I've moved Random Thoughts to NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHTS and will use this one as a forum for working through life's little mysteries. Some posts may be rants, some may be raves. Either or, they are and always will be my not so random thoughts.
With much love, light and mental organization!
Tammy.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
My Blog
So I was just scrolling through my blogs and there are a few consistencies I would like to change.
First, I've noticed that most of my posts are not as positive or helpful as I would have liked, a little ranty and self centred. Sorry.
Second, OMG can I ramble on! Who wants to read countless paragraphs about what rattles around in my head. The thought behind Random Thoughts was just that random but not so heavy and from what I'm seeing that's not the direction I went. It looks something like a boring self help book designed to help no one.
Today I've decided to either change how I write or retire Random Thoughts completely and do something different with my blog.
I've thumbed through some of the blogs on this site and there are allot of really interesting people out there with some really great insight and I look at mine and I think "what am I really offering?"
I'll keep everyone posted with my decision.
With much love, light and new ideas,
Tammy.
First, I've noticed that most of my posts are not as positive or helpful as I would have liked, a little ranty and self centred. Sorry.
Second, OMG can I ramble on! Who wants to read countless paragraphs about what rattles around in my head. The thought behind Random Thoughts was just that random but not so heavy and from what I'm seeing that's not the direction I went. It looks something like a boring self help book designed to help no one.
Today I've decided to either change how I write or retire Random Thoughts completely and do something different with my blog.
I've thumbed through some of the blogs on this site and there are allot of really interesting people out there with some really great insight and I look at mine and I think "what am I really offering?"
I'll keep everyone posted with my decision.
With much love, light and new ideas,
Tammy.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mother's Day
My first mother's day should have been May 11, 1997 but because my daughter was only two months old she was incapable of making me something or going out an buying a gift and a card.
I had hoped her dad would have done that for her but you see, I'm not HIS mother so why should he? This was the excuse I was given. Never mind the fact that I had just given birth to our daughter a few months back, apparently it wasn't his responsibility. Any wonder I didn't leave him then.
The next day Monday May 12th after a day of harassment from his dad and brother that he was a selfish jerk he showed up at home with a huge bouquet of flowers. Sure I was happy to receive them but it was too little too late. I knew exactly where I stood with him, bottom of the totem pole. Side note, he doesn't acknowledge his own mom so this is really no surprise.
So today as I write this, I've seen 14 mother's days and they are always met with trepidation. My kids are 14 and 12 and though I know my son made something at school for me, which I will cherish as I always do the gifts they make I don't know about my daughter or if she even realises what this Sunday is. Their dad hasn't asked what I would like from the kids for mother's day so I can guarantee you it's not his top priority. It's not about the gifts I really don't need anything, a card would be nice and maybe a "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" from my kids.
Last year my mother's day was not so great, I had a "text fight" with my daughter about not wanting to go for dinner with me (it was her dad's week last year) I don't even remember what they got me, I'm sure there was something, it's the fight I remember.
The year before I got a Jasmine plant which is thankfully still alive in the front garden. But as I said, it's not about the gifts for me it's about being recognised as a good mom, if only once a year. As my kids get older I would hope they realise this responsibility afterall it is only once a year right?
Every year I make sure I get my mom something, it may arrive a little late and some years it is just a card but I at least call her. I talk to my mom pretty much every day thanks to my Rogers "My Five Canada" I call for free from my cell phone. I'll call on Sunday and when they arrive for their visit on the 12th I'll give her a card and token of how much she means to me then, being a mom isn't easy we really should be appreciated all year long.
Don't get me wrong I know my kids love me. My son tells me on a regular basis my daughter shows it in a different way. She talks to me, and keeps me in her loop. All I can ask from a teenager I suppose. She's far more reserved and guarded more like her dad in that way. My son wears his heart on his sleeve and has no problems giving me a hug and telling me "I love you mom". That's the best gift ever!
So this mother's day I'm not going to remind my ex, if he remembers then great but all I really want is for my kids to be happy and if they remember, a kiss and a hug and a wish for a happy day would be great too.
With much love, light and Happy Mother's Day!
Tammy.
I had hoped her dad would have done that for her but you see, I'm not HIS mother so why should he? This was the excuse I was given. Never mind the fact that I had just given birth to our daughter a few months back, apparently it wasn't his responsibility. Any wonder I didn't leave him then.
The next day Monday May 12th after a day of harassment from his dad and brother that he was a selfish jerk he showed up at home with a huge bouquet of flowers. Sure I was happy to receive them but it was too little too late. I knew exactly where I stood with him, bottom of the totem pole. Side note, he doesn't acknowledge his own mom so this is really no surprise.
So today as I write this, I've seen 14 mother's days and they are always met with trepidation. My kids are 14 and 12 and though I know my son made something at school for me, which I will cherish as I always do the gifts they make I don't know about my daughter or if she even realises what this Sunday is. Their dad hasn't asked what I would like from the kids for mother's day so I can guarantee you it's not his top priority. It's not about the gifts I really don't need anything, a card would be nice and maybe a "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" from my kids.
Last year my mother's day was not so great, I had a "text fight" with my daughter about not wanting to go for dinner with me (it was her dad's week last year) I don't even remember what they got me, I'm sure there was something, it's the fight I remember.
The year before I got a Jasmine plant which is thankfully still alive in the front garden. But as I said, it's not about the gifts for me it's about being recognised as a good mom, if only once a year. As my kids get older I would hope they realise this responsibility afterall it is only once a year right?
Every year I make sure I get my mom something, it may arrive a little late and some years it is just a card but I at least call her. I talk to my mom pretty much every day thanks to my Rogers "My Five Canada" I call for free from my cell phone. I'll call on Sunday and when they arrive for their visit on the 12th I'll give her a card and token of how much she means to me then, being a mom isn't easy we really should be appreciated all year long.
Don't get me wrong I know my kids love me. My son tells me on a regular basis my daughter shows it in a different way. She talks to me, and keeps me in her loop. All I can ask from a teenager I suppose. She's far more reserved and guarded more like her dad in that way. My son wears his heart on his sleeve and has no problems giving me a hug and telling me "I love you mom". That's the best gift ever!
So this mother's day I'm not going to remind my ex, if he remembers then great but all I really want is for my kids to be happy and if they remember, a kiss and a hug and a wish for a happy day would be great too.
With much love, light and Happy Mother's Day!
Tammy.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Past That Haunts
I read a face book post today that mentions the past staying in the past and not coming back and destroying the future. That's the gist of the post and I couldn't agree more. But what if your past haunts you?
My random thought on this is lack of closure. For whatever reason the past be it a problem a person or just thoughts, needs to be reconciled before it truly is the past. It's not the past if it invades your present, it's present. Giving people, problems and thoughts closure will put them to rest once and for all where they belong. Behind you.
Not an easy task though. This means having to deal with painful situations that we might not want to face. We thought we were done but what we really did was ignore it long enough to feel like it's behind us. What we were really doing was allowing it to fester and grow into something far worse than it started out to be. Even if you've let go, it hasn't and is back for round two. Your past will continue to haunt you until you face it head on and deal with it once and for all.
Of course this is far easier when you aren't dealing with another human who can't let the past go. Problems and thoughts are a little easier but people from your past hell bent on remaining in your present so to have a negative affect on your future are a challenge if not more.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to re-hash and re-hash past events or situations? Is it because we don't have the closure we are seeking? Probably, or maybe we just love the drama of it all. Some people are not happy unless they have a fair amount of drama in their lives. The problem with this is it's generally very destructive for both parties.
No matter how you slice it, if your past is haunting you, even if you thought you put it behind you there is unresolved business that needs to be dealt with. You may think it's silly or trivial and of no real consequence but it's back for a reason and usually not silly or trivial to the issue or person who has re-emerged.
My two cents, re-assess the situation, look the problem, person or thought in the eye and once and for all resolve what ever is causing the haunting. It will return to your past and this time will stay there.
With much love, light and resolve.
Tammy.
My random thought on this is lack of closure. For whatever reason the past be it a problem a person or just thoughts, needs to be reconciled before it truly is the past. It's not the past if it invades your present, it's present. Giving people, problems and thoughts closure will put them to rest once and for all where they belong. Behind you.
Not an easy task though. This means having to deal with painful situations that we might not want to face. We thought we were done but what we really did was ignore it long enough to feel like it's behind us. What we were really doing was allowing it to fester and grow into something far worse than it started out to be. Even if you've let go, it hasn't and is back for round two. Your past will continue to haunt you until you face it head on and deal with it once and for all.
Of course this is far easier when you aren't dealing with another human who can't let the past go. Problems and thoughts are a little easier but people from your past hell bent on remaining in your present so to have a negative affect on your future are a challenge if not more.
Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to re-hash and re-hash past events or situations? Is it because we don't have the closure we are seeking? Probably, or maybe we just love the drama of it all. Some people are not happy unless they have a fair amount of drama in their lives. The problem with this is it's generally very destructive for both parties.
No matter how you slice it, if your past is haunting you, even if you thought you put it behind you there is unresolved business that needs to be dealt with. You may think it's silly or trivial and of no real consequence but it's back for a reason and usually not silly or trivial to the issue or person who has re-emerged.
My two cents, re-assess the situation, look the problem, person or thought in the eye and once and for all resolve what ever is causing the haunting. It will return to your past and this time will stay there.
With much love, light and resolve.
Tammy.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Godly Justification
I think I've touched on this before but a few new thoughts have come to mind that I need to get out of my head.
What exactly do I mean by Godly Justification? Simply using God or Christianity to justify ones bad behaviour. This isn't your typical justification either this one is far more devious because the person behaving badly truly believes God condones their behaviour, they see themselves taking the high road so to speak.
Here is an example. A person says or does something to another individual that is deeply hurtful and this continues over a long period of time. When the person being hurt finally stands up for themselves to the offending party the offending party justifies it to themselves that what they have done would be looked upon with favour by God because they are "Christian" and they believe that they have done nothing offensive because they think they are incapable of such atrocities and ONLY they know the truth. Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Well, this is not the case. God does not look favourably on a bully. Even a bully dressed in Christian clothing cannot fool God. The victim is the one who is looked favourably upon, they are the ones whom God will protect and preserve. They have persevered the bullying and abuse and with Gods strength managed to stand up for themselves to their abuser only to be accused of being spiteful and malicious. Was the bullies victim simply expected to continue taking the abuse directly? Or even indirectly? I guess so.
