick or really hurt, but as a parent it is our job to not buy in to their manipulation. When we do we enable the unhealthy behaviour and create attention seekers.
Good or bad, the way we deal with attention seekers will dictate our future dealings with them. If you are consistent and don't let them have the upper hand in a conversation eventually they will stop seeking your attention. If however, you enjoy giving them your attention, don't be surprised if eventually it escalates to the point were you are stuck as the constant enabler. This will become frustrating once you discover what you have done, and good luck undoing it without getting nasty. Sometimes, though that is your only option, and may alienate the attention seeker all together. Or hurt their feelings to the point were they want to seek revenge and cause problems for you. This is true if the attention seeker is a family member or friend, they will go to other enablers in your circle and let them know what a horrible uncaring heartless ogre you are. Try explaining that one.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel though. Ensure you raise your children in a nurturing environment were attention is given to good behaviour and unhealthy or bad behaviour is not rewarded with attention. Of course this doesn't mean ignore bad behaviour, just remember to acknowledge good behaviour as well or more so. We tend to forget a child who is playing quietly but can we forget the misbehaving child? It starts there, if you don't raise an attention seeker there will be less and less of them in future generations.
With much love, light and positive praise.
Tammy.
Take for example, my ex-husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to berate him, I'm just pointing out the obvious. He's an attention seeker, and he knows it. He is the type of person who needs constant praise and attention. He talks about himself to an almost nauseating extent, in fact he is so aware of this that he even wrote on a piece of paper that "he needed to stop talking about himself so much". This didn't work, he still talks at great length about himself and how great he is. Oh, and don't bother trying to add your accomplishments to the conversation they are completely irrelevant to him. I have over the years learned to tune it out, but I truly feel empathy for anyone who, not being used to his incessant rambling, must endure this attention seeking.
There are several different methods attention seekers use. There is the medical attention seekers, I would say Munchhausen but maybe not to such a great extent. There are those individuals who no matter what is going on in your life medically, they have it worse. They are those individuals who will ask you how you are doing or feeling, and use this as an opportunity to espouse all their ailments. Rest assured they are not interested in what's wrong with you but only what's wrong with them. Maybe they are fishing for sympathy, or maybe they just really enjoy always being unwell and like to share this with others. However after a time, and after they have exhausted all their family, friends and acquaintances with their ailments what's left. Well, they come up with something new to complain about, and the cycle starts all over again.
The sad thing is, is there are allot of unwell people out there who graciously keep it to themselves and until something seriously happens, know one is the wiser. I knew someone like that, my grandmother. Apparently for months before the heart attack that killed her, she had been experiencing chest pain. She had gone through bi-pass surgery ten years prior and did not want to go through it again, so she kept this to herself and only told her doctor. It wasn't until after her death that the family found this out. Her doctor said she didn't want to worry anyone, or be a burden so with that she accepted the inevitable and left us. Of course we were angry, but soon got over it, because that's just how she was, and how I aspire to be.
It's not a competition who is more sick than the next person, why make it one. Why enjoy one-upping everyone, is your ego that fragile? That is essentially what attention seeking is all about, ego. We all have one, and some of us need it stroked more than others. If we live our lives in an egotistical manner we are truly not living to our full potential with all that is good about us. That being our compassion and empathy for our fellow man, or woman for that matter. Ego won't allow it, and what it does allow is generally from a self serving perspective. The "what's in it for me" perspective. Again, ego driven.
Attention seekers are generally not harmful to others but more so to themselves. There are those who knowingly injure themselves for attention, but make it out to be an accident. These individuals are far more likely to fake an injury as well. A sprained ankle or wrist, a back injury anything that is not so visibly obvious but difficult to disprove. Kids are probably the most likely to attention seek using "fake injuries". They see the attention others get from parents, other family members, teachers and friends and they want that too. If the child is not getting the attention at home when not ill or injured that they desperately crave they see this as a method to get what they desire, attention. Parents that nurture their children and give them the attention they need, and every kid is different, generally don't have the same incidence of illness or injury.
I am very proud to say that in spite of their fathers constant need for attention, my kids do not attention seek to the extent of self injury. There have been minor incidents were they may feel my full attention is not directed to them and they act out, but with time I'm hoping that subsides too. They both have been to the hospital for different real injuries, like jumping from a height that their ankles and wrists can't withstand and at times they may try to fake being sick in order to stay home from school but those are few and far between now that they have adjusted to their parents separation. That in itself can bring about the need to attention seek as they adjust to this new situation. I find what works the best is to give more attention to healthy behaviour and less to unhealthy behaviour. The trick is knowing the difference.
People generally don't respond well to stress, and when the stress comes as a result of someone else's need for attention, unhealthy behaviour can and will escalate. If a mother is not nurturing, (yes those women do exist) or so self absorbed, her child or children will act out in an undesirable manner. Logically, if the mother is nurturing and not self absorbed the children tend to be better behaved. We set an example for our children, and when an attention seeker teaches their children that this is normal behaviour, then you are continuing the cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
This becomes a difficult situation if the other parent is not an attention seeker and sees the damage the attention seeking parent is inflicting on the child. Who is right in this situation? Both parents feel the other is wrong in their behaviour and unless you have equality in your marriage, one parent is far more dominant than the other, and this can be the determining factor in who has the most influence. Were children are concerned, the mother if nurturing will have the dominant effect, if not then it's likely the father who dominates, but typically out of fear. The "wait till your father gets home" threat. The children may be craving attention at this point, and regardless of whether it's positive or negative, they are going to get it.
After living with an attention seeker, my advise is this. Don't buy in. Don't let them bate you with "how are you today" when what they really want to say is "let me tell you how I am today". If you choose to start a conversation, and need them to pay attention to your needs, play their game, but don't become them. Start the conversation, don't ask questions, state facts. You will be surprised how well this works. When I speak to my ex, the conversation can go one of two ways depending on the reason for the call. There are times when he does call me to give me facts, but more often than not they are one sided conversations about how great he is. Sometimes it's amusing too, most times it's annoying. If I call to give him information, I generally don't ask him how he's doing. I know that sounds rude, but they typically won't notice, remember self absorbed. I start by saying, "I need" or "I would like it if" make your needs known right off the bat and you will have a successful conversation.
On the flip side, there are those of us who are enablers, we allow the attention seekers to exist. We fall prey to their maladies and provide the sympathetic ear they require. I know I'm an enabler, as much as I would like to be hard shelled and not get sucked in it's difficult for me not to. When someone is hurt my initial reaction is to be empathetic and understanding, this is natural for me. Then after watching how this person interacts with others and lets say works the room searching for attention, I become skeptical that the situation is really as it was presented. A person who is truly unwell or injured acts in a consistent manner, someone who is attention seeking doesn't. They reinvent their story based on who they are telling it to in order to get the desired reaction they are after. Attention seekers are master manipulators, as was my ex. If he put his mind to it he could convince you the sky is green and not blue.
Recently a co-worker who is an attention seeker injured himself. All you get to hear about is his injury and how it's affecting how he does his job. The attention his supervisor is giving him is obscene, none of the other staff are afforded such attention, probably because they do not seek it. After hearing about this injury for the umpteenth time, I simply said. I hope you get better soon so you can put your full attention back into your job. A little harsh, maybe, but that was the last time I had to endure his story. It's amazing what a little sarcasm can accomplish with these types, it basically tells them, "I'm on to you and I'm not buying it." It's a little more difficult to say this directly, because we are a civilized society right? Well then why is it easy to be direct with our children? Probably because it's our job to be, they may not want to hear that you don't believe they are really sick or really hurt, but as a parent it is our job to not buy in to their manipulation. When we do we enable the unhealthy behaviour and create attention seekers.
Good or bad, the way we deal with attention seekers will dictate our future dealings with them. If you are consistent and don't let them have the upper hand in a conversation eventually they will stop seeking your attention. If however, you enjoy giving them your attention, don't be surprised if eventually it escalates to the point were you are stuck as the constant enabler. This will become frustrating once you discover what you have done, and good luck undoing it without getting nasty. Sometimes, though that is your only option, and may alienate the attention seeker all together. Or hurt their feelings to the point were they want to seek revenge and cause problems for you. This is true if the attention seeker is a family member or friend, they will go to other enablers in your circle and let them know what a horrible uncaring heartless ogre you are. Try explaining that one.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel though. Ensure you raise your children in a nurturing environment were attention is given to good behaviour and unhealthy or bad behaviour is not rewarded with attention. Of course this doesn't mean ignore bad behaviour, just remember to acknowledge good behaviour as well or more so. We tend to forget a child who is playing quietly but can we forget the misbehaving child? It starts there, if you don't raise an attention seeker there will be less and less of them in future generations.
