It seems to me that there are some adults out there who act less like adults and more like spoiled children yet expect to be considered grown up.
Why is it that as we get older we act less like the adults we claim to be? Mostly you see it when you witness how two adults who should be working together decide the other is wrong and therefore thinks it affords them the right to have a tantrum, or at the least act like a spoiled child. Maybe a good spanking is in order. That would be assault and therefore not recommended but think about the implications. If we were able to treat the offending adult as the child they act like then maybe there would be less conflict in marriages, employee/employer relationships or even in dealing with each other. If you could scold and know that your scolding would be affective and not offensive wouldn't you do it? The thing is we do, only we don't do it right, it if closer to being condeseding than effective.
Think about the last time you dealt with a misbehaving child. What did you do? Time out? Yell? Spank? (open hand on clothed butt is still legal in Canada) Remove privileges? See we still kinda do all that with misbehaving adults, only they feel entitled to be offended. Kids don't feel entitled and if they do they do it behind your back for fear of making things worse for themselves. So why is it the misbehaving adult gets to fight back? Because of that entitling word "adult".
Adult insinuates that we are able to make rational decisions and to accept responsibility for our actions. If that's the case what do we fight about? Well one adult telling the other adult what to do will cause a problem, more so if the adult being told doesn't agree. Does that entitle the disagreeing adult to act childish? Apparently so. Or this could be reversed if the commanding adult doesn't get their way. I have to laugh when I see these scenarios playing out because I see it, I see the childish behaviour and unless one adult doesn't put a stop to it, the conflict escalates to immensely immature levels, it becomes comical, but not for the players.
So what do we do to prevent this? Well, start by assessing what it is you wish to accomplish. Choose your words carefully if you think they may cause conflict, re-think what it is you want. Most times we are far to vague and for fear of rejection we tend to not get right to the point. So be clear. Be appreciative and be grateful. Say please and thank you, (we expect this from our kids right) and DO NOT demand. If you are unhappy with what someone is doing and you are afraid to talk to them about it, you need to assess exactly why you are upset and why you think talking to them about it will only inflame the situation. Are they acting immature or are you?
We should be able to voice our concerns without causing conflict, yah right. But why? Why do we tippy toe around certain individuals and others we walk all over? Here's a thought, because we are not intimidated by the individuals we walk all over, they are generally the "nice guys" who we feel empowered to dominate. The people we fear are either far more intimidating by behaviour, or they hold something over you. If they have something you want you are less likely to cause conflict for fear of not getting it, or loosing what they have that you want. So you tippy toe around them and let them take advantage of you because you do not have the spine it takes to stand up to them.
I am one of those people who will apologise first, or back down in a disagreement and because of that I get taken advantage of. I don't like this, and I know better, but and here's the kicker, I don't like confrontation. I am not a "good fighter" I cannot recall all the atrocities done in the past during the heat of a battle, that's history and water under the bridge, why bring it up again? The thing is because of this, that history can be twisted to suit the other person. I'm never 100% sure what I might have said two months ago, what I do know is that if something sounds out of character for me, then it likely didn't happen like that. At what point do I turn back into the adult I claim I am? At the point were I take responsibility for my actions and stand up for what I believe.
This for me is easier said than done. When push comes to shove, I throw up the white flag. I don't act like a child necessarily but I'm certainly not acting like a grown up either. Maybe for the sake of peace it's better to suck it up and let it go, rather than having a tantrum until you get what you want. Consider this, who wins? Really? Who gets hurt? There are always causalities and if you don't see it and are only concerned with your own gain than you truly have not grown up, you truly are not an adult.
When I grow up I want to be a person with a strong sense of who I am and the confidence to assert myself without hurting others or acting childish. Still waiting for that day, and when it arrives I will be sure that I can use the title of "adult". We should all strive to be kind and considerate to others, to show tolerance and understanding. If we feel we have been wronged we should have the courage to stand up for our selves and if we feel we are powerless to affect the required out come we need to look within to see if we are seeing the situation as it should be.
Perspective is a personal thing, we all see things differently, from our own perspective as it were. Trying to understand or see things from someone else's perspective is extremely difficult, especially if you do not agree. I will always see things from my perspective, just as you will always see things from your perspective. They may be similar, but they will never be exactly the same and that's ok. BUT you have to understand that it is OK and not beat the other person with your perspective or opinion, that can cause childish behaviour on both parts. Don't be so set in your perspective to not be willing to let the other person have their own, you can not force someone to see things your way, so stop whining about it, stop acting childish.
With much love, light and grown up perspective,
Tammy.
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