I endured a few years of witnessing such abuse, eventually it got to me and I lashed out. Was it the wrong thing to do? Maybe, but then, maybe not. I don't justify my lashing out by claiming I was supported by God. I lashed out because I was angry and I had finally had enough and needed to put a stop to it plain and simple. Nothing more nothing less. The unfortunate thing is the offending party thinks they were justified in their behaviour because of their alleged belief in God. I'm sure Bin Laden felt the same way.
Funny thing is this person continues to put on a great show for anyone who will watch. They really believe they are the victim. They are the victim of their own fantasy. They live in a world of delusion creating a reality so far from real it's frightening. No normal human (and I use that term loosely) would live in such a fantasy world knowingly.
In this particular case I believe this person suffers from some form of mental illness because there is no way someone in their right mind would continue bullying others and claiming themselves to be the victim all at the same time, it's not logical. Past events confirm my suspicion unfortunately said individual is not interested in helping themselves rather only glorifying their behavior and continuing on this road to utter madness.
There will come a day when we will all stand in judgement (if that's your belief) and when asked if you treated others as you would have them treat you, I wonder what the bully would say? Probably yes, because they believe they have God on their side that they are beyond reproach. It would be interesting to see the out come of this one last lie after a lifetime of many. (what would I say? I would say "I tried but at times I failed and for that I'm sorry", an answer of just "yes" would be a lie).
I was at a seminar this past March and the speaker said "we are all ALWAYS right". "I'm always right, your always right, the person next to you is always right." What did he mean by this? Well, if I say it and I believe it, it's right, to me. You may not believe me and your right not to because you believe that you are right. This is where this whole Godly justification comes into play and may seem viable.
This bully believes they are right. I believe I am right in my reaction to this bully. Who is right? The bully claims to be "Christian", I was raised "Catholic" yes that's a Christian religion but in my opinion (and remember I'm always right) different. How? Catholics, or at least the ones I grew up with didn't try converting everyone they talked to. We don't stand on the street corner on our soap boxes "preaching" then go off, bully someone we detest to the nth degree and justify it by claiming we are something we really aren't.
I'm not saying Catholicism is better than any other "Christian" religion, I'm just saying we have certain rules (the Ten Commandments) that we adhere to and we don't pick and choose that which suites us to justify bad behaviour. I lashed out in anger, I broke a rule, I felt justified not because I'm Catholic but because I had had enough plain as that. I'm human and I get angry and for two years I damn near bit my tongue off tempering my emotions. My friends are astonished I was able to for as long as I did. (That's the peace keeper in me) then that final blow was dealt and I snapped. What I should have done was sow my mouth shut, glue my hands together and turn the other cheek. Alas, I didn't and now I pay.
There will always be people and situations in your life that are less than desirable. I believe they are sent to teach us valuable lessons. What I've learned from this whole experience is that it's ok to hurt others as long as you go to church and think you have God on your side. Good lesson huh? All kidding aside, the real lesson here is do not waste your valuable energy on people who's only purpose in life is to make your life miserable.
One other point before I go. How is it possible for one person to hold such hate and disrespect for another on one hand, then turn around and claim the exact opposite when confronted with their own bad behaviour? This one is truly puzzling. How can one harbour such hatred for someone and expect so much in return? Again puzzling. How can one justify their hatred and claim to be a loving Christian all in the same breath? It's a mystery.
With much love, light and my take on things,
Tammy.
What exactly do I mean by Godly Justification? Simply using God or Christianity to justify ones bad behaviour. This isn't your typical justification either this one is far more devious because the person behaving badly truly believes God condones their behaviour, they see themselves taking the high road so to speak.
Here is an example. A person says or does something to another individual that is deeply hurtful and this continues over a long period of time. When the person being hurt finally stands up for themselves to the offending party the offending party justifies it to themselves that what they have done would be looked upon with favour by God because they are "Christian" and they believe that they have done nothing offensive because they think they are incapable of such atrocities and ONLY they know the truth. Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Well, this is not the case. God does not look favourably on a bully. Even a bully dressed in Christian clothing cannot fool God. The victim is the one who is looked favourably upon, they are the ones whom God will protect and preserve. They have persevered the bullying and abuse and with Gods strength managed to stand up for themselves to their abuser only to be accused of being spiteful and malicious. Was the bullies victim simply expected to continue taking the abuse directly? Or even indirectly? I guess so.
I endured a few years of witnessing such abuse, eventually it got to me and I lashed out. Was it the wrong thing to do? Maybe, but then, maybe not. I don't justify my lashing out by claiming I was supported by God. I lashed out because I was angry and I had finally had enough and needed to put a stop to it plain and simple. Nothing more nothing less. The unfortunate thing is the offending party thinks they were justified in their behaviour because of their alleged belief in God. I'm sure Bin Laden felt the same way.
Funny thing is this person continues to put on a great show for anyone who will watch. They really believe they are the victim. They are the victim of their own fantasy. They live in a world of delusion creating a reality so far from real it's frightening. No normal human (and I use that term loosely) would live in such a fantasy world knowingly.
In this particular case I believe this person suffers from some form of mental illness because there is no way someone in their right mind would continue bullying others and claiming themselves to be the victim all at the same time, it's not logical. Past events confirm my suspicion unfortunately said individual is not interested in helping themselves rather only glorifying their behavior and continuing on this road to utter madness.
There will come a day when we will all stand in judgement (if that's your belief) and when asked if you treated others as you would have them treat you, I wonder what the bully would say? Probably yes, because they believe they have God on their side that they are beyond reproach. It would be interesting to see the out come of this one last lie after a lifetime of many. (what would I say? I would say "I tried but at times I failed and for that I'm sorry", an answer of just "yes" would be a lie).
I was at a seminar this past March and the speaker said "we are all ALWAYS right". "I'm always right, your always right, the person next to you is always right." What did he mean by this? Well, if I say it and I believe it, it's right, to me. You may not believe me and your right not to because you believe that you are right. This is where this whole Godly justification comes into play and may seem viable.
This bully believes they are right. I believe I am right in my reaction to this bully. Who is right? The bully claims to be "Christian", I was raised "Catholic" yes that's a Christian religion but in my opinion (and remember I'm always right) different. How? Catholics, or at least the ones I grew up with didn't try converting everyone they talked to. We don't stand on the street corner on our soap boxes "preaching" then go off, bully someone we detest to the nth degree and justify it by claiming we are something we really aren't.
I'm not saying Catholicism is better than any other "Christian" religion, I'm just saying we have certain rules (the Ten Commandments) that we adhere to and we don't pick and choose that which suites us to justify bad behaviour. I lashed out in anger, I broke a rule, I felt justified not because I'm Catholic but because I had had enough plain as that. I'm human and I get angry and for two years I damn near bit my tongue off tempering my emotions. My friends are astonished I was able to for as long as I did. (That's the peace keeper in me) then that final blow was dealt and I snapped. What I should have done was sow my mouth shut, glue my hands together and turn the other cheek. Alas, I didn't and now I pay.
There will always be people and situations in your life that are less than desirable. I believe they are sent to teach us valuable lessons. What I've learned from this whole experience is that it's ok to hurt others as long as you go to church and think you have God on your side. Good lesson huh? All kidding aside, the real lesson here is do not waste your valuable energy on people who's only purpose in life is to make your life miserable.
One other point before I go. How is it possible for one person to hold such hate and disrespect for another on one hand, then turn around and claim the exact opposite when confronted with their own bad behaviour? This one is truly puzzling. How can one harbour such hatred for someone and expect so much in return? Again puzzling. How can one justify their hatred and claim to be a loving Christian all in the same breath? It's a mystery.
With much love, light and my take on things,
Tammy.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Politics
That one word can open a can of worms depending on your circle of friends...
Yesterday we as Canadians cast our votes for our chosen parties. No big secret I'm a Conservative, I have always voted Conservative federally (BC Conservatives had no candidate in my riding the last few elections) I base my decision on a few things, first do I agree with Conservative policy? More than I do the other parties. Do I know and like the Conservative candidate in my riding? Yes, I do. Do I feel that my party will do a better job for Canada on the whole compared to the other choices? Hands down!
Sure Harper has a reputation as a bit of a bully amongst his own MP's and maybe he's a bit of a dictator but in all fairness look what he was up against with a minority government. Because of this Canadians have paid millions in election costs over the past nine years and every time Harper and the Conservative get back in...this time with a majority and maybe this time we can go the full term and see some real governing as it were.
I have always felt a minority government is a useless government, ineffective because of alliances of the opposition, you're out voted no matter what. How can you effectively run a country like that? The thing is they did, and they had a hand in preventing what could have been a far worse recession than it has been. The scary thing is when I give it brain time, how would the other parties handled this?
The NDP are all for social policy and that's great but at what expense? They love throwing money at social services without consideration of where it's coming from. BC's own experience with the provincial NDP's I think made everyone a little leery of the federal NDP and aside from the swing vote, I'll get onto the Liberals shortly, the Conservatives still have a strong showing here in BC.
Now as for the Liberals well, mistake number one...Ignatieff. Sorry but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. Thirty years in the US and he wants to be Prime Minister, I think not and I think anyone who voted Liberal in the past has made their point by swinging to the NDP didn't bode well for the Liberal party over all but a point was definitely made.
What I surmised from all this is Canadian voters for the most part want a Conservative government if not they would not be in a majority position today. NDP as the official opposition could be a good thing because the are so polar opposite, my concern is the party I voted for not listening. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I put this forth, if a majority government does more harm than good for Canada I will vote NDP in the next federal election...this will kill me but I will do it. What constitutes harm and good is yet to be seen, the thing is it's all relative to your individual interpretation. What is perceived as good to me might be perceived as harmful to you. I will follow politics closer than I have in the past, I will sign up for both Conservative and NDP news letters and keep tabs on what's happening in this wonderful country.
On a final note. RIP Bloq.
With much love, light and a great four years!
Tammy.
Yesterday we as Canadians cast our votes for our chosen parties. No big secret I'm a Conservative, I have always voted Conservative federally (BC Conservatives had no candidate in my riding the last few elections) I base my decision on a few things, first do I agree with Conservative policy? More than I do the other parties. Do I know and like the Conservative candidate in my riding? Yes, I do. Do I feel that my party will do a better job for Canada on the whole compared to the other choices? Hands down!
