I know this sort of thing is usually reserved for Thanks Giving but I decided that I need to do this now because I'm having a hard time hanging on to my Christmas Spirit and I'm thinking this will help. At least I hope so...
Here we go, my list of everything I'm grateful for...
My kids
For the opportunity to be a mom
My partner
For the opportunity to have found someone who "gets" me
My partner's kids
For the opportunity know such remarkable children
My best friend
For the opportunity to be her shoulder to cry on
My parents
For the opportunity to take what they taught me and apply it to my life
My Sister
For the opportunity to learn patients and understanding
My family
For the opportunity to feel like I belong and I'm loved
My friends
For the opportunity to remain a part of their lives no matter the distance between us
My job
For the opportunity to provide for my family
My boss and co-workers
For the opportunity to be part of a great team
My acquaintances
For the opportunity to see the greatness that inhabits this planet
My pets
For the opportunity to realise unconditional love
My house
For the opportunity to make a home
My ex
For the opportunity to discover who I am regardless
My ex-in-laws
For the opportunity to still be accepted and respected
My memories
For the opportunity to remember what I've experienced
My future
For the opportunity to continue to show my gratitude in as many ways I can
With much love light and Christmas Spirit,
Tammy.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Crisis Of Faith Averted.
I've discovered the answer I've been searching for and it was always right there, I just needed to listen.
Now, a little history. I was baptised Anglican when I was a baby yet never set foot in an Anglican Church. My paternal grandmother followed a myriad of religions one of which was Baptist because her second husband was a Baptist minister, for the most part she was a TV Christian and she made sure my parents sent us to Sunday school. I was in elementary school when I decided to become Catholic, the religion I chose. Mostly because my maternal grandparents were devout Catholics and they and my mom would bring my sister and I to church on a regular basis. Thus began my formal religious training. By that I mean, Catechism and Confirmation into the Catholic Church. I listened and believed.
Then my maternal grandmother died. I'm sure it was with her death that my belief system suffered it's first trauma. I doubted if there was a heaven or a God, my biggest fear for my grandmother was that she was floating around in the darkness of space wondering where her heaven was. This thought both saddened and terrified me so I started looking for answers. This was in 1990. Since then I have experimented with various religious beliefs looking for what I felt to be sufficient balance between what I was taught and what I'd experienced over the years.
The Buddhist philosophy is the most kind, organised religion the most scary. The things people do in the name of their God or religion is astonishing. Buddhism isn't really a religion as it is a way of life. I like the whole "Cease to do evil, endeavor to do good" mantra but on a whole Buddhism is just not for me.
I do believe in life after death I believe in reincarnation and Karma but I have a hard time believing that I can come back as a bug if I'm not a good human in this life. I believe that once a human always a human. Which lead me to a more Spiritual path. This one I could really sink my teeth into. I had always been fascinated with Astrology. I think it's a great way to help us understand each other. Once you get deeply into it that is. What you read in the daily horoscopes is a really vague picture. To do an in depth astrological reading takes years of training and far more information than your birthday. But I digress...
As I was saying, all things Spiritual sat well with me. My first realisation came while I was on maternity leave with my daughter in 1997 and Sally Jesse Rafael had a woman from England on her show named Rosemary Altea. Rosemary had written a book called Proud Spirit. Rosemary is a well known (in my circle) medium and healer. Well as soon as I could I bought the book and absolutely devoured it. I found some of the answers I had started looking for seven years prior.
And for the record Rosemary believes in God and Jesus. She's not a devil worshiping occultist everything she teaches is what we call " Working in the light" nothing dark or sinister about it. Unlike some religions who like to use scare tactics on their followers, there's your "evil". This began my insatiable curiosity to know more, to learn how to communicate with those who have passed and those who are working in Spirit towards the betterment of man kind. As I type this I am reminded of how easily one can be pulled off their path when faced with adversity.
I spent the better part of the past thirteen years developing my own skills. I chose to take the path of a healer. I have had the honour of working with some remarkable people here on the Earth plain as well as those in Spirit. I have witnessed first hand my connection to the Universe and for what ever reason lately I've forgotten about it. I think because I have not continued with my personal work in this area. Not that I don't want to, it's just I have not had an opportunity. Excuses excuses I know but it's really hard to meditate with a house full of people. Especially when you're the only one who believes in this particular form of Spirituality.
What does this mean to my crisis of faith? I think it means that I need to re-discover my Spirituality and not in the conventional way I had thought. I was about to re-enter a Catholic church thinking this would help but I know deep down it would only serve to fuel my fire of questions. I believe in a Divine Creator, I believe in an unseen universe populated with our loved ones who have passed as well as a vast collection of guides and teachers who are working in harmony without our knowledge to ensure Mother Earth continues to spin. I can't believe I managed to forget what it was I truly believed all because I got caught up in a tragedy that made me question the existence of God, or more so the God to whom so many subscribe.
Organized religions require a certain amount of blind faith from their followers in order to be a viable organization and in doing so remove the individuals need to question by providing their answers. That's perfectly fine as long as no one gets hurt. Believe what you will, I'm not going to buy in. I know what I've experienced in my quest for answers. I have been embraced by my Divine Creator, I have made contact with my personal guides and teachers I even have the pleasure of knowing my Guardian Angel, he is of a masculine energy named Alistair he's huge and beautiful and has the most amazing eyes that I can only describe as "World Eyes" because they resemble the planet Earth from outer space.
I know deep down what I believe, I know I have experienced many lives here on this planet every last one of them a learning experience that I have taken into my next. I know I am a healer that's why my presence calms certain sensitive individuals. I have gifts that were given to me by the Divine Creator and I have learned to use them. I don't need to question any longer, the answer was always there, I was just confused by an event that happened to one of "God's Children" that made me question the existence of such a God.
They are comforted in their knowledge of their God, I am comforted in the knowledge of my Divine Creator or for lack of a better term, my God. And believe me on this one. I have stood in the presence of my God, and I understand. I know now why and it's not exactly what you may think.
You see, before we are born, when we are in Spirit helping from this place best described as heaven we make a decision to come back. The time and lesson are predetermined and we agree to this contract. We are able to choose the life lesson we are in need of learning, after all that's why the planet exists it's a giant class room. We also decide how long we want to be here. There is free will here on Earth, but in Spirit it's more a collective. Everyone is working towards good and only good. So why is there evil here on earth...good old free will, the gift we are given at birth. So our soul is born and only residual memories of our Spiritual existence are present as well as some past life experiences.
For example, I could not for the life of me figure out why I was afraid to swim in a lake, no problem with pools, lakes freaked me out. I had the opportunity to experience a past life regression where I discovered that I had drown in green murky water (this past life regression was not specifically to find this out, we were learning how to preform a regression so there were no "suggestions"). That put my fear of lakes to rest just knowing that about myself. Anyway as I was saying we are given free will and by the free will of others we are taught and we loose our innocence. Some go too far the wrong way, a baby is not born a serial killer. Somewhere along the way something goes terribly wrong. Like I said we are here to learn, Spirit can only guide those who listen.
There were many times these past thirteen years that I have failed to listen but when I do my life is wonderful. When I ignore the subtle signs being given, things go frightfully bad. So as I return to my path knowing that it is the right path for me and only me I am comforted by the thought that we are here for as long as we requested. To learn the lesson we chose and once that is done, we are done. We go back to Spirit, we go home. We recuperate, we perhaps take what we've learned and guide others on the Earth plain or we come back to continue our quest for knowledge. There is no real right or wrong to the process, the process just is.
I have a feeling I'm going to be around for a while, my very recent past life wasn't a long one and I have a feeling I've requested this one be long. I see myself really really old, happy and alert but really old. Something to look forward to without questioning why. Just imagine the wealth of knowledge I will be taking back with me when I leave, that's got to be a benefit to someone some day or why would we bother?
With much love, light and comfort in my beliefs,
Tammy.
Now, a little history. I was baptised Anglican when I was a baby yet never set foot in an Anglican Church. My paternal grandmother followed a myriad of religions one of which was Baptist because her second husband was a Baptist minister, for the most part she was a TV Christian and she made sure my parents sent us to Sunday school. I was in elementary school when I decided to become Catholic, the religion I chose. Mostly because my maternal grandparents were devout Catholics and they and my mom would bring my sister and I to church on a regular basis. Thus began my formal religious training. By that I mean, Catechism and Confirmation into the Catholic Church. I listened and believed.
Then my maternal grandmother died. I'm sure it was with her death that my belief system suffered it's first trauma. I doubted if there was a heaven or a God, my biggest fear for my grandmother was that she was floating around in the darkness of space wondering where her heaven was. This thought both saddened and terrified me so I started looking for answers. This was in 1990. Since then I have experimented with various religious beliefs looking for what I felt to be sufficient balance between what I was taught and what I'd experienced over the years.
The Buddhist philosophy is the most kind, organised religion the most scary. The things people do in the name of their God or religion is astonishing. Buddhism isn't really a religion as it is a way of life. I like the whole "Cease to do evil, endeavor to do good" mantra but on a whole Buddhism is just not for me.
I do believe in life after death I believe in reincarnation and Karma but I have a hard time believing that I can come back as a bug if I'm not a good human in this life. I believe that once a human always a human. Which lead me to a more Spiritual path. This one I could really sink my teeth into. I had always been fascinated with Astrology. I think it's a great way to help us understand each other. Once you get deeply into it that is. What you read in the daily horoscopes is a really vague picture. To do an in depth astrological reading takes years of training and far more information than your birthday. But I digress...
As I was saying, all things Spiritual sat well with me. My first realisation came while I was on maternity leave with my daughter in 1997 and Sally Jesse Rafael had a woman from England on her show named Rosemary Altea. Rosemary had written a book called Proud Spirit. Rosemary is a well known (in my circle) medium and healer. Well as soon as I could I bought the book and absolutely devoured it. I found some of the answers I had started looking for seven years prior.
And for the record Rosemary believes in God and Jesus. She's not a devil worshiping occultist everything she teaches is what we call " Working in the light" nothing dark or sinister about it. Unlike some religions who like to use scare tactics on their followers, there's your "evil". This began my insatiable curiosity to know more, to learn how to communicate with those who have passed and those who are working in Spirit towards the betterment of man kind. As I type this I am reminded of how easily one can be pulled off their path when faced with adversity.
I spent the better part of the past thirteen years developing my own skills. I chose to take the path of a healer. I have had the honour of working with some remarkable people here on the Earth plain as well as those in Spirit. I have witnessed first hand my connection to the Universe and for what ever reason lately I've forgotten about it. I think because I have not continued with my personal work in this area. Not that I don't want to, it's just I have not had an opportunity. Excuses excuses I know but it's really hard to meditate with a house full of people. Especially when you're the only one who believes in this particular form of Spirituality.
What does this mean to my crisis of faith? I think it means that I need to re-discover my Spirituality and not in the conventional way I had thought. I was about to re-enter a Catholic church thinking this would help but I know deep down it would only serve to fuel my fire of questions. I believe in a Divine Creator, I believe in an unseen universe populated with our loved ones who have passed as well as a vast collection of guides and teachers who are working in harmony without our knowledge to ensure Mother Earth continues to spin. I can't believe I managed to forget what it was I truly believed all because I got caught up in a tragedy that made me question the existence of God, or more so the God to whom so many subscribe.
Organized religions require a certain amount of blind faith from their followers in order to be a viable organization and in doing so remove the individuals need to question by providing their answers. That's perfectly fine as long as no one gets hurt. Believe what you will, I'm not going to buy in. I know what I've experienced in my quest for answers. I have been embraced by my Divine Creator, I have made contact with my personal guides and teachers I even have the pleasure of knowing my Guardian Angel, he is of a masculine energy named Alistair he's huge and beautiful and has the most amazing eyes that I can only describe as "World Eyes" because they resemble the planet Earth from outer space.
I know deep down what I believe, I know I have experienced many lives here on this planet every last one of them a learning experience that I have taken into my next. I know I am a healer that's why my presence calms certain sensitive individuals. I have gifts that were given to me by the Divine Creator and I have learned to use them. I don't need to question any longer, the answer was always there, I was just confused by an event that happened to one of "God's Children" that made me question the existence of such a God.
They are comforted in their knowledge of their God, I am comforted in the knowledge of my Divine Creator or for lack of a better term, my God. And believe me on this one. I have stood in the presence of my God, and I understand. I know now why and it's not exactly what you may think.
You see, before we are born, when we are in Spirit helping from this place best described as heaven we make a decision to come back. The time and lesson are predetermined and we agree to this contract. We are able to choose the life lesson we are in need of learning, after all that's why the planet exists it's a giant class room. We also decide how long we want to be here. There is free will here on Earth, but in Spirit it's more a collective. Everyone is working towards good and only good. So why is there evil here on earth...good old free will, the gift we are given at birth. So our soul is born and only residual memories of our Spiritual existence are present as well as some past life experiences.