With much love, light and positive praise.
Tammy.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Snowball Effect
Normally I go on and on in my ramblings but today I think I'm going to switch it up a bit.
Aside from the splitting headache and all over muscle ache from doing way too much, I got allot accomplished this weekend and that in itself for me is huge because I am a procrastinator. So when I get motivated to make changes, I go all out.
The snowball effect is a mysteriously interesting concept, which I find absolutely fascinating. The intent this weekend was to change my partners oldest son's room so it is a little more functional (task #1). Well, his room is in the basement and shares the computer area. In the computer area is my old dinning room table which is far too big for my current dinning room. Considering the size and the fact that it becomes a dumping ground for all those things that need to be dealt with (at a later date of course) it was a HUGE (both literally and figuratively) bone of contention for me. So task #1 is now task #2 because in order to complete the first we need the space.
The dinning room table/computer desk gets cleared off, and dis-assembled, the actual computer desk that we decided was too small, is re-assembled and the computer now has a new home and the dogs kennels are out of the way. Task #1 complete (well almost, the dis-assembled table still needs to be removed). So you would think now, back to task #2, not quite. There is a double loft bed in the room that is no longer being used because my partners son feels claustrophobic when he sleeps on it. He has taken over the leather couch below and prefers sleeping there. Being a teenager, he really doesn't care that it's a couch, he's happy.
So now the loft bed needs to come out. My son also has a loft bed in his room, but won't sleep on it because he claims there are man eating spiders up there. So task #2 is bumped to task #3 because we decide to cut the legs of the double loft bed in the basement and move it to my sons room. The reason for this is, currently there was a couch that turns into a bed under my sons loft bed and that's were he's been sleeping. It is also were my mom and dad sleep when they come to visit, and my poor son gets ushered up to his bed with the spiders. So, the thought is this, we move the couch/bed to my partners youngest sons room (he also has a loft bed) because he needs something to sit on while playing XBox and he has the room, we move the double loft bed to my sons room, and when my mom and dad visit they have a decent bed to sleep on, and my son can sleep on the couch or bunk with his sister if that's an option.
O.K., task #3 is now #4, task #2 is now #3 and we are working on cleaning and re-arranging the youngests room to be able to move the couch/bed in. That was by far the easiest of the tasks. Task #2 is done, and the youngest is thrilled! On to task #3, dis-assembling the loft bed in my sons room. Luckily we have a taker for the bed, my partners friend needs it for his son, and they come by shortly after it's apart and take it away, one less thing to store and that's a good thing. Now you would think my son's room is empty and ready for the double loft bed that will be converted to a floor bed, but NO his room is a toy nightmare. He has all the boys Lego, Bionicles and Nerf guns in his closet which amounts to four large totes and an ever larger toy bin all of which are stored in his closet and which I had previously pulled out to go through and get rid of toys that are broken or no longer played with. (optional task #3)
Now onto task #4 right? Wrong, the only way anything will fit is if my son's room is put back in order, no longer optional task #3 but task #3. So the original task #1 is now task #5 (snowballing) Once, task #3 is complete we are able to dis-assemble and then re-assemble the former double loft bed, now floor bed in my sons room, along with that means re-arranging the dresser and shelving unit, as well as bringing in the table and tv that are replacing the tv that used to sit on the dresser which is now in the youngests room. By this time we have had a full day of tasks, along with taking care of a sick child, my partner installing something on his dad's vehicle, and his mom stopping in to drop off banana loaf, and staying to make lunch, good thing because I would have worked through.
Ok, now for task #5 the original task that should have taken an hour at the most. Well, at this time we are still not done. By 9:00pm we had the cable re-run from our room, and the 32" LCD moved over, but there are still a few things that need to be done, which, barring the snowball effect occurring again, should only take an hour, this time around. That is until I get another bright idea.
There is still the laundry area to be dealt with, once the dryer is stacked on top of the washer and the duct re-run, I may just be content to sit back and procrastinate for a while. But then...
With much love, light and laughter,
Tammy.
Aside from the splitting headache and all over muscle ache from doing way too much, I got allot accomplished this weekend and that in itself for me is huge because I am a procrastinator. So when I get motivated to make changes, I go all out.
The snowball effect is a mysteriously interesting concept, which I find absolutely fascinating. The intent this weekend was to change my partners oldest son's room so it is a little more functional (task #1). Well, his room is in the basement and shares the computer area. In the computer area is my old dinning room table which is far too big for my current dinning room. Considering the size and the fact that it becomes a dumping ground for all those things that need to be dealt with (at a later date of course) it was a HUGE (both literally and figuratively) bone of contention for me. So task #1 is now task #2 because in order to complete the first we need the space.
The dinning room table/computer desk gets cleared off, and dis-assembled, the actual computer desk that we decided was too small, is re-assembled and the computer now has a new home and the dogs kennels are out of the way. Task #1 complete (well almost, the dis-assembled table still needs to be removed). So you would think now, back to task #2, not quite. There is a double loft bed in the room that is no longer being used because my partners son feels claustrophobic when he sleeps on it. He has taken over the leather couch below and prefers sleeping there. Being a teenager, he really doesn't care that it's a couch, he's happy.
So now the loft bed needs to come out. My son also has a loft bed in his room, but won't sleep on it because he claims there are man eating spiders up there. So task #2 is bumped to task #3 because we decide to cut the legs of the double loft bed in the basement and move it to my sons room. The reason for this is, currently there was a couch that turns into a bed under my sons loft bed and that's were he's been sleeping. It is also were my mom and dad sleep when they come to visit, and my poor son gets ushered up to his bed with the spiders. So, the thought is this, we move the couch/bed to my partners youngest sons room (he also has a loft bed) because he needs something to sit on while playing XBox and he has the room, we move the double loft bed to my sons room, and when my mom and dad visit they have a decent bed to sleep on, and my son can sleep on the couch or bunk with his sister if that's an option.
O.K., task #3 is now #4, task #2 is now #3 and we are working on cleaning and re-arranging the youngests room to be able to move the couch/bed in. That was by far the easiest of the tasks. Task #2 is done, and the youngest is thrilled! On to task #3, dis-assembling the loft bed in my sons room. Luckily we have a taker for the bed, my partners friend needs it for his son, and they come by shortly after it's apart and take it away, one less thing to store and that's a good thing. Now you would think my son's room is empty and ready for the double loft bed that will be converted to a floor bed, but NO his room is a toy nightmare. He has all the boys Lego, Bionicles and Nerf guns in his closet which amounts to four large totes and an ever larger toy bin all of which are stored in his closet and which I had previously pulled out to go through and get rid of toys that are broken or no longer played with. (optional task #3)
Now onto task #4 right? Wrong, the only way anything will fit is if my son's room is put back in order, no longer optional task #3 but task #3. So the original task #1 is now task #5 (snowballing) Once, task #3 is complete we are able to dis-assemble and then re-assemble the former double loft bed, now floor bed in my sons room, along with that means re-arranging the dresser and shelving unit, as well as bringing in the table and tv that are replacing the tv that used to sit on the dresser which is now in the youngests room. By this time we have had a full day of tasks, along with taking care of a sick child, my partner installing something on his dad's vehicle, and his mom stopping in to drop off banana loaf, and staying to make lunch, good thing because I would have worked through.
Ok, now for task #5 the original task that should have taken an hour at the most. Well, at this time we are still not done. By 9:00pm we had the cable re-run from our room, and the 32" LCD moved over, but there are still a few things that need to be done, which, barring the snowball effect occurring again, should only take an hour, this time around. That is until I get another bright idea.
There is still the laundry area to be dealt with, once the dryer is stacked on top of the washer and the duct re-run, I may just be content to sit back and procrastinate for a while. But then...
With much love, light and laughter,
Tammy.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Abusive Relationships
What do we mean when we call someone abusive, well according to Webster's English Dictionary we mean insulting.
abuse: vt to make wrong use of; to mistreat; to inslut, attack verbally. * n misuse; mistreatment; insulting language.
abusive: adj insulting.
Do we deserve to be called abusive? Depends, are we defending ourselves and in the process hurting others with our words or actions? It's a fine line. I'll give you an example of what I mean; this is purely hypothetical.
Here is the situation. Person 1 (1) and person 2 (2) are having a conversation about computer use...