Sure Harper has a reputation as a bit of a bully amongst his own MP's and maybe he's a bit of a dictator but in all fairness look what he was up against with a minority government. Because of this Canadians have paid millions in election costs over the past nine years and every time Harper and the Conservative get back in...this time with a majority and maybe this time we can go the full term and see some real governing as it were.
I have always felt a minority government is a useless government, ineffective because of alliances of the opposition, you're out voted no matter what. How can you effectively run a country like that? The thing is they did, and they had a hand in preventing what could have been a far worse recession than it has been. The scary thing is when I give it brain time, how would the other parties handled this?
The NDP are all for social policy and that's great but at what expense? They love throwing money at social services without consideration of where it's coming from. BC's own experience with the provincial NDP's I think made everyone a little leery of the federal NDP and aside from the swing vote, I'll get onto the Liberals shortly, the Conservatives still have a strong showing here in BC.
Now as for the Liberals well, mistake number one...Ignatieff. Sorry but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. Thirty years in the US and he wants to be Prime Minister, I think not and I think anyone who voted Liberal in the past has made their point by swinging to the NDP didn't bode well for the Liberal party over all but a point was definitely made.
What I surmised from all this is Canadian voters for the most part want a Conservative government if not they would not be in a majority position today. NDP as the official opposition could be a good thing because the are so polar opposite, my concern is the party I voted for not listening. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I put this forth, if a majority government does more harm than good for Canada I will vote NDP in the next federal election...this will kill me but I will do it. What constitutes harm and good is yet to be seen, the thing is it's all relative to your individual interpretation. What is perceived as good to me might be perceived as harmful to you. I will follow politics closer than I have in the past, I will sign up for both Conservative and NDP news letters and keep tabs on what's happening in this wonderful country.
On a final note. RIP Bloq.
With much love, light and a great four years!
Tammy.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Human Nature
This is an interesting topic for me because it forces me to reconcile with my own human nature and with how I react, act and respond to other fellow humans. Lately there have been a lot of reactions, actions and responses. Some I'm not proud of some I would do again in a heart beat.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
And so I begin.
First, I believe that we are all capable of change. Some more so than others but capable none the less. However in order to change we have to take ownership of that part of our nature that needs adjustment. Justifying bad behaviour in order to feel better about treating other badly is not conducive to change. It only tells us, "it's ok because...".
I have claimed in past blogs that I will defend anyone close to me if I see or hear of them being attacked. That claim still stands, but what does that really mean? I've been mulling this one over for a couple of weeks now and I think I have a viable answer.
It is my human nature to be a peace keeper and for the most part I am. I do however have a breaking point, as we all do and once broken I become a defender. This is also part of my human nature, I will vehemently defend anyone being treated unfairly, I have very strong opinions of bullies and abusers and I will stand up to them when pushed.
Here's the thing, thanks to my Irish temper I don't think before I react and this is something I need to change. I need to always take a step back and a deep breath and assess the situation before spouting off. I need to be mindful of my words and actions because innocent people could get caught in the cross fire and that's not what I intend. I end up looking like a mean spiteful person because I let my anger supersede my ability to be diplomatic.
Another flaw in my human nature, and I do see this as a flaw. Is my uncanny ability to be taken advantage of. I think it's because I want to see only the good in people that I open myself up to being used. Recently as most of you know I ended a relationship with an individual whom I had befriended in an attempt to maintain a peaceful existence in that particular area of my life. This person, maybe even without realising, through their words and actions proved to me that they are not willing or not capable of changing that they are far happier in a negative toxic state that was spilling over and affecting me.
Maybe if I pointed it out in a subtle way, say maybe in my blogs, they might clue in...oh wait I tried that, ya, it didn't work. Witnessing behaviour that was destructive took it's toll over time and well, I snapped. I regret snapping, it's not a normal part of my nature it's not something I want happening any time soon either.
The ironic thing is because of my nature to be open I came very close to repeating past actions that put me here today. I extended an invitation through someone else and although I assumed it would be declined (and it was) I found myself hoping for it so I could reconcile and put to rest the events of the past few weeks. I am not a mean spiteful person, I know this but I think my reaction has placed doubt in the minds of others that maybe I am. I did not make the offer because I'm spiteful I did it because it seemed the right thing to do.
How do you make someone understand that their words and actions are hurtful when they really don't think they are? When they really and truly believe that the world is out to get them that life isn't fair and they can say anything they want about anyone no matter how mean and get away with it. How can they justify their bad behaviour? It's their "human nature", that's how.
The saying "what comes around goes around" is eerily true. The thing is when bad things happen to individuals who treat others badly it only fuels their justification. Let me explain, If I say something mean about someone but justify it because I feel very strongly that I'm right and then something terrible happens to me, one of two things will happen. I will either find a way to blame someone else or it will be a wake up call and realise that maybe I did this to myself, that I manifested it in some way. I believe very strongly in the power of positive thought and if you only put out negative you will only receive negative.
Most people don't get this, it's not until the negative experiences start affecting innocent people that maybe they get a clue. Hopefully. From personal experience I know when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and my situation whatever that might be it's a huge effort to turn it around and take the positive stance. The thing is, when I do then positive things start happening for me. Then I see people in my life who wallow in self pity and focus only on the negative aspects of their lives and bad things happen to them over and over. Why can't they see it?
Did you know that if you tell your self you are ill, you will become ill. Try it. Ever call in sick to work when really you aren't feeling bad but just want the day off? Well, imagine you are about to call in to work and your fabricating your excuse, we've all done it, by the time you've called and hung up I bet you feel like crap. I know I've given myself a migraine calling in and saying that's why I'm not coming in. I think it's partly guilt, but honestly if you believe it, it does become your reality. Read my blog Lies vs. False Truths from Nov 4th 2009 I talk about it there.
For the record now I only call in sick if I am really sick, if I want a day off I take a vacation day, I don't think carrying the guilt on a day off is at all healthy. I guess what I'm getting at with all this is to just be mindful. Temper your comments and try to refrain from negative thoughts and actions. It's not easy to make these changes if it's not part of your human nature but it's worth the effort once you do.
So back to the topic at hand, human nature, that thing that makes us who we are, how we are perceived by others and how we react to each other. Concerted effort is required to change our nature, it's not as easy as changing a behaviour or a habit for that matter. Behaviour occurs dependant on situations, nature is who you are all the time. You nature dictates your behaviour but your behaviour is not always a reflection of your nature. Another way of looking at it, behaviour is reactionary, nature is pro-active.
Human nature dictates how we react behaviour is the way in which we react. If it is our nature to be a peace keeper than when confronted with a negative situation that might require us to fight then our behaviour might adjust in this one instance to do just that. Or our human nature will dictate that we retreat until the situation passes our behaviour in that case would be flight. Behaviour does not necessarily coincide with our nature, sometime learned behaviour interferes sometimes we do or say things out of character because of a situation that is requiring us to behave in such a way.
Behaviour is highly adaptable, nature is not. It's almost like having controlled split personality. Ever hear the expression "it's not in their nature"? Well that's because they are behaving in such a way that is contradictory to their natural state thus creating a alternate personality the difference is we can control this alternate, we decide how to proceed and we decide when to revert our true human nature.
What's interesting here is when your true human nature is to hurt others and your behaviour reflects this it's obvious. We all know these people, I have a neighbour like this, he is known in the neighbourhood as a jerk, and for the most part he is, but he will on occasion mow our lawn because it's attached to his, then promptly park in my spot. He's justified taking my parking spot because he mowed my lawn.
Then there are those individuals who have a gentle nature but due to their personal circumstance choose to behave in hurtful destructive ways in order to cover up their pain and suffering, misery loves company right? They do it out of desperation and understanding this can help us react in such a way that is more helpful than harmful and this is what I should have done. I see that now, a little too late. The thing is really I should know better I've been there I know that had I been understood and helped things in my life would have been different.
There you have it my take on human nature and my misinterpretation of nature vs. behaviour. I will certainly be more mindful in the future.
With much love, light and mindfulness,
Tammy.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
OH! What a week!
It started out quiet, more or less...a little turmoil at the beginning which I have put behind me and moved away from a toxic situation, lesson learned. The end to the week was whirl wind to say the least!
My daughter participated in Vancouver Fashion Week and well I have to tell you it was an experience and a half for not just her, but her dad and me too! We were back and forth down town several times on our appointed days, she was walking in shows on four of the five days and judging by the first day there is a really good reason she wasn't part of the shows that day, she is just too young for some of the designers and that's fine, she will have plenty of time to mature before being faced with racy outfits.
So the week started Thursday at 1:00pm which was the time she needed to be at the hotel for hair, make-up, final fittings and instructions from the designer on how to walk. She wasn't to be on the runway until 6:00pm. This was the first of her dad's two days to chaperon. Well, all things being as they are the shows were running late and 6pm turned into 7:45pm good thing she was only in one show that night or getting up for school the next morning would have been tough.
The next day was my turn. I took the afternoon off because she had to be down town again by 2:30pm and we had a few errands to run before hand. I dropped her off at 2:20pm and headed back to the ex's to deal with our son, make sure he had dinner and just hang with him for a few hours because he dad was working a later than normal shift and wouldn't be home until about 9:00pm. At about 6:15pm I headed back down town for the 7:30pm show she was to walk in. Figuring they would be running late again I wasn't in that big a hurry except for the fact that she had forgotten something and needed it delivered I would have waited longer to head back out.
Good thing I didn't, these shows were right on schedule and I was only 10 minutes early! Thank GOD for small miracles, (or small requirements) I didn't miss a thing and she was walking in a second show later that evening so I got two for the price of one...not that the parents of under age models actually had to pay to get in but there was the parking and gas expense. She looked amazing in both shows, she really has a great walk and runway presence, and it's not just a mothers bias, the coordinator of the event commented to her as well as two of the designers she walked for. I can see her going far with this.
That evening as we drove home she was pretty excited, she chatted (uncharacteristically) all the way back to her dads. She told me all about the hair and make up and the designers and all the models and she really seemed to emerge from her normal quiet self. Nothing wrong with that it's just surprising how much she really loves this crazy industry. It wasn't too late when she got in but according to her dad her number one priority was to go wash off the pound of make up, something she's not accustom to, oh, and combing out the rats nest the hair stylist made of her hair.
