I know this sort of thing is usually reserved for Thanks Giving but I decided that I need to do this now because I'm having a hard time hanging on to my Christmas Spirit and I'm thinking this will help. At least I hope so...
Here we go, my list of everything I'm grateful for...
My kids
For the opportunity to be a mom
My partner
For the opportunity to have found someone who "gets" me
My partner's kids
For the opportunity know such remarkable children
My best friend
For the opportunity to be her shoulder to cry on
My parents
For the opportunity to take what they taught me and apply it to my life
My Sister
For the opportunity to learn patients and understanding
My family
For the opportunity to feel like I belong and I'm loved
My friends
For the opportunity to remain a part of their lives no matter the distance between us
My job
For the opportunity to provide for my family
My boss and co-workers
For the opportunity to be part of a great team
My acquaintances
For the opportunity to see the greatness that inhabits this planet
My pets
For the opportunity to realise unconditional love
My house
For the opportunity to make a home
My ex
For the opportunity to discover who I am regardless
My ex-in-laws
For the opportunity to still be accepted and respected
My memories
For the opportunity to remember what I've experienced
My future
For the opportunity to continue to show my gratitude in as many ways I can
With much love light and Christmas Spirit,
Tammy.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Crisis Of Faith Averted.
I've discovered the answer I've been searching for and it was always right there, I just needed to listen.
Now, a little history. I was baptised Anglican when I was a baby yet never set foot in an Anglican Church. My paternal grandmother followed a myriad of religions one of which was Baptist because her second husband was a Baptist minister, for the most part she was a TV Christian and she made sure my parents sent us to Sunday school. I was in elementary school when I decided to become Catholic, the religion I chose. Mostly because my maternal grandparents were devout Catholics and they and my mom would bring my sister and I to church on a regular basis. Thus began my formal religious training. By that I mean, Catechism and Confirmation into the Catholic Church. I listened and believed.
Then my maternal grandmother died. I'm sure it was with her death that my belief system suffered it's first trauma. I doubted if there was a heaven or a God, my biggest fear for my grandmother was that she was floating around in the darkness of space wondering where her heaven was. This thought both saddened and terrified me so I started looking for answers. This was in 1990. Since then I have experimented with various religious beliefs looking for what I felt to be sufficient balance between what I was taught and what I'd experienced over the years.
The Buddhist philosophy is the most kind, organised religion the most scary. The things people do in the name of their God or religion is astonishing. Buddhism isn't really a religion as it is a way of life. I like the whole "Cease to do evil, endeavor to do good" mantra but on a whole Buddhism is just not for me.
I do believe in life after death I believe in reincarnation and Karma but I have a hard time believing that I can come back as a bug if I'm not a good human in this life. I believe that once a human always a human. Which lead me to a more Spiritual path. This one I could really sink my teeth into. I had always been fascinated with Astrology. I think it's a great way to help us understand each other. Once you get deeply into it that is. What you read in the daily horoscopes is a really vague picture. To do an in depth astrological reading takes years of training and far more information than your birthday. But I digress...
As I was saying, all things Spiritual sat well with me. My first realisation came while I was on maternity leave with my daughter in 1997 and Sally Jesse Rafael had a woman from England on her show named Rosemary Altea. Rosemary had written a book called Proud Spirit. Rosemary is a well known (in my circle) medium and healer. Well as soon as I could I bought the book and absolutely devoured it. I found some of the answers I had started looking for seven years prior.
And for the record Rosemary believes in God and Jesus. She's not a devil worshiping occultist everything she teaches is what we call " Working in the light" nothing dark or sinister about it. Unlike some religions who like to use scare tactics on their followers, there's your "evil". This began my insatiable curiosity to know more, to learn how to communicate with those who have passed and those who are working in Spirit towards the betterment of man kind. As I type this I am reminded of how easily one can be pulled off their path when faced with adversity.
I spent the better part of the past thirteen years developing my own skills. I chose to take the path of a healer. I have had the honour of working with some remarkable people here on the Earth plain as well as those in Spirit. I have witnessed first hand my connection to the Universe and for what ever reason lately I've forgotten about it. I think because I have not continued with my personal work in this area. Not that I don't want to, it's just I have not had an opportunity. Excuses excuses I know but it's really hard to meditate with a house full of people. Especially when you're the only one who believes in this particular form of Spirituality.
What does this mean to my crisis of faith? I think it means that I need to re-discover my Spirituality and not in the conventional way I had thought. I was about to re-enter a Catholic church thinking this would help but I know deep down it would only serve to fuel my fire of questions. I believe in a Divine Creator, I believe in an unseen universe populated with our loved ones who have passed as well as a vast collection of guides and teachers who are working in harmony without our knowledge to ensure Mother Earth continues to spin. I can't believe I managed to forget what it was I truly believed all because I got caught up in a tragedy that made me question the existence of God, or more so the God to whom so many subscribe.
Organized religions require a certain amount of blind faith from their followers in order to be a viable organization and in doing so remove the individuals need to question by providing their answers. That's perfectly fine as long as no one gets hurt. Believe what you will, I'm not going to buy in. I know what I've experienced in my quest for answers. I have been embraced by my Divine Creator, I have made contact with my personal guides and teachers I even have the pleasure of knowing my Guardian Angel, he is of a masculine energy named Alistair he's huge and beautiful and has the most amazing eyes that I can only describe as "World Eyes" because they resemble the planet Earth from outer space.
I know deep down what I believe, I know I have experienced many lives here on this planet every last one of them a learning experience that I have taken into my next. I know I am a healer that's why my presence calms certain sensitive individuals. I have gifts that were given to me by the Divine Creator and I have learned to use them. I don't need to question any longer, the answer was always there, I was just confused by an event that happened to one of "God's Children" that made me question the existence of such a God.
They are comforted in their knowledge of their God, I am comforted in the knowledge of my Divine Creator or for lack of a better term, my God. And believe me on this one. I have stood in the presence of my God, and I understand. I know now why and it's not exactly what you may think.
You see, before we are born, when we are in Spirit helping from this place best described as heaven we make a decision to come back. The time and lesson are predetermined and we agree to this contract. We are able to choose the life lesson we are in need of learning, after all that's why the planet exists it's a giant class room. We also decide how long we want to be here. There is free will here on Earth, but in Spirit it's more a collective. Everyone is working towards good and only good. So why is there evil here on earth...good old free will, the gift we are given at birth. So our soul is born and only residual memories of our Spiritual existence are present as well as some past life experiences.