1. I really wish you would spend less time on the computer.
2. What do you care? You're at work all day anyway, what else am I supposed to do?
1. You could try cleaning the house, or making dinner once in a while.
2. Are you saying I do nothing around here?
1. It certainly looks that way to me (looking around at the state of the house)
2. I don't have to take this "abuse" from you.
1. I'm not being abusive, I'm simply stating a fact, you spend all day on the computer, and I come home to a pigsty that I have to clean myself, yet you were home all day.
2. I'm not talking to you about any of this until you can be civilized.
1. I am being civilized, I asked you a question, why can't you answer me?
2. Until you stop being abusive, I won't answer.
1. For the last time, I'm not being abusive, stop calling me abusive.
What starts out as a simple request quickly snowballs into a debate about abuse. Can you see were person 1 is now on the defensive because person 2 feels justified in their motives for being on the computer all day. This scenario can play out with pretty much any situation. Once a conversation escalates to a point were each individual feels they have to defend themselves, then the "abuse" gun is pulled out, and apparently the first person to use it on the other, is now the victim of this so called abuse.
Now if person 1 walked through the door, saw person 2 on the computer and decided they have had enough, and hauls off and hits person 2 without verbal provocation, that's abuse. Getting into a heated debate and defending ones rights without name calling or insults, by definition alone is not abuse, and that's obvious. What we have in most of these cases, is one person bating the other in order to label them abusive. I have had many heated debates with my ex, both before and after we were separated, the only time any of these debates qualified as abuse is when threats were uttered, and when the other person decided they were so mad that they immediately verbally attack the other person (in extreme cases physically attacking) without apparent provocation. There's that word again, how many times have we been provoked into saying something so mean and insulting that the other person calls us abusive? The word abusive means "insulting" so anytime you insult someone you are abusing them. Even if it's unintended, it's apparently still abuse. So then with that are we all guilty? Ya, unless your a saint or the Dahlia Lama then you probably insulted someone else in your life, and by definition abused them.
When we describe our ex-spouse as abusive to others we paint them in a very negative light. You obviously didn't find them abusive when you married them, or you wouldn't have stuck around long enough to let it get that far. (I would hope anyway) When you are first in love, you don't do or say anything to provoke an argument, and you are generally more forgiving if the object of your affection inadvertently insults you, you don't call them abusive, you probably let them know they hurt your feelings and give them a chance to make it up to you. Then why when the relationship is falling apart do we bate our spouse into an argument, take offence and call them abusive because we are insulted? That's very unfair, and under handed. Now, if you were coming home to be demoralized and berated for no apparent reason by your spouse or partner then you are being abused.
Abuse goes both ways for men and women, yes women. We are not incapable of demoralizing our spouses, berating them, making them feel worthless for not making enough money, or not buying all the nice things the neighbours husband buys his wife. Or how about the husband who is constantly commenting on how much weight his wife has gained, never mind the fact that she has just given birth to their fourth child and it's getting harder and harder to loose the "baby weight". We do it to each other, really in all honesty we do.
We are capable of two things, great love and great hurt. When we set out to intentionally hurt someone else, we are abusive, absolutely. When we are provoked and become defensive we have the capacity to become insulting and by definition abusive. When someone decides they need to label us in order to justify their reason for being deceitful or wanting out of the relationship, and bates us into being insulting and therefore abusive, they have accomplished what the set out to do yet they are seen as the victim and the other person the abuser. That's not right at all, yet so many women use this very tactic to get out of marriages they are no longer happy with. Maybe they met someone else they see as better than their husband, or maybe they just fell out of love. It happens, and to not be able to admit it but to make the other person out to be a monster is very unfair. Who is the real monster here.
When I decided to end my marriage, it was a very peaceful discussion were I simply stated that "I'm done." I explained that there was very little left between us, that all we did was fight, and when we weren't fighting we didn't speak to each other. I couldn't see myself growing old with this person any longer. The thought of being in the relationship a moment more was more than I was going to tolerate. Of course the events leading up to this had me concerned that the next step was going to be physical violence because of an unprovoked incident. But like the grown up I hoped I was, I didn't bate him into an argument in order to call him abusive and have the justification for calling the police to get rid of him once and for all. I simply ended it.
All that being said there is another abuse that needs to be mentioned, and that's sexual abuse. A far nastier type of abuse because the term is used so liberally and is far harder to disprove or deny. Any woman, if crafty enough is capable of entrapping a man into a situation were they can claim sexual abuse. The sad thing is, women who truly are living a life of physical or sexual abuse generally hide it out of fear or embarrassment and usually blame them selves and not there abuser. Then there are the attention seeking women who cry sexual abuse at every opportunity. Or the wife who decides to step it up a notch and accuses her husband of sexual abuse because she knows that will get him out the door with very little resistance. How do you fight something like that? You can't.
We sleep in the same bed (usually) as our husbands, and as any married or any woman who has been in a relationship knows, men have needs. You can probably deny them for a short while, but eventually you have to give in, for all the hounding and badgering you will get, and if you are in a loving committed relationship, you'll come around and give him what he wants and probably enjoy yourself too. However, if you can't stand the ground he walks on and the thought of him touching you makes you want to vomit, then what are you doing in this relationship in the first place. If it's at the point were you are unwilling to be intimate then what's going on in your relationship? Can it be fixed?
You cannot "pretend" to be the dotting loving wife in front of the kids and neighbours and the ice queen in bed. That sends mixed signals to your husband. If your hoping he will go find relief elsewhere so you can claim adultery, then how is that right? Why not grow up, put your big girl dress on and let him know what's going on with you. Why play games and lead him to believe there might be a snowballs chance in hell your marriage can be saved, because I can guarantee that's what he's hoping for. Unless he has a little something on the side, and he's stopped harassing you, in which case if you can't prove it, then you have to go with any of the other abuses you've been working on. As a woman, I am appalled at the behaviour of some women, using sex as a weapon to hurt someone else. Shame on us.
Shame on them for being abusive if in fact they really are. In which case it's not a game, it's very serious and dangerous. I have family members who have been physically abused by their spouses, both women and men (yes I said men) Women can be right nasty and violent. The thing is unless the husband needs medical attention, he will not admit his wife beat the crap out of him no matter how bad it gets. The thought of others finding out about it is far more devastating than the abuse itself. The male family member I'm referring to was able to have her charged because one, he did not lay a hand on her, and two he had witnesses. If it were the other way around all the police would need is her accusing him. That is an injustice right there. Why do we so readily believe the woman? We can be far more manipulative and conniving than men, we know this and we work the system.
The problem is, there are good men out there who have been seriously affected by lying deceitful women who are now so jaded and disheartened by the whole justice system that they just give up. And if there are kids involved that hurts them too. And those nasty horrible lying deceitful woman can sit back and feel justified because she thinks she won. No one wins. The thing is anyone looking at this from the outside can clearly see what is going on but how do you prove it? No one will listen to you because it's none of your business and what proof do you have? In this situation you're guilty until proven innocent and by that time your reputation is so damaged what difference will it make? The abuse label is demoralizing.
My heart breaks for victims of abuse. My heart breaks for their loved ones. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Don't make excuses, just leave. There are organizations that will help you, if you don't have family close by. If you are a woman, who is wanting to leave an unhappy marriage, think about what you might be doing to make it unhappy. My ex and I have a better relationship now, because I don't continue to accuse him of abuse (yes he was abusive he's not any longer). He can be annoying, but hey can't we all? If you are wanting to leave, and you've tried to make it work, and by that I mean counselling. Then have that heart to heart and let the other person know how you are feeling. They fell in love with you too, they will be hurt, if they don't already expect this, but you'll see it's not as bad as you make it out to be. You will find your peace.
As I type these last few sentences, I feel very emotional. What if I had tried a little harder to be what my husband wanted me to be? Would we still be together? Would our children still have their family intact? Maybe, but I made my decision and for me and my kids it was the right decision. Even now when I think about what we were like together, I know that relationship was damaged beyond repair, by both of us. Remember it takes two to start a fight but one to end it. I am a peace keeper, that's my roll. I will concede defeat to keep the peace. I will be the first to apologize when things go sideways. That's what I do, that's who I am and I'm ok with that. What kind of person are you? Are you an abuser, or the victim of the abuser? I was both, now I am neither because I see they are both wrong.
With much love, light and peace.
Tammy.
abuse: vt to make wrong use of; to mistreat; to inslut, attack verbally. * n misuse; mistreatment; insulting language.
abusive: adj insulting.