For example, I could not for the life of me figure out why I was afraid to swim in a lake, no problem with pools, lakes freaked me out. I had the opportunity to experience a past life regression where I discovered that I had drown in green murky water (this past life regression was not specifically to find this out, we were learning how to preform a regression so there were no "suggestions"). That put my fear of lakes to rest just knowing that about myself. Anyway as I was saying we are given free will and by the free will of others we are taught and we loose our innocence. Some go too far the wrong way, a baby is not born a serial killer. Somewhere along the way something goes terribly wrong. Like I said we are here to learn, Spirit can only guide those who listen.
There were many times these past thirteen years that I have failed to listen but when I do my life is wonderful. When I ignore the subtle signs being given, things go frightfully bad. So as I return to my path knowing that it is the right path for me and only me I am comforted by the thought that we are here for as long as we requested. To learn the lesson we chose and once that is done, we are done. We go back to Spirit, we go home. We recuperate, we perhaps take what we've learned and guide others on the Earth plain or we come back to continue our quest for knowledge. There is no real right or wrong to the process, the process just is.
I have a feeling I'm going to be around for a while, my very recent past life wasn't a long one and I have a feeling I've requested this one be long. I see myself really really old, happy and alert but really old. Something to look forward to without questioning why. Just imagine the wealth of knowledge I will be taking back with me when I leave, that's got to be a benefit to someone some day or why would we bother?
With much love, light and comfort in my beliefs,
Tammy.
Friday, December 17, 2010
My Turn.
It seems I'm always blogging about everything that happens around me. The reason I started this blog was to release my "Random Thoughts" a therapeutic way of letting go of all that goes on in my head. I'm not entirely sure that's been happening to the extent I was hoping. So I'm going to release. Some of this will be negative, I have to clear it out and my way of doing that is to write. Some will be positive, I will try to keep it balance.
Since starting this blog and even before hand I've encountered all sorts of ups and downs that recently have come to a head. This biggest one is my ex. NOW don't get me wrong here, I left him because I could not see our future together any longer. Our marriage was always more a business deal than romantic encounter. He didn't propose, we shook hands when we decided to get married and the only reason that happened was because I wanted the same last name as my kids. His original suggestion was I legally change my name.
So you see, not much real love there, BUT, there was a sense of family. This was lost when I left and in so many ways and I miss that. I miss my in-laws even though I'm still in contact with them because of my kids. I miss our friends, the ones that were his friends first. I don't get invited to functions anymore because we are no longer together and we are both with some one else. Too uncomfortable for everyone, I get that. It still hurts though.
I sometimes think "if only". If only I had tried harder, if only he loved me, if only I didn't want more, if only I wasn't so selfish. Would we still be together? Could we be happy? I know the answer to this. No. We were done before we began it just took me a while to realise it.
The other night we sat next to each other at our sons band Christmas concert. We always show a united front for the kids. They need to see that their parents are capable of getting along even though they still have their moments. The kids need to know they are and always will be our top priority. So we sit and watch and because he's taking pictures needs to lean towards me. This makes me uncomfortable so a move over a bit. He's never been one who notices personal space and I need mine. He was oblivious.
As we sit and listen to the choir it gets me thinking about past Christmas's when we were together, probably the best times in our marriage. And an overwhelm sadness descends upon me to the point of near tears. This started the snowball of thoughts that initially prompted my need to blog about myself. I need to let go.
I mentioned we are both with significant others. I live with mine. This has not been an easy transition but it has been far less stressful than when I was with my ex. That being said it has opened up a whole new world of "in-law" type people and a new set of friends (I do have my own friends, just to clarify). All who have been so kind in their acceptance of me. That makes me happy but I still feel uneasy about it like it could all just pop like a balloon and be gone, because it can.
I hang on and even though I feel maybe not as complete as I would like I keep reminding myself I'm better off now. I don't drive home after work with a pain in my stomach because I don't know what I will be dealing with when I get there. I drive home and I feel nothing. Not that that's bad it's just that. I drive home. There is never an uneasy feeling I don't do a mental inventory of what I might have done to cause a conflict when I get there. I pretty much just drive home, park, let the dogs out and start dinner. Pretty routine.
What am I missing that I feel so empty? Last night as I sat and the band played Christmas tunes I thought to myself. "I HATE MY LIFE!" How pathetic is that? Do I really? Or was I just feeling sorry for myself? Probably the latter. I think what it is that I dislike so much is this isn't what I had hoped for when I was younger. I wanted the house and picket fence and a whole slew of babies, I wanted to be a stay at home mom who baked cookies and went on field trips with my kids class. That's what I had envisioned and none of it happened. My kids are growing up and I missed out on so much because I HAD to work.
They say our lives are what we make of them but sometimes you have help, and not necessarily in a good way. Even now as I type this I wonder what it is I want out of life anymore. I really don't know. That's not true, I do know but it's unrealistic so what's the point?
Christmas 2006 the last Christmas I was with my ex I received the book The Secret from him, well from me actually as usual I bought ALL the gifts wrapped and put the corresponding tos and froms on them. I read the book and did what it said to do. I asked to be released from my loveless marriage and to find someone who's just like me, who really understands me.
Well, they say be careful what you wish for. And for me it actually happened. I left my ex and found someone who could really relate to me who truly understands ME. We were and still are very much the same. This is a good thing, it's also a very bad thing. We know exactly what makes us tic and we know how to tic each other off. Although it happens infrequently it does happen.
I'm a firm believer that opposites though may attract they are still opposite, or opposing. My ex and I, total opposites. I'm an introvert, he's an extrovert. I was weak willed he was strong willed. I was the peace keeper he was the warrior. We did not work well together. Currently living with someone who is so much like me is easy, almost too easy. We don't have to talk to each other we can just "be". He says I calm him when he's uptight about something with just my presence. Well I'm far more content when he's around. We can exist peacefully together. That doesn't mean we have the ultimate peaceful existence. We don't. We've had our share of battles of differing opinions but we always manage to either let it go or come to a compromise even if it's in the most subtle way or unusual way.
I'm the type that's hurt easily. I don't take criticism well which is probably why I try really hard not to openly criticize others. I will bite my tongue off first (except when it comes to dealing with my ex, he can rile me up like no other). So when I'm faced with criticism I shut down. I wallow and I try to justify why I did or said what I did internally. I'm a terrible debater so arguing a point generally falls flat and is reduced to angry words that can't be reversed. So I avoid confrontation as much as humanly possible.
The other day I was told that I said something that does not shed a positive light on the subject of the comment. That's about as close to describing the situation without giving it away completely as I'm willing to get. Anyway, this hurt me deeply and made me feel badly towards the person who pointed it out. It bothered me all day. I struggled to justify it, and I managed a pathetic justification that made me feel better. But I think what it was that hurt me the most was the realisation that I had acted so inappropriately when I know better. But as with all things this all passed and drifted off to the Universe to be dealt with. All is well again in my world, well almost.
Christmas is just around the corner and for me it's a very emotional time. I'm not entirely sure why though, this baffles me. I listen to Christmas music and it can so easily bring me to tears, even the really upbeat happy songs? I talk to my self and tell myself I'm just a big baby but really am I? Christmas for me is the ultimate family experience and when I was growing up there was never a shortage of family to celebrate the season with. Now that the dynamics of my family have changed and I have to adjust to less family it's a sad time for me as much as it is a happy one.
This Christmas will be no different than the last or any before. Christmas morning (the 26th for us this year) the kids will get up and open their gifts, I'll start the turkey and make a huge breakfast, everyone will be happy, how could they not be? I will be busy and this will keep my mind preoccupied. Once the dust settles and the day is done will I feel satisfied it was what I expected? I don't know, check back on the 27th and I'll post something about it. What I do know is this, next Christmas I will feel the same way, I've come to expect it and well if it were to change then I would be at a loss.
So this is where I am right at this moment. Next year will be a great year! For some reason I do better on odd numbered years so here's hoping. There's really nothing in particular I would like to see happen like I said earlier wishing for the impossible I've learned is pointless, or is it? I'm still putting it out there because you never know.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year! I'm panning too!
With much love, light and feeling a little lighter!
Tammy.
Since starting this blog and even before hand I've encountered all sorts of ups and downs that recently have come to a head. This biggest one is my ex. NOW don't get me wrong here, I left him because I could not see our future together any longer. Our marriage was always more a business deal than romantic encounter. He didn't propose, we shook hands when we decided to get married and the only reason that happened was because I wanted the same last name as my kids. His original suggestion was I legally change my name.
So you see, not much real love there, BUT, there was a sense of family. This was lost when I left and in so many ways and I miss that. I miss my in-laws even though I'm still in contact with them because of my kids. I miss our friends, the ones that were his friends first. I don't get invited to functions anymore because we are no longer together and we are both with some one else. Too uncomfortable for everyone, I get that. It still hurts though.
I sometimes think "if only". If only I had tried harder, if only he loved me, if only I didn't want more, if only I wasn't so selfish. Would we still be together? Could we be happy? I know the answer to this. No. We were done before we began it just took me a while to realise it.
The other night we sat next to each other at our sons band Christmas concert. We always show a united front for the kids. They need to see that their parents are capable of getting along even though they still have their moments. The kids need to know they are and always will be our top priority. So we sit and watch and because he's taking pictures needs to lean towards me. This makes me uncomfortable so a move over a bit. He's never been one who notices personal space and I need mine. He was oblivious.
As we sit and listen to the choir it gets me thinking about past Christmas's when we were together, probably the best times in our marriage. And an overwhelm sadness descends upon me to the point of near tears. This started the snowball of thoughts that initially prompted my need to blog about myself. I need to let go.
I mentioned we are both with significant others. I live with mine. This has not been an easy transition but it has been far less stressful than when I was with my ex. That being said it has opened up a whole new world of "in-law" type people and a new set of friends (I do have my own friends, just to clarify). All who have been so kind in their acceptance of me. That makes me happy but I still feel uneasy about it like it could all just pop like a balloon and be gone, because it can.
I hang on and even though I feel maybe not as complete as I would like I keep reminding myself I'm better off now. I don't drive home after work with a pain in my stomach because I don't know what I will be dealing with when I get there. I drive home and I feel nothing. Not that that's bad it's just that. I drive home. There is never an uneasy feeling I don't do a mental inventory of what I might have done to cause a conflict when I get there. I pretty much just drive home, park, let the dogs out and start dinner. Pretty routine.
What am I missing that I feel so empty? Last night as I sat and the band played Christmas tunes I thought to myself. "I HATE MY LIFE!" How pathetic is that? Do I really? Or was I just feeling sorry for myself? Probably the latter. I think what it is that I dislike so much is this isn't what I had hoped for when I was younger. I wanted the house and picket fence and a whole slew of babies, I wanted to be a stay at home mom who baked cookies and went on field trips with my kids class. That's what I had envisioned and none of it happened. My kids are growing up and I missed out on so much because I HAD to work.
They say our lives are what we make of them but sometimes you have help, and not necessarily in a good way. Even now as I type this I wonder what it is I want out of life anymore. I really don't know. That's not true, I do know but it's unrealistic so what's the point?
Christmas 2006 the last Christmas I was with my ex I received the book The Secret from him, well from me actually as usual I bought ALL the gifts wrapped and put the corresponding tos and froms on them. I read the book and did what it said to do. I asked to be released from my loveless marriage and to find someone who's just like me, who really understands me.
Well, they say be careful what you wish for. And for me it actually happened. I left my ex and found someone who could really relate to me who truly understands ME. We were and still are very much the same. This is a good thing, it's also a very bad thing. We know exactly what makes us tic and we know how to tic each other off. Although it happens infrequently it does happen.
I'm a firm believer that opposites though may attract they are still opposite, or opposing. My ex and I, total opposites. I'm an introvert, he's an extrovert. I was weak willed he was strong willed. I was the peace keeper he was the warrior. We did not work well together. Currently living with someone who is so much like me is easy, almost too easy. We don't have to talk to each other we can just "be". He says I calm him when he's uptight about something with just my presence. Well I'm far more content when he's around. We can exist peacefully together. That doesn't mean we have the ultimate peaceful existence. We don't. We've had our share of battles of differing opinions but we always manage to either let it go or come to a compromise even if it's in the most subtle way or unusual way.
I'm the type that's hurt easily. I don't take criticism well which is probably why I try really hard not to openly criticize others. I will bite my tongue off first (except when it comes to dealing with my ex, he can rile me up like no other). So when I'm faced with criticism I shut down. I wallow and I try to justify why I did or said what I did internally. I'm a terrible debater so arguing a point generally falls flat and is reduced to angry words that can't be reversed. So I avoid confrontation as much as humanly possible.
The other day I was told that I said something that does not shed a positive light on the subject of the comment. That's about as close to describing the situation without giving it away completely as I'm willing to get. Anyway, this hurt me deeply and made me feel badly towards the person who pointed it out. It bothered me all day. I struggled to justify it, and I managed a pathetic justification that made me feel better. But I think what it was that hurt me the most was the realisation that I had acted so inappropriately when I know better. But as with all things this all passed and drifted off to the Universe to be dealt with. All is well again in my world, well almost.
Christmas is just around the corner and for me it's a very emotional time. I'm not entirely sure why though, this baffles me. I listen to Christmas music and it can so easily bring me to tears, even the really upbeat happy songs? I talk to my self and tell myself I'm just a big baby but really am I? Christmas for me is the ultimate family experience and when I was growing up there was never a shortage of family to celebrate the season with. Now that the dynamics of my family have changed and I have to adjust to less family it's a sad time for me as much as it is a happy one.