The next day was Saturday and she was told to be back at 11:00 am because she was walking in an early show, 5:00pm. Well turns out she was too early, her and three other models. So they sat and waited and she worked on her homework...this is a whole other story for a late blog. Finally they got into the room at about 1:00pm. I headed back down town for 5:00pm thinking they would be on time again...not so much. I guess it's hit and miss with this event so ya, I waited about an hour before we were even able to get in to the ball room where the show was being held. No big deal, she was on early. She sent me a text saying she would be in two shows instead of the one we were thinking. This was fine because it more experience for her.
I tried taking pictures but ya, I suck at that...thankfully there were about a million photographers there and I've been able to get some great shots directly from a few of them. It's surreal seeing my daughter all made up. Certainly a far cry from the jeans, t-shirt, Converse All Stars and no make up that I'm used to. Not to mention that smile! Something my very serious daughter reserves only for modeling when required. Don't get me wrong she does smile at home it would just be nice to see it more often.
It's interesting how the further into fashion week we got the stranger the designs got. She even had one designer comment to her "you are very pretty and you have to wear that" about his own design, it did look fine on her I guess he thought she should have worn something else. No matter I think she was just flattered that he thought that. She definitely views this as a job and is willing to follow instructions, wear pretty much what ever the designer wants (age appropriate) and let the stylists do her hair and make up accordingly, but once she's done, the make up comes off and the hair is combed out.
Sunday was the last day, and her dad's turn to take her. She had one show, the last show and again they were running behind a little. This was by far the strangest designs and worst looking make up and hair, high fashion I suppose but I couldn't imagine who would wear some of these things, maybe Lady GaGa no one in their right minds that's for sure. Needless to say by the time she got home it was late and she had school the next day. Well she was too pumped to go to bed thanks to the not so wise decision of her father to give her coffee that late at night.
She told me all about the show and how uncomfortable the shoes were to wear and almost not be able to walk in, again high fashion, and how one girl actually cut her foot on one of the shoes. We looked through the pictures that had been uploaded to the VFW site and at some of the photographers face book pages. Up until now she hadn't really seen how she looked on the runway. We finally closed the laptop just after midnight.
So there you have it Vancouver Fashion Week from one mom's perspective. It was allot of work allot of driving a small fortune in gas but the end result was well worth it. On that note however I did get a text from my daughter on the Saturday saying and I quote...
"OMG. I do not want to do this again. No more Fashion Week."
We'll see, I bet she does the one in November for 2012 Spring and Summer.
With much love, light and a promising future,
Tammy.
My daughter participated in Vancouver Fashion Week and well I have to tell you it was an experience and a half for not just her, but her dad and me too! We were back and forth down town several times on our appointed days, she was walking in shows on four of the five days and judging by the first day there is a really good reason she wasn't part of the shows that day, she is just too young for some of the designers and that's fine, she will have plenty of time to mature before being faced with racy outfits.
So the week started Thursday at 1:00pm which was the time she needed to be at the hotel for hair, make-up, final fittings and instructions from the designer on how to walk. She wasn't to be on the runway until 6:00pm. This was the first of her dad's two days to chaperon. Well, all things being as they are the shows were running late and 6pm turned into 7:45pm good thing she was only in one show that night or getting up for school the next morning would have been tough.
The next day was my turn. I took the afternoon off because she had to be down town again by 2:30pm and we had a few errands to run before hand. I dropped her off at 2:20pm and headed back to the ex's to deal with our son, make sure he had dinner and just hang with him for a few hours because he dad was working a later than normal shift and wouldn't be home until about 9:00pm. At about 6:15pm I headed back down town for the 7:30pm show she was to walk in. Figuring they would be running late again I wasn't in that big a hurry except for the fact that she had forgotten something and needed it delivered I would have waited longer to head back out.
Good thing I didn't, these shows were right on schedule and I was only 10 minutes early! Thank GOD for small miracles, (or small requirements) I didn't miss a thing and she was walking in a second show later that evening so I got two for the price of one...not that the parents of under age models actually had to pay to get in but there was the parking and gas expense. She looked amazing in both shows, she really has a great walk and runway presence, and it's not just a mothers bias, the coordinator of the event commented to her as well as two of the designers she walked for. I can see her going far with this.
That evening as we drove home she was pretty excited, she chatted (uncharacteristically) all the way back to her dads. She told me all about the hair and make up and the designers and all the models and she really seemed to emerge from her normal quiet self. Nothing wrong with that it's just surprising how much she really loves this crazy industry. It wasn't too late when she got in but according to her dad her number one priority was to go wash off the pound of make up, something she's not accustom to, oh, and combing out the rats nest the hair stylist made of her hair.
The next day was Saturday and she was told to be back at 11:00 am because she was walking in an early show, 5:00pm. Well turns out she was too early, her and three other models. So they sat and waited and she worked on her homework...this is a whole other story for a late blog. Finally they got into the room at about 1:00pm. I headed back down town for 5:00pm thinking they would be on time again...not so much. I guess it's hit and miss with this event so ya, I waited about an hour before we were even able to get in to the ball room where the show was being held. No big deal, she was on early. She sent me a text saying she would be in two shows instead of the one we were thinking. This was fine because it more experience for her.
I tried taking pictures but ya, I suck at that...thankfully there were about a million photographers there and I've been able to get some great shots directly from a few of them. It's surreal seeing my daughter all made up. Certainly a far cry from the jeans, t-shirt, Converse All Stars and no make up that I'm used to. Not to mention that smile! Something my very serious daughter reserves only for modeling when required. Don't get me wrong she does smile at home it would just be nice to see it more often.
It's interesting how the further into fashion week we got the stranger the designs got. She even had one designer comment to her "you are very pretty and you have to wear that" about his own design, it did look fine on her I guess he thought she should have worn something else. No matter I think she was just flattered that he thought that. She definitely views this as a job and is willing to follow instructions, wear pretty much what ever the designer wants (age appropriate) and let the stylists do her hair and make up accordingly, but once she's done, the make up comes off and the hair is combed out.
Sunday was the last day, and her dad's turn to take her. She had one show, the last show and again they were running behind a little. This was by far the strangest designs and worst looking make up and hair, high fashion I suppose but I couldn't imagine who would wear some of these things, maybe Lady GaGa no one in their right minds that's for sure. Needless to say by the time she got home it was late and she had school the next day. Well she was too pumped to go to bed thanks to the not so wise decision of her father to give her coffee that late at night.
She told me all about the show and how uncomfortable the shoes were to wear and almost not be able to walk in, again high fashion, and how one girl actually cut her foot on one of the shoes. We looked through the pictures that had been uploaded to the VFW site and at some of the photographers face book pages. Up until now she hadn't really seen how she looked on the runway. We finally closed the laptop just after midnight.
So there you have it Vancouver Fashion Week from one mom's perspective. It was allot of work allot of driving a small fortune in gas but the end result was well worth it. On that note however I did get a text from my daughter on the Saturday saying and I quote...
"OMG. I do not want to do this again. No more Fashion Week."
We'll see, I bet she does the one in November for 2012 Spring and Summer.
With much love, light and a promising future,
Tammy.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Second Chances and Lessons Learned
As some of you might have read I posted a blog called My Liberation. This post was removed once I realised that it was done from a place of unbelievable hurt, anger and betrayal. Not a good place to blog from, lesson learned.
So does this open up the possibility for a second chance. Likely, no. I'm the type of person who tries to see the best in people, some times to my detriment. I view the world at times through rose coloured glasses which I chalk down to my Sagittarius nature, we're like that, until they are ripped from our faces and we see the harsh reality we had sugar coated for too long. When this final blow was dealt, I was sent flying and knocked on my ass. I was physically ill by the event that preceded the blog and instead of biting my tongue I let 'er rip without consideration of who it might hurt and that was wrong.
I have in the past and for many various reasons granted second, third and fourth chances. I have also been on the receiving end of said chances. I know I'm too trusting at least right up until there is nothing left to hold my trust. In this particular situation it wasn't so much a betrayal of my trust, more so it was the realisation that I had placed my trust in the wrong hands. Hands that for reasons known only to them, felt it necessary to defamate, accuse and berate someone far closer to me than they are and that my friends is my truth. I will sit and I will watch, and I will be mindful. But openly hurt someone who has no recourse well, watch out. I will defend, I will get nasty, the bitch will raise her head and let you know she's NOT impressed. Take it or leave it but mostly learn from it.
When we do something we shouldn't have as a species we avoid claiming our bad behaviour sighting this excuse or that. I claim mine here and now. I should have bit my tongue but it's too late. It's for the best because this may have escalated completely out of control and ended much much worse. Not that it wasn't bad enough. It's never easy letting go of a relationship no matter how toxic it might be. The way I saw it, I was watching/reading the woes of someone (their personal take on it) and knowing that in most cases the exact opposite was true and I was powerless to do anything about it. One may see themselves as the victim but as the observer I see their position from a different angle and it was all I could do to hold my tongue, over and over and over.
Another lesson I learned is that knowing too much about a situation does not make being neutral easy. There are two sides to every story and there is no way to be neutral for very long when you are constantly bombarded with inconsistencies and half truths. It's exhausting to say the least. To believe one thing, have doubt seeded into your mind then have to make sense of the situation that isn't your situation in the first place can put a sour taste in your mouth. Yet there I was caught in the middle, placed there by me. I volunteered I have no one to blame for my position than myself. I opened myself up and slowly found myself shutting down. It took along time and my patience were tried on many occasion but as I said I choose to see the good in people and I really tried with this person...until the final event.
I'm sorry for trusting, I'm sorry for not having the good sense to steer clear, I'm sorry that this will take me a while to let go. BUT...I am not sorry for speaking my mind and standing up for someone who otherwise would choose not to out of utter fear. A fear I know too well, a fear I face personally on a daily basis. A fear that causes a one to tippy-toe for fear of waking the sleeping lion. A fear the perpetrator will never understand because it does not belong to them it is caused by them.
Another lesson I will take away form this experience is to listen to my friends. I was warned not to open myself up like this. I explained that everyone deserves a second chance and that people can change. What I learned is that no matter how convincing someone is that they have changed or are willing to change, it's impossible to be something you are not. That thinking I could be friends with someone who on more than one occasion set out to destroy what I was so desperately trying to hold on to should have been my first indication that this was not going to work. I was warned about this. Did I listen? Obviously not and for that I'm sorry, lesson learned.