Do we deserve to be called abusive? Depends, are we defending ourselves and in the process hurting others with our words or actions? It's a fine line. I'll give you an example of what I mean; this is purely hypothetical.
Here is the situation. Person 1 (1) and person 2 (2) are having a conversation about computer use...
1. I really wish you would spend less time on the computer.
2. What do you care? You're at work all day anyway, what else am I supposed to do?
1. You could try cleaning the house, or making dinner once in a while.
2. Are you saying I do nothing around here?
1. It certainly looks that way to me (looking around at the state of the house)
2. I don't have to take this "abuse" from you.
1. I'm not being abusive, I'm simply stating a fact, you spend all day on the computer, and I come home to a pigsty that I have to clean myself, yet you were home all day.
2. I'm not talking to you about any of this until you can be civilized.
1. I am being civilized, I asked you a question, why can't you answer me?
2. Until you stop being abusive, I won't answer.
1. For the last time, I'm not being abusive, stop calling me abusive.
What starts out as a simple request quickly snowballs into a debate about abuse. Can you see were person 1 is now on the defensive because person 2 feels justified in their motives for being on the computer all day. This scenario can play out with pretty much any situation. Once a conversation escalates to a point were each individual feels they have to defend themselves, then the "abuse" gun is pulled out, and apparently the first person to use it on the other, is now the victim of this so called abuse.
Now if person 1 walked through the door, saw person 2 on the computer and decided they have had enough, and hauls off and hits person 2 without verbal provocation, that's abuse. Getting into a heated debate and defending ones rights without name calling or insults, by definition alone is not abuse, and that's obvious. What we have in most of these cases, is one person bating the other in order to label them abusive. I have had many heated debates with my ex, both before and after we were separated, the only time any of these debates qualified as abuse is when threats were uttered, and when the other person decided they were so mad that they immediately verbally attack the other person (in extreme cases physically attacking) without apparent provocation. There's that word again, how many times have we been provoked into saying something so mean and insulting that the other person calls us abusive? The word abusive means "insulting" so anytime you insult someone you are abusing them. Even if it's unintended, it's apparently still abuse. So then with that are we all guilty? Ya, unless your a saint or the Dahlia Lama then you probably insulted someone else in your life, and by definition abused them.
When we describe our ex-spouse as abusive to others we paint them in a very negative light. You obviously didn't find them abusive when you married them, or you wouldn't have stuck around long enough to let it get that far. (I would hope anyway) When you are first in love, you don't do or say anything to provoke an argument, and you are generally more forgiving if the object of your affection inadvertently insults you, you don't call them abusive, you probably let them know they hurt your feelings and give them a chance to make it up to you. Then why when the relationship is falling apart do we bate our spouse into an argument, take offence and call them abusive because we are insulted? That's very unfair, and under handed. Now, if you were coming home to be demoralized and berated for no apparent reason by your spouse or partner then you are being abused.
Abuse goes both ways for men and women, yes women. We are not incapable of demoralizing our spouses, berating them, making them feel worthless for not making enough money, or not buying all the nice things the neighbours husband buys his wife. Or how about the husband who is constantly commenting on how much weight his wife has gained, never mind the fact that she has just given birth to their fourth child and it's getting harder and harder to loose the "baby weight". We do it to each other, really in all honesty we do.
We are capable of two things, great love and great hurt. When we set out to intentionally hurt someone else, we are abusive, absolutely. When we are provoked and become defensive we have the capacity to become insulting and by definition abusive. When someone decides they need to label us in order to justify their reason for being deceitful or wanting out of the relationship, and bates us into being insulting and therefore abusive, they have accomplished what the set out to do yet they are seen as the victim and the other person the abuser. That's not right at all, yet so many women use this very tactic to get out of marriages they are no longer happy with. Maybe they met someone else they see as better than their husband, or maybe they just fell out of love. It happens, and to not be able to admit it but to make the other person out to be a monster is very unfair. Who is the real monster here.
When I decided to end my marriage, it was a very peaceful discussion were I simply stated that "I'm done." I explained that there was very little left between us, that all we did was fight, and when we weren't fighting we didn't speak to each other. I couldn't see myself growing old with this person any longer. The thought of being in the relationship a moment more was more than I was going to tolerate. Of course the events leading up to this had me concerned that the next step was going to be physical violence because of an unprovoked incident. But like the grown up I hoped I was, I didn't bate him into an argument in order to call him abusive and have the justification for calling the police to get rid of him once and for all. I simply ended it.
All that being said there is another abuse that needs to be mentioned, and that's sexual abuse. A far nastier type of abuse because the term is used so liberally and is far harder to disprove or deny. Any woman, if crafty enough is capable of entrapping a man into a situation were they can claim sexual abuse. The sad thing is, women who truly are living a life of physical or sexual abuse generally hide it out of fear or embarrassment and usually blame them selves and not there abuser. Then there are the attention seeking women who cry sexual abuse at every opportunity. Or the wife who decides to step it up a notch and accuses her husband of sexual abuse because she knows that will get him out the door with very little resistance. How do you fight something like that? You can't.
We sleep in the same bed (usually) as our husbands, and as any married or any woman who has been in a relationship knows, men have needs. You can probably deny them for a short while, but eventually you have to give in, for all the hounding and badgering you will get, and if you are in a loving committed relationship, you'll come around and give him what he wants and probably enjoy yourself too. However, if you can't stand the ground he walks on and the thought of him touching you makes you want to vomit, then what are you doing in this relationship in the first place. If it's at the point were you are unwilling to be intimate then what's going on in your relationship? Can it be fixed?
You cannot "pretend" to be the dotting loving wife in front of the kids and neighbours and the ice queen in bed. That sends mixed signals to your husband. If your hoping he will go find relief elsewhere so you can claim adultery, then how is that right? Why not grow up, put your big girl dress on and let him know what's going on with you. Why play games and lead him to believe there might be a snowballs chance in hell your marriage can be saved, because I can guarantee that's what he's hoping for. Unless he has a little something on the side, and he's stopped harassing you, in which case if you can't prove it, then you have to go with any of the other abuses you've been working on. As a woman, I am appalled at the behaviour of some women, using sex as a weapon to hurt someone else. Shame on us.
Shame on them for being abusive if in fact they really are. In which case it's not a game, it's very serious and dangerous. I have family members who have been physically abused by their spouses, both women and men (yes I said men) Women can be right nasty and violent. The thing is unless the husband needs medical attention, he will not admit his wife beat the crap out of him no matter how bad it gets. The thought of others finding out about it is far more devastating than the abuse itself. The male family member I'm referring to was able to have her charged because one, he did not lay a hand on her, and two he had witnesses. If it were the other way around all the police would need is her accusing him. That is an injustice right there. Why do we so readily believe the woman? We can be far more manipulative and conniving than men, we know this and we work the system.
The problem is, there are good men out there who have been seriously affected by lying deceitful women who are now so jaded and disheartened by the whole justice system that they just give up. And if there are kids involved that hurts them too. And those nasty horrible lying deceitful woman can sit back and feel justified because she thinks she won. No one wins. The thing is anyone looking at this from the outside can clearly see what is going on but how do you prove it? No one will listen to you because it's none of your business and what proof do you have? In this situation you're guilty until proven innocent and by that time your reputation is so damaged what difference will it make? The abuse label is demoralizing.
My heart breaks for victims of abuse. My heart breaks for their loved ones. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Don't make excuses, just leave. There are organizations that will help you, if you don't have family close by. If you are a woman, who is wanting to leave an unhappy marriage, think about what you might be doing to make it unhappy. My ex and I have a better relationship now, because I don't continue to accuse him of abuse (yes he was abusive he's not any longer). He can be annoying, but hey can't we all? If you are wanting to leave, and you've tried to make it work, and by that I mean counselling. Then have that heart to heart and let the other person know how you are feeling. They fell in love with you too, they will be hurt, if they don't already expect this, but you'll see it's not as bad as you make it out to be. You will find your peace.
As I type these last few sentences, I feel very emotional. What if I had tried a little harder to be what my husband wanted me to be? Would we still be together? Would our children still have their family intact? Maybe, but I made my decision and for me and my kids it was the right decision. Even now when I think about what we were like together, I know that relationship was damaged beyond repair, by both of us. Remember it takes two to start a fight but one to end it. I am a peace keeper, that's my roll. I will concede defeat to keep the peace. I will be the first to apologize when things go sideways. That's what I do, that's who I am and I'm ok with that. What kind of person are you? Are you an abuser, or the victim of the abuser? I was both, now I am neither because I see they are both wrong.
With much love, light and peace.