For example, I could not for the life of me figure out why I was afraid to swim in a lake, no problem with pools, lakes freaked me out. I had the opportunity to experience a past life regression where I discovered that I had drown in green murky water (this past life regression was not specifically to find this out, we were learning how to preform a regression so there were no "suggestions"). That put my fear of lakes to rest just knowing that about myself. Anyway as I was saying we are given free will and by the free will of others we are taught and we loose our innocence. Some go too far the wrong way, a baby is not born a serial killer. Somewhere along the way something goes terribly wrong. Like I said we are here to learn, Spirit can only guide those who listen.
There were many times these past thirteen years that I have failed to listen but when I do my life is wonderful. When I ignore the subtle signs being given, things go frightfully bad. So as I return to my path knowing that it is the right path for me and only me I am comforted by the thought that we are here for as long as we requested. To learn the lesson we chose and once that is done, we are done. We go back to Spirit, we go home. We recuperate, we perhaps take what we've learned and guide others on the Earth plain or we come back to continue our quest for knowledge. There is no real right or wrong to the process, the process just is.
I have a feeling I'm going to be around for a while, my very recent past life wasn't a long one and I have a feeling I've requested this one be long. I see myself really really old, happy and alert but really old. Something to look forward to without questioning why. Just imagine the wealth of knowledge I will be taking back with me when I leave, that's got to be a benefit to someone some day or why would we bother?
With much love, light and comfort in my beliefs,
Tammy.
Now, a little history. I was baptised Anglican when I was a baby yet never set foot in an Anglican Church. My paternal grandmother followed a myriad of religions one of which was Baptist because her second husband was a Baptist minister, for the most part she was a TV Christian and she made sure my parents sent us to Sunday school. I was in elementary school when I decided to become Catholic, the religion I chose. Mostly because my maternal grandparents were devout Catholics and they and my mom would bring my sister and I to church on a regular basis. Thus began my formal religious training. By that I mean, Catechism and Confirmation into the Catholic Church. I listened and believed.
Then my maternal grandmother died. I'm sure it was with her death that my belief system suffered it's first trauma. I doubted if there was a heaven or a God, my biggest fear for my grandmother was that she was floating around in the darkness of space wondering where her heaven was. This thought both saddened and terrified me so I started looking for answers. This was in 1990. Since then I have experimented with various religious beliefs looking for what I felt to be sufficient balance between what I was taught and what I'd experienced over the years.
The Buddhist philosophy is the most kind, organised religion the most scary. The things people do in the name of their God or religion is astonishing. Buddhism isn't really a religion as it is a way of life. I like the whole "Cease to do evil, endeavor to do good" mantra but on a whole Buddhism is just not for me.
I do believe in life after death I believe in reincarnation and Karma but I have a hard time believing that I can come back as a bug if I'm not a good human in this life. I believe that once a human always a human. Which lead me to a more Spiritual path. This one I could really sink my teeth into. I had always been fascinated with Astrology. I think it's a great way to help us understand each other. Once you get deeply into it that is. What you read in the daily horoscopes is a really vague picture. To do an in depth astrological reading takes years of training and far more information than your birthday. But I digress...
As I was saying, all things Spiritual sat well with me. My first realisation came while I was on maternity leave with my daughter in 1997 and Sally Jesse Rafael had a woman from England on her show named Rosemary Altea. Rosemary had written a book called Proud Spirit. Rosemary is a well known (in my circle) medium and healer. Well as soon as I could I bought the book and absolutely devoured it. I found some of the answers I had started looking for seven years prior.
And for the record Rosemary believes in God and Jesus. She's not a devil worshiping occultist everything she teaches is what we call " Working in the light" nothing dark or sinister about it. Unlike some religions who like to use scare tactics on their followers, there's your "evil". This began my insatiable curiosity to know more, to learn how to communicate with those who have passed and those who are working in Spirit towards the betterment of man kind. As I type this I am reminded of how easily one can be pulled off their path when faced with adversity.
I spent the better part of the past thirteen years developing my own skills. I chose to take the path of a healer. I have had the honour of working with some remarkable people here on the Earth plain as well as those in Spirit. I have witnessed first hand my connection to the Universe and for what ever reason lately I've forgotten about it. I think because I have not continued with my personal work in this area. Not that I don't want to, it's just I have not had an opportunity. Excuses excuses I know but it's really hard to meditate with a house full of people. Especially when you're the only one who believes in this particular form of Spirituality.
What does this mean to my crisis of faith? I think it means that I need to re-discover my Spirituality and not in the conventional way I had thought. I was about to re-enter a Catholic church thinking this would help but I know deep down it would only serve to fuel my fire of questions. I believe in a Divine Creator, I believe in an unseen universe populated with our loved ones who have passed as well as a vast collection of guides and teachers who are working in harmony without our knowledge to ensure Mother Earth continues to spin. I can't believe I managed to forget what it was I truly believed all because I got caught up in a tragedy that made me question the existence of God, or more so the God to whom so many subscribe.
Organized religions require a certain amount of blind faith from their followers in order to be a viable organization and in doing so remove the individuals need to question by providing their answers. That's perfectly fine as long as no one gets hurt. Believe what you will, I'm not going to buy in. I know what I've experienced in my quest for answers. I have been embraced by my Divine Creator, I have made contact with my personal guides and teachers I even have the pleasure of knowing my Guardian Angel, he is of a masculine energy named Alistair he's huge and beautiful and has the most amazing eyes that I can only describe as "World Eyes" because they resemble the planet Earth from outer space.
I know deep down what I believe, I know I have experienced many lives here on this planet every last one of them a learning experience that I have taken into my next. I know I am a healer that's why my presence calms certain sensitive individuals. I have gifts that were given to me by the Divine Creator and I have learned to use them. I don't need to question any longer, the answer was always there, I was just confused by an event that happened to one of "God's Children" that made me question the existence of such a God.
They are comforted in their knowledge of their God, I am comforted in the knowledge of my Divine Creator or for lack of a better term, my God. And believe me on this one. I have stood in the presence of my God, and I understand. I know now why and it's not exactly what you may think.
