Christmas for me has always been somewhat bitter-sweet, I find it's stressful and exciting all at the same time. It's also a great time to put aside your issues and let by-gones, be by-gones.
What I'm referring to has to do with some people in my life who are struggling with issues that seem to linger and cause more pain for them than is necessary. I hope beyond hope that at least one of the individuals I am directing this particular blog at sees perhaps a different perspective and makes amends. My intention is to help fix this and nothing more.
It doesn't matter the events leading up to this, it is no longer a valid reason to turn their backs on each other and in such a painful way that there seems no hope of reconciliation. I'm hopeful though, it breaks my heart to think what BOTH of these individuals are doing to each other with their stubbornness and sadness. Maybe more so one than the other, but that really doesn't matter anymore. What matters is there is a mother who longs for her daughter, and a daughter who I'm sure is not so hardened that she does not long for her mother.
As a mother, it would devastate me to think my own daughter would turn her back on me and I would as her mother do everything in my power to fix things, even if it means apologising for something I did without the intent to hurt her. I would also, expect that if my daughter were so hurt by my actions that she would talk to me and not shut me out. I would hope that I had raised her with kindness and compassion that she would perhaps see my error and forgive me. As I would always forgive her.
This time of year, families gather to celebrate. There is nothing better than re-connecting with extended family and recounting Christmases past. For all the stress and hecticness that comes with this holiday season, it's nice to know that if you need a hand, you can call your mom or brother or sister, even aunt or uncle, and they will be there for you. I think about family members and friends who do not have their moms in their lives NOT because they have turned their backs on them but because they are no longer alive to share the joys of the lives of their children. To have a mother still with you is a blessing, to have a grandmother for your kids is an even greater blessing. To have siblings you can rely on and an extended family who is always welcoming is something you cannot buy in a store, and should not take for granted.
I don't care who you are if you extend your hand to a family member they will take it. What on earth could you have done that is so destructive that your own family would shut you out? Maybe it's time to look in the mirror and take stock. If there is no reason for them to have excluded you then what makes you think they have? If there were harsh or dishonest words spoken about you or from you about them well, ok it would be necessary for the offending party to apologise. BUT, if you can't even recall the reason, or worse still it's a silly misunderstanding then extend your hand and be a part of your family again.
My family has had it's feuds, what family hasn't? But we are still family and that's far more important than anything you will encounter in your years on this planet. Think about the future and the relationships you want to maintain with your own children and their spouses, their children for that matter. Would you not want to watch your grandchildren grow up? Why would you deny your own mother of that privilege or your own children? Who is being hurt in the long run, aside from the two of you? Your kids. They need their mom and grandma to unite, to be friends to be mother and daughter again. They long for this, it's not the same without it.
Please, for Christmas sake, let this go, put it behind you, grow from the experience and make amends. Who cares who's right or wrong, agree to disagree and go give her a HUGE hug. Believe me her heart cries for it.
Advice is easily given but hard to take. Think about what you would tell someone who you see hurting because they are alone or feel abandoned by their family. I know you would tell them exactly what I'm telling you now.
With much love, light and hope for you both.
Tammy.
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