Tammy.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Don't Worry Be Happy!
Then why are so many of us unhappy?
Of course we are unhappy, what do we have to be happy about? We go to work, because we need to be able to support ourselves, and what does that net us? Taxes! I'm not happy about the amount of tax we pay why should I be? Well, maybe because without those taxes we wouldn't have the "social services" our government provides, you know, the government who can't seem to put our tax money to proper use. Ya, I'm not happy about that either. Oh, but "Don't worry be happy". That seems to be a bit of a stretch right? Or is it?
Happiness is an emotion, right? Do we have control of our emotions? Hopefully. If we choose to be unhappy then sure enough, we're going to be unhappy. The flip side is if we choose to be happy then, well what do you know, we're going to be happy. Simple right? Kinda. We still have to make the effort. Ah yes, effort, sounds like work, sounds like what we already do all day just to pay taxes, um, no thanks, I'm happy being unhappy far more effortless.
Well what if the effort is nothing more than sticking a label on ourselves whether it be real or imagined that simply says "I'm Happy" imagine it in reverse across your forehead, and every time you look in a mirror, read it. If it works for water, and the human body is made up of 65% water, and the brain alone is 80% water, this concept should work for us too. Below is a link to a remarkable website where photographer Masaru Emoto documented the effects of positive and negative affirmations or prayers on water at the molecular level. Take a look the difference is amazing. If we can affect our bodies on a molecular level with these same positive affirmations then where is the effort? It's really as simple as deciding to change how you think.
I tell myself even when I'm feeling miserable that "I'm happy." and in a short while, I get past the misery and am feeling better about whatever I was choosing to be unhappy about. Just yesterday I was feeling like crap, I felt the start of a head cold, my sinuses were hurting, I felt tired and well, miserable. I was dwelling on this and realised, I'm my own worst enemy because I was so focused on feeling bad I was getting worse. So like the light bulb I switched
on a positive affirmation and simply decided, "I'm healthy, and I feel great!" you know what? Today I feel way better than I did yesterday, any sign of the cold I was sure I was coming down with is gone, and ya I truly feel great! Mind over matter. We all know the mind is a very powerful thing, why not use it to our advantage?
Don't get me wrong though, it has taken years to perfect this ability. We always doubt the unknown, and I was a huge skeptic right up until I decided (because I can) that I wasn't going to be skeptical anymore. It was the first step to were I am today. Once we open our minds and stop putting limits, conditions and boundaries on our thoughts, we can pretty much control what we "set our minds to" Of course there are exceptions, sometimes you need outside help to achieve what you are needing, but if you truly believe you are able to affect the outcome then you are more than halfway there.
So what about those of us who suffer with illness? Did we do this to ourselves with our negative thinking, maybe. What about the person who is so positive and happy yet still gets hit with a terrible illness, or a child for that matter? What did they do to manifest this? Is it Karma? Or is their happiness a mask to hide from the rest of us their true misery? Or is it just fate? Fate sucks though because it implies that we don't have any say or control, it is however a convenient excuse so we don't have to take responsibility for our actions. Then there is the just because. Because this is what we are having to deal with. It is my belief that we are all here for a reason, and while we are here we need to make the absolute most of it in however short a period of time we may have.
So why not be happy while you're here? You can still be angry about situations, that's human nature we can still be unimpressed with the bad driver that cuts us off, or the crappy hand we are delt because circumstances change, or because of someone else deliberatly trying to undermind or hurt us, we still need all our emotions to function properly. All I suggest is make happiness your primary emotion and you will find tolerance and understanding for those individuals or situations that make you miserable. Think about it, if the whole world functioned in this way, every last living soul, do you think we would have half the problems we have? Of course everyone would have to buy in, if not there will be individuals taking advantage of our good nature, and defeats the purpose.
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching world peace, in my opinion, with the way the world is today, world peace is impossible. I just want inner peace, I want to know that maybe my efforts to be happy and laugh easily (even at myself) will make a difference in my world and for those who share it. So I'm not going to worry and I am going to be happy, scratch that, I AM HAPPY!
Be sure to check out the link below, and if you want to see positive affirmation in action watch or read "What The Bleep Do We Know". The water photos are featured there too.
With much love, light and laughter.
Tammy.
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm
Of course we are unhappy, what do we have to be happy about? We go to work, because we need to be able to support ourselves, and what does that net us? Taxes! I'm not happy about the amount of tax we pay why should I be? Well, maybe because without those taxes we wouldn't have the "social services" our government provides, you know, the government who can't seem to put our tax money to proper use. Ya, I'm not happy about that either. Oh, but "Don't worry be happy". That seems to be a bit of a stretch right? Or is it?
Happiness is an emotion, right? Do we have control of our emotions? Hopefully. If we choose to be unhappy then sure enough, we're going to be unhappy. The flip side is if we choose to be happy then, well what do you know, we're going to be happy. Simple right? Kinda. We still have to make the effort. Ah yes, effort, sounds like work, sounds like what we already do all day just to pay taxes, um, no thanks, I'm happy being unhappy far more effortless.
Well what if the effort is nothing more than sticking a label on ourselves whether it be real or imagined that simply says "I'm Happy" imagine it in reverse across your forehead, and every time you look in a mirror, read it. If it works for water, and the human body is made up of 65% water, and the brain alone is 80% water, this concept should work for us too. Below is a link to a remarkable website where photographer Masaru Emoto documented the effects of positive and negative affirmations or prayers on water at the molecular level. Take a look the difference is amazing. If we can affect our bodies on a molecular level with these same positive affirmations then where is the effort? It's really as simple as deciding to change how you think.
I tell myself even when I'm feeling miserable that "I'm happy." and in a short while, I get past the misery and am feeling better about whatever I was choosing to be unhappy about. Just yesterday I was feeling like crap, I felt the start of a head cold, my sinuses were hurting, I felt tired and well, miserable. I was dwelling on this and realised, I'm my own worst enemy because I was so focused on feeling bad I was getting worse. So like the light bulb I switched
on a positive affirmation and simply decided, "I'm healthy, and I feel great!" you know what? Today I feel way better than I did yesterday, any sign of the cold I was sure I was coming down with is gone, and ya I truly feel great! Mind over matter. We all know the mind is a very powerful thing, why not use it to our advantage?
Don't get me wrong though, it has taken years to perfect this ability. We always doubt the unknown, and I was a huge skeptic right up until I decided (because I can) that I wasn't going to be skeptical anymore. It was the first step to were I am today. Once we open our minds and stop putting limits, conditions and boundaries on our thoughts, we can pretty much control what we "set our minds to" Of course there are exceptions, sometimes you need outside help to achieve what you are needing, but if you truly believe you are able to affect the outcome then you are more than halfway there.
So what about those of us who suffer with illness? Did we do this to ourselves with our negative thinking, maybe. What about the person who is so positive and happy yet still gets hit with a terrible illness, or a child for that matter? What did they do to manifest this? Is it Karma? Or is their happiness a mask to hide from the rest of us their true misery? Or is it just fate? Fate sucks though because it implies that we don't have any say or control, it is however a convenient excuse so we don't have to take responsibility for our actions. Then there is the just because. Because this is what we are having to deal with. It is my belief that we are all here for a reason, and while we are here we need to make the absolute most of it in however short a period of time we may have.
So why not be happy while you're here? You can still be angry about situations, that's human nature we can still be unimpressed with the bad driver that cuts us off, or the crappy hand we are delt because circumstances change, or because of someone else deliberatly trying to undermind or hurt us, we still need all our emotions to function properly. All I suggest is make happiness your primary emotion and you will find tolerance and understanding for those individuals or situations that make you miserable. Think about it, if the whole world functioned in this way, every last living soul, do you think we would have half the problems we have? Of course everyone would have to buy in, if not there will be individuals taking advantage of our good nature, and defeats the purpose.
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching world peace, in my opinion, with the way the world is today, world peace is impossible. I just want inner peace, I want to know that maybe my efforts to be happy and laugh easily (even at myself) will make a difference in my world and for those who share it. So I'm not going to worry and I am going to be happy, scratch that, I AM HAPPY!
Be sure to check out the link below, and if you want to see positive affirmation in action watch or read "What The Bleep Do We Know". The water photos are featured there too.
With much love, light and laughter.
Tammy.
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Giving Thanks
So why do we need a specific day to give thanks?