You see, before we are born, when we are in Spirit helping from this place best described as heaven we make a decision to come back. The time and lesson are predetermined and we agree to this contract. We are able to choose the life lesson we are in need of learning, after all that's why the planet exists it's a giant class room. We also decide how long we want to be here. There is free will here on Earth, but in Spirit it's more a collective. Everyone is working towards good and only good. So why is there evil here on earth...good old free will, the gift we are given at birth. So our soul is born and only residual memories of our Spiritual existence are present as well as some past life experiences.
For example, I could not for the life of me figure out why I was afraid to swim in a lake, no problem with pools, lakes freaked me out. I had the opportunity to experience a past life regression where I discovered that I had drown in green murky water (this past life regression was not specifically to find this out, we were learning how to preform a regression so there were no "suggestions"). That put my fear of lakes to rest just knowing that about myself. Anyway as I was saying we are given free will and by the free will of others we are taught and we loose our innocence. Some go too far the wrong way, a baby is not born a serial killer. Somewhere along the way something goes terribly wrong. Like I said we are here to learn, Spirit can only guide those who listen.
There were many times these past thirteen years that I have failed to listen but when I do my life is wonderful. When I ignore the subtle signs being given, things go frightfully bad. So as I return to my path knowing that it is the right path for me and only me I am comforted by the thought that we are here for as long as we requested. To learn the lesson we chose and once that is done, we are done. We go back to Spirit, we go home. We recuperate, we perhaps take what we've learned and guide others on the Earth plain or we come back to continue our quest for knowledge. There is no real right or wrong to the process, the process just is.
I have a feeling I'm going to be around for a while, my very recent past life wasn't a long one and I have a feeling I've requested this one be long. I see myself really really old, happy and alert but really old. Something to look forward to without questioning why. Just imagine the wealth of knowledge I will be taking back with me when I leave, that's got to be a benefit to someone some day or why would we bother?
With much love, light and comfort in my beliefs,
Tammy.
Friday, December 17, 2010
My Turn.
It seems I'm always blogging about everything that happens around me. The reason I started this blog was to release my "Random Thoughts" a therapeutic way of letting go of all that goes on in my head. I'm not entirely sure that's been happening to the extent I was hoping. So I'm going to release. Some of this will be negative, I have to clear it out and my way of doing that is to write. Some will be positive, I will try to keep it balance.
Since starting this blog and even before hand I've encountered all sorts of ups and downs that recently have come to a head. This biggest one is my ex. NOW don't get me wrong here, I left him because I could not see our future together any longer. Our marriage was always more a business deal than romantic encounter. He didn't propose, we shook hands when we decided to get married and the only reason that happened was because I wanted the same last name as my kids. His original suggestion was I legally change my name.
So you see, not much real love there, BUT, there was a sense of family. This was lost when I left and in so many ways and I miss that. I miss my in-laws even though I'm still in contact with them because of my kids. I miss our friends, the ones that were his friends first. I don't get invited to functions anymore because we are no longer together and we are both with some one else. Too uncomfortable for everyone, I get that. It still hurts though.
I sometimes think "if only". If only I had tried harder, if only he loved me, if only I didn't want more, if only I wasn't so selfish. Would we still be together? Could we be happy? I know the answer to this. No. We were done before we began it just took me a while to realise it.
The other night we sat next to each other at our sons band Christmas concert. We always show a united front for the kids. They need to see that their parents are capable of getting along even though they still have their moments. The kids need to know they are and always will be our top priority. So we sit and watch and because he's taking pictures needs to lean towards me. This makes me uncomfortable so a move over a bit. He's never been one who notices personal space and I need mine. He was oblivious.
As we sit and listen to the choir it gets me thinking about past Christmas's when we were together, probably the best times in our marriage. And an overwhelm sadness descends upon me to the point of near tears. This started the snowball of thoughts that initially prompted my need to blog about myself. I need to let go.
I mentioned we are both with significant others. I live with mine. This has not been an easy transition but it has been far less stressful than when I was with my ex. That being said it has opened up a whole new world of "in-law" type people and a new set of friends (I do have my own friends, just to clarify). All who have been so kind in their acceptance of me. That makes me happy but I still feel uneasy about it like it could all just pop like a balloon and be gone, because it can.
I hang on and even though I feel maybe not as complete as I would like I keep reminding myself I'm better off now. I don't drive home after work with a pain in my stomach because I don't know what I will be dealing with when I get there. I drive home and I feel nothing. Not that that's bad it's just that. I drive home. There is never an uneasy feeling I don't do a mental inventory of what I might have done to cause a conflict when I get there. I pretty much just drive home, park, let the dogs out and start dinner. Pretty routine.
What am I missing that I feel so empty? Last night as I sat and the band played Christmas tunes I thought to myself. "I HATE MY LIFE!" How pathetic is that? Do I really? Or was I just feeling sorry for myself? Probably the latter. I think what it is that I dislike so much is this isn't what I had hoped for when I was younger. I wanted the house and picket fence and a whole slew of babies, I wanted to be a stay at home mom who baked cookies and went on field trips with my kids class. That's what I had envisioned and none of it happened. My kids are growing up and I missed out on so much because I HAD to work.
They say our lives are what we make of them but sometimes you have help, and not necessarily in a good way. Even now as I type this I wonder what it is I want out of life anymore. I really don't know. That's not true, I do know but it's unrealistic so what's the point?
Christmas 2006 the last Christmas I was with my ex I received the book The Secret from him, well from me actually as usual I bought ALL the gifts wrapped and put the corresponding tos and froms on them. I read the book and did what it said to do. I asked to be released from my loveless marriage and to find someone who's just like me, who really understands me.
Well, they say be careful what you wish for. And for me it actually happened. I left my ex and found someone who could really relate to me who truly understands ME. We were and still are very much the same. This is a good thing, it's also a very bad thing. We know exactly what makes us tic and we know how to tic each other off. Although it happens infrequently it does happen.
I'm a firm believer that opposites though may attract they are still opposite, or opposing. My ex and I, total opposites. I'm an introvert, he's an extrovert. I was weak willed he was strong willed. I was the peace keeper he was the warrior. We did not work well together. Currently living with someone who is so much like me is easy, almost too easy. We don't have to talk to each other we can just "be". He says I calm him when he's uptight about something with just my presence. Well I'm far more content when he's around. We can exist peacefully together. That doesn't mean we have the ultimate peaceful existence. We don't. We've had our share of battles of differing opinions but we always manage to either let it go or come to a compromise even if it's in the most subtle way or unusual way.