This Christmas will be no different than the last or any before. Christmas morning (the 26th for us this year) the kids will get up and open their gifts, I'll start the turkey and make a huge breakfast, everyone will be happy, how could they not be? I will be busy and this will keep my mind preoccupied. Once the dust settles and the day is done will I feel satisfied it was what I expected? I don't know, check back on the 27th and I'll post something about it. What I do know is this, next Christmas I will feel the same way, I've come to expect it and well if it were to change then I would be at a loss.
So this is where I am right at this moment. Next year will be a great year! For some reason I do better on odd numbered years so here's hoping. There's really nothing in particular I would like to see happen like I said earlier wishing for the impossible I've learned is pointless, or is it? I'm still putting it out there because you never know.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year! I'm panning too!
With much love, light and feeling a little lighter!
Tammy.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Terrible Two's? Ya Right!
Several nights ago my darling teenager had a melt down. This is nothing new, I deal with this sort of thing from her at least once every six months or so. This time was a little different.
As we sat on her bed and she cried her heart out I listened. Albeit with great difficulty over the sobs, I just listened.
Now, I've always considered myself a better listener than talker but apparently when it comes to my kids I just talk. My daughter says I offer advice when advice is not what she's after (in her owns words that is) So, I conceded and sat and listened and this is what I found out.
My beautiful daughter thinks she's an alien. Not literally of course, metaphorically. She went on to explain that she doesn't see things like the other teens in her peer group. She also thinks she doesn't have a sense of humour. She does, it's just very different from the norm. She also thinks that it is impossible to be happy, she doesn't get how I can be happy all the time.
Another comment she made and I quote (because this one stuck with me) "The problem with the human race is we are all individuals" OK I had to laugh at that one, which got her laughing. Which disproved her theory she didn't have a sense of humour. This particular comment struck me as odd because she is of all people is as individual as they get. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum.
So I've given allot of brain time to this comment and I think what she's grasping at is to just fit in. She's always been one of the tallest kids in her peer group and according to her teacher one of the smartest and most mature. This makes her intimidating even without her trying to be. I know I was intimidated by the "smart kids" at school having been a C average student, more so because I just didn't care and didn't apply myself, something I came to learn much later was a detriment but this isn't about me, it's about my beautiful brilliant daughter who just wants to fit in.
So what do I say to her to make her feel better about all of this? Nothing, because there is nothing I can say that will change her view of herself and believe me I have tried many many times. So I will just listen and if she wants my advice she will ask and I will give. That's about all I can do. She's just going to have to work this out for herself to come to the conclusion on her own that she has choices. She can choose to be happy or she can choose to be miserable. Simple, yes, but not to a thirteen and three quarter year old.
Next up is my son, he's twelve. Luckily for me he's not a mature twelve so even though he's going to be thirteen next year I'm hoping I don't have to go through this with him right away, one kid at a time please! I'm rolling my eyes as I type this. They say girls mature faster than boys and in this case my daughter is about fifty years ahead of her brother. She was born old, a truly "old soul" inhabits that body.
This is probably why she's struggling with her age, she doesn't think like a teenager for the most part, ok, the melt down was very juvenile but that was the result of being over stimulated. Since she was a baby too much activity for extended periods of time always had this exact effect on her. A complete melt down, then she's fine for a good long time. This particular event was cause from having to deal with her extroverted brother and father for an entire week. She needs her down time and it came too late this time.
She's fine now and appears happy for the most part. They are at their dad's this week and have been very busy with Christmas preparations so I'm hoping she's coping well, she seems to be. At least at school there isn't much going on so she's not being hit from all sides.
SO what does this all mean, well, it means that I for one have learned a valuable lesson. To listen. And that this is just the start, now the real work begins the moulding and guiding and hoping that at the other end you've helped your teen become a wonderful well adjusted adult. I think just being aware that this is my new job is half the battle.
With much love, light and the terrible teens!
Tammy.
As we sat on her bed and she cried her heart out I listened. Albeit with great difficulty over the sobs, I just listened.
Now, I've always considered myself a better listener than talker but apparently when it comes to my kids I just talk. My daughter says I offer advice when advice is not what she's after (in her owns words that is) So, I conceded and sat and listened and this is what I found out.
My beautiful daughter thinks she's an alien. Not literally of course, metaphorically. She went on to explain that she doesn't see things like the other teens in her peer group. She also thinks she doesn't have a sense of humour. She does, it's just very different from the norm. She also thinks that it is impossible to be happy, she doesn't get how I can be happy all the time.
Another comment she made and I quote (because this one stuck with me) "The problem with the human race is we are all individuals" OK I had to laugh at that one, which got her laughing. Which disproved her theory she didn't have a sense of humour. This particular comment struck me as odd because she is of all people is as individual as they get. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum.
So I've given allot of brain time to this comment and I think what she's grasping at is to just fit in. She's always been one of the tallest kids in her peer group and according to her teacher one of the smartest and most mature. This makes her intimidating even without her trying to be. I know I was intimidated by the "smart kids" at school having been a C average student, more so because I just didn't care and didn't apply myself, something I came to learn much later was a detriment but this isn't about me, it's about my beautiful brilliant daughter who just wants to fit in.
So what do I say to her to make her feel better about all of this? Nothing, because there is nothing I can say that will change her view of herself and believe me I have tried many many times. So I will just listen and if she wants my advice she will ask and I will give. That's about all I can do. She's just going to have to work this out for herself to come to the conclusion on her own that she has choices. She can choose to be happy or she can choose to be miserable. Simple, yes, but not to a thirteen and three quarter year old.
Next up is my son, he's twelve. Luckily for me he's not a mature twelve so even though he's going to be thirteen next year I'm hoping I don't have to go through this with him right away, one kid at a time please! I'm rolling my eyes as I type this. They say girls mature faster than boys and in this case my daughter is about fifty years ahead of her brother. She was born old, a truly "old soul" inhabits that body.
This is probably why she's struggling with her age, she doesn't think like a teenager for the most part, ok, the melt down was very juvenile but that was the result of being over stimulated. Since she was a baby too much activity for extended periods of time always had this exact effect on her. A complete melt down, then she's fine for a good long time. This particular event was cause from having to deal with her extroverted brother and father for an entire week. She needs her down time and it came too late this time.
She's fine now and appears happy for the most part. They are at their dad's this week and have been very busy with Christmas preparations so I'm hoping she's coping well, she seems to be. At least at school there isn't much going on so she's not being hit from all sides.
SO what does this all mean, well, it means that I for one have learned a valuable lesson. To listen. And that this is just the start, now the real work begins the moulding and guiding and hoping that at the other end you've helped your teen become a wonderful well adjusted adult. I think just being aware that this is my new job is half the battle.
With much love, light and the terrible teens!
Tammy.
Definition of FAMILY
1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
b : the staff of a high official (as the President)
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as
a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification
c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
b : spouse and children
6 : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area
As you can see from the above definition of family taken directly from the Webster online dictionary there are eight scenarios that qualify the term "family". This is not a word I take lightly this is a word that for me holds boundless meaning. I consider my friends a part of my family. I consider my "family" to be of great value and I honour my family with the respect they deserve. I exclude no one. My extended family is held in the same regard as my immediate family. No one person is any less an important member than the next. We are all individuals and I cherish each and every one for their uniqueness.
If I see a family member (remember this also includes my friends) hurt or struggling with something I will offer my hand or a kind word. If I see a family member accomplishing a goal or attaining a dream I cheer and congratulate. If I see a family member set out to purposefully hurt another precious member of my family I am outraged! This is unacceptable. No one member of my family is better or more important than the next and if I hear of such imbalances I set out to right them again.
I am a peace keeper by nature. I have little tolerance for in fighting and when I have the opportunity to offer support or guidance to those family members encountering such difficulties I do my best to help. Granted there are times when the opposing parties just will not listen to reason. That's ok, eventually balance is restored and life proceeds accordingly. However there is no excuse for blatantly and purposefully hurting another individual so deeply that it sets them into a state of tremendous sorrow that lasts days. How can one be so utterly cruel? No amount of justification excuses this behaviour.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (NIV)
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (NIV)
Two very pertinent verses to live by. Hold your tongue and show compassion. I am a firm believer in turn the other cheek but I will, when provolked, defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. I will in my own quiet way let offending individuals know they have wounded deeply with their sword of reckless words. That no amount of self justification will reverse the damages. I know that in the end all wrongs will be righted and when we are faced with the question "are you worthy" there will be more than a few of us scrambling for an answer. Am I worthy? I don't know right now. I do know that my journey of becoming worthy is on going and though I take wrong turns now and then I eventually find my way back on my path.
Family is so very very important to the well being of the individual. It gives you a sense of belonging and worth. It reminds us that we are not alone that we have others to share our joys and sorrows. That there will always be someone there to "have your back" and to lend a hand when you need it. Family is not about hurt and distrust it is not about vengeance or negligence. It is about love and honour.
My wish for all those I consider my family, friends included, is for a sense of belonging and acceptance regardless of rank or race, religious belief or following. If we are all children of God then by definition are we not all family? Who among us can say who should be included and who should be excluded? Who is more Godly than the rest to make that determination? Who can look themselves in the mirror and say "My actions are just and worthy?" and know it's true? IF so, great. IF not what are you going to do to change your actions and make amends?
You have to ask yourself, "who have I hurt today?" and to be truly accountable for your actions. Take a mental inventory every night when you go to bed and if there is anyone on your list be sure to make amends as soon as possible because life is too short and you may miss your opportunity to make right your wrong to solidify your worthiness.
With much love, light and one big happy family,
Tammy.
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
b : the staff of a high official (as the President)
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as
a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification
c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
b : spouse and children
6 : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area
As you can see from the above definition of family taken directly from the Webster online dictionary there are eight scenarios that qualify the term "family". This is not a word I take lightly this is a word that for me holds boundless meaning. I consider my friends a part of my family. I consider my "family" to be of great value and I honour my family with the respect they deserve. I exclude no one. My extended family is held in the same regard as my immediate family. No one person is any less an important member than the next. We are all individuals and I cherish each and every one for their uniqueness.
If I see a family member (remember this also includes my friends) hurt or struggling with something I will offer my hand or a kind word. If I see a family member accomplishing a goal or attaining a dream I cheer and congratulate. If I see a family member set out to purposefully hurt another precious member of my family I am outraged! This is unacceptable. No one member of my family is better or more important than the next and if I hear of such imbalances I set out to right them again.
I am a peace keeper by nature. I have little tolerance for in fighting and when I have the opportunity to offer support or guidance to those family members encountering such difficulties I do my best to help. Granted there are times when the opposing parties just will not listen to reason. That's ok, eventually balance is restored and life proceeds accordingly. However there is no excuse for blatantly and purposefully hurting another individual so deeply that it sets them into a state of tremendous sorrow that lasts days. How can one be so utterly cruel? No amount of justification excuses this behaviour.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (NIV)
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (NIV)
Two very pertinent verses to live by. Hold your tongue and show compassion. I am a firm believer in turn the other cheek but I will, when provolked, defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. I will in my own quiet way let offending individuals know they have wounded deeply with their sword of reckless words. That no amount of self justification will reverse the damages. I know that in the end all wrongs will be righted and when we are faced with the question "are you worthy" there will be more than a few of us scrambling for an answer. Am I worthy? I don't know right now. I do know that my journey of becoming worthy is on going and though I take wrong turns now and then I eventually find my way back on my path.
Family is so very very important to the well being of the individual. It gives you a sense of belonging and worth. It reminds us that we are not alone that we have others to share our joys and sorrows. That there will always be someone there to "have your back" and to lend a hand when you need it. Family is not about hurt and distrust it is not about vengeance or negligence. It is about love and honour.
My wish for all those I consider my family, friends included, is for a sense of belonging and acceptance regardless of rank or race, religious belief or following. If we are all children of God then by definition are we not all family? Who among us can say who should be included and who should be excluded? Who is more Godly than the rest to make that determination? Who can look themselves in the mirror and say "My actions are just and worthy?" and know it's true? IF so, great. IF not what are you going to do to change your actions and make amends?
You have to ask yourself, "who have I hurt today?" and to be truly accountable for your actions. Take a mental inventory every night when you go to bed and if there is anyone on your list be sure to make amends as soon as possible because life is too short and you may miss your opportunity to make right your wrong to solidify your worthiness.
With much love, light and one big happy family,
Tammy.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Honour Thy Mother and Father
I had an interesting conversation this morning with my ex's mom. Keep in mind I've known my ex-in-laws since I was a kid so not having some form of relationship with them is a foreign concept to me.
Any way the conversation revolved around her son, my ex and how utterly rude he is to his family and how she's so not inviting him for Christmas (for now) because he's just so mean to them. She recounted a conversation she had with him recently where by he was rude to start off with and hung up on her. She was calling to invite our kids to the Santa Parade downtown this up coming weekend. Why would he do this?