Arms length civility is all I can offer. I will not utter a negative word about this person to those closest to either of us, that serves absolutely no good and it's not fair to drag the innocent through any of this. This person exists as a fog, visible in the distance but vanishes as they approach. I too will be a fog, I will keep a low profile and not make a spectacle, nor will I put myself in a position of being visible. This may be confusing for some to understand but in the long run it is for the best. I would sincerely appreciate the same consideration but I don't expect it.
Seeing this with a clear head I claim the damage my words have done and for that I am sorry. If they had the desired effect (I will never really know). Then I'm not sorry, mission accomplished. All I want is for this person to stop trying to hurt or destroy the one person who will not and can not defend themselves. This person has no idea, (or maybe they do now) the torment that is suffered at their hand. I only ever wanted that to end I only ever wanted this person to see how hurtful they are. That was my only motivation for getting in the middle of this, to create a sense of peace. It didn't work, it only worsened and I really don't think this person can appreciate how difficult this task was for me. I can put on a brave face but the reality was I was living on an eggshell.
I hope this message reaches this person and helps them realise that maybe just maybe they are facilitating pain and suffering for others more so than they see in themselves. We must all be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions. But mostly our words. The pen is mightier than the sword and words wound deeply. I just want this person to understand that their words did just that, and although they may believe what they accused as their reality, I know differently.
I also know that I am a better person for this experience. I know that I will proceed with great caution if faced with a similar situation and I also know my breaking point. I will temper my reaction if in the future I need to react and I will be more tactful in my execution. Anger and angry words are damaging and hurtful and that's really not what I'm about. I forgive this other person for their unfair accusations and blatant defamation of character and I wish them happiness and success and send them off with love and light. The universe can do the rest.
With this blog I put to rest a situation that has weighed heavily on my mind and in my heart. My internal conflict is subsiding and I am letting go. Tonight I will go home and hug my kids and my partner and thank God they are a part of my life.
With much love, light and inner peace.
Tammy.
So does this open up the possibility for a second chance. Likely, no. I'm the type of person who tries to see the best in people, some times to my detriment. I view the world at times through rose coloured glasses which I chalk down to my Sagittarius nature, we're like that, until they are ripped from our faces and we see the harsh reality we had sugar coated for too long. When this final blow was dealt, I was sent flying and knocked on my ass. I was physically ill by the event that preceded the blog and instead of biting my tongue I let 'er rip without consideration of who it might hurt and that was wrong.
I have in the past and for many various reasons granted second, third and fourth chances. I have also been on the receiving end of said chances. I know I'm too trusting at least right up until there is nothing left to hold my trust. In this particular situation it wasn't so much a betrayal of my trust, more so it was the realisation that I had placed my trust in the wrong hands. Hands that for reasons known only to them, felt it necessary to defamate, accuse and berate someone far closer to me than they are and that my friends is my truth. I will sit and I will watch, and I will be mindful. But openly hurt someone who has no recourse well, watch out. I will defend, I will get nasty, the bitch will raise her head and let you know she's NOT impressed. Take it or leave it but mostly learn from it.
When we do something we shouldn't have as a species we avoid claiming our bad behaviour sighting this excuse or that. I claim mine here and now. I should have bit my tongue but it's too late. It's for the best because this may have escalated completely out of control and ended much much worse. Not that it wasn't bad enough. It's never easy letting go of a relationship no matter how toxic it might be. The way I saw it, I was watching/reading the woes of someone (their personal take on it) and knowing that in most cases the exact opposite was true and I was powerless to do anything about it. One may see themselves as the victim but as the observer I see their position from a different angle and it was all I could do to hold my tongue, over and over and over.
Another lesson I learned is that knowing too much about a situation does not make being neutral easy. There are two sides to every story and there is no way to be neutral for very long when you are constantly bombarded with inconsistencies and half truths. It's exhausting to say the least. To believe one thing, have doubt seeded into your mind then have to make sense of the situation that isn't your situation in the first place can put a sour taste in your mouth. Yet there I was caught in the middle, placed there by me. I volunteered I have no one to blame for my position than myself. I opened myself up and slowly found myself shutting down. It took along time and my patience were tried on many occasion but as I said I choose to see the good in people and I really tried with this person...until the final event.
I'm sorry for trusting, I'm sorry for not having the good sense to steer clear, I'm sorry that this will take me a while to let go. BUT...I am not sorry for speaking my mind and standing up for someone who otherwise would choose not to out of utter fear. A fear I know too well, a fear I face personally on a daily basis. A fear that causes a one to tippy-toe for fear of waking the sleeping lion. A fear the perpetrator will never understand because it does not belong to them it is caused by them.
Another lesson I will take away form this experience is to listen to my friends. I was warned not to open myself up like this. I explained that everyone deserves a second chance and that people can change. What I learned is that no matter how convincing someone is that they have changed or are willing to change, it's impossible to be something you are not. That thinking I could be friends with someone who on more than one occasion set out to destroy what I was so desperately trying to hold on to should have been my first indication that this was not going to work. I was warned about this. Did I listen? Obviously not and for that I'm sorry, lesson learned.
Arms length civility is all I can offer. I will not utter a negative word about this person to those closest to either of us, that serves absolutely no good and it's not fair to drag the innocent through any of this. This person exists as a fog, visible in the distance but vanishes as they approach. I too will be a fog, I will keep a low profile and not make a spectacle, nor will I put myself in a position of being visible. This may be confusing for some to understand but in the long run it is for the best. I would sincerely appreciate the same consideration but I don't expect it.
Seeing this with a clear head I claim the damage my words have done and for that I am sorry. If they had the desired effect (I will never really know). Then I'm not sorry, mission accomplished. All I want is for this person to stop trying to hurt or destroy the one person who will not and can not defend themselves. This person has no idea, (or maybe they do now) the torment that is suffered at their hand. I only ever wanted that to end I only ever wanted this person to see how hurtful they are. That was my only motivation for getting in the middle of this, to create a sense of peace. It didn't work, it only worsened and I really don't think this person can appreciate how difficult this task was for me. I can put on a brave face but the reality was I was living on an eggshell.
I hope this message reaches this person and helps them realise that maybe just maybe they are facilitating pain and suffering for others more so than they see in themselves. We must all be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions. But mostly our words. The pen is mightier than the sword and words wound deeply. I just want this person to understand that their words did just that, and although they may believe what they accused as their reality, I know differently.
I also know that I am a better person for this experience. I know that I will proceed with great caution if faced with a similar situation and I also know my breaking point. I will temper my reaction if in the future I need to react and I will be more tactful in my execution. Anger and angry words are damaging and hurtful and that's really not what I'm about. I forgive this other person for their unfair accusations and blatant defamation of character and I wish them happiness and success and send them off with love and light. The universe can do the rest.
With this blog I put to rest a situation that has weighed heavily on my mind and in my heart. My internal conflict is subsiding and I am letting go. Tonight I will go home and hug my kids and my partner and thank God they are a part of my life.
With much love, light and inner peace.
Tammy.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ready? Set? GO!
April 12th to 17th will prove to be a remarkable week for my daughter. Since signing with her agent back in October there hasn't been much going on for her as far a modeling goes...until now.
I had sent an email to her agent to let him know she had officially hit the 5'10" mark and was wondering if we should have more pictures done. He called me and asked if we could come into his office for a review of what's been happening since Faces West. In a word, nothing. He asked if she had done any fashion shows which kinds surprised me because as her agent I thought it was his job to find her work, from what I surmised we were to be looking as well.
We had a few false starts with the meeting date, we were either not available or he wasn't available and finally I re-arranged our spring break plans so we could get downtown to his office to see him. This was Saturday March 26th and I'm so glad we decided to make the effort because had we waited we would have missed the opportunity to try out for Vancouver Fashion Week (VFW).
The agent has been working with the organizers of VFW for the past ten years, as I'm sure have other agents and the auditions were to be held at the agents office the following Monday March 28th at 6:00pm down town at the agent office. Like I said good thing we changed our plans.
We arrived on time for the audition, for lack of a better word it was kind of an audition, the VFW organizer had the models walk for him and did a little interview looked at their books and sent them on their way. We were in and out in twelve minutes, my daughter was the second model to walk, both the organizer and her agent were impressed that she had only participated in Faces West and had no runway experience. She's a natural apparently and out of the thirty models that auditioned that night she was one of five who were chosen. Kudos for her!
Last week when her agent called to let me know she got the job at VFW, (the non-paying job) he asked if she could be downtown by 7:00pm for another possible paying job. This time it was for an Internet catalogue for a high end Italian fashion store called Sasso Moda, and by high end we are talking hand made jeans for oh around $229.00! Dresses (not gowns just dresses) $590.00 insane and not somewhere I would shop!
Her agent was a little concerned she would appear too young so we were to make sure she was wearing makeup. When she does she looks much older, so much so that people are surprised to hear she's only fourteen. She normally doesn't wear makeup so seeing her made up is surreal. Needless to say after a couple of hours of trying one outfits we were sent on our way with the promise from the store owner he would let her agent know if she got the job. Now the photo shoot for the catalogue was set for the next night so when I got the call at noon the next day panic set in! She got the job and had to be back down town for 7:00pm that very night!
Why the panic? Well, I was at work for one and the agent gave me a list of items she would need to bring to the shoot oh, and he asked if we could go see another client of his before 6:15pm for another job, a fashion show at the end of April for Obakki Designs, apparently a favourite of Gweneth Paltro's cool huh? Yah, except I had to race to Port Moody pick up the kids go home get my daughter to do her make up and gather an assortment of shoes then be back on the road for no later than 5:00pm to get back down town for the Obakki audition and then the photo shoot...YIKES!
Well, we were early for the audition which meant we were early for the shoot so as luck would have it right next to were I parked was a Sushi restaurant, nothing fancy but good enough that my healthy eating daughter would agree to, oh, and her brother was dragged along for this one too, so this had to appeal to both.
After a quick bite we walked up to the corner were the store was located, we were only slightly early at this point, the owner and the photographer had just arrived as had one of the other models. We stood and chatted with her and her mom, they had driven in from Abbotsford! Now I don't feel so bad. This model was from the same agency as was also at Faces West. She had done VFW in the fall and was telling us that it was the best experience she had with runway. That it's absolutely organized chaos! After having just gone through two days of fittings over the weekend we were getting that impression as well.