I'm the type that's hurt easily. I don't take criticism well which is probably why I try really hard not to openly criticize others. I will bite my tongue off first (except when it comes to dealing with my ex, he can rile me up like no other). So when I'm faced with criticism I shut down. I wallow and I try to justify why I did or said what I did internally. I'm a terrible debater so arguing a point generally falls flat and is reduced to angry words that can't be reversed. So I avoid confrontation as much as humanly possible.
The other day I was told that I said something that does not shed a positive light on the subject of the comment. That's about as close to describing the situation without giving it away completely as I'm willing to get. Anyway, this hurt me deeply and made me feel badly towards the person who pointed it out. It bothered me all day. I struggled to justify it, and I managed a pathetic justification that made me feel better. But I think what it was that hurt me the most was the realisation that I had acted so inappropriately when I know better. But as with all things this all passed and drifted off to the Universe to be dealt with. All is well again in my world, well almost.
Christmas is just around the corner and for me it's a very emotional time. I'm not entirely sure why though, this baffles me. I listen to Christmas music and it can so easily bring me to tears, even the really upbeat happy songs? I talk to my self and tell myself I'm just a big baby but really am I? Christmas for me is the ultimate family experience and when I was growing up there was never a shortage of family to celebrate the season with. Now that the dynamics of my family have changed and I have to adjust to less family it's a sad time for me as much as it is a happy one.
This Christmas will be no different than the last or any before. Christmas morning (the 26th for us this year) the kids will get up and open their gifts, I'll start the turkey and make a huge breakfast, everyone will be happy, how could they not be? I will be busy and this will keep my mind preoccupied. Once the dust settles and the day is done will I feel satisfied it was what I expected? I don't know, check back on the 27th and I'll post something about it. What I do know is this, next Christmas I will feel the same way, I've come to expect it and well if it were to change then I would be at a loss.
So this is where I am right at this moment. Next year will be a great year! For some reason I do better on odd numbered years so here's hoping. There's really nothing in particular I would like to see happen like I said earlier wishing for the impossible I've learned is pointless, or is it? I'm still putting it out there because you never know.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year! I'm panning too!
With much love, light and feeling a little lighter!
Tammy.
Since starting this blog and even before hand I've encountered all sorts of ups and downs that recently have come to a head. This biggest one is my ex. NOW don't get me wrong here, I left him because I could not see our future together any longer. Our marriage was always more a business deal than romantic encounter. He didn't propose, we shook hands when we decided to get married and the only reason that happened was because I wanted the same last name as my kids. His original suggestion was I legally change my name.
So you see, not much real love there, BUT, there was a sense of family. This was lost when I left and in so many ways and I miss that. I miss my in-laws even though I'm still in contact with them because of my kids. I miss our friends, the ones that were his friends first. I don't get invited to functions anymore because we are no longer together and we are both with some one else. Too uncomfortable for everyone, I get that. It still hurts though.
I sometimes think "if only". If only I had tried harder, if only he loved me, if only I didn't want more, if only I wasn't so selfish. Would we still be together? Could we be happy? I know the answer to this. No. We were done before we began it just took me a while to realise it.
The other night we sat next to each other at our sons band Christmas concert. We always show a united front for the kids. They need to see that their parents are capable of getting along even though they still have their moments. The kids need to know they are and always will be our top priority. So we sit and watch and because he's taking pictures needs to lean towards me. This makes me uncomfortable so a move over a bit. He's never been one who notices personal space and I need mine. He was oblivious.
As we sit and listen to the choir it gets me thinking about past Christmas's when we were together, probably the best times in our marriage. And an overwhelm sadness descends upon me to the point of near tears. This started the snowball of thoughts that initially prompted my need to blog about myself. I need to let go.
I mentioned we are both with significant others. I live with mine. This has not been an easy transition but it has been far less stressful than when I was with my ex. That being said it has opened up a whole new world of "in-law" type people and a new set of friends (I do have my own friends, just to clarify). All who have been so kind in their acceptance of me. That makes me happy but I still feel uneasy about it like it could all just pop like a balloon and be gone, because it can.
I hang on and even though I feel maybe not as complete as I would like I keep reminding myself I'm better off now. I don't drive home after work with a pain in my stomach because I don't know what I will be dealing with when I get there. I drive home and I feel nothing. Not that that's bad it's just that. I drive home. There is never an uneasy feeling I don't do a mental inventory of what I might have done to cause a conflict when I get there. I pretty much just drive home, park, let the dogs out and start dinner. Pretty routine.
What am I missing that I feel so empty? Last night as I sat and the band played Christmas tunes I thought to myself. "I HATE MY LIFE!" How pathetic is that? Do I really? Or was I just feeling sorry for myself? Probably the latter. I think what it is that I dislike so much is this isn't what I had hoped for when I was younger. I wanted the house and picket fence and a whole slew of babies, I wanted to be a stay at home mom who baked cookies and went on field trips with my kids class. That's what I had envisioned and none of it happened. My kids are growing up and I missed out on so much because I HAD to work.
They say our lives are what we make of them but sometimes you have help, and not necessarily in a good way. Even now as I type this I wonder what it is I want out of life anymore. I really don't know. That's not true, I do know but it's unrealistic so what's the point?
Christmas 2006 the last Christmas I was with my ex I received the book The Secret from him, well from me actually as usual I bought ALL the gifts wrapped and put the corresponding tos and froms on them. I read the book and did what it said to do. I asked to be released from my loveless marriage and to find someone who's just like me, who really understands me.
Well, they say be careful what you wish for. And for me it actually happened. I left my ex and found someone who could really relate to me who truly understands ME. We were and still are very much the same. This is a good thing, it's also a very bad thing. We know exactly what makes us tic and we know how to tic each other off. Although it happens infrequently it does happen.
I'm a firm believer that opposites though may attract they are still opposite, or opposing. My ex and I, total opposites. I'm an introvert, he's an extrovert. I was weak willed he was strong willed. I was the peace keeper he was the warrior. We did not work well together. Currently living with someone who is so much like me is easy, almost too easy. We don't have to talk to each other we can just "be". He says I calm him when he's uptight about something with just my presence. Well I'm far more content when he's around. We can exist peacefully together. That doesn't mean we have the ultimate peaceful existence. We don't. We've had our share of battles of differing opinions but we always manage to either let it go or come to a compromise even if it's in the most subtle way or unusual way.