Because that's what he does. That's in part why we are no longer together and why I feel badly for my kids on a regular basis. Because he's just like that.
You see, a few months back he got a traffic ticket for not signalling when pulling into a parking lot. Dumb ticket but a ticket none the less. Now, his brother is a cop and when he heard about this he sympathised and said that he would find out what the officer was thinking but couldn't do anything about the ticket because he's not in that jurisdiction. He advised that he should fight it because the officer when leaving the parking lot didn't signal either, so talk about being above the law right?
Well, he didn't fight it nor did he pay it and he recently got a letter from ICBC about it. So now he's mad because he figured his brother should have taken care of this for him. He took it upon himself to call and leave his brother a nasty message about how he hates all cops, blah, blah, blah...same crap I was subjected to when he didn't get his way with me.
Well, of course his brother called his mom because this was upsetting for him and voiced his concern to her. She in turn called her son, but got my son instead. They had a little chat and at the end of the conversation my son handed the phone to his dad. His response to his mom, "what?" and I know the tone he would have used too, that condescending "what do you want" tone.
Not hi, how are you? Or what's up? No, just "what?" He knew full well why she was calling and rightfully so, I would do the same if one of my children were treating their sibling like crap for something they had no control over, you bet! Well, as I mentioned the conversation didn't end well which lead her to contacting me.
Now, I don't have a problem with talking to them and arranging for the kids to visit with them, why would I they are still an important part of my kids lives and because my parents live so far away I know how important it is to keep them in contact with their grandparents. So ya, she called me and explained why she wasn't talking to my ex about this and I told her that I would deal with him for her. Works out well because he has a Christmas party to go to on Saturday night and wasn't planing on returning home afterwards so the kids will be at my house anyway. As long as it doesn't rain, the plans are set.
Now, as for my ex...I sent him an email, telling him what was going on and making it sound like he's the one benefiting from this in the long run, that's what he likes, to be the centre of the universe. He's not, but he thinks he is. Whether he agrees or not that's his problem, I've stopped letting his issues affect me years ago. It's when they affect the kids that I take issue.
Ok, so the title of this blog is Honour Thy Mother and Father so what does this have to do with what I'm writing...I read a facebook status about being honourable and how it's not what others do that make us honourable but the fact that we ourselves are honourable...something to that effect. It got me thinking about how my ex never honoured me or our marriage when we were together and how he does not honour his family, including his kids yet would debate to no end that he is in fact honourable and the victim in all of this.
He is in a new relationship, and as that goes he's behaving himself, being charming and kind to her and her kids. Even though he has complained to me about how annoying her daughter is I know, as does his mom it's only a matter of time that he tires of this game and his true nature is revealed, and unless she's really that desperate to be in a relationship, she'll head for the hills and fast. I remember when he and I were first together his mom took me out for lunch and basically warned me of what he's really like. Well, I guess I was desperate because I stayed with him thirteen years. I see it now, I saw it then but I stayed for the kids sake. And to this day I mourn the loss, not so much for him, but for his family with whom I was very close. That's gone and that makes me sad.
And so I return to my title. How is it someone can so blatantly dis-honour his parents, the answer is simple really as the quote goes, because he is without honour himself. Honour is not a difficult thing to attain really, it's about respect and regard. When these to components are missing then there is no honour. I think, and this is purely my opinion having lived with him for thirteen years, he has little to no respect or regard for any other living thing except that which is giving him what he wants at that exact moment.
Believe me, I was that person for a time and when I finally clued in that he really didn't respect or regard me with honour his behaviour and actions towards me took a scary turn for the worse, and so I left. The way he treats his family is another indication of having zero respect for any of them. He views them as "below" him. In his mind he is the ultimate, he is the only one worthy of respect and honour, yet he affords it to no one else including his own children. The only one getting any sort of respect right now is the poor soul who thinks he's the cats ass...for the time being.
He has NEVER respected his father, he tolerates his mother because she can usually smooth things over, but after my conversation with her today I highly doubt she's going to bother with him any more. Why should she? Because he's her son? That's not good enough anymore. He's an adult and should be aware of how to function in civil society but for whatever reason this concept is lost on him. Anyone reading this who knows him as well as I do, knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who disagrees, well, you've obviously not "pissed him off" and I wish you all the luck in the world.
What gets me in all of this is how he feels entitled...I've blogged about this before. What goes through someones head that makes them think it's ok to leave nasty hate messages on your brothers phone because you got a ticket in a completely different city from a completely different law enforcement organization? What could he have possibly been thinking? "I got a ticket for doing something I shouldn't have been doing and well because my brother is a cop somehow it has to be his responsibility" I can only guess.
This Christmas will be a strained one, apparently last Christmas was, I'm just finding out. His mom is not interested in having him out on Christmas day, a day I made available to them, because of her son's behaviour. I suggested she also invite his newest fling so at least he'll behave, God forbid she see his true colours. It's an option, and she's thinking about it but I would have to say it's probably not going to happen.
All because he didn't pay or dispute a ticket as advised, this will be a sucky Christmas for my kids. All because their father is without honour for his own parents. And God forbid our kids dis-honour him, well...I'm shaking my head thinking about it.
With much love, light and honour,
Tammy.
Any way the conversation revolved around her son, my ex and how utterly rude he is to his family and how she's so not inviting him for Christmas (for now) because he's just so mean to them. She recounted a conversation she had with him recently where by he was rude to start off with and hung up on her. She was calling to invite our kids to the Santa Parade downtown this up coming weekend. Why would he do this?
Because that's what he does. That's in part why we are no longer together and why I feel badly for my kids on a regular basis. Because he's just like that.
You see, a few months back he got a traffic ticket for not signalling when pulling into a parking lot. Dumb ticket but a ticket none the less. Now, his brother is a cop and when he heard about this he sympathised and said that he would find out what the officer was thinking but couldn't do anything about the ticket because he's not in that jurisdiction. He advised that he should fight it because the officer when leaving the parking lot didn't signal either, so talk about being above the law right?
Well, he didn't fight it nor did he pay it and he recently got a letter from ICBC about it. So now he's mad because he figured his brother should have taken care of this for him. He took it upon himself to call and leave his brother a nasty message about how he hates all cops, blah, blah, blah...same crap I was subjected to when he didn't get his way with me.
Well, of course his brother called his mom because this was upsetting for him and voiced his concern to her. She in turn called her son, but got my son instead. They had a little chat and at the end of the conversation my son handed the phone to his dad. His response to his mom, "what?" and I know the tone he would have used too, that condescending "what do you want" tone.
Not hi, how are you? Or what's up? No, just "what?" He knew full well why she was calling and rightfully so, I would do the same if one of my children were treating their sibling like crap for something they had no control over, you bet! Well, as I mentioned the conversation didn't end well which lead her to contacting me.
Now, I don't have a problem with talking to them and arranging for the kids to visit with them, why would I they are still an important part of my kids lives and because my parents live so far away I know how important it is to keep them in contact with their grandparents. So ya, she called me and explained why she wasn't talking to my ex about this and I told her that I would deal with him for her. Works out well because he has a Christmas party to go to on Saturday night and wasn't planing on returning home afterwards so the kids will be at my house anyway. As long as it doesn't rain, the plans are set.
Now, as for my ex...I sent him an email, telling him what was going on and making it sound like he's the one benefiting from this in the long run, that's what he likes, to be the centre of the universe. He's not, but he thinks he is. Whether he agrees or not that's his problem, I've stopped letting his issues affect me years ago. It's when they affect the kids that I take issue.
Ok, so the title of this blog is Honour Thy Mother and Father so what does this have to do with what I'm writing...I read a facebook status about being honourable and how it's not what others do that make us honourable but the fact that we ourselves are honourable...something to that effect. It got me thinking about how my ex never honoured me or our marriage when we were together and how he does not honour his family, including his kids yet would debate to no end that he is in fact honourable and the victim in all of this.
He is in a new relationship, and as that goes he's behaving himself, being charming and kind to her and her kids. Even though he has complained to me about how annoying her daughter is I know, as does his mom it's only a matter of time that he tires of this game and his true nature is revealed, and unless she's really that desperate to be in a relationship, she'll head for the hills and fast. I remember when he and I were first together his mom took me out for lunch and basically warned me of what he's really like. Well, I guess I was desperate because I stayed with him thirteen years. I see it now, I saw it then but I stayed for the kids sake. And to this day I mourn the loss, not so much for him, but for his family with whom I was very close. That's gone and that makes me sad.
And so I return to my title. How is it someone can so blatantly dis-honour his parents, the answer is simple really as the quote goes, because he is without honour himself. Honour is not a difficult thing to attain really, it's about respect and regard. When these to components are missing then there is no honour. I think, and this is purely my opinion having lived with him for thirteen years, he has little to no respect or regard for any other living thing except that which is giving him what he wants at that exact moment.
Believe me, I was that person for a time and when I finally clued in that he really didn't respect or regard me with honour his behaviour and actions towards me took a scary turn for the worse, and so I left. The way he treats his family is another indication of having zero respect for any of them. He views them as "below" him. In his mind he is the ultimate, he is the only one worthy of respect and honour, yet he affords it to no one else including his own children. The only one getting any sort of respect right now is the poor soul who thinks he's the cats ass...for the time being.
He has NEVER respected his father, he tolerates his mother because she can usually smooth things over, but after my conversation with her today I highly doubt she's going to bother with him any more. Why should she? Because he's her son? That's not good enough anymore. He's an adult and should be aware of how to function in civil society but for whatever reason this concept is lost on him. Anyone reading this who knows him as well as I do, knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who disagrees, well, you've obviously not "pissed him off" and I wish you all the luck in the world.
What gets me in all of this is how he feels entitled...I've blogged about this before. What goes through someones head that makes them think it's ok to leave nasty hate messages on your brothers phone because you got a ticket in a completely different city from a completely different law enforcement organization? What could he have possibly been thinking? "I got a ticket for doing something I shouldn't have been doing and well because my brother is a cop somehow it has to be his responsibility" I can only guess.
This Christmas will be a strained one, apparently last Christmas was, I'm just finding out. His mom is not interested in having him out on Christmas day, a day I made available to them, because of her son's behaviour. I suggested she also invite his newest fling so at least he'll behave, God forbid she see his true colours. It's an option, and she's thinking about it but I would have to say it's probably not going to happen.
All because he didn't pay or dispute a ticket as advised, this will be a sucky Christmas for my kids. All because their father is without honour for his own parents. And God forbid our kids dis-honour him, well...I'm shaking my head thinking about it.
With much love, light and honour,
Tammy.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Faces West
Some of you have been following my daughters start and progress in modeling and this past weekend was a huge step for her and I have had a request to blog about it, so here you go.
This all started Friday October 29th at 2:30pm. That was the time of our meeting with Charles Stuart International Models downtown Vancouver. We were early and it's by appointment only Charles had not arrived yet. So we decided to pop into the Shoppers Drug Mart on the corner. We looked at the high end make-up and chatted about what she would need if this modeling dream of hers pans out. We killed about 15 minutes and headed back up to the third floor where the office was located, as we approached the door I could hear whistling coming from down the hall, it was Charles and at the door to his office we introduced ourselves.
He showed us into his little office which consists of a reception area with a nice black leather couch and love seat, a little coffee table and a flat screen TV hung on the wall. He paused at the DVD player and turned on the TV. He asked us to have a seat and watch a short presentation, we dutifully sat down. Beyond this little reception area is an office with a large glass window looking out into the reception area and this is were Charles disappeared to with a stack of contact sheets.
We watched to DVD it was basically a compilation of the past Faces West Model and Talent Conference video and a few interviews with Coco Rocha. I have mentioned her on my facebook but for the sake of my blog I'll mention her again. She was discovered by Charles Stuart when she was 14. She was in Irish Dance with Charles' daughter when they were kids and as Coco (not her real name BTW) grew taller and taller Charles noticed and asked her if she was interested in modeling and at first she wasn't, well that changed. She convinced her mom to take her to see Charles and he signed her, she was with his agency for a few years before Elite New York signed her and her career took off, currently she holds the number one spot on the super model list.
Needless to say we finished watching the video and moved from the reception area to Charles' office. I had emailed him my daughter's Polaroids but brought in a head shot for him. These were done by her dad the weekend before and were simple head, profile and body shots printed on plain paper, nothing fancy. Charles asked the usual questions, how tall is she, how old, her shoe size, as I blogged before this is important because it gives you a sense of how tall a young teen is going to be. She's a size ten shoe, well currently size ten and eleven, the left side of her body has grown and the right side needs to catch up. He had her place her hands on the desk and was impressed by the length of her fingers.
After taking some additional measurements we moved on to the topic of Faces West. He asked if we would be interested in attending and of course we said yes but my bigger question was "how much would it cost" I loved his reply, he said, "if you sign with my I will sponsor her and it's free." I like the word free but as you will read later, it's not ever 100% free. I looked at my daughter and asked what she thought. We were scheduled to see another agency later that after noon and I mentioned that to Charles, he just shrugged and said it was up to us. We decided to go for it and out came the paper work. We signed a three year contract, standard, and filled out the registration form for Faces West and received our information package and went over the schedule with Charles, he circled the events she would be attending.