The photo shoot was going to be several hours so I decided to take my son home and just come back and get her. Well, she wasn't done until about 11:40pm by the time we got home it was 1:00am and ya, the next morning came way too early! She had a blast though, the photographer had her jumping an spinning in these long flowing dresses and while giving the other girls crap for not bringing a selection of shoes my daughter had a bag full and shared with the other girls. One thing I've learned is sometimes too much is just enough.
The pictures for this shoot will be posted in a week or so and one benefit is we get to use them in her book thus eliminating the need for another expensive photo shoot just now. We will also have access to some of the images from VFW so there`s a bonus too. As for Obakki, we won`t know until April 18th if she got the job but we`re hopeful and if she doesn't well, there will be more. Judging by the whirl wind of the past two weeks a little break might be nice. We haven`t even done the VFW shows yet which should be interesting to say the least.
The weekend of the 2nd and 3rd were fitting days for the local designers, these are the new up and coming designers no one really well known. She managed to get chosen by Sarah Runnalls and Eva Chen, those shows are Thursday and Friday respectively. The international designers (the ones you want to walk for) won`t make their selections until the day of their shows, so even though she`s not scheduled to walk she has to be back down town both Saturday and Sunday. Luckily VFW has a guest list for parents so neither her dad nor I will have to pay to watch her. Parking on the other hand UGH!
So begins another week of rushing around like chickens with their heads cut off, the nice part is I`ve enlisted her dad to help out with this, he gets two days I get two days, my daughter gets two half days at school and four very long afternoons and evenings of hurry up and wait. I`m looking forward to seeing her on the runway! My fourteen year old daughter on the runway at a very well covered by the media Fashion Week...Next year Europe here she comes!
With much love, light and amazement,
Tammy.
I had sent an email to her agent to let him know she had officially hit the 5'10" mark and was wondering if we should have more pictures done. He called me and asked if we could come into his office for a review of what's been happening since Faces West. In a word, nothing. He asked if she had done any fashion shows which kinds surprised me because as her agent I thought it was his job to find her work, from what I surmised we were to be looking as well.
We had a few false starts with the meeting date, we were either not available or he wasn't available and finally I re-arranged our spring break plans so we could get downtown to his office to see him. This was Saturday March 26th and I'm so glad we decided to make the effort because had we waited we would have missed the opportunity to try out for Vancouver Fashion Week (VFW).
The agent has been working with the organizers of VFW for the past ten years, as I'm sure have other agents and the auditions were to be held at the agents office the following Monday March 28th at 6:00pm down town at the agent office. Like I said good thing we changed our plans.
We arrived on time for the audition, for lack of a better word it was kind of an audition, the VFW organizer had the models walk for him and did a little interview looked at their books and sent them on their way. We were in and out in twelve minutes, my daughter was the second model to walk, both the organizer and her agent were impressed that she had only participated in Faces West and had no runway experience. She's a natural apparently and out of the thirty models that auditioned that night she was one of five who were chosen. Kudos for her!
Last week when her agent called to let me know she got the job at VFW, (the non-paying job) he asked if she could be downtown by 7:00pm for another possible paying job. This time it was for an Internet catalogue for a high end Italian fashion store called Sasso Moda, and by high end we are talking hand made jeans for oh around $229.00! Dresses (not gowns just dresses) $590.00 insane and not somewhere I would shop!
Her agent was a little concerned she would appear too young so we were to make sure she was wearing makeup. When she does she looks much older, so much so that people are surprised to hear she's only fourteen. She normally doesn't wear makeup so seeing her made up is surreal. Needless to say after a couple of hours of trying one outfits we were sent on our way with the promise from the store owner he would let her agent know if she got the job. Now the photo shoot for the catalogue was set for the next night so when I got the call at noon the next day panic set in! She got the job and had to be back down town for 7:00pm that very night!
Why the panic? Well, I was at work for one and the agent gave me a list of items she would need to bring to the shoot oh, and he asked if we could go see another client of his before 6:15pm for another job, a fashion show at the end of April for Obakki Designs, apparently a favourite of Gweneth Paltro's cool huh? Yah, except I had to race to Port Moody pick up the kids go home get my daughter to do her make up and gather an assortment of shoes then be back on the road for no later than 5:00pm to get back down town for the Obakki audition and then the photo shoot...YIKES!
Well, we were early for the audition which meant we were early for the shoot so as luck would have it right next to were I parked was a Sushi restaurant, nothing fancy but good enough that my healthy eating daughter would agree to, oh, and her brother was dragged along for this one too, so this had to appeal to both.
After a quick bite we walked up to the corner were the store was located, we were only slightly early at this point, the owner and the photographer had just arrived as had one of the other models. We stood and chatted with her and her mom, they had driven in from Abbotsford! Now I don't feel so bad. This model was from the same agency as was also at Faces West. She had done VFW in the fall and was telling us that it was the best experience she had with runway. That it's absolutely organized chaos! After having just gone through two days of fittings over the weekend we were getting that impression as well.
The photo shoot was going to be several hours so I decided to take my son home and just come back and get her. Well, she wasn't done until about 11:40pm by the time we got home it was 1:00am and ya, the next morning came way too early! She had a blast though, the photographer had her jumping an spinning in these long flowing dresses and while giving the other girls crap for not bringing a selection of shoes my daughter had a bag full and shared with the other girls. One thing I've learned is sometimes too much is just enough.
The pictures for this shoot will be posted in a week or so and one benefit is we get to use them in her book thus eliminating the need for another expensive photo shoot just now. We will also have access to some of the images from VFW so there`s a bonus too. As for Obakki, we won`t know until April 18th if she got the job but we`re hopeful and if she doesn't well, there will be more. Judging by the whirl wind of the past two weeks a little break might be nice. We haven`t even done the VFW shows yet which should be interesting to say the least.
The weekend of the 2nd and 3rd were fitting days for the local designers, these are the new up and coming designers no one really well known. She managed to get chosen by Sarah Runnalls and Eva Chen, those shows are Thursday and Friday respectively. The international designers (the ones you want to walk for) won`t make their selections until the day of their shows, so even though she`s not scheduled to walk she has to be back down town both Saturday and Sunday. Luckily VFW has a guest list for parents so neither her dad nor I will have to pay to watch her. Parking on the other hand UGH!
So begins another week of rushing around like chickens with their heads cut off, the nice part is I`ve enlisted her dad to help out with this, he gets two days I get two days, my daughter gets two half days at school and four very long afternoons and evenings of hurry up and wait. I`m looking forward to seeing her on the runway! My fourteen year old daughter on the runway at a very well covered by the media Fashion Week...Next year Europe here she comes!
With much love, light and amazement,
Tammy.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Enablers And The Damage They Do.
Seems an odd statement "enablers and the damage they do" well when you break it down I believe it is accurate and of course I will tell you why.
You see when we are faced with a situation that requires our action or reaction how we respond can have devastating consequence and the only reason for this is because we "enable" it. We choose to respond and the out come is based on this response.
For example, you are confronted by an individual who is not pleased about something, doesn't matter what just know they are hell bent on a reaction from you. So what do you do? Do you get into it with them or do you ignore the behaviour until the individual looses steam and settles down to a state where reason can be dealt.
As an enabler it is solely up to you how you will respond. It is not in the control of the individual with the issue. The only thing they control is their own behaviour. When you enable them you are letting them know that their behaviour is acceptable and justified. When we are dealing with an individual who is seeking a confrontation their behaviour is generally not acceptable or justifiable.
How is being an enabler damaging? Well the result of the confrontation generally hurts someone. It's a snow ball effect because not only is the enabler hurt but there is usually an Innocent third party indirectly hurt by the outcome of the enabled confrontation. Not to mention that the individual being enabled, they will come to expect it from everyone when they don't get their way therefore creating in themselves a destructive mind set that they will always be enabled thus their bad behaviour escalates.
We have a choice here, we always have a choice. It takes allot of practice but with time and a calm centred mind you can learn how NOT to be an enabler thus teaching the confrontational individual how NOT to be confrontational. The next time some one flips out on you, rather than reacting take a step back a deep breath and internally tell your self "I will not get sucked in" Even if the other person is still in the process of flipping out it doesn't matter if you didn't hear everything they have to say you are not to respond to them. Do not even give them a glimmer of hope that you might get into it with them.
Once they've said their peace, change the subject or walk away. Do not hang up if it's over the phone, this just fuels the fire. If they insist on a response (what they are looking for is a reaction) simply say, "That's your view (or opinion or position etc whatever verb works) and you are entitled to it." Another one liner that usually knocks the wind out of their sales. "I'm not in a position to discuss this right now." or "I will get back to you."
The best is to just not answer at all if you can help it. Move onto something else. I've been practicing this with individuals who try to bate me into a confrontation. It's all in the attitude you present. Say someone it nattering on about how so in so is doing something to really annoy them and they feel you are responsible for making so in so stop. Instead of snapping back that so in so is not annoying and that the individual nattering on is being unreasonable thus creating a dialog about so in so that could be hurtful and damaging simply walk away. DO NOT SAY A WORD in this case. When a third party is involved do not respond. It's not your fight do not enable it.
When the issue is directed at you or is about you, you need to deflate the situation with a CALM one liner.
For example:
Angry person: "You are selfish and arrogant, I'm really mad at you! All the decisions you make are wrong, you are always wrong I am always right" (doesn't really matter the context of the anger just know this person is really angry)
Wrong Enabler response: "I am not, you're the one who's always wrong, you are selfish for these reasons and I'm the one who suffers for it" (this response opens up the floor now for angry person to escalate the attack).
Enabler non-response: Turn and walk away.
Angry person: "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" (they would be following at this point)
Better Enabler response: "When you actually decide to "TALK" to me we can discuss this." Again turn and walk away or find something to do, tidy up or something distracting. Take your attention away from the angry person.
Angry person: (Still yelling) "I am trying to talk to you but you keep ignoring me!"
Enabler: "I'm not in the right frame of mind to discuss this." (you are engaging but not responding to the accusations, keep in mind this is WORK)
Angry person: "YOU NEVER ARE!" (so now one of two things could happen here) The angry person will give up and go fume until they calm down or it will continue to escalate until they get what they are after, a confrontation.