This year I won't be celebrating Thanksgiving in the traditional sense. My kids will be at their dads, my partners kids will be out of town with their mom, my parents live in Quesnel, and my partners mom will be just stepping off a plane from Germany and will likely just want to go home. This leaves my partner my self and his dad. Not that that's bad or anything, just, is it worth it to do all that cooking just for the three of us? Considering I'm the one having to cook, well I vote for "no it's not worth it". So what to do instead?
Traditionally Thanksgiving is a celebration of the end of the growing season when family and friends gather to give thanks for all they have reaped. Well, now days, we have so much we should be giving thanks at every turn. I try to express my gratitude on a daily basis, I'm thankful for my health, for the roof over my head, for the food in my cupboards and for all those in my life, and yes I'm grateful I have a job to go to every day in order to be able to have all that I am grateful for. So what about those of you who also have all these things yet only give thanks on one day of the year? Do you think that redeems you for being ungrateful every other day of the year? I hope so, because, there are far too many people out there who would be grateful for even a fraction of what you have.
This Thanksgiving I will get up in the morning and be just as grateful as I was the day before, and I will carry on as if it were any other day. When thanksgiving happens everyday you don't need to stress yourself out trying to impress the in-laws, or the way too fussy aunt, or the cousins you will never measure up to because your parents have spent your entire life comparing you to them (this is not a reflection of my family, it's hypothetical). You can kick back, relax with a nice Merlot, maybe some take-out from your favourite Greek restaurant and just enjoy all that you are grateful for, and work on manifesting more "stuff" to be grateful for.
I do enjoy family gatherings, they can be great fun, as long as you get along with your family. Christmas is a great example of this, and for me it lasts longer than just one day, with all the merriment of the holiday it usually extends two to three days at the least. Christmas is when I strap on the apron and put on a huge spread, and enjoy every minute of it. That for me is the best reason to stress out, and it's all worth it. Thanksgiving is a more personal experience, it is were you give your thanks, why put on show for it? I guess if I had a houseful of kids and extended family I would be obligated to do something, but this year that's not the case and I'm very relieved about this.
Last year I tried to get away with not doing anything, but admittedly it felt weird and I ended up running out and getting a Turkey. We did have all the kids, and I think for them it's important. Even though I am an advocate for teaching we should be thankful every day, they need the occasion to be special, I get that. It's funny I had a conversation with my mom about it and told her my plans and she said, "ya, we never put as much importance on Thanksgiving like we do Christmas". After thinking back she's right, we would either have dinner at our house, my grandparents or my aunt and uncles, but it was always low key. My ex-in-laws make a big deal out of Thanksgiving and all holidays for that matter, I think more as an excuse to get their family together. Now that's strained because of unfortunate circumstances, that likely will not resolve themselves. (not my battle anymore so I stay out of it) So really what do they give thanks for?
I would like to wish everyone a very happy thanksgiving, because that's what we do this time of year, but really shouldn't we be saying that to each other every day? Of course people will probably look at you funny if you say that in oh say May. Maybe for the sake of seeming normal we should just give thanks quietly every day, and reserve "Thanksgiving Day" for saying it out loud. I like that plan. Your Thanksgiving resolution is to give thanks every day for all you have, and thank yourself too for all the hard work you do to have reasons to be thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving,
With much love and light.
Tammy.
This year I won't be celebrating Thanksgiving in the traditional sense. My kids will be at their dads, my partners kids will be out of town with their mom, my parents live in Quesnel, and my partners mom will be just stepping off a plane from Germany and will likely just want to go home. This leaves my partner my self and his dad. Not that that's bad or anything, just, is it worth it to do all that cooking just for the three of us? Considering I'm the one having to cook, well I vote for "no it's not worth it". So what to do instead?
Traditionally Thanksgiving is a celebration of the end of the growing season when family and friends gather to give thanks for all they have reaped. Well, now days, we have so much we should be giving thanks at every turn. I try to express my gratitude on a daily basis, I'm thankful for my health, for the roof over my head, for the food in my cupboards and for all those in my life, and yes I'm grateful I have a job to go to every day in order to be able to have all that I am grateful for. So what about those of you who also have all these things yet only give thanks on one day of the year? Do you think that redeems you for being ungrateful every other day of the year? I hope so, because, there are far too many people out there who would be grateful for even a fraction of what you have.
This Thanksgiving I will get up in the morning and be just as grateful as I was the day before, and I will carry on as if it were any other day. When thanksgiving happens everyday you don't need to stress yourself out trying to impress the in-laws, or the way too fussy aunt, or the cousins you will never measure up to because your parents have spent your entire life comparing you to them (this is not a reflection of my family, it's hypothetical). You can kick back, relax with a nice Merlot, maybe some take-out from your favourite Greek restaurant and just enjoy all that you are grateful for, and work on manifesting more "stuff" to be grateful for.
I do enjoy family gatherings, they can be great fun, as long as you get along with your family. Christmas is a great example of this, and for me it lasts longer than just one day, with all the merriment of the holiday it usually extends two to three days at the least. Christmas is when I strap on the apron and put on a huge spread, and enjoy every minute of it. That for me is the best reason to stress out, and it's all worth it. Thanksgiving is a more personal experience, it is were you give your thanks, why put on show for it? I guess if I had a houseful of kids and extended family I would be obligated to do something, but this year that's not the case and I'm very relieved about this.
Last year I tried to get away with not doing anything, but admittedly it felt weird and I ended up running out and getting a Turkey. We did have all the kids, and I think for them it's important. Even though I am an advocate for teaching we should be thankful every day, they need the occasion to be special, I get that. It's funny I had a conversation with my mom about it and told her my plans and she said, "ya, we never put as much importance on Thanksgiving like we do Christmas". After thinking back she's right, we would either have dinner at our house, my grandparents or my aunt and uncles, but it was always low key. My ex-in-laws make a big deal out of Thanksgiving and all holidays for that matter, I think more as an excuse to get their family together. Now that's strained because of unfortunate circumstances, that likely will not resolve themselves. (not my battle anymore so I stay out of it) So really what do they give thanks for?
I would like to wish everyone a very happy thanksgiving, because that's what we do this time of year, but really shouldn't we be saying that to each other every day? Of course people will probably look at you funny if you say that in oh say May. Maybe for the sake of seeming normal we should just give thanks quietly every day, and reserve "Thanksgiving Day" for saying it out loud. I like that plan. Your Thanksgiving resolution is to give thanks every day for all you have, and thank yourself too for all the hard work you do to have reasons to be thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving,
With much love and light.
Tammy.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Religion
def: religion n a belief in God or gods; a system of worship and faith; a formalized expression of belief. (Webster's English Dictionary Concise Edition) falls between relieve and relinquish.
I was involved in an interesting conversation last night regarding this very topic. Touchy for some I think because it can and most times defines who we are. I was raised Catholic, but I'm not what you would call a "practicing Catholic" I vaguely remember the last time I set foot in a Catholic church. That doesn't mean I don't believe, I do, whole heartedly. I am just not comfortable with organized religion, and that's my personal opinion. Now this conversation could have gone terribly bad because conversations about this particular topic generally do, because when you have strong feelings about your beliefs, the last thing you want is someone making you think maybe your wrong, or worse, have you questioning your beliefs.
That didn't happen because I didn't take it personally. I stand very strong in my beliefs and convictions and it's doesn't matter how many questions are thrown my way, I will not falter. For me it is right. It may not be for everyone, but I'm content. And so the conversation was an exchange of ideas and concerns about what religion is. We talked about "The Church of Elvis" and wondered if the congregation worshiped Elvis? Something I'll have to google when I have a chance. Or is it an "off shoot" of say a Baptist Church, if I'm not mistaken Elvis was Baptist, I'll google that too just to be sure. So if religion is the worship of not only God but gods, then why not worship Elvis? To many that is fundamentally wrong, it's the whole Gold Calf thing all over again. But for some, it's perfectly acceptable. I'm on the fence. Who am I to say who's right or wrong? Who are you for that matter?
If you are happy and healthy and not hurting anyone with your beliefs, not ramming them down someone elses throat, then go a head worship, Elvis, it's only once we've died that we find out if we were right anyway, so why not be happy while your here. That, in my humble opinion is the way we should live. Be happy with who you are, be happy with your convictions and beliefs and don't hurt others because of them. Don't use your religion to justify your bad behaviour towards others. Don't use your religion to take advantage of peoples good will or charity. That is fundamentally wrong on so many levels. And don't judge others because you don't agree with their beliefs, did your God assign you the task of judging others? I would think not.