Once that was out of the way the topic of pictures came up. Because we needed the pictures for the Conference we wouldn't have time to schedule "creative" which means the photographer doesn't charge for their time or pictures because they are going to use them for their own portfolio, this can mean waiting a couple of months for someone to be available. Charles suggested we use his make-up artist and photographer, the cost would be $200.00 and it would include hair, make-up and wardrobe for three looks, in this industry that's cheep. Considering Stacey Eastman (I blogged about him in an earlier posting) wanted $2,500.00 for the same thing, I was happy to agree to the cost. We had two weekends before the conference to get this done and Charles said he would make the arrangements.
We had hoped for the weekend of October 30th or 31st but the make-up artist and photographer were not available, so we would have to do it the following weekend. He assured me we would have the pictures before the conference. Everything is digital and they would be emailed to me. The photo shoot was scheduled for Sunday November 7th at 1:00pm. The address Charles gave me was for the make-up artist who also happens to be his daughter Fabienne. I was a little unsure of this as it seemed similar to the whole Stacey Eastman thing with him using his wife's company to do the photography. What I was to learn later is this is a tight knit industry and breaking into it if you don't either know someone or are related to someone is very difficult. By the time the photo shoot was done I had no issues with Fabienne doing hair and make-up she did an amazing job so amazing that my daughter was recognised for it. (You'll read about that later).
Fabienne is an actress she has done some local work and you can actually google her and get her profile, Fabienne Quest if your interested. She's a tiny thing, 5'3" and because my daughter is 5'9 1/2" she had to crouch down when Fabienne wanted to touch up her hair or make-up it was quite comical to watch. Being that she is an actress, she's a pro at hair and make-up she is an artist for certain, my daughters make-up was flawless.
The photo shoot was to take place outside at a beach location, it was a very sunny mild day even though it's November we figured it would be fine. Well unfortunately the clouds rolled in and it got cold really quickly and my poor daughter dressed in a short skirt, tights and a thin blouse was freezing her butt off, but you know, she didn't complain one bit even when they had her lie on the ground for a couple of shots and the set up time between shots was painfully long. After a time, the photographer called a friend who is also a photographer to come and help because we were loosing day light and he was worried about running out of time. This particular friend was a God-send for sure. Because he was freezing he suggested we go to his parents studio to finish up, they had a great space that we were able to use and it was in doors. I know my daughter was happy about that, we all were.
We finished up the photo shoot at about 7:00pm and ended up with four looks instead of just three and a couple hundred shots to look though. Because it was a school night and my kids were due to come to my house for the week I couldn't stick around to go through the pictures with Fabienne and Matt, I left it to them to pick out the best and they certainly did. The fifty shots Matt sent me were awesome, I couldn't believe the subject was my little girl, absolutely beautiful. Matt emailed them to me on Monday and Fabienne gave me a list of twenty six to have printed on 8"x12" glossy paper. Costco by the way has the best price for prints of that size, $1.89 each. I took them in on Wednesday night and was told they would be ready Friday morning which was perfect because we didn't need them until Saturday for the Photography Contest at Faces West.
The rest of last week was spent gathering clothing items she would need, shoes were the big issue, it's not easy finding heels that fit her properly and don't hurt her feet. This is a girl who lives in her Converse All-Stars and until the photo shoot she had only tried out my heels around the house. We managed to find a pair that were a good height and comfortable yeah Payless! She also needed runners, these are now serving time as her gym shoes because she's out grown her regular gym shoes. Athletic wear, something form fitting was required and all she had were baggy sweats and big t-shirts, I found Roots yoga pants at Winners and a nice quality tank top at H&M along with a really cute mini skirt. There, clothes and shoes crossed off the list.
Next was make-up, I have my own make-up of course and any of it would have been fine but I wanted her to have her own, this isn't going to be the last time she will need it and getting it now is as good a time as any. One of the major considerations is what ever foundation we get it has to match her skin perfectly and it has to hide her scar, you know, the one from the removal of her birthmark. Well, Shoppers Drug Mart now carries all the high end cosmetics and one of the companies we both like is Benefit, they have a great selection of products. We chose a light concealer and yellow dusting powder. When it's on her scar literally disappears it's a perfect match. I also bought her a set of professional brushes to apply the make-up with. None of this was cheep BUT I had points! And it was 20X the points that night so we worked the totals to maximise my points and we got $60.00 off the total cost, it was still $110.00 but the $60.00 sure helped. She's worth every penny. We got a great eyeshadow, blush and lipstick set from ICING that has so many colours she's pretty much set for a few years.
OK, make-up is now off the list. The rest of the weekend should be a piece of cake, well should be was wishful thinking. There was still the cost of parking at the hotel down town and gas, and we have to eat, there wouldn't be enough time to go home and eat before the next event, oh and I still had to renew my Costco membership and pay for the pictures, and a portfolio to put them in. It's ok though she's worth it and so was this experience. I do have to give a huge thanks to my partner (even though he never reads my blogs) for co-signing a small loan to help pay for this, well this and Christmas, we each took $500.00 from the amount borrowed, and it's a short term thing I plan on having paid off in less than a year but that's a whole other story, anyway none of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him. As for my ex, except for paying $100.00 towards the photo shoot he's not contributed a single thing to this. AND he informed me that he wouldn't be either.
So our weekend begins Thursday night at 7:00pm with Runway Practice. This is also when we sign in and she gets her number, she's number 349 in the Females 13 to 19 over 5'8" category, there were 73 girls in this category. She did two practice runs and nailed "the walk" there was a representative from one of the agencies giving pointers and she got "good job, very nice" both times. Of course this is where I take credit, I had already taught her the walk a few weeks back when we returned from the Seattle trip. My training paid off...eventually!
We returned home and prepared for Friday, because of the Remembrance day stat some of the guys at the office decided to take an extra long weekend and because of this I was unable to take Friday off, well as it turned out one of these particular guys did come in and I was able to leave early, we had the Runway Competition that night and I had to go deposit the cheque from the loan we got at the bank so I would have money for the weekend. That was almost a disaster but thanks again to my most wonderful man it was averted, and only because I was so frazzled that I wasn't thinking straight and need him to be the brains behind the operation. So with cash in hand we do our running around and manage to make it back down town with time to spare. The runway competition went off without a hitch, she looked good. We did bring her camera but I was too far away to get a good shot. The big thing that night though was Coco Rocha looking at her book!
I had brought her pictures for Fabienne to look at and pick the best two for the photography competition on Saturday. Fabienne being a close friend of Coco's was sitting next to her and was asking her opinion of the pictures. Coco picked her two favourites, but Fabienne added a third because she just couldn't decide, because we were leaving she suggested we get her dad and a few of his colleagues to have a look and decide after they offer their opinion. Fair enough, Saturday was going to be a full day so we headed home to get some rest.
We were back up and running by 9:00am. We had to be back at the hotel for 11:00am for the sports wear competition, this used to be the bathing suite competition but they changed it years ago. Sports wear is much better, less revealing, or at least not as revealing. Again, no nervousness and all smiles my pretty girls headed down the catwalk with style and grace, and in thirty seconds her participation in that competition was done. We decided to go looking for a proper sized portfolio for her pictures but ended up running home for lunch in stead. Saved a little money on food but not so much on gas.
The Photography competition was due to start at 3:00pm and now that we've been through a couple competitions we know she's not going to compete until at least 4:00pm. They take the kids first which there are 115 contestants, then the female 13-19 under 5'8" (yes you can be short and be a model) which I believe there were about 70 girls and then my daughters category, and her being #349 there were 48 contestants before her. We had a bit of a wait. She had changed into her "little black dress" very professional looking and had her two pictures picked out, Charles' assistant Kim picked the two, we chose the one Coco really liked and one of the other two Fabienne couldn't decide on. This competition was judged by the visiting agents based on pose, make-up, hair, energy and flare. This was also the competition where the agents decided on their "listed call backs" this is the list of girls they want to see on Sunday.
As she passed each of the 30 agents they would ask her how old she was and how tall, most she said were quite surprised to hear how tall she is for her age, that in this industry is a good thing. Once this was done we were free to go for dinner, the award ceremony was scheduled for 7:00pm and it was 4:00pm. We had in and out privileges for parking so we hopped in the van to go find something to eat. We ended up at Subway of all places, it was her request. I guess she felt like a sub. We ate and were done by 5:00pm and still had two hours to kill. We drove through Stanley Park and chatted, that didn't take long so we popped over to North Vancouver for a quick visit with my partner then we headed back to the hotel. We were early. I was chatting with one of the people working the convention, she's kind of the operations manager, very nice girl and very helpful, I had mentioned that we thought there was no sense sticking around for the awards as we didn't think she would win anything being so new to this. Bree suggested we stay, as she says, my daughter is very "noticeable" and she may just win something.
I'm glad we stayed. After the acting certificates were handed out by Fabienne Coco took over the modeling awards, they went through all the categories for runway, sports ware and photography starting with the kids, I won't lie, it was tedious. When they got to my daughters category for photography they would call the second runner up, first runner up and winner, well, low and behold they called her number for FIRST RUNNER UP! We were both so surprised. I had no idea she would win, with all the beautiful girls with way more experience we thought this was just great an actual award! So very exciting. Keep in mind she's only just signed with her agency two weeks prior.
We both left the hotel on cloud nine. I told her over and over how proud of her I was and what an amazing opportunity this has been. She was pretty pleased with herself but it was late and we had to be back at the hotel for 8:00am for the listed call back sheets, this is the BIG day, this is where the girls can take their book to the agents directly and give them their contact information for future work this is THE DAY! We expected maybe four or five call backs, when she was showing her pictures to the agents she would notice if they circled her number on their sheets and she calculated about five, well she got twenty! That's a lot for call backs considering some girls didn't get any. Again we were thrilled right up until we saw the line-ups.
Let me explain. In the morning from 9:00am to 11:00am were the open go sees this is where if you were not on a particular agents call back list you could still show them your book and maybe peak their curiosity. We could have waited until the after noon for the call backs but because some of the agents were leaving early if you had a call back from them you needed to see them during the open go sees so they could leave on time. She had five to see. Luckily they were not the big agencies and their line ups were pretty short. All except MMG Management NY. Her line up was huge because she chatted with each girl longer than really was needed. I stood in that line for an hour and an half while my daughter went to some of the other call backs that had shorter lines to get them out of the way for the after noon. By the time we got to see the agent from MMG she was the last one in the room as all the other agents had gone for lunch.
MMG was a HUGE waist of time, I have no idea why she put my daughter on her call back list she wanted model/actors not just models. My daughter is not interested in acting and when the agent heard this she explained what she was looking for took her contact sheet and sent us on our way. By this time we were starving and I had a headache. I swore I wasn't going to go through that again.
After lunch all the girls that didn't get call backs were gone and the room was a lot easier to negotiate. We had eight agents left to see and the lines were much shorter. The Asian agents were funny, they didn't care about her book they wanted measurements and their own pictures. We had great feed back from Elite New York, Elite Paris and One New York. Elite Toronto was concerned about her age he wanted girls a little older but would keep tabs on her progress. All the European agents said she was too young as well, they have very strict laws about kids and they don't use girls under 15 years old. A good majority of them said they would be in contact with her agent to keep track of her as well. All in all we had a lot of positive feed back from the agents and they were impressed with her pictures. So now we wait.
I started the blog yesterday after noon, and this morning when I checked my email there was one from Charles. He wanted to congratulate her on a job well done and to let me know that he figures she would be heading overseas soon. He wants me to call in the next few days and he's putting her pictures on his international website. I'm hoping that any overseas work she gets won't happen until summer, I don't want her missing too much school because of this, that's not the reason we are persuing modeling, the whole mission here is for her university fund, she want's to be a doctor and if I know my daughter that's exactly what she will be.
The next step for her now is to gain experience, she needs to do a few local fashion shows and some local print work and just get a feel for the industry and how it works and of course continue just being a 13 year old girl. She has several years ahead of her to develop this career and I'm going to be sure that it doesn't overwhelm her, the nice thing is, she is mature for her age and has a good perspective of all of this, she's not expecting to be an overnight sensation. She has met girls who have been doing this for a few years now and they certainly aren't huge sucesses so she knows this is a tough industry and with a little luck and the right agent she will get work, how much is a whole other story.
So there you have it, our weekend in a nut shell. Of course as this progresses I'm sure I will be blogging about it but for now we put it aside and carry on with life. I have Christmas to think about now and the thought of traveling anywhere foreign is not at the top of my list.
With much love, light and a long road ahead,
Tammy.
This all started Friday October 29th at 2:30pm. That was the time of our meeting with Charles Stuart International Models downtown Vancouver. We were early and it's by appointment only Charles had not arrived yet. So we decided to pop into the Shoppers Drug Mart on the corner. We looked at the high end make-up and chatted about what she would need if this modeling dream of hers pans out. We killed about 15 minutes and headed back up to the third floor where the office was located, as we approached the door I could hear whistling coming from down the hall, it was Charles and at the door to his office we introduced ourselves.