Enabler: Firmly BUT calmly "I will NOT discuss this with you right now." (if angry person continues on their rant)
Can you see how differently the out come of both scenarios can be? Can you see how enabling someone who is angry can only fuel the fire? Can you see how as an enabler you are causing just as much damage? Angry person is just that angry. Anger is an emotion and like all emotions they pass. One cannot remain in an escalated state of anger for long, it's emotionally and physically draining. Eventually anger passes. If you enable the anger you cause it to linger long past it's natural expiry.
I'm using anger as an example because I feel this is the most damaging emotion and one we all relate to, but we can also enable other behaviours and emotions in others and ourselves. Yes we can enable reactions in ourselves. When we see or experience something that "angers" us, we obsess about it, we fuel our own fire. We create in our minds scenarios and out comes that are generally damaging. We enable our own rage by allowing it to consume us.
Here's one I've experienced recently. There is a situation I have become aware of and it angers me to no end because of the Innocent people involved (Innocent beyond belief) needless to say the perpetrator has stirred in me an anger that unless I consciously work to let it go will consume me to the point of doing something I will regret. IF I enable my absolute rage towards this person I would not only hurt myself but several Innocent people who have nothing to do with this. My choice to enable is going to do more damage than what this individual has done over all.
So for the sake of my own well being and the well being of several others I WILL NOT ENABLE this anger and rage. I will let this individual go and I will focus on the person who was hurt by them. Enabling my anger, indirectly enables and gives substance to their actions. They do not deserve this, they deserve a good kick in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one who gives it. I'll leave that to Karma.
With much love, light and becoming a non-enabler.
Tammy.
You see when we are faced with a situation that requires our action or reaction how we respond can have devastating consequence and the only reason for this is because we "enable" it. We choose to respond and the out come is based on this response.
For example, you are confronted by an individual who is not pleased about something, doesn't matter what just know they are hell bent on a reaction from you. So what do you do? Do you get into it with them or do you ignore the behaviour until the individual looses steam and settles down to a state where reason can be dealt.
As an enabler it is solely up to you how you will respond. It is not in the control of the individual with the issue. The only thing they control is their own behaviour. When you enable them you are letting them know that their behaviour is acceptable and justified. When we are dealing with an individual who is seeking a confrontation their behaviour is generally not acceptable or justifiable.
How is being an enabler damaging? Well the result of the confrontation generally hurts someone. It's a snow ball effect because not only is the enabler hurt but there is usually an Innocent third party indirectly hurt by the outcome of the enabled confrontation. Not to mention that the individual being enabled, they will come to expect it from everyone when they don't get their way therefore creating in themselves a destructive mind set that they will always be enabled thus their bad behaviour escalates.
We have a choice here, we always have a choice. It takes allot of practice but with time and a calm centred mind you can learn how NOT to be an enabler thus teaching the confrontational individual how NOT to be confrontational. The next time some one flips out on you, rather than reacting take a step back a deep breath and internally tell your self "I will not get sucked in" Even if the other person is still in the process of flipping out it doesn't matter if you didn't hear everything they have to say you are not to respond to them. Do not even give them a glimmer of hope that you might get into it with them.
Once they've said their peace, change the subject or walk away. Do not hang up if it's over the phone, this just fuels the fire. If they insist on a response (what they are looking for is a reaction) simply say, "That's your view (or opinion or position etc whatever verb works) and you are entitled to it." Another one liner that usually knocks the wind out of their sales. "I'm not in a position to discuss this right now." or "I will get back to you."
The best is to just not answer at all if you can help it. Move onto something else. I've been practicing this with individuals who try to bate me into a confrontation. It's all in the attitude you present. Say someone it nattering on about how so in so is doing something to really annoy them and they feel you are responsible for making so in so stop. Instead of snapping back that so in so is not annoying and that the individual nattering on is being unreasonable thus creating a dialog about so in so that could be hurtful and damaging simply walk away. DO NOT SAY A WORD in this case. When a third party is involved do not respond. It's not your fight do not enable it.
When the issue is directed at you or is about you, you need to deflate the situation with a CALM one liner.
For example:
Angry person: "You are selfish and arrogant, I'm really mad at you! All the decisions you make are wrong, you are always wrong I am always right" (doesn't really matter the context of the anger just know this person is really angry)
Wrong Enabler response: "I am not, you're the one who's always wrong, you are selfish for these reasons and I'm the one who suffers for it" (this response opens up the floor now for angry person to escalate the attack).
Enabler non-response: Turn and walk away.
Angry person: "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" (they would be following at this point)
Better Enabler response: "When you actually decide to "TALK" to me we can discuss this." Again turn and walk away or find something to do, tidy up or something distracting. Take your attention away from the angry person.
Angry person: (Still yelling) "I am trying to talk to you but you keep ignoring me!"
Enabler: "I'm not in the right frame of mind to discuss this." (you are engaging but not responding to the accusations, keep in mind this is WORK)
Angry person: "YOU NEVER ARE!" (so now one of two things could happen here) The angry person will give up and go fume until they calm down or it will continue to escalate until they get what they are after, a confrontation.
Enabler: Firmly BUT calmly "I will NOT discuss this with you right now." (if angry person continues on their rant)
Can you see how differently the out come of both scenarios can be? Can you see how enabling someone who is angry can only fuel the fire? Can you see how as an enabler you are causing just as much damage? Angry person is just that angry. Anger is an emotion and like all emotions they pass. One cannot remain in an escalated state of anger for long, it's emotionally and physically draining. Eventually anger passes. If you enable the anger you cause it to linger long past it's natural expiry.
I'm using anger as an example because I feel this is the most damaging emotion and one we all relate to, but we can also enable other behaviours and emotions in others and ourselves. Yes we can enable reactions in ourselves. When we see or experience something that "angers" us, we obsess about it, we fuel our own fire. We create in our minds scenarios and out comes that are generally damaging. We enable our own rage by allowing it to consume us.
Here's one I've experienced recently. There is a situation I have become aware of and it angers me to no end because of the Innocent people involved (Innocent beyond belief) needless to say the perpetrator has stirred in me an anger that unless I consciously work to let it go will consume me to the point of doing something I will regret. IF I enable my absolute rage towards this person I would not only hurt myself but several Innocent people who have nothing to do with this. My choice to enable is going to do more damage than what this individual has done over all.
So for the sake of my own well being and the well being of several others I WILL NOT ENABLE this anger and rage. I will let this individual go and I will focus on the person who was hurt by them. Enabling my anger, indirectly enables and gives substance to their actions. They do not deserve this, they deserve a good kick in the butt, but I'm not going to be the one who gives it. I'll leave that to Karma.
With much love, light and becoming a non-enabler.
Tammy.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Unauthentic Individuals
We all know that person, the one who says one thing then does another. Why do we care? Because that person is usually hurting those around them and in some cases there are mutual someones who we can't bare to see hurt. Sometimes unauthentic people do this knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. This is my random thought today...bare with me as I wrap my brain around this one.
So, as I was saying, we all know someone who is "unauthentic". That individual who is not true to their own character, personality or spirit. They are the posers the drama kings and queens who love to let us know how down and out they are yet their actions are not indicative of the situation they vehemently claim. I like to call them sympathy mongers. We are all guilty of seeking sympathy, but for these individuals it's a way of life.
People like this are exhausting for those of us who see through them. As someone who deals with an unauthentic person I can tell you it's emotionally, mentally and physically taxing. It's infuriating to know someone so well and watch them portray to the rest of the world a false image of them self. How do you deal with this?
You can do one of two things, confront them or ignore them. I do the latter. Why? Because I don't like confrontation and generally speaking these unauthentic individuals usually have a great defense and argument. They are incapable of seeing another's point of view because in their opinion they are right therefore you can't be. They are justified and they have a great excuse for why they do what they do...it's usually someone else's fault.
If you choose to ignore it as I'm finding out, you can end up making yourself crazy trying to NOT obsess about what it is you've witnessed. This is not healthy, what is healthy is distancing yourself from said individual and letting go of the mental hold their behaviour has on you. You need to clean house. But what if cleaning house causes more problems than just putting up with it? What if severing ties will hurt someone else? What do you do then?
Well you do what you know is best for the people who really matter to you. You bite your tongue, bow your head and pray the situation changes...fast. I will not risk destroying someone else because I am tired of dealing with an unauthentic individual. In the end they will get what they deserve. The thing is they will likely turn it around and somehow come off looking like the pathetic victim they constantly claim to be. They are FAR from the victim, they are for lack of a better word, bullies. They can bully subtly or they can just be down right nasty. I've experienced both.
One thing to remember, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU! Simple. Your thoughts and actions are reflected back on you so if you are nasty you're gonna get nasty back, even if you do it with a smile on your face...you are unauthentic the universe knows this. Oh and by the way they are the first to advertise just how authentic they are...just in case you might wonder. And why would we question, unless of course there is a fragment of doubt. They know they are false, they just want to make sure you never figure it out.
The world if full of unauthentic people, luckily they are still out numbered. For every one unauthentic person I know, I know at least 100 authentic people (this is just a guesstimate) I would like to think we are all authentic, but I know for a fact this is not the case. I just wish I had the ability to make these unauthentic individuals see exactly how nasty and hurtful they really are. Maybe in my next life.
With much love, light and as much authenticity as I can muster,
Tammy.
So, as I was saying, we all know someone who is "unauthentic". That individual who is not true to their own character, personality or spirit. They are the posers the drama kings and queens who love to let us know how down and out they are yet their actions are not indicative of the situation they vehemently claim. I like to call them sympathy mongers. We are all guilty of seeking sympathy, but for these individuals it's a way of life.
People like this are exhausting for those of us who see through them. As someone who deals with an unauthentic person I can tell you it's emotionally, mentally and physically taxing. It's infuriating to know someone so well and watch them portray to the rest of the world a false image of them self. How do you deal with this?
You can do one of two things, confront them or ignore them. I do the latter. Why? Because I don't like confrontation and generally speaking these unauthentic individuals usually have a great defense and argument. They are incapable of seeing another's point of view because in their opinion they are right therefore you can't be. They are justified and they have a great excuse for why they do what they do...it's usually someone else's fault.
If you choose to ignore it as I'm finding out, you can end up making yourself crazy trying to NOT obsess about what it is you've witnessed. This is not healthy, what is healthy is distancing yourself from said individual and letting go of the mental hold their behaviour has on you. You need to clean house. But what if cleaning house causes more problems than just putting up with it? What if severing ties will hurt someone else? What do you do then?
