A while back I came across an article on the web on "false truths". This is an interesting subject because we all create false truths for various reasons.
Take for example when we convince ourselves that a situation occurred a certain way, yet everyone else who was either involved or a witness sees the same situation completely different. Are we lying? Are they? This really boils down to our own perception of reality.
According to this article women are far more likely to create a false truth than a man. We tend to react to situations emotionally whereas men are far more logical. This emotion can be so overwhelming that we feel compelled to re-create the situation in order to make our own sense of it. Women therefore are far more likely to be labeled a liar. This is not necessarily the case.
Of course all people men and women are capable of some of the most atrocious lies imaginable. But what I'm talking about here is skewing reality to suit an individuals needs. When we tell someone what we think they want to hear, are we lying to them, maybe. I think it's only a lie if what we are saying we don't agree with but are doing it only to keep the peace. Lying for the sake of peace can be very damaging because we can only keep it up so long. Then we snap, and the person on the receiving end is completely blind sided.
If however we don't really have an opinion either way and know how we respond to the person asking will either cause an issue or not, then I don't think this qualifies as a lie, but rather a "little white lie". We do it all the time, "do I look fat in this?" What do you want to hear? "Yes you look huge!" or "No, but maybe a different colour will bring out your eyes." All the while we are thinking, "Nothings going to may you look thinner except maybe a diet." So what have we just done here? Save someone from unnecessary hurt or set them up to be hurt by someone else when they least expect it? Did we lie? Yes we did, but to protect not to hurt. Is this acceptable? Who am I to say, I would rather not be told I look fat in something.
False truths are a little different in that you take a situation, take the opposite of what happened then convince yourself beyond a shadow of a doubt that's how it actually happened. These can actually pass a lie detector test because we believe the lie to be true and react the same way on a subconscious level as we would to the truth. We convince ourselves so well that we are able to convince others. If we continually label another person abusive for example, eventually everything they do we will be seen as abuse even if it's not. That is a very dangerous and unfair label to put on someone just because that is how you choose to perceive them. It could also go the other way, someone who is abusive can easily convince their victim that it's not abuse but their form of love, and they are doing it for the victims own good after all they know what's good for them. This is why so many abuse victims stay in abusive relationships, they are convinced of their abusers false truths.
Be very careful how you perceive and describe others, everyone deserves truth. I am not a liar, just because I said something I know the other person wanted to hear or to keep the peace. I am assuming the role of protector. I do not label individuals to elevate myself and bolster my ego. We all have a right to fair treatment, and one mishap can spell disaster if there is someone out there who would gladly label you for what ever they see fit. When a blatant lie becomes a false truth, and that false truth is told to the right people, lives can be devastated. I have witnessed this first hand and no matter what the victim of this false truth does or says the stigma stays with them.
No amount of forthright behaviour or proof to the contrary can undo this damage, at least not in the short term. Once the seeds of doubt are sewn they are a nasty weed that takes hold. At every turn we will deal with someone who is convinced of their righteousness and no matter what you say they will inundate you with their false truths to a dizzying height. What you take away from this dealing is a feeling somewhat akin to being hit by a truck. These individuals can be very taxing and toxic and typically thoroughly enjoy watching reactions to their ramblings, and should you not respond as they expect then, just hold tight, they can adjust their tale to affect the desired result. Sometimes mid-sentence which is mind blowing in itself.
Next time you are having a conversation with someone about a situation that might seem far too unrealistic to have occurred try delving into it so deeply that you uncover the false truths. When you have a chance to ask questions, ask the person "how did this make you feel?" this might put them off balance and uncover the truth, because what they want is for you to feel what they have conveyed without actually letting you know their true feelings about it. This is confusing. When I tell you "so-in-so was so nasty to me and said this and that, and did this and that to me" How do you feel about so-in-so? Probably angry right? Well the person talking about so-in-so has convinced themselves of this scenario, yet that's not really what happened. What if it were the opposite of what was told to you? And now you say, "that's too bad because I know so-in-so and that doesn't sound like something they would do, how do you feel about it?" Pick it apart, make them delve further, get details. This should derail them, because what they were looking for is validation of their false truth and what they got was your disbelief. At this point it doesn't matter if they answer, likely they will drop it like a hot potato and change the subject.
Now don't get me wrong, there are times when we feel justified complaining about so-in-so, but as long as it is reality based and not a personal attack on their character but rather a tirade on their poor behaviour, yes you are entitled to your opinion. Sometimes we need to talk about these issues in order to make sense of them. But just don't twist it so far out of proportion that you damage the other persons reputation. Unfortunately that happens far too often. Some people will talk to anyone who will listen about the atrocities they have endured, and to tiring extent, and give us a very grim view of the person of topic during this conversation.
The next time I find myself engaged in such a conversation, I'm going to try to take a step back, assess the information and dissect it to find if this is reality or a false truth. Good luck to me.
With much love, light and truth,
Tammy.
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