He showed us into his little office which consists of a reception area with a nice black leather couch and love seat, a little coffee table and a flat screen TV hung on the wall. He paused at the DVD player and turned on the TV. He asked us to have a seat and watch a short presentation, we dutifully sat down. Beyond this little reception area is an office with a large glass window looking out into the reception area and this is were Charles disappeared to with a stack of contact sheets.
We watched to DVD it was basically a compilation of the past Faces West Model and Talent Conference video and a few interviews with Coco Rocha. I have mentioned her on my facebook but for the sake of my blog I'll mention her again. She was discovered by Charles Stuart when she was 14. She was in Irish Dance with Charles' daughter when they were kids and as Coco (not her real name BTW) grew taller and taller Charles noticed and asked her if she was interested in modeling and at first she wasn't, well that changed. She convinced her mom to take her to see Charles and he signed her, she was with his agency for a few years before Elite New York signed her and her career took off, currently she holds the number one spot on the super model list.
Needless to say we finished watching the video and moved from the reception area to Charles' office. I had emailed him my daughter's Polaroids but brought in a head shot for him. These were done by her dad the weekend before and were simple head, profile and body shots printed on plain paper, nothing fancy. Charles asked the usual questions, how tall is she, how old, her shoe size, as I blogged before this is important because it gives you a sense of how tall a young teen is going to be. She's a size ten shoe, well currently size ten and eleven, the left side of her body has grown and the right side needs to catch up. He had her place her hands on the desk and was impressed by the length of her fingers.
After taking some additional measurements we moved on to the topic of Faces West. He asked if we would be interested in attending and of course we said yes but my bigger question was "how much would it cost" I loved his reply, he said, "if you sign with my I will sponsor her and it's free." I like the word free but as you will read later, it's not ever 100% free. I looked at my daughter and asked what she thought. We were scheduled to see another agency later that after noon and I mentioned that to Charles, he just shrugged and said it was up to us. We decided to go for it and out came the paper work. We signed a three year contract, standard, and filled out the registration form for Faces West and received our information package and went over the schedule with Charles, he circled the events she would be attending.
Once that was out of the way the topic of pictures came up. Because we needed the pictures for the Conference we wouldn't have time to schedule "creative" which means the photographer doesn't charge for their time or pictures because they are going to use them for their own portfolio, this can mean waiting a couple of months for someone to be available. Charles suggested we use his make-up artist and photographer, the cost would be $200.00 and it would include hair, make-up and wardrobe for three looks, in this industry that's cheep. Considering Stacey Eastman (I blogged about him in an earlier posting) wanted $2,500.00 for the same thing, I was happy to agree to the cost. We had two weekends before the conference to get this done and Charles said he would make the arrangements.
We had hoped for the weekend of October 30th or 31st but the make-up artist and photographer were not available, so we would have to do it the following weekend. He assured me we would have the pictures before the conference. Everything is digital and they would be emailed to me. The photo shoot was scheduled for Sunday November 7th at 1:00pm. The address Charles gave me was for the make-up artist who also happens to be his daughter Fabienne. I was a little unsure of this as it seemed similar to the whole Stacey Eastman thing with him using his wife's company to do the photography. What I was to learn later is this is a tight knit industry and breaking into it if you don't either know someone or are related to someone is very difficult. By the time the photo shoot was done I had no issues with Fabienne doing hair and make-up she did an amazing job so amazing that my daughter was recognised for it. (You'll read about that later).
Fabienne is an actress she has done some local work and you can actually google her and get her profile, Fabienne Quest if your interested. She's a tiny thing, 5'3" and because my daughter is 5'9 1/2" she had to crouch down when Fabienne wanted to touch up her hair or make-up it was quite comical to watch. Being that she is an actress, she's a pro at hair and make-up she is an artist for certain, my daughters make-up was flawless.
The photo shoot was to take place outside at a beach location, it was a very sunny mild day even though it's November we figured it would be fine. Well unfortunately the clouds rolled in and it got cold really quickly and my poor daughter dressed in a short skirt, tights and a thin blouse was freezing her butt off, but you know, she didn't complain one bit even when they had her lie on the ground for a couple of shots and the set up time between shots was painfully long. After a time, the photographer called a friend who is also a photographer to come and help because we were loosing day light and he was worried about running out of time. This particular friend was a God-send for sure. Because he was freezing he suggested we go to his parents studio to finish up, they had a great space that we were able to use and it was in doors. I know my daughter was happy about that, we all were.
We finished up the photo shoot at about 7:00pm and ended up with four looks instead of just three and a couple hundred shots to look though. Because it was a school night and my kids were due to come to my house for the week I couldn't stick around to go through the pictures with Fabienne and Matt, I left it to them to pick out the best and they certainly did. The fifty shots Matt sent me were awesome, I couldn't believe the subject was my little girl, absolutely beautiful. Matt emailed them to me on Monday and Fabienne gave me a list of twenty six to have printed on 8"x12" glossy paper. Costco by the way has the best price for prints of that size, $1.89 each. I took them in on Wednesday night and was told they would be ready Friday morning which was perfect because we didn't need them until Saturday for the Photography Contest at Faces West.
The rest of last week was spent gathering clothing items she would need, shoes were the big issue, it's not easy finding heels that fit her properly and don't hurt her feet. This is a girl who lives in her Converse All-Stars and until the photo shoot she had only tried out my heels around the house. We managed to find a pair that were a good height and comfortable yeah Payless! She also needed runners, these are now serving time as her gym shoes because she's out grown her regular gym shoes. Athletic wear, something form fitting was required and all she had were baggy sweats and big t-shirts, I found Roots yoga pants at Winners and a nice quality tank top at H&M along with a really cute mini skirt. There, clothes and shoes crossed off the list.
Next was make-up, I have my own make-up of course and any of it would have been fine but I wanted her to have her own, this isn't going to be the last time she will need it and getting it now is as good a time as any. One of the major considerations is what ever foundation we get it has to match her skin perfectly and it has to hide her scar, you know, the one from the removal of her birthmark. Well, Shoppers Drug Mart now carries all the high end cosmetics and one of the companies we both like is Benefit, they have a great selection of products. We chose a light concealer and yellow dusting powder. When it's on her scar literally disappears it's a perfect match. I also bought her a set of professional brushes to apply the make-up with. None of this was cheep BUT I had points! And it was 20X the points that night so we worked the totals to maximise my points and we got $60.00 off the total cost, it was still $110.00 but the $60.00 sure helped. She's worth every penny. We got a great eyeshadow, blush and lipstick set from ICING that has so many colours she's pretty much set for a few years.
OK, make-up is now off the list. The rest of the weekend should be a piece of cake, well should be was wishful thinking. There was still the cost of parking at the hotel down town and gas, and we have to eat, there wouldn't be enough time to go home and eat before the next event, oh and I still had to renew my Costco membership and pay for the pictures, and a portfolio to put them in. It's ok though she's worth it and so was this experience. I do have to give a huge thanks to my partner (even though he never reads my blogs) for co-signing a small loan to help pay for this, well this and Christmas, we each took $500.00 from the amount borrowed, and it's a short term thing I plan on having paid off in less than a year but that's a whole other story, anyway none of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him. As for my ex, except for paying $100.00 towards the photo shoot he's not contributed a single thing to this. AND he informed me that he wouldn't be either.
So our weekend begins Thursday night at 7:00pm with Runway Practice. This is also when we sign in and she gets her number, she's number 349 in the Females 13 to 19 over 5'8" category, there were 73 girls in this category. She did two practice runs and nailed "the walk" there was a representative from one of the agencies giving pointers and she got "good job, very nice" both times. Of course this is where I take credit, I had already taught her the walk a few weeks back when we returned from the Seattle trip. My training paid off...eventually!
We returned home and prepared for Friday, because of the Remembrance day stat some of the guys at the office decided to take an extra long weekend and because of this I was unable to take Friday off, well as it turned out one of these particular guys did come in and I was able to leave early, we had the Runway Competition that night and I had to go deposit the cheque from the loan we got at the bank so I would have money for the weekend. That was almost a disaster but thanks again to my most wonderful man it was averted, and only because I was so frazzled that I wasn't thinking straight and need him to be the brains behind the operation. So with cash in hand we do our running around and manage to make it back down town with time to spare. The runway competition went off without a hitch, she looked good. We did bring her camera but I was too far away to get a good shot. The big thing that night though was Coco Rocha looking at her book!
I had brought her pictures for Fabienne to look at and pick the best two for the photography competition on Saturday. Fabienne being a close friend of Coco's was sitting next to her and was asking her opinion of the pictures. Coco picked her two favourites, but Fabienne added a third because she just couldn't decide, because we were leaving she suggested we get her dad and a few of his colleagues to have a look and decide after they offer their opinion. Fair enough, Saturday was going to be a full day so we headed home to get some rest.
We were back up and running by 9:00am. We had to be back at the hotel for 11:00am for the sports wear competition, this used to be the bathing suite competition but they changed it years ago. Sports wear is much better, less revealing, or at least not as revealing. Again, no nervousness and all smiles my pretty girls headed down the catwalk with style and grace, and in thirty seconds her participation in that competition was done. We decided to go looking for a proper sized portfolio for her pictures but ended up running home for lunch in stead. Saved a little money on food but not so much on gas.
The Photography competition was due to start at 3:00pm and now that we've been through a couple competitions we know she's not going to compete until at least 4:00pm. They take the kids first which there are 115 contestants, then the female 13-19 under 5'8" (yes you can be short and be a model) which I believe there were about 70 girls and then my daughters category, and her being #349 there were 48 contestants before her. We had a bit of a wait. She had changed into her "little black dress" very professional looking and had her two pictures picked out, Charles' assistant Kim picked the two, we chose the one Coco really liked and one of the other two Fabienne couldn't decide on. This competition was judged by the visiting agents based on pose, make-up, hair, energy and flare. This was also the competition where the agents decided on their "listed call backs" this is the list of girls they want to see on Sunday.
As she passed each of the 30 agents they would ask her how old she was and how tall, most she said were quite surprised to hear how tall she is for her age, that in this industry is a good thing. Once this was done we were free to go for dinner, the award ceremony was scheduled for 7:00pm and it was 4:00pm. We had in and out privileges for parking so we hopped in the van to go find something to eat. We ended up at Subway of all places, it was her request. I guess she felt like a sub. We ate and were done by 5:00pm and still had two hours to kill. We drove through Stanley Park and chatted, that didn't take long so we popped over to North Vancouver for a quick visit with my partner then we headed back to the hotel. We were early. I was chatting with one of the people working the convention, she's kind of the operations manager, very nice girl and very helpful, I had mentioned that we thought there was no sense sticking around for the awards as we didn't think she would win anything being so new to this. Bree suggested we stay, as she says, my daughter is very "noticeable" and she may just win something.
I'm glad we stayed. After the acting certificates were handed out by Fabienne Coco took over the modeling awards, they went through all the categories for runway, sports ware and photography starting with the kids, I won't lie, it was tedious. When they got to my daughters category for photography they would call the second runner up, first runner up and winner, well, low and behold they called her number for FIRST RUNNER UP! We were both so surprised. I had no idea she would win, with all the beautiful girls with way more experience we thought this was just great an actual award! So very exciting. Keep in mind she's only just signed with her agency two weeks prior.
We both left the hotel on cloud nine. I told her over and over how proud of her I was and what an amazing opportunity this has been. She was pretty pleased with herself but it was late and we had to be back at the hotel for 8:00am for the listed call back sheets, this is the BIG day, this is where the girls can take their book to the agents directly and give them their contact information for future work this is THE DAY! We expected maybe four or five call backs, when she was showing her pictures to the agents she would notice if they circled her number on their sheets and she calculated about five, well she got twenty! That's a lot for call backs considering some girls didn't get any. Again we were thrilled right up until we saw the line-ups.
Let me explain. In the morning from 9:00am to 11:00am were the open go sees this is where if you were not on a particular agents call back list you could still show them your book and maybe peak their curiosity. We could have waited until the after noon for the call backs but because some of the agents were leaving early if you had a call back from them you needed to see them during the open go sees so they could leave on time. She had five to see. Luckily they were not the big agencies and their line ups were pretty short. All except MMG Management NY. Her line up was huge because she chatted with each girl longer than really was needed. I stood in that line for an hour and an half while my daughter went to some of the other call backs that had shorter lines to get them out of the way for the after noon. By the time we got to see the agent from MMG she was the last one in the room as all the other agents had gone for lunch.
MMG was a HUGE waist of time, I have no idea why she put my daughter on her call back list she wanted model/actors not just models. My daughter is not interested in acting and when the agent heard this she explained what she was looking for took her contact sheet and sent us on our way. By this time we were starving and I had a headache. I swore I wasn't going to go through that again.
After lunch all the girls that didn't get call backs were gone and the room was a lot easier to negotiate. We had eight agents left to see and the lines were much shorter. The Asian agents were funny, they didn't care about her book they wanted measurements and their own pictures. We had great feed back from Elite New York, Elite Paris and One New York. Elite Toronto was concerned about her age he wanted girls a little older but would keep tabs on her progress. All the European agents said she was too young as well, they have very strict laws about kids and they don't use girls under 15 years old. A good majority of them said they would be in contact with her agent to keep track of her as well. All in all we had a lot of positive feed back from the agents and they were impressed with her pictures. So now we wait.
