I had an interesting conversation this morning with my ex's mom. Keep in mind I've known my ex-in-laws since I was a kid so not having some form of relationship with them is a foreign concept to me.
Any way the conversation revolved around her son, my ex and how utterly rude he is to his family and how she's so not inviting him for Christmas (for now) because he's just so mean to them. She recounted a conversation she had with him recently where by he was rude to start off with and hung up on her. She was calling to invite our kids to the Santa Parade downtown this up coming weekend. Why would he do this?
Because that's what he does. That's in part why we are no longer together and why I feel badly for my kids on a regular basis. Because he's just like that.
You see, a few months back he got a traffic ticket for not signalling when pulling into a parking lot. Dumb ticket but a ticket none the less. Now, his brother is a cop and when he heard about this he sympathised and said that he would find out what the officer was thinking but couldn't do anything about the ticket because he's not in that jurisdiction. He advised that he should fight it because the officer when leaving the parking lot didn't signal either, so talk about being above the law right?
Well, he didn't fight it nor did he pay it and he recently got a letter from ICBC about it. So now he's mad because he figured his brother should have taken care of this for him. He took it upon himself to call and leave his brother a nasty message about how he hates all cops, blah, blah, blah...same crap I was subjected to when he didn't get his way with me.
Well, of course his brother called his mom because this was upsetting for him and voiced his concern to her. She in turn called her son, but got my son instead. They had a little chat and at the end of the conversation my son handed the phone to his dad. His response to his mom, "what?" and I know the tone he would have used too, that condescending "what do you want" tone.
Not hi, how are you? Or what's up? No, just "what?" He knew full well why she was calling and rightfully so, I would do the same if one of my children were treating their sibling like crap for something they had no control over, you bet! Well, as I mentioned the conversation didn't end well which lead her to contacting me.
Now, I don't have a problem with talking to them and arranging for the kids to visit with them, why would I they are still an important part of my kids lives and because my parents live so far away I know how important it is to keep them in contact with their grandparents. So ya, she called me and explained why she wasn't talking to my ex about this and I told her that I would deal with him for her. Works out well because he has a Christmas party to go to on Saturday night and wasn't planing on returning home afterwards so the kids will be at my house anyway. As long as it doesn't rain, the plans are set.
Now, as for my ex...I sent him an email, telling him what was going on and making it sound like he's the one benefiting from this in the long run, that's what he likes, to be the centre of the universe. He's not, but he thinks he is. Whether he agrees or not that's his problem, I've stopped letting his issues affect me years ago. It's when they affect the kids that I take issue.
Ok, so the title of this blog is Honour Thy Mother and Father so what does this have to do with what I'm writing...I read a facebook status about being honourable and how it's not what others do that make us honourable but the fact that we ourselves are honourable...something to that effect. It got me thinking about how my ex never honoured me or our marriage when we were together and how he does not honour his family, including his kids yet would debate to no end that he is in fact honourable and the victim in all of this.
He is in a new relationship, and as that goes he's behaving himself, being charming and kind to her and her kids. Even though he has complained to me about how annoying her daughter is I know, as does his mom it's only a matter of time that he tires of this game and his true nature is revealed, and unless she's really that desperate to be in a relationship, she'll head for the hills and fast. I remember when he and I were first together his mom took me out for lunch and basically warned me of what he's really like. Well, I guess I was desperate because I stayed with him thirteen years. I see it now, I saw it then but I stayed for the kids sake. And to this day I mourn the loss, not so much for him, but for his family with whom I was very close. That's gone and that makes me sad.
And so I return to my title. How is it someone can so blatantly dis-honour his parents, the answer is simple really as the quote goes, because he is without honour himself. Honour is not a difficult thing to attain really, it's about respect and regard. When these to components are missing then there is no honour. I think, and this is purely my opinion having lived with him for thirteen years, he has little to no respect or regard for any other living thing except that which is giving him what he wants at that exact moment.
Believe me, I was that person for a time and when I finally clued in that he really didn't respect or regard me with honour his behaviour and actions towards me took a scary turn for the worse, and so I left. The way he treats his family is another indication of having zero respect for any of them. He views them as "below" him. In his mind he is the ultimate, he is the only one worthy of respect and honour, yet he affords it to no one else including his own children. The only one getting any sort of respect right now is the poor soul who thinks he's the cats ass...for the time being.
He has NEVER respected his father, he tolerates his mother because she can usually smooth things over, but after my conversation with her today I highly doubt she's going to bother with him any more. Why should she? Because he's her son? That's not good enough anymore. He's an adult and should be aware of how to function in civil society but for whatever reason this concept is lost on him. Anyone reading this who knows him as well as I do, knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who disagrees, well, you've obviously not "pissed him off" and I wish you all the luck in the world.
What gets me in all of this is how he feels entitled...I've blogged about this before. What goes through someones head that makes them think it's ok to leave nasty hate messages on your brothers phone because you got a ticket in a completely different city from a completely different law enforcement organization? What could he have possibly been thinking? "I got a ticket for doing something I shouldn't have been doing and well because my brother is a cop somehow it has to be his responsibility" I can only guess.
This Christmas will be a strained one, apparently last Christmas was, I'm just finding out. His mom is not interested in having him out on Christmas day, a day I made available to them, because of her son's behaviour. I suggested she also invite his newest fling so at least he'll behave, God forbid she see his true colours. It's an option, and she's thinking about it but I would have to say it's probably not going to happen.
All because he didn't pay or dispute a ticket as advised, this will be a sucky Christmas for my kids. All because their father is without honour for his own parents. And God forbid our kids dis-honour him, well...I'm shaking my head thinking about it.
With much love, light and honour,
Tammy.
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