I'm the type that's hurt easily. I don't take criticism well which is probably why I try really hard not to openly criticize others. I will bite my tongue off first (except when it comes to dealing with my ex, he can rile me up like no other). So when I'm faced with criticism I shut down. I wallow and I try to justify why I did or said what I did internally. I'm a terrible debater so arguing a point generally falls flat and is reduced to angry words that can't be reversed. So I avoid confrontation as much as humanly possible.
The other day I was told that I said something that does not shed a positive light on the subject of the comment. That's about as close to describing the situation without giving it away completely as I'm willing to get. Anyway, this hurt me deeply and made me feel badly towards the person who pointed it out. It bothered me all day. I struggled to justify it, and I managed a pathetic justification that made me feel better. But I think what it was that hurt me the most was the realisation that I had acted so inappropriately when I know better. But as with all things this all passed and drifted off to the Universe to be dealt with. All is well again in my world, well almost.
Christmas is just around the corner and for me it's a very emotional time. I'm not entirely sure why though, this baffles me. I listen to Christmas music and it can so easily bring me to tears, even the really upbeat happy songs? I talk to my self and tell myself I'm just a big baby but really am I? Christmas for me is the ultimate family experience and when I was growing up there was never a shortage of family to celebrate the season with. Now that the dynamics of my family have changed and I have to adjust to less family it's a sad time for me as much as it is a happy one.
This Christmas will be no different than the last or any before. Christmas morning (the 26th for us this year) the kids will get up and open their gifts, I'll start the turkey and make a huge breakfast, everyone will be happy, how could they not be? I will be busy and this will keep my mind preoccupied. Once the dust settles and the day is done will I feel satisfied it was what I expected? I don't know, check back on the 27th and I'll post something about it. What I do know is this, next Christmas I will feel the same way, I've come to expect it and well if it were to change then I would be at a loss.
So this is where I am right at this moment. Next year will be a great year! For some reason I do better on odd numbered years so here's hoping. There's really nothing in particular I would like to see happen like I said earlier wishing for the impossible I've learned is pointless, or is it? I'm still putting it out there because you never know.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year! I'm panning too!
With much love, light and feeling a little lighter!
Tammy.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Terrible Two's? Ya Right!
Several nights ago my darling teenager had a melt down. This is nothing new, I deal with this sort of thing from her at least once every six months or so. This time was a little different.
As we sat on her bed and she cried her heart out I listened. Albeit with great difficulty over the sobs, I just listened.
Now, I've always considered myself a better listener than talker but apparently when it comes to my kids I just talk. My daughter says I offer advice when advice is not what she's after (in her owns words that is) So, I conceded and sat and listened and this is what I found out.
My beautiful daughter thinks she's an alien. Not literally of course, metaphorically. She went on to explain that she doesn't see things like the other teens in her peer group. She also thinks she doesn't have a sense of humour. She does, it's just very different from the norm. She also thinks that it is impossible to be happy, she doesn't get how I can be happy all the time.
Another comment she made and I quote (because this one stuck with me) "The problem with the human race is we are all individuals" OK I had to laugh at that one, which got her laughing. Which disproved her theory she didn't have a sense of humour. This particular comment struck me as odd because she is of all people is as individual as they get. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum.
So I've given allot of brain time to this comment and I think what she's grasping at is to just fit in. She's always been one of the tallest kids in her peer group and according to her teacher one of the smartest and most mature. This makes her intimidating even without her trying to be. I know I was intimidated by the "smart kids" at school having been a C average student, more so because I just didn't care and didn't apply myself, something I came to learn much later was a detriment but this isn't about me, it's about my beautiful brilliant daughter who just wants to fit in.
So what do I say to her to make her feel better about all of this? Nothing, because there is nothing I can say that will change her view of herself and believe me I have tried many many times. So I will just listen and if she wants my advice she will ask and I will give. That's about all I can do. She's just going to have to work this out for herself to come to the conclusion on her own that she has choices. She can choose to be happy or she can choose to be miserable. Simple, yes, but not to a thirteen and three quarter year old.
Next up is my son, he's twelve. Luckily for me he's not a mature twelve so even though he's going to be thirteen next year I'm hoping I don't have to go through this with him right away, one kid at a time please! I'm rolling my eyes as I type this. They say girls mature faster than boys and in this case my daughter is about fifty years ahead of her brother. She was born old, a truly "old soul" inhabits that body.
This is probably why she's struggling with her age, she doesn't think like a teenager for the most part, ok, the melt down was very juvenile but that was the result of being over stimulated. Since she was a baby too much activity for extended periods of time always had this exact effect on her. A complete melt down, then she's fine for a good long time. This particular event was cause from having to deal with her extroverted brother and father for an entire week. She needs her down time and it came too late this time.
She's fine now and appears happy for the most part. They are at their dad's this week and have been very busy with Christmas preparations so I'm hoping she's coping well, she seems to be. At least at school there isn't much going on so she's not being hit from all sides.
SO what does this all mean, well, it means that I for one have learned a valuable lesson. To listen. And that this is just the start, now the real work begins the moulding and guiding and hoping that at the other end you've helped your teen become a wonderful well adjusted adult. I think just being aware that this is my new job is half the battle.
With much love, light and the terrible teens!
Tammy.
As we sat on her bed and she cried her heart out I listened. Albeit with great difficulty over the sobs, I just listened.
Now, I've always considered myself a better listener than talker but apparently when it comes to my kids I just talk. My daughter says I offer advice when advice is not what she's after (in her owns words that is) So, I conceded and sat and listened and this is what I found out.
My beautiful daughter thinks she's an alien. Not literally of course, metaphorically. She went on to explain that she doesn't see things like the other teens in her peer group. She also thinks she doesn't have a sense of humour. She does, it's just very different from the norm. She also thinks that it is impossible to be happy, she doesn't get how I can be happy all the time.
Another comment she made and I quote (because this one stuck with me) "The problem with the human race is we are all individuals" OK I had to laugh at that one, which got her laughing. Which disproved her theory she didn't have a sense of humour. This particular comment struck me as odd because she is of all people is as individual as they get. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum.