I started the blog yesterday after noon, and this morning when I checked my email there was one from Charles. He wanted to congratulate her on a job well done and to let me know that he figures she would be heading overseas soon. He wants me to call in the next few days and he's putting her pictures on his international website. I'm hoping that any overseas work she gets won't happen until summer, I don't want her missing too much school because of this, that's not the reason we are persuing modeling, the whole mission here is for her university fund, she want's to be a doctor and if I know my daughter that's exactly what she will be.
The next step for her now is to gain experience, she needs to do a few local fashion shows and some local print work and just get a feel for the industry and how it works and of course continue just being a 13 year old girl. She has several years ahead of her to develop this career and I'm going to be sure that it doesn't overwhelm her, the nice thing is, she is mature for her age and has a good perspective of all of this, she's not expecting to be an overnight sensation. She has met girls who have been doing this for a few years now and they certainly aren't huge sucesses so she knows this is a tough industry and with a little luck and the right agent she will get work, how much is a whole other story.
So there you have it, our weekend in a nut shell. Of course as this progresses I'm sure I will be blogging about it but for now we put it aside and carry on with life. I have Christmas to think about now and the thought of traveling anywhere foreign is not at the top of my list.
With much love, light and a long road ahead,
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Journey Continues
...further to "My Beautiful Girl" blog.
Turns out Pulse Management, is not 100% what we are looking for. We got a phone call the following week from Stacey Eastman who thinks my daughter is "Amazing." I wonder how many parents heard that? I know she's amazing, and not just her looks, she's smart too sometimes too smart for her own good but that's a whole other story.
So after some considerable research and following my gut instinct we've decided to stay local with this at least to start with. After all Coco Rocha is a Richmond girl and if she can make it as a super model after being discovered by Charles Stuart here in Vancouver (one of the agencies we will be seeing on Friday) then why not my daughter?
As for Stacey Eastman, he got a "Thanks but no thanks" email today. He may have a foot in the industry but he's not the only game on the planet and he's asking too much according to everyone I've talked to including Mr. Charles Stuart himself, his comment, "Oh, only $2,500.00 for a book, is that all?" said extremely sarcastically. He was unimpressed to hear that Stacey is claiming having discovered Coco Rocha, I couldn't find anything online to confirm this which lead to my suspicions about the legitimacy of his "claims". So ya, no thanks.
The Pulse contract was pretty basic, nothing too extravagant, two pages saying we do not guarantee anything but want you to pay for all your travel and work expenses. They are a management company nothing more, I can manage my daughter, and charge her way less for it. The way it works is you sign with your "mother agency" then they share you with other agencies who want your specific look, they split the 20% commission and the model gets her 80%. It can be very lucrative if you get work, the key word there "if".
This past weekend her dad and I did a series of photos which will serve as her "Polaroid's" something the industry requires for initial submissions. They turned out ok, good enough for their purpose. I emailed seven of the required shots to a few local agencies yesterday, I got a reply email right away from Liz Bell Agency and a phone call this morning from Charles Stuart International Models. They are kind of competing because Charles wants to see her before Liz which tells me they are on a hunt for that next big discovery. Good for us if she has what it takes.
Friday will tell the tale. Depending on how this goes will determine how we proceed. It's a great experience for her regardless and if this year it doesn't work out we'll try again next year. She is after all only 13 (and a half) and a year can do allot for a young girl, good or bad. Either way, this is something she wants to try and I will not stop her because we had one run in with an unscrupulous individual. Don't get me wrong, he does work in the industry it's just they way he works I don't agree with.
...so we continue the journey and until my daughter tells me she's done we keep going. This may be short lived this may be a career choice that enables her to realize her dream of attending an Ivy League university and becoming a doctor, and interesting twist in the fashion industry, super-model turned nuro surgeon...I like it either way she has her parents full support and encouragement. Something she's never been denied.
With much love, light and a real trip,
Tammy.
Turns out Pulse Management, is not 100% what we are looking for. We got a phone call the following week from Stacey Eastman who thinks my daughter is "Amazing." I wonder how many parents heard that? I know she's amazing, and not just her looks, she's smart too sometimes too smart for her own good but that's a whole other story.
So after some considerable research and following my gut instinct we've decided to stay local with this at least to start with. After all Coco Rocha is a Richmond girl and if she can make it as a super model after being discovered by Charles Stuart here in Vancouver (one of the agencies we will be seeing on Friday) then why not my daughter?
As for Stacey Eastman, he got a "Thanks but no thanks" email today. He may have a foot in the industry but he's not the only game on the planet and he's asking too much according to everyone I've talked to including Mr. Charles Stuart himself, his comment, "Oh, only $2,500.00 for a book, is that all?" said extremely sarcastically. He was unimpressed to hear that Stacey is claiming having discovered Coco Rocha, I couldn't find anything online to confirm this which lead to my suspicions about the legitimacy of his "claims". So ya, no thanks.
The Pulse contract was pretty basic, nothing too extravagant, two pages saying we do not guarantee anything but want you to pay for all your travel and work expenses. They are a management company nothing more, I can manage my daughter, and charge her way less for it. The way it works is you sign with your "mother agency" then they share you with other agencies who want your specific look, they split the 20% commission and the model gets her 80%. It can be very lucrative if you get work, the key word there "if".
This past weekend her dad and I did a series of photos which will serve as her "Polaroid's" something the industry requires for initial submissions. They turned out ok, good enough for their purpose. I emailed seven of the required shots to a few local agencies yesterday, I got a reply email right away from Liz Bell Agency and a phone call this morning from Charles Stuart International Models. They are kind of competing because Charles wants to see her before Liz which tells me they are on a hunt for that next big discovery. Good for us if she has what it takes.
Friday will tell the tale. Depending on how this goes will determine how we proceed. It's a great experience for her regardless and if this year it doesn't work out we'll try again next year. She is after all only 13 (and a half) and a year can do allot for a young girl, good or bad. Either way, this is something she wants to try and I will not stop her because we had one run in with an unscrupulous individual. Don't get me wrong, he does work in the industry it's just they way he works I don't agree with.
...so we continue the journey and until my daughter tells me she's done we keep going. This may be short lived this may be a career choice that enables her to realize her dream of attending an Ivy League university and becoming a doctor, and interesting twist in the fashion industry, super-model turned nuro surgeon...I like it either way she has her parents full support and encouragement. Something she's never been denied.
With much love, light and a real trip,
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Beautiful Girl
This past weekend was what might be the beginning of my daughters modeling career, in fact it is the beginning regardless of the outcome of Saturday's events.
You see, on the September long weekend my kids went with their dad to the Bumpershoot Music Festival in Seattle and a scout from Pulse Management approached my ex and asked if the tall young lady with him was his daughter. Well, my girl is 5'91/4" tall, slim and very pretty so it's no wonder she was noticed. They exchanged email addresses and some other information and the scout indicated that there would be an open call sometime in October and that she would let them know the details. Well...
A week and a half ago my ex got the email with the details and being that the call fell on my weekend with the kids I was more than happy to take her to Seattle. After all I have experience in this particular industry and I was leery that it might be a scam, as was everyone who knew what was going on with regards to this invitation.
So last week I spoke with the scout personally and found out more information, turns our Pulse Management has an exclusive partnership with Elite Models. For those of you who have not heard of Elite, this is the agency who launched Cindy Crawford's modeling career. Not to mention Tyra Banks, Naiomi Campbell, Iman, Cameron Diaz, Andy McDowell, Heidi Klume, Giselle Bunzchen to name a few. So ya, this is legitimate. The owner of Pulse, Stacey Eastman was the presenter and explained who he was and who he works with, Trump (as in "The Donald") Models is also a partner and that he was looking for girls who have the potential, and future potential to make it in this very tough business.
All that being said, we sat through the first hour and a half listening and watching intently, all the while my ADHD son sat quietly and very patiently next to me doodling. My daughter was nervous, not knowing what to expect and when it came time to go face to face with Stacey I thought for sure she would back out, she didn't. She is a very driven young lady and when she sees something she wants she goes for it. All the girls lined up outside the room and came in one at a time for a quick few words with Stacey, there were probably 50 to 60 girls ranging in age from 12 to 23 and all of varying height, my daughter being one of the tallest.
She was third from last and when her turn finally arrived she dutifully handed Stacey her information sheet and he asked her when she would be turning 14, she answered, then he asked what her shoe size was, she answered 10. Stacey that turned to the crowd as he had for numerous girls before my daughter and shouted out "mom?" I stood up and he asked how tall I was, 5'10" and how tall her dad is, 6'2" the reason for this is to determine how tall she will be when she finishes growing. Being 13 and 5'9-1/4" and a size 10 foot she will likely be over 6' tall which in this industry is spectacular!
She had always hated her height, and I always told her that one day she will love it, well this past Saturday she discovered exactly what I was talking about. Height is a huge benefit in the modeling industry and tall girls make good money. I'll get into the details of exactly how much a little later. Needless to say, her self esteem was significantly boosted that day.
Once all the girls had the first run through and were seated with their parents, Stacey explained that he would be calling the names of the girls that he wanted to see and that the rest were free to go, he was very kind about it, he explained that he was looking for a specific type of girl and that all the girls were beautiful and not to give up their dream, but he can't keep everyone and have a great afternoon.
We sat and waited, he held a small stack of info sheets in his hand and I was convinced at that point that we would be done. After he called the six girls up to the front with their parents and asked them to wait a moment he would speak to them in a moment. Ok, I thought we're done...
Nope not so, he then took a larger stack and told us that the names he called out next would be staying for the second half of the presentation and that these girls have potential. He handed the stack to his assistant and went off the talk to the first group he called. I have no idea what he said to them, but one thing all the girls in that group had in common was they all had "books" in my day they were called portfolios so they were obviously experienced, maybe he told them he would contact them, maybe he told them to look elsewhere who knows, it was the stack in the assistants hand I was interested in.
The assistant started naming off the girls and as the stack grew smaller and smaller my stomach did little flips, second from last my daughters name was called, phew! She made it to the second half both a blessing and a curse, it was already noon and we were starving, but we persevered.
Stacey thanked all the girls who's names were not called and sent them on their way. Now the second half of the presentation begins. This is where we get the dirt on the industry, it's still as ugly as I remember, so no surprise there, it's still extremely lucrative if you make it, that being the key, if you make it. It's a tough thing to break into the modeling scene, when I made my attempt I was freelance because I didn't know any better, I thought you just sign with an agency and voila you're in, well, not so. There were and still are thousands of young slim pretty girls trying to market themselves and it's still a total crap shoot. Unless you're discovered.
This is like winning the lottery in this industry, it happens but it's rare. My daughter was scouted, not the same thing, you're not "discovered" until you have a contract and your first big job and everyone knows your name. We are not quite there yet we are still sitting in a room with about 25 other pretty girls hoping to be discovered.
The afternoon presentation lasted another two hours, at this point my son was starting to complain, not too much but he was getting hungry as we all were and pretty much done with sitting still. He persevered and we endured. We watched video of some of Stacey's models, we saw video of what goes on back stage at runway shows in places like Milan, London, and Paris. We were told that Stacey's models do not work for less than $60.00 per hour and that the industry average is about $275.00 per hour. We learned that if you are really good and in demand you could command $10,000.00 to $20,000.00 per day and a day is defined as four hours anything over that and your at time and a half. HOLY CRAP that's a lot of money, not to mention the possibility of landing an entire campaign for oh say Chanel or Prada and now were talking six figures, but that's only if you're really good.
So as we rap up and all this information is being digested Stacey informs us that there is just one more step to completing the process this afternoon. Polaroids. This is where he takes head and body shots of all the girls so he can make his final decision back in Manhattan with Elite or Trump on the girls from this afternoon, my daughter being one of them. I had done her measurements the night before and recorded them on a piece of paper tucked in my purse, for those mom's who didn't know the process, Stacey had a bunch of measuring tapes.
My daughter was the third girl to be photographed because it was just a matter of filling in the blanks and making sure my email address was clear. Everything these days seems to be electronic, in my day you took your portfolio to pre-set appointments and waited for a phone call. Now in this digital age, all the pictures will be downloaded and emailed around the world in seconds. Needless to say, when the shots were done, Stacey gave my daughter a high five, now I have no idea if anyone else got one, we left right after that. BUT...physical contact is a good thing it cements a person in the mind. I'm taking it as a positive.
So, now we wait. We were told it could take up to two weeks to hear back, so far I've not seen anything so no news is good news right? This is both exciting and daunting, if this happens and she gets a contract I will need to get her first set of photos done. In this industry you do pay for your first set, unless you get signed to an agency right away that is. Pulse is a management company, they would put the girls in front of the agency, without a book it's hard to be seen by anyone. Management companies might advance the cost of the book to a model if they are confident that model will get lots of work. Agencies will pay for the book because at that point they know this particular model will work.