Now, if your religion teaches you to hate, then by definition that's fine too. No were in the definition does it say "for the good of all mankind" so if your taught to believe another religion or race or species is bad, and you must do what you can to eliminate it, then that's your belief. Is it right, well in my opinion no, but I'm sure there are those who would argue the point. I would like to believe that religion would teach it's better to be kind and tolerant than not. After all we do share the same planet and wouldn't you rather be happy and not looking over your shoulder because of your beliefs? Unfortunately that happens, and it's not right, no way, no how.
Wars are fought over religious beliefs, and that too is wrong. Leave well enough alone. But then, what if your religion was hurting others? Even within religions there are problems, mostly it's in to oppression of women, and hey by the way, who said you men could oppress us? GOD? Not my God. So stop it. Yah, maybe war to fight for your rights and freedom is necessary, but, what is wrong in the first place that you have to resort to war? Look within before blaming or pointing fingers at others. As a person of very strong beliefs, I look forward to the day we stop fighting over who's right or wrong and just accept our differences as they are.
I don't prescribe to a particular religion, I haven't found one that fits my ideal, I may never. I have been exposed recently to some different religious perspectives and at this time, I'm not buying in. Not because I don't think they are good enough for me, just that they aren't for me period. I know most religions frown on the whole, "I have my beliefs and I don't need to go to church to have them" statement. But it's true, and really if a "church" were truly of God and working towards the betterment of all mankind, then it should be fine with them how I feel. My church is in my heart and in my conversations with God. Just because I'm not showing up on Sunday and giving you my money doesn't make me any less worthy than you. Don't judge me I don't judge you.
All that being said, I know there are people who need their church and their religion for a sense of belonging, maybe they came from a dysfunctional family and their church is the better option. I come from a great family, a big family, and I feel very connected to my family. I don't need a congregation to validate my existence, my family does that for me. I don't need a church to replace my home, I'm always welcome "home" weather it be my parents, my sister, or my extended family, I am never left to rely on the kindness of strangers to replace my family. And my family is far more forgiving of my shortcomings, as I would be of theirs. Can you say that about your "family"? If so great, if not why?
I have my beliefs and convictions, and I won't shove them down your throat if you don't shove yours down mine. This is were we can agree to disagree and find peace with it.
Much love and light,
Tammy.
Note: I googled the Church of Elvis, an lo and behold it's Canadian...LOL figures check the link.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2004/01/11/elvis_church040111.html
I was involved in an interesting conversation last night regarding this very topic. Touchy for some I think because it can and most times defines who we are. I was raised Catholic, but I'm not what you would call a "practicing Catholic" I vaguely remember the last time I set foot in a Catholic church. That doesn't mean I don't believe, I do, whole heartedly. I am just not comfortable with organized religion, and that's my personal opinion. Now this conversation could have gone terribly bad because conversations about this particular topic generally do, because when you have strong feelings about your beliefs, the last thing you want is someone making you think maybe your wrong, or worse, have you questioning your beliefs.
That didn't happen because I didn't take it personally. I stand very strong in my beliefs and convictions and it's doesn't matter how many questions are thrown my way, I will not falter. For me it is right. It may not be for everyone, but I'm content. And so the conversation was an exchange of ideas and concerns about what religion is. We talked about "The Church of Elvis" and wondered if the congregation worshiped Elvis? Something I'll have to google when I have a chance. Or is it an "off shoot" of say a Baptist Church, if I'm not mistaken Elvis was Baptist, I'll google that too just to be sure. So if religion is the worship of not only God but gods, then why not worship Elvis? To many that is fundamentally wrong, it's the whole Gold Calf thing all over again. But for some, it's perfectly acceptable. I'm on the fence. Who am I to say who's right or wrong? Who are you for that matter?
If you are happy and healthy and not hurting anyone with your beliefs, not ramming them down someone elses throat, then go a head worship, Elvis, it's only once we've died that we find out if we were right anyway, so why not be happy while your here. That, in my humble opinion is the way we should live. Be happy with who you are, be happy with your convictions and beliefs and don't hurt others because of them. Don't use your religion to justify your bad behaviour towards others. Don't use your religion to take advantage of peoples good will or charity. That is fundamentally wrong on so many levels. And don't judge others because you don't agree with their beliefs, did your God assign you the task of judging others? I would think not.
Now, if your religion teaches you to hate, then by definition that's fine too. No were in the definition does it say "for the good of all mankind" so if your taught to believe another religion or race or species is bad, and you must do what you can to eliminate it, then that's your belief. Is it right, well in my opinion no, but I'm sure there are those who would argue the point. I would like to believe that religion would teach it's better to be kind and tolerant than not. After all we do share the same planet and wouldn't you rather be happy and not looking over your shoulder because of your beliefs? Unfortunately that happens, and it's not right, no way, no how.
Wars are fought over religious beliefs, and that too is wrong. Leave well enough alone. But then, what if your religion was hurting others? Even within religions there are problems, mostly it's in to oppression of women, and hey by the way, who said you men could oppress us? GOD? Not my God. So stop it. Yah, maybe war to fight for your rights and freedom is necessary, but, what is wrong in the first place that you have to resort to war? Look within before blaming or pointing fingers at others. As a person of very strong beliefs, I look forward to the day we stop fighting over who's right or wrong and just accept our differences as they are.
I don't prescribe to a particular religion, I haven't found one that fits my ideal, I may never. I have been exposed recently to some different religious perspectives and at this time, I'm not buying in. Not because I don't think they are good enough for me, just that they aren't for me period. I know most religions frown on the whole, "I have my beliefs and I don't need to go to church to have them" statement. But it's true, and really if a "church" were truly of God and working towards the betterment of all mankind, then it should be fine with them how I feel. My church is in my heart and in my conversations with God. Just because I'm not showing up on Sunday and giving you my money doesn't make me any less worthy than you. Don't judge me I don't judge you.
All that being said, I know there are people who need their church and their religion for a sense of belonging, maybe they came from a dysfunctional family and their church is the better option. I come from a great family, a big family, and I feel very connected to my family. I don't need a congregation to validate my existence, my family does that for me. I don't need a church to replace my home, I'm always welcome "home" weather it be my parents, my sister, or my extended family, I am never left to rely on the kindness of strangers to replace my family. And my family is far more forgiving of my shortcomings, as I would be of theirs. Can you say that about your "family"? If so great, if not why?
I have my beliefs and convictions, and I won't shove them down your throat if you don't shove yours down mine. This is were we can agree to disagree and find peace with it.
Much love and light,
Tammy.
Note: I googled the Church of Elvis, an lo and behold it's Canadian...LOL figures check the link.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2004/01/11/elvis_church040111.html
Thursday, October 1, 2009
You make me SICK!
H1N1, West Nile Virus, Bird Flu, the common head cold...
You make me SICK! Of course what I do can make you sick too.
So what are you going to do to prevent yourself from spreading your "sickness" around? Stay home, wash your hands diligently, disinfect everything you touch, sneeze or cough into a Kleenex then flush it? Probably none of the above. Unless you are physically unable to get out of bed, I bet you drag your sorry butt to work. I know three guys I work with who have done that for the past 4 days, thanks for spreading the "love".
We don't live in bubbles, we will get sick. It's inevitable, unless you quarantine yourself in your home and don't let anyone near you. But think about this, how long before you got really sick were you out and about spreading the love? Hmmmmm, maybe I'll go to work today, and make my boss sick, so when I am well enough to come back he/she will be home sick thanks to me. Great way to seek revenge! Or is it one of my favourite sayings "misery loves company".
I hate being sick, who doesn't? That metallic taste you get in your mouth when somethings brewing. The raw feeling in your chest, that slight ear ache that wasn't there yesterday. The start of a stuffy nose. Then BAM! it hits, and you're flat out, if it hits hard enough that is, otherwise your sitting at your desk wishing someone would take pity on your poor hacking sniffely sneezey soul and insist you go home. Show of hands, how many of you hate calling in sick because you think your boss doesn't believe you? My hand is up. Don't get me wrong, I have a great boss, but he's NEVER sick, and when he is he comes in anyway. So I come in and get sent home because I'm pathetic, but hey I put in the effort right? That has to count for something.
If you're in a union, you likely have paid "sick days" I'm not and I work directly with the owner of the company I work for. I try to limit my time off to Fridays as that's his day off, or when he's on vacation. I also time my "sick days" to make sure there is a healthy spread of time between. Good grief, not only am I sick, but now I feel guilty for not going to work. It's not like I'm getting paid to be off, I'm not. I have to either take a vacation day, or no pay at all for that day. I don't get "sick pay". Oh well I'm too sick to care anymore. (note: I'm not actually sick right now, but it's coming, I've been exposed).