So I've given allot of brain time to this comment and I think what she's grasping at is to just fit in. She's always been one of the tallest kids in her peer group and according to her teacher one of the smartest and most mature. This makes her intimidating even without her trying to be. I know I was intimidated by the "smart kids" at school having been a C average student, more so because I just didn't care and didn't apply myself, something I came to learn much later was a detriment but this isn't about me, it's about my beautiful brilliant daughter who just wants to fit in.
So what do I say to her to make her feel better about all of this? Nothing, because there is nothing I can say that will change her view of herself and believe me I have tried many many times. So I will just listen and if she wants my advice she will ask and I will give. That's about all I can do. She's just going to have to work this out for herself to come to the conclusion on her own that she has choices. She can choose to be happy or she can choose to be miserable. Simple, yes, but not to a thirteen and three quarter year old.
Next up is my son, he's twelve. Luckily for me he's not a mature twelve so even though he's going to be thirteen next year I'm hoping I don't have to go through this with him right away, one kid at a time please! I'm rolling my eyes as I type this. They say girls mature faster than boys and in this case my daughter is about fifty years ahead of her brother. She was born old, a truly "old soul" inhabits that body.
This is probably why she's struggling with her age, she doesn't think like a teenager for the most part, ok, the melt down was very juvenile but that was the result of being over stimulated. Since she was a baby too much activity for extended periods of time always had this exact effect on her. A complete melt down, then she's fine for a good long time. This particular event was cause from having to deal with her extroverted brother and father for an entire week. She needs her down time and it came too late this time.
She's fine now and appears happy for the most part. They are at their dad's this week and have been very busy with Christmas preparations so I'm hoping she's coping well, she seems to be. At least at school there isn't much going on so she's not being hit from all sides.
SO what does this all mean, well, it means that I for one have learned a valuable lesson. To listen. And that this is just the start, now the real work begins the moulding and guiding and hoping that at the other end you've helped your teen become a wonderful well adjusted adult. I think just being aware that this is my new job is half the battle.
With much love, light and the terrible teens!
Tammy.
Definition of FAMILY
1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
b : the staff of a high official (as the President)
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as
a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification
c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
b : spouse and children
6 : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area
As you can see from the above definition of family taken directly from the Webster online dictionary there are eight scenarios that qualify the term "family". This is not a word I take lightly this is a word that for me holds boundless meaning. I consider my friends a part of my family. I consider my "family" to be of great value and I honour my family with the respect they deserve. I exclude no one. My extended family is held in the same regard as my immediate family. No one person is any less an important member than the next. We are all individuals and I cherish each and every one for their uniqueness.
If I see a family member (remember this also includes my friends) hurt or struggling with something I will offer my hand or a kind word. If I see a family member accomplishing a goal or attaining a dream I cheer and congratulate. If I see a family member set out to purposefully hurt another precious member of my family I am outraged! This is unacceptable. No one member of my family is better or more important than the next and if I hear of such imbalances I set out to right them again.
I am a peace keeper by nature. I have little tolerance for in fighting and when I have the opportunity to offer support or guidance to those family members encountering such difficulties I do my best to help. Granted there are times when the opposing parties just will not listen to reason. That's ok, eventually balance is restored and life proceeds accordingly. However there is no excuse for blatantly and purposefully hurting another individual so deeply that it sets them into a state of tremendous sorrow that lasts days. How can one be so utterly cruel? No amount of justification excuses this behaviour.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (NIV)
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (NIV)
Two very pertinent verses to live by. Hold your tongue and show compassion. I am a firm believer in turn the other cheek but I will, when provolked, defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. I will in my own quiet way let offending individuals know they have wounded deeply with their sword of reckless words. That no amount of self justification will reverse the damages. I know that in the end all wrongs will be righted and when we are faced with the question "are you worthy" there will be more than a few of us scrambling for an answer. Am I worthy? I don't know right now. I do know that my journey of becoming worthy is on going and though I take wrong turns now and then I eventually find my way back on my path.
Family is so very very important to the well being of the individual. It gives you a sense of belonging and worth. It reminds us that we are not alone that we have others to share our joys and sorrows. That there will always be someone there to "have your back" and to lend a hand when you need it. Family is not about hurt and distrust it is not about vengeance or negligence. It is about love and honour.
My wish for all those I consider my family, friends included, is for a sense of belonging and acceptance regardless of rank or race, religious belief or following. If we are all children of God then by definition are we not all family? Who among us can say who should be included and who should be excluded? Who is more Godly than the rest to make that determination? Who can look themselves in the mirror and say "My actions are just and worthy?" and know it's true? IF so, great. IF not what are you going to do to change your actions and make amends?
You have to ask yourself, "who have I hurt today?" and to be truly accountable for your actions. Take a mental inventory every night when you go to bed and if there is anyone on your list be sure to make amends as soon as possible because life is too short and you may miss your opportunity to make right your wrong to solidify your worthiness.
With much love, light and one big happy family,
Tammy.
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
b : the staff of a high official (as the President)
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as
a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification
c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
b : spouse and children
6 : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area
As you can see from the above definition of family taken directly from the Webster online dictionary there are eight scenarios that qualify the term "family". This is not a word I take lightly this is a word that for me holds boundless meaning. I consider my friends a part of my family. I consider my "family" to be of great value and I honour my family with the respect they deserve. I exclude no one. My extended family is held in the same regard as my immediate family. No one person is any less an important member than the next. We are all individuals and I cherish each and every one for their uniqueness.
If I see a family member (remember this also includes my friends) hurt or struggling with something I will offer my hand or a kind word. If I see a family member accomplishing a goal or attaining a dream I cheer and congratulate. If I see a family member set out to purposefully hurt another precious member of my family I am outraged! This is unacceptable. No one member of my family is better or more important than the next and if I hear of such imbalances I set out to right them again.
I am a peace keeper by nature. I have little tolerance for in fighting and when I have the opportunity to offer support or guidance to those family members encountering such difficulties I do my best to help. Granted there are times when the opposing parties just will not listen to reason. That's ok, eventually balance is restored and life proceeds accordingly. However there is no excuse for blatantly and purposefully hurting another individual so deeply that it sets them into a state of tremendous sorrow that lasts days. How can one be so utterly cruel? No amount of justification excuses this behaviour.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (NIV)
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (NIV)
Two very pertinent verses to live by. Hold your tongue and show compassion. I am a firm believer in turn the other cheek but I will, when provolked, defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. I will in my own quiet way let offending individuals know they have wounded deeply with their sword of reckless words. That no amount of self justification will reverse the damages. I know that in the end all wrongs will be righted and when we are faced with the question "are you worthy" there will be more than a few of us scrambling for an answer. Am I worthy? I don't know right now. I do know that my journey of becoming worthy is on going and though I take wrong turns now and then I eventually find my way back on my path.