The only question that weighs on my mind right now is, if she does get signed to Pulse and Elite how on earth am I going to be able to travel with her? Being only 13 she will need a parent present, or grandparent, apparently Stacey has what he calls his "granny squad" grandmothers who travel with their granddaughters. Both grandmothers have agreed to travel, my mom when her back is better and my ex-mother-in-law any time we need her. I for one however would love the opportunity to travel with her, are you kidding? Paris? Milan? New York? Miami? It's a no brainer. But...like I said, she needs to be discovered and we're not quite there yet.
The one parting comment that Stacey made before he started photographing the girls was something to the effect of..."the reason you are all in this room now is because I see in each of you potential, you are here because you should be. If this doesn't work out with me do not give up, find a local agent or manager and keep going." So regardless of the outcome of this first open call my daughter has ever attended she will not quit, this is something she wants to do, this is not her final career choice, you see, she plans on being a doctor and wants to go to school somewhere other than Vancouver. This is not a cheep endeavor and she sees modeling as a way to ensure she can go to any university she chooses, and she will, like I said before she's very driven and a gifted student.
Who'd a thunk, my beautiful girl is about to embark on a remarkable journey one that I hope will fulfill all her dreams.
With much love, light and wonder,
Tammy.
You see, on the September long weekend my kids went with their dad to the Bumpershoot Music Festival in Seattle and a scout from Pulse Management approached my ex and asked if the tall young lady with him was his daughter. Well, my girl is 5'91/4" tall, slim and very pretty so it's no wonder she was noticed. They exchanged email addresses and some other information and the scout indicated that there would be an open call sometime in October and that she would let them know the details. Well...
A week and a half ago my ex got the email with the details and being that the call fell on my weekend with the kids I was more than happy to take her to Seattle. After all I have experience in this particular industry and I was leery that it might be a scam, as was everyone who knew what was going on with regards to this invitation.
So last week I spoke with the scout personally and found out more information, turns our Pulse Management has an exclusive partnership with Elite Models. For those of you who have not heard of Elite, this is the agency who launched Cindy Crawford's modeling career. Not to mention Tyra Banks, Naiomi Campbell, Iman, Cameron Diaz, Andy McDowell, Heidi Klume, Giselle Bunzchen to name a few. So ya, this is legitimate. The owner of Pulse, Stacey Eastman was the presenter and explained who he was and who he works with, Trump (as in "The Donald") Models is also a partner and that he was looking for girls who have the potential, and future potential to make it in this very tough business.
All that being said, we sat through the first hour and a half listening and watching intently, all the while my ADHD son sat quietly and very patiently next to me doodling. My daughter was nervous, not knowing what to expect and when it came time to go face to face with Stacey I thought for sure she would back out, she didn't. She is a very driven young lady and when she sees something she wants she goes for it. All the girls lined up outside the room and came in one at a time for a quick few words with Stacey, there were probably 50 to 60 girls ranging in age from 12 to 23 and all of varying height, my daughter being one of the tallest.
She was third from last and when her turn finally arrived she dutifully handed Stacey her information sheet and he asked her when she would be turning 14, she answered, then he asked what her shoe size was, she answered 10. Stacey that turned to the crowd as he had for numerous girls before my daughter and shouted out "mom?" I stood up and he asked how tall I was, 5'10" and how tall her dad is, 6'2" the reason for this is to determine how tall she will be when she finishes growing. Being 13 and 5'9-1/4" and a size 10 foot she will likely be over 6' tall which in this industry is spectacular!
She had always hated her height, and I always told her that one day she will love it, well this past Saturday she discovered exactly what I was talking about. Height is a huge benefit in the modeling industry and tall girls make good money. I'll get into the details of exactly how much a little later. Needless to say, her self esteem was significantly boosted that day.
Once all the girls had the first run through and were seated with their parents, Stacey explained that he would be calling the names of the girls that he wanted to see and that the rest were free to go, he was very kind about it, he explained that he was looking for a specific type of girl and that all the girls were beautiful and not to give up their dream, but he can't keep everyone and have a great afternoon.
We sat and waited, he held a small stack of info sheets in his hand and I was convinced at that point that we would be done. After he called the six girls up to the front with their parents and asked them to wait a moment he would speak to them in a moment. Ok, I thought we're done...
Nope not so, he then took a larger stack and told us that the names he called out next would be staying for the second half of the presentation and that these girls have potential. He handed the stack to his assistant and went off the talk to the first group he called. I have no idea what he said to them, but one thing all the girls in that group had in common was they all had "books" in my day they were called portfolios so they were obviously experienced, maybe he told them he would contact them, maybe he told them to look elsewhere who knows, it was the stack in the assistants hand I was interested in.
The assistant started naming off the girls and as the stack grew smaller and smaller my stomach did little flips, second from last my daughters name was called, phew! She made it to the second half both a blessing and a curse, it was already noon and we were starving, but we persevered.
Stacey thanked all the girls who's names were not called and sent them on their way. Now the second half of the presentation begins. This is where we get the dirt on the industry, it's still as ugly as I remember, so no surprise there, it's still extremely lucrative if you make it, that being the key, if you make it. It's a tough thing to break into the modeling scene, when I made my attempt I was freelance because I didn't know any better, I thought you just sign with an agency and voila you're in, well, not so. There were and still are thousands of young slim pretty girls trying to market themselves and it's still a total crap shoot. Unless you're discovered.
This is like winning the lottery in this industry, it happens but it's rare. My daughter was scouted, not the same thing, you're not "discovered" until you have a contract and your first big job and everyone knows your name. We are not quite there yet we are still sitting in a room with about 25 other pretty girls hoping to be discovered.
The afternoon presentation lasted another two hours, at this point my son was starting to complain, not too much but he was getting hungry as we all were and pretty much done with sitting still. He persevered and we endured. We watched video of some of Stacey's models, we saw video of what goes on back stage at runway shows in places like Milan, London, and Paris. We were told that Stacey's models do not work for less than $60.00 per hour and that the industry average is about $275.00 per hour. We learned that if you are really good and in demand you could command $10,000.00 to $20,000.00 per day and a day is defined as four hours anything over that and your at time and a half. HOLY CRAP that's a lot of money, not to mention the possibility of landing an entire campaign for oh say Chanel or Prada and now were talking six figures, but that's only if you're really good.
So as we rap up and all this information is being digested Stacey informs us that there is just one more step to completing the process this afternoon. Polaroids. This is where he takes head and body shots of all the girls so he can make his final decision back in Manhattan with Elite or Trump on the girls from this afternoon, my daughter being one of them. I had done her measurements the night before and recorded them on a piece of paper tucked in my purse, for those mom's who didn't know the process, Stacey had a bunch of measuring tapes.
My daughter was the third girl to be photographed because it was just a matter of filling in the blanks and making sure my email address was clear. Everything these days seems to be electronic, in my day you took your portfolio to pre-set appointments and waited for a phone call. Now in this digital age, all the pictures will be downloaded and emailed around the world in seconds. Needless to say, when the shots were done, Stacey gave my daughter a high five, now I have no idea if anyone else got one, we left right after that. BUT...physical contact is a good thing it cements a person in the mind. I'm taking it as a positive.
So, now we wait. We were told it could take up to two weeks to hear back, so far I've not seen anything so no news is good news right? This is both exciting and daunting, if this happens and she gets a contract I will need to get her first set of photos done. In this industry you do pay for your first set, unless you get signed to an agency right away that is. Pulse is a management company, they would put the girls in front of the agency, without a book it's hard to be seen by anyone. Management companies might advance the cost of the book to a model if they are confident that model will get lots of work. Agencies will pay for the book because at that point they know this particular model will work.
The only question that weighs on my mind right now is, if she does get signed to Pulse and Elite how on earth am I going to be able to travel with her? Being only 13 she will need a parent present, or grandparent, apparently Stacey has what he calls his "granny squad" grandmothers who travel with their granddaughters. Both grandmothers have agreed to travel, my mom when her back is better and my ex-mother-in-law any time we need her. I for one however would love the opportunity to travel with her, are you kidding? Paris? Milan? New York? Miami? It's a no brainer. But...like I said, she needs to be discovered and we're not quite there yet.
The one parting comment that Stacey made before he started photographing the girls was something to the effect of..."the reason you are all in this room now is because I see in each of you potential, you are here because you should be. If this doesn't work out with me do not give up, find a local agent or manager and keep going." So regardless of the outcome of this first open call my daughter has ever attended she will not quit, this is something she wants to do, this is not her final career choice, you see, she plans on being a doctor and wants to go to school somewhere other than Vancouver. This is not a cheep endeavor and she sees modeling as a way to ensure she can go to any university she chooses, and she will, like I said before she's very driven and a gifted student.
Who'd a thunk, my beautiful girl is about to embark on a remarkable journey one that I hope will fulfill all her dreams.
With much love, light and wonder,
Tammy.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Happy Thanks Giving!
Two in one day, don't stop me, I'm on a roll.
So I read my last blog and as I sit and contemplate why we do such horrible things to each other I find myself thinking about Thanks Giving and what it means to me.
For me it's not what I would call traditional. Thanks Giving the holiday is work. It's standing in the kitchen all day preparing food, which I should be thankful I have, it's running around like a mad woman cleaning the house for dinner guests, a house I should be thankful I have and friends I should also be thankful I have and I am really I am or I wouldn't bother with all the stress that goes along with the day. What is missing for me however is my family. That being my mom, dad, sister and nieces and all the extras come with them.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for allot of things, my job, my pay cheque, my home, my own family, my friends. I'm so very thankful for all of it. I guess I'm just missing the whole big happy family picture. How very selfish of me. I know people who for personal reasons do not have the luxury of 'family' in the traditional sense. Things were said that neither party is willing to apologise for because both feel they are right and justified in their actions and words. So be it. But...wouldn't it be nice if this Thanks Giving they could put aside their differences, agree to disagree and be a family once again? I think so, I think it's worth my blogging about it if my message to them is heard.
For the love of GOD and all that is Holy, put your differences aside and be a family AGAIN! Would it kill you? Really, would it? There are so many things you all have to be thankful for, each other, should be at the top of the list. Stop being so damn stubborn about this and forgive each other already!
I for one see the hurt this is causing, not just to the two individuals involved but to the children who's family has been torn apart because of it. Haven't they suffered enough for your disagreement? Isn't it time to "practice what you preach"? Isn't it time to make amends? Is it really so hard to swallow your pride and say "I'm SO sorry, I love you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" Is that so hard? Are you beyond forgiveness? WWJD?
This may all go unheard (or unread rather) but I'm hoping and praying that maybe this year, maybe. If not, well, Christmas is coming and that's another good reason for me to hope. There is so much being missed out on it's really quite sad. My heart goes out to all of them and I will continue to hope and pray they find each other again.
As for my missing my parents and sister et all, well, ya it would be nice if we all lived in the same town and I could just pop over whenever the mood struck but I made a decision years ago to move away and every holiday I deal with the longing for my traditional family gathering. I just hope when my kids are adults that they don't leave town, that we are able to be one big happy family and celebrate together.
With much love, light and a HAPPY THANKS GIVING!
Tammy.
So I read my last blog and as I sit and contemplate why we do such horrible things to each other I find myself thinking about Thanks Giving and what it means to me.
For me it's not what I would call traditional. Thanks Giving the holiday is work. It's standing in the kitchen all day preparing food, which I should be thankful I have, it's running around like a mad woman cleaning the house for dinner guests, a house I should be thankful I have and friends I should also be thankful I have and I am really I am or I wouldn't bother with all the stress that goes along with the day. What is missing for me however is my family. That being my mom, dad, sister and nieces and all the extras come with them.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for allot of things, my job, my pay cheque, my home, my own family, my friends. I'm so very thankful for all of it. I guess I'm just missing the whole big happy family picture. How very selfish of me. I know people who for personal reasons do not have the luxury of 'family' in the traditional sense. Things were said that neither party is willing to apologise for because both feel they are right and justified in their actions and words. So be it. But...wouldn't it be nice if this Thanks Giving they could put aside their differences, agree to disagree and be a family once again? I think so, I think it's worth my blogging about it if my message to them is heard.
For the love of GOD and all that is Holy, put your differences aside and be a family AGAIN! Would it kill you? Really, would it? There are so many things you all have to be thankful for, each other, should be at the top of the list. Stop being so damn stubborn about this and forgive each other already!
I for one see the hurt this is causing, not just to the two individuals involved but to the children who's family has been torn apart because of it. Haven't they suffered enough for your disagreement? Isn't it time to "practice what you preach"? Isn't it time to make amends? Is it really so hard to swallow your pride and say "I'm SO sorry, I love you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" Is that so hard? Are you beyond forgiveness? WWJD?
This may all go unheard (or unread rather) but I'm hoping and praying that maybe this year, maybe. If not, well, Christmas is coming and that's another good reason for me to hope. There is so much being missed out on it's really quite sad. My heart goes out to all of them and I will continue to hope and pray they find each other again.
As for my missing my parents and sister et all, well, ya it would be nice if we all lived in the same town and I could just pop over whenever the mood struck but I made a decision years ago to move away and every holiday I deal with the longing for my traditional family gathering. I just hope when my kids are adults that they don't leave town, that we are able to be one big happy family and celebrate together.
With much love, light and a HAPPY THANKS GIVING!
Tammy.
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