Then there is the, ok, I think I'm well enough to go in, you show up and everyone is asking how you feel. What do you say? "I feel great" or just shrug, head to your desk and hope you can last the day? Why are you here? I suppose we fool ourselves into thinking we're better, but halfway through the day you realise, what a fool you've been, and probably should have stayed home just one more day. My line, when asked how I'm feeling "well, I'm here, but I'm not making any guarantees". My boss chuckles at this, I think he thinks I'm pathetic, sick or not. At least I still have my sense of humour right? What's that they say? "laughter is the best medicine" until it turns into a coughing fit at least.
Now I can't talk about being sick without mentioning the difference between men's and women's reactions to being sick, and of course I'll throw in kids for good measure.
OK, we all know a "man cold" is a million billion times worse than anything a woman might experience, save maybe child birth. Men are with out a doubt the biggest babies when they are sick, why is that? Is it a proof that women truly are the stronger sex? I think so, I think all you men out there should worship the women in your lives, because without us to bring you your NyQuil, Buckley's and chicken noodle soup, you may as well just curl up and die, because you will not survive this. On the other hand, maybe that's our plan! Keep you sick and weak so we can take over the planet MMMUUUUHHHHAAAHHHAAA! But I digress.
It's ok, it's probably your moms fault for babying you when you were sick as a child. I'm pretty confident that's were it starts. I know when my kids are sick I try to do everything in my power to make them feel better, nothing short of wishing I were capable of miraculous healing. And so it begins, when your sick, you rely on mom, or in some cases dad. Dad's are capable of caring for a sick child, not a good as mom, but I'm biased. All kidding aside, no one likes to see their baby all stuffed up, and coughing and feeling like crap, we all have huge empathy for a sick child.
Women on the other hand, when sick, will still manage to get up, get the kids ready and off to school, tidy the kitchen, maybe load the dishwasher, throw on a load of laundry, why not your home anyway may as well make the best of it. Besides, it's not difficult (really it's not) to throw clothes in the machine, add soap (yes that's important) and turn it on. Not like a tub and washboard are your only options. Then maybe go sit for a bit, read maybe, maybe doze until you hear the washer finish, mine beeps at me when it's done. We still manage to think up something for dinner, weather we eat it depends on how icky we feel. Honestly women have to be on their death beds to let a cold get the better of them. For the record though there can be some roll reversal on this, but in general women fair better than men, yah again a little biased.
All in all, being sick sucks, but we don't give it to ourselves, we get it from someone else. YOU make me sick, I'm gonna make someone sick. That's life, just try to be considerate and do the little things to help prevent colds, wash your hands with warm soapy water (like the washing machine, soap is important) use a Kleenex, and try not to breath! Ok, you can breath, just not on me. And if you really are too sick to go to work, don't, everyone you work with will appreciate you not spreading your germs around. Oh and don't worry about your boss, it's not like you're the first person on the planet, or in the company to call in sick. If they give you a hard time have them read my blog, maybe they will get the picture. Besides, you could always sneeze on their phone when they are not around...(no don't). It's a thought though right?
With much love, light and Kleenex,
Tammy.
Side note: The experts say hand sanitizer isn't as effective as soap and water, but it's better than nothing at all, just be sure it contains alcohol. But don't let your kids use it apparently they can get drunk from licking their hands.
You make me SICK! Of course what I do can make you sick too.
So what are you going to do to prevent yourself from spreading your "sickness" around? Stay home, wash your hands diligently, disinfect everything you touch, sneeze or cough into a Kleenex then flush it? Probably none of the above. Unless you are physically unable to get out of bed, I bet you drag your sorry butt to work. I know three guys I work with who have done that for the past 4 days, thanks for spreading the "love".
We don't live in bubbles, we will get sick. It's inevitable, unless you quarantine yourself in your home and don't let anyone near you. But think about this, how long before you got really sick were you out and about spreading the love? Hmmmmm, maybe I'll go to work today, and make my boss sick, so when I am well enough to come back he/she will be home sick thanks to me. Great way to seek revenge! Or is it one of my favourite sayings "misery loves company".
I hate being sick, who doesn't? That metallic taste you get in your mouth when somethings brewing. The raw feeling in your chest, that slight ear ache that wasn't there yesterday. The start of a stuffy nose. Then BAM! it hits, and you're flat out, if it hits hard enough that is, otherwise your sitting at your desk wishing someone would take pity on your poor hacking sniffely sneezey soul and insist you go home. Show of hands, how many of you hate calling in sick because you think your boss doesn't believe you? My hand is up. Don't get me wrong, I have a great boss, but he's NEVER sick, and when he is he comes in anyway. So I come in and get sent home because I'm pathetic, but hey I put in the effort right? That has to count for something.
If you're in a union, you likely have paid "sick days" I'm not and I work directly with the owner of the company I work for. I try to limit my time off to Fridays as that's his day off, or when he's on vacation. I also time my "sick days" to make sure there is a healthy spread of time between. Good grief, not only am I sick, but now I feel guilty for not going to work. It's not like I'm getting paid to be off, I'm not. I have to either take a vacation day, or no pay at all for that day. I don't get "sick pay". Oh well I'm too sick to care anymore. (note: I'm not actually sick right now, but it's coming, I've been exposed).
Then there is the, ok, I think I'm well enough to go in, you show up and everyone is asking how you feel. What do you say? "I feel great" or just shrug, head to your desk and hope you can last the day? Why are you here? I suppose we fool ourselves into thinking we're better, but halfway through the day you realise, what a fool you've been, and probably should have stayed home just one more day. My line, when asked how I'm feeling "well, I'm here, but I'm not making any guarantees". My boss chuckles at this, I think he thinks I'm pathetic, sick or not. At least I still have my sense of humour right? What's that they say? "laughter is the best medicine" until it turns into a coughing fit at least.
Now I can't talk about being sick without mentioning the difference between men's and women's reactions to being sick, and of course I'll throw in kids for good measure.
OK, we all know a "man cold" is a million billion times worse than anything a woman might experience, save maybe child birth. Men are with out a doubt the biggest babies when they are sick, why is that? Is it a proof that women truly are the stronger sex? I think so, I think all you men out there should worship the women in your lives, because without us to bring you your NyQuil, Buckley's and chicken noodle soup, you may as well just curl up and die, because you will not survive this. On the other hand, maybe that's our plan! Keep you sick and weak so we can take over the planet MMMUUUUHHHHAAAHHHAAA! But I digress.
It's ok, it's probably your moms fault for babying you when you were sick as a child. I'm pretty confident that's were it starts. I know when my kids are sick I try to do everything in my power to make them feel better, nothing short of wishing I were capable of miraculous healing. And so it begins, when your sick, you rely on mom, or in some cases dad. Dad's are capable of caring for a sick child, not a good as mom, but I'm biased. All kidding aside, no one likes to see their baby all stuffed up, and coughing and feeling like crap, we all have huge empathy for a sick child.
Women on the other hand, when sick, will still manage to get up, get the kids ready and off to school, tidy the kitchen, maybe load the dishwasher, throw on a load of laundry, why not your home anyway may as well make the best of it. Besides, it's not difficult (really it's not) to throw clothes in the machine, add soap (yes that's important) and turn it on. Not like a tub and washboard are your only options. Then maybe go sit for a bit, read maybe, maybe doze until you hear the washer finish, mine beeps at me when it's done. We still manage to think up something for dinner, weather we eat it depends on how icky we feel. Honestly women have to be on their death beds to let a cold get the better of them. For the record though there can be some roll reversal on this, but in general women fair better than men, yah again a little biased.
All in all, being sick sucks, but we don't give it to ourselves, we get it from someone else. YOU make me sick, I'm gonna make someone sick. That's life, just try to be considerate and do the little things to help prevent colds, wash your hands with warm soapy water (like the washing machine, soap is important) use a Kleenex, and try not to breath! Ok, you can breath, just not on me. And if you really are too sick to go to work, don't, everyone you work with will appreciate you not spreading your germs around. Oh and don't worry about your boss, it's not like you're the first person on the planet, or in the company to call in sick. If they give you a hard time have them read my blog, maybe they will get the picture. Besides, you could always sneeze on their phone when they are not around...(no don't). It's a thought though right?
With much love, light and Kleenex,
Tammy.
Side note: The experts say hand sanitizer isn't as effective as soap and water, but it's better than nothing at all, just be sure it contains alcohol. But don't let your kids use it apparently they can get drunk from licking their hands.
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