Family is so very very important to the well being of the individual. It gives you a sense of belonging and worth. It reminds us that we are not alone that we have others to share our joys and sorrows. That there will always be someone there to "have your back" and to lend a hand when you need it. Family is not about hurt and distrust it is not about vengeance or negligence. It is about love and honour.
My wish for all those I consider my family, friends included, is for a sense of belonging and acceptance regardless of rank or race, religious belief or following. If we are all children of God then by definition are we not all family? Who among us can say who should be included and who should be excluded? Who is more Godly than the rest to make that determination? Who can look themselves in the mirror and say "My actions are just and worthy?" and know it's true? IF so, great. IF not what are you going to do to change your actions and make amends?
You have to ask yourself, "who have I hurt today?" and to be truly accountable for your actions. Take a mental inventory every night when you go to bed and if there is anyone on your list be sure to make amends as soon as possible because life is too short and you may miss your opportunity to make right your wrong to solidify your worthiness.
With much love, light and one big happy family,
Tammy.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Honour Thy Mother and Father
I had an interesting conversation this morning with my ex's mom. Keep in mind I've known my ex-in-laws since I was a kid so not having some form of relationship with them is a foreign concept to me.
Any way the conversation revolved around her son, my ex and how utterly rude he is to his family and how she's so not inviting him for Christmas (for now) because he's just so mean to them. She recounted a conversation she had with him recently where by he was rude to start off with and hung up on her. She was calling to invite our kids to the Santa Parade downtown this up coming weekend. Why would he do this?
Because that's what he does. That's in part why we are no longer together and why I feel badly for my kids on a regular basis. Because he's just like that.
You see, a few months back he got a traffic ticket for not signalling when pulling into a parking lot. Dumb ticket but a ticket none the less. Now, his brother is a cop and when he heard about this he sympathised and said that he would find out what the officer was thinking but couldn't do anything about the ticket because he's not in that jurisdiction. He advised that he should fight it because the officer when leaving the parking lot didn't signal either, so talk about being above the law right?
Well, he didn't fight it nor did he pay it and he recently got a letter from ICBC about it. So now he's mad because he figured his brother should have taken care of this for him. He took it upon himself to call and leave his brother a nasty message about how he hates all cops, blah, blah, blah...same crap I was subjected to when he didn't get his way with me.
Well, of course his brother called his mom because this was upsetting for him and voiced his concern to her. She in turn called her son, but got my son instead. They had a little chat and at the end of the conversation my son handed the phone to his dad. His response to his mom, "what?" and I know the tone he would have used too, that condescending "what do you want" tone.
Not hi, how are you? Or what's up? No, just "what?" He knew full well why she was calling and rightfully so, I would do the same if one of my children were treating their sibling like crap for something they had no control over, you bet! Well, as I mentioned the conversation didn't end well which lead her to contacting me.
Now, I don't have a problem with talking to them and arranging for the kids to visit with them, why would I they are still an important part of my kids lives and because my parents live so far away I know how important it is to keep them in contact with their grandparents. So ya, she called me and explained why she wasn't talking to my ex about this and I told her that I would deal with him for her. Works out well because he has a Christmas party to go to on Saturday night and wasn't planing on returning home afterwards so the kids will be at my house anyway. As long as it doesn't rain, the plans are set.
Now, as for my ex...I sent him an email, telling him what was going on and making it sound like he's the one benefiting from this in the long run, that's what he likes, to be the centre of the universe. He's not, but he thinks he is. Whether he agrees or not that's his problem, I've stopped letting his issues affect me years ago. It's when they affect the kids that I take issue.
Ok, so the title of this blog is Honour Thy Mother and Father so what does this have to do with what I'm writing...I read a facebook status about being honourable and how it's not what others do that make us honourable but the fact that we ourselves are honourable...something to that effect. It got me thinking about how my ex never honoured me or our marriage when we were together and how he does not honour his family, including his kids yet would debate to no end that he is in fact honourable and the victim in all of this.
He is in a new relationship, and as that goes he's behaving himself, being charming and kind to her and her kids. Even though he has complained to me about how annoying her daughter is I know, as does his mom it's only a matter of time that he tires of this game and his true nature is revealed, and unless she's really that desperate to be in a relationship, she'll head for the hills and fast. I remember when he and I were first together his mom took me out for lunch and basically warned me of what he's really like. Well, I guess I was desperate because I stayed with him thirteen years. I see it now, I saw it then but I stayed for the kids sake. And to this day I mourn the loss, not so much for him, but for his family with whom I was very close. That's gone and that makes me sad.
And so I return to my title. How is it someone can so blatantly dis-honour his parents, the answer is simple really as the quote goes, because he is without honour himself. Honour is not a difficult thing to attain really, it's about respect and regard. When these to components are missing then there is no honour. I think, and this is purely my opinion having lived with him for thirteen years, he has little to no respect or regard for any other living thing except that which is giving him what he wants at that exact moment.
Believe me, I was that person for a time and when I finally clued in that he really didn't respect or regard me with honour his behaviour and actions towards me took a scary turn for the worse, and so I left. The way he treats his family is another indication of having zero respect for any of them. He views them as "below" him. In his mind he is the ultimate, he is the only one worthy of respect and honour, yet he affords it to no one else including his own children. The only one getting any sort of respect right now is the poor soul who thinks he's the cats ass...for the time being.
He has NEVER respected his father, he tolerates his mother because she can usually smooth things over, but after my conversation with her today I highly doubt she's going to bother with him any more. Why should she? Because he's her son? That's not good enough anymore. He's an adult and should be aware of how to function in civil society but for whatever reason this concept is lost on him. Anyone reading this who knows him as well as I do, knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who disagrees, well, you've obviously not "pissed him off" and I wish you all the luck in the world.
What gets me in all of this is how he feels entitled...I've blogged about this before. What goes through someones head that makes them think it's ok to leave nasty hate messages on your brothers phone because you got a ticket in a completely different city from a completely different law enforcement organization? What could he have possibly been thinking? "I got a ticket for doing something I shouldn't have been doing and well because my brother is a cop somehow it has to be his responsibility" I can only guess.
This Christmas will be a strained one, apparently last Christmas was, I'm just finding out. His mom is not interested in having him out on Christmas day, a day I made available to them, because of her son's behaviour. I suggested she also invite his newest fling so at least he'll behave, God forbid she see his true colours. It's an option, and she's thinking about it but I would have to say it's probably not going to happen.
All because he didn't pay or dispute a ticket as advised, this will be a sucky Christmas for my kids. All because their father is without honour for his own parents. And God forbid our kids dis-honour him, well...I'm shaking my head thinking about it.
With much love, light and honour,
Tammy.
Any way the conversation revolved around her son, my ex and how utterly rude he is to his family and how she's so not inviting him for Christmas (for now) because he's just so mean to them. She recounted a conversation she had with him recently where by he was rude to start off with and hung up on her. She was calling to invite our kids to the Santa Parade downtown this up coming weekend. Why would he do this?
Because that's what he does. That's in part why we are no longer together and why I feel badly for my kids on a regular basis. Because he's just like that.
You see, a few months back he got a traffic ticket for not signalling when pulling into a parking lot. Dumb ticket but a ticket none the less. Now, his brother is a cop and when he heard about this he sympathised and said that he would find out what the officer was thinking but couldn't do anything about the ticket because he's not in that jurisdiction. He advised that he should fight it because the officer when leaving the parking lot didn't signal either, so talk about being above the law right?
Well, he didn't fight it nor did he pay it and he recently got a letter from ICBC about it. So now he's mad because he figured his brother should have taken care of this for him. He took it upon himself to call and leave his brother a nasty message about how he hates all cops, blah, blah, blah...same crap I was subjected to when he didn't get his way with me.
Well, of course his brother called his mom because this was upsetting for him and voiced his concern to her. She in turn called her son, but got my son instead. They had a little chat and at the end of the conversation my son handed the phone to his dad. His response to his mom, "what?" and I know the tone he would have used too, that condescending "what do you want" tone.
Not hi, how are you? Or what's up? No, just "what?" He knew full well why she was calling and rightfully so, I would do the same if one of my children were treating their sibling like crap for something they had no control over, you bet! Well, as I mentioned the conversation didn't end well which lead her to contacting me.
Now, I don't have a problem with talking to them and arranging for the kids to visit with them, why would I they are still an important part of my kids lives and because my parents live so far away I know how important it is to keep them in contact with their grandparents. So ya, she called me and explained why she wasn't talking to my ex about this and I told her that I would deal with him for her. Works out well because he has a Christmas party to go to on Saturday night and wasn't planing on returning home afterwards so the kids will be at my house anyway. As long as it doesn't rain, the plans are set.
Now, as for my ex...I sent him an email, telling him what was going on and making it sound like he's the one benefiting from this in the long run, that's what he likes, to be the centre of the universe. He's not, but he thinks he is. Whether he agrees or not that's his problem, I've stopped letting his issues affect me years ago. It's when they affect the kids that I take issue.
Ok, so the title of this blog is Honour Thy Mother and Father so what does this have to do with what I'm writing...I read a facebook status about being honourable and how it's not what others do that make us honourable but the fact that we ourselves are honourable...something to that effect. It got me thinking about how my ex never honoured me or our marriage when we were together and how he does not honour his family, including his kids yet would debate to no end that he is in fact honourable and the victim in all of this.
He is in a new relationship, and as that goes he's behaving himself, being charming and kind to her and her kids. Even though he has complained to me about how annoying her daughter is I know, as does his mom it's only a matter of time that he tires of this game and his true nature is revealed, and unless she's really that desperate to be in a relationship, she'll head for the hills and fast. I remember when he and I were first together his mom took me out for lunch and basically warned me of what he's really like. Well, I guess I was desperate because I stayed with him thirteen years. I see it now, I saw it then but I stayed for the kids sake. And to this day I mourn the loss, not so much for him, but for his family with whom I was very close. That's gone and that makes me sad.
And so I return to my title. How is it someone can so blatantly dis-honour his parents, the answer is simple really as the quote goes, because he is without honour himself. Honour is not a difficult thing to attain really, it's about respect and regard. When these to components are missing then there is no honour. I think, and this is purely my opinion having lived with him for thirteen years, he has little to no respect or regard for any other living thing except that which is giving him what he wants at that exact moment.
Believe me, I was that person for a time and when I finally clued in that he really didn't respect or regard me with honour his behaviour and actions towards me took a scary turn for the worse, and so I left. The way he treats his family is another indication of having zero respect for any of them. He views them as "below" him. In his mind he is the ultimate, he is the only one worthy of respect and honour, yet he affords it to no one else including his own children. The only one getting any sort of respect right now is the poor soul who thinks he's the cats ass...for the time being.
He has NEVER respected his father, he tolerates his mother because she can usually smooth things over, but after my conversation with her today I highly doubt she's going to bother with him any more. Why should she? Because he's her son? That's not good enough anymore. He's an adult and should be aware of how to function in civil society but for whatever reason this concept is lost on him. Anyone reading this who knows him as well as I do, knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who disagrees, well, you've obviously not "pissed him off" and I wish you all the luck in the world.
What gets me in all of this is how he feels entitled...I've blogged about this before. What goes through someones head that makes them think it's ok to leave nasty hate messages on your brothers phone because you got a ticket in a completely different city from a completely different law enforcement organization? What could he have possibly been thinking? "I got a ticket for doing something I shouldn't have been doing and well because my brother is a cop somehow it has to be his responsibility" I can only guess.
This Christmas will be a strained one, apparently last Christmas was, I'm just finding out. His mom is not interested in having him out on Christmas day, a day I made available to them, because of her son's behaviour. I suggested she also invite his newest fling so at least he'll behave, God forbid she see his true colours. It's an option, and she's thinking about it but I would have to say it's probably not going to happen.
All because he didn't pay or dispute a ticket as advised, this will be a sucky Christmas for my kids. All because their father is without honour for his own parents. And God forbid our kids dis-honour him, well...I'm shaking my head thinking about it.
With much love, light and honour,
Tammy.
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