Well you do what you know is best for the people who really matter to you. You bite your tongue, bow your head and pray the situation changes...fast. I will not risk destroying someone else because I am tired of dealing with an unauthentic individual. In the end they will get what they deserve. The thing is they will likely turn it around and somehow come off looking like the pathetic victim they constantly claim to be. They are FAR from the victim, they are for lack of a better word, bullies. They can bully subtly or they can just be down right nasty. I've experienced both.
One thing to remember, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU! Simple. Your thoughts and actions are reflected back on you so if you are nasty you're gonna get nasty back, even if you do it with a smile on your face...you are unauthentic the universe knows this. Oh and by the way they are the first to advertise just how authentic they are...just in case you might wonder. And why would we question, unless of course there is a fragment of doubt. They know they are false, they just want to make sure you never figure it out.
The world if full of unauthentic people, luckily they are still out numbered. For every one unauthentic person I know, I know at least 100 authentic people (this is just a guesstimate) I would like to think we are all authentic, but I know for a fact this is not the case. I just wish I had the ability to make these unauthentic individuals see exactly how nasty and hurtful they really are. Maybe in my next life.
With much love, light and as much authenticity as I can muster,
Tammy.
Friday, March 4, 2011
It's A Girl!
March 4th 1997 is a day I will never forget, every detail is burned in my memory, it's the day my first child made her entrance into this world, and what an entrance it was!
I was late, 5 days not terribly past due by all accounts but I was done. I had gained a whopping 70lbs with this first pregnancy and high blood pressure had set in over the past week so ya, I was ready to have what we thought was our son...
It was March 3rd a little before midnight, I had been having light contractions all day and after a brief visit to the hospital and being told, nope not yet and sent home I was sure this kid was going to make my body it's permanent home. After a day of waiting and wondering we decided to go for dinner at our favourite Mexican restaurant on Commercial Drive. A little spicy food might do the trick.
After wards we stopped at our close friends house for a visit and they happened to be watching Eraser with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams, not necessarily the funniest movie but there is one scene where Arnie falls from a plane and lands on top of a car in a wrecking yard. He's discovered by two young kids, brother and sister, and when he asks them "Where am I?" the little girl replies "Earth, welcome." I laughed so hard I think I broke my water...I still chuckle when I think of that scene.
I say I think I broke my water because there was never the gush that most women experience. The baby's head was fully engaged and blocking anything from doing more than a trickle and when we were at the hospital I was told, if my water turns green to come in right away...
Well at about 11pm that Monday night my water turned green. Basically what that means for anyone who doesn't know. Green water is a sign that the baby has had it's first bowel movement which should occur after being born but in some cases it happens in utero and it's dangerous to the baby because if they inhale it on exit it can gum up their lungs and cause problems such as infection, so not a good thing.
At this point my contractions were a little more frequent but not unbearable if it weren't for the green water we would have waited. I wasn't about to take a risk on this one so off we went to BC Women's Hospital, a twenty minute drive from our house. So my official check in time at the hospital was 11:30pm more or less. The triage doctor was impressed by my enormous belly suggesting the baby would be five feet tall at birth.
We spent some time in the triage area until a room was available, once we were in and settled we were inundated with doctors and their students...it's a teaching hospital, somehow I missed that on the tour. Didn't matter having 13 doctors along with a handful of nurses in the room was comforting.
And so began Tuesday March 4th, me hooked up to an IV being pumped full of antibiotics to ensure the baby doesn't develop an infection and for a way to give me the anticipated pain medication or any other drug to make this process tolerable. The hours passed and nothing. My labour was sporadic stopping and starting, nothing regular so in goes the oxytocin to regulate my contractions, it worked and by 12:00pm I was in full labour...
Not fun! The doctor decided that after 15 hours of up and down I needed to rest or there would be no way I could push this baby out, enter epidural. Child birth is a cake walk compared to having a horse needle stuck in your spine. Not to mention they want you to bend over so your back is curved well good luck with a beach ball attached to your front! So after much discomfort and pain from the garden hose sized needle in the spine not to mention the flexible one they leave in, I'm numb from the waist down, more or less, I can at least relax enough to sleep, so I did.
Drugs are a funny thing they either work or they don't, after about 45 minutes of much needed deep sleep I recall dreaming I'm pushing a school bus up a hill. The next thing I know I'm wide awake and NEED to push. Panic sets in, the epidural is wearing off and the tube has slipped and there's no time to put another one in. The nurses are yelling at me not to push, I'm yelling at them I HAVE TOO! They're trying to explain that they need to be sure everything is ok with the baby, they had earlier in the day attached clamps to the baby's head to monitor it's heart rate but they kept coming off so they relied on the monitor strapped to my belly, not as accurate but good enough.
Ok, so it's probably about 2:30pm now and I'm on my side because the epidural site is too painful to lay on, the IV in my hand is in the worst possible spot we discover because I can't bend my wrist to push myself up so I'm one handing it, thank GOD my mother-in-law was present she helped hold my back when the time came to push. My ex stood next to the bed holding my right leg in the air and rolling his eyes for having the task...ya, that's right it was an annoyance for him, his arms were tired. His mom gave him crap, I was otherwise preoccupied trying to get the alien out of me.
Two and a half hours of pushing and on the second to last push the baby's heart rate dropped as expected but this time it didn't recover, the nurse yelled at the doctor words that still ring in my ears. "Baby need to come NOW!" The doctor was lightning fast he had the scalpel in one hand a needle with freezing in the other and told me, "I'm going to cut to get the baby's head out and I'll freeze you at the same time, he did and yes it hurt like hell but only for a moment. Out popped the baby's head, the umbilical cord was wrapped around it's neck not tight but none the less not a good thing either. So it was cut right away.
Then the worse possible thing happened, in my opinion anyway. The baby was stuck. Once this was discovered, the fact that there were several extra doctors in the room along with the chief pediatrician I was in good hands. Three of the doctors jumped on the bed and literally popped the baby out by forcefully pushing on the top of my belly. The time was 5:00pm on the nose.
The baby was whisked away to another area of the room and surrounded by what seemed like a million backs, because that's all I could see. No sound yet, no cries, I don't even know what I had, a son or a daugher? We wait for what seems like an eternity for that first sound...
Not only were we concerned about heart rate but this is when disasters can happen, not enough oxygen to the brain and the baby can be inflicted with Cerebral Palsy, we knew that. We also knew that if the baby inhaled before the air passages were suctioned out that would not be good either, so we wait...and pray. At least I know that's what I was doing. My ex just stood in shock, later I would find out that because of his vantage point he saw the whole show including the vision of a grey lifeless creature seconds before it was whisked out of sight.
Then miracle of miracles, a squeak, then a real cry, only a few short bursts but strong none the less. And now..."It's a GIRL!" from someone off to my left it didn't matter, she was alive! I looked at her dad and said "You ok with that?" dumb question but we were so sure it was a boy I didn't know if he was disappointed. He was fine with it, phew, I couldn't imagine putting her back until the extra parts grew. That was kind of the joke for a while.
I got to see her briefly I didn't get to hold her, they wanted her in the NICU in an incubator and on antibiotics immediately. So I stayed behind to get stitched up and eat, finally, my last meal had been Mexican the night before. I was starving! All they had was toast and peanut butter. Oh well I was happy to have the whole ordeal over with. We waited in the delivery room for what seemed like hours, I was anxious to get upstairs to see my daughter, I didn't even have the stats on her yet, the room cleared pretty quick once she was taken up to the NICU. I knew she was in good hands, there were enough of them.
Another reason they waited to move me, I had hemorrhaged, a common issue in my family, my mom hemorrhaged as did my sister with their first so the floor looked like a war zone and I'm guessing they didn't want me seeing how much I had lost. Of course it looked worse than it was so I'm told because the rest of my water came out afterwards too and there was allot of that. I remember looking at myself in the mirror the next day and being shocked at how grey I was. Startlingly grey. When I asked the doctor how much blood I lost he said about 700cc's so a fair bit. Didn't matter, my baby girl was fine.
So much so that she looked strange amongst the pre-mees. My daughter entered this world at 9lbs 12oz, that's right, 4oz shy of 10lbs! 21inches long. She looked like a one month old and didn't fit in the sleepers I had brought. When we went to see her she practically filled the incubator, and had her leg up resting on the side, a very thick leg at that. No skinny chicken with this girl. She had a full head of jet black hair, which later we would learn was from the meconium (first bowel movement) the nurse had shaved the top of her head for the IV and cut a little pill cup in half and taped it over the needle because she kept knocking it out. She looked like a little old man...my dad to be exact, he was balding the same way.
We spent the rest of the week in the hospital. She was in NICU until the 6th and the last day with me in my room. I had to travel to her to feed her and the nurses were supplementing her with formula because I hadn't started to produce milk and she was starving all the time, and made sure they knew it! I heard allot of comments about how big she was and why was she in with the pre-mees? My only explanation, "She got stuck".
Today my daughter is 14! She's 5'10" tall, a straight A student who has just been accepted to the International Baccalaureate programme for grade 9 next year and is drop dead gorgeous with her golden brown hair, creamy complexion, big brown eyes and a killer smile. She is my pride and joy, every day I am in awe of her, she is all I had hoped for in a daughter and more. My wish for her on this day is a lifetime of success, happiness and the world in the palm of her hand. She may have come into this world grey but now shines bright like the sun.
With much love, light and birthday wishes,
Mom.
I was late, 5 days not terribly past due by all accounts but I was done. I had gained a whopping 70lbs with this first pregnancy and high blood pressure had set in over the past week so ya, I was ready to have what we thought was our son...
It was March 3rd a little before midnight, I had been having light contractions all day and after a brief visit to the hospital and being told, nope not yet and sent home I was sure this kid was going to make my body it's permanent home. After a day of waiting and wondering we decided to go for dinner at our favourite Mexican restaurant on Commercial Drive. A little spicy food might do the trick.
After wards we stopped at our close friends house for a visit and they happened to be watching Eraser with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams, not necessarily the funniest movie but there is one scene where Arnie falls from a plane and lands on top of a car in a wrecking yard. He's discovered by two young kids, brother and sister, and when he asks them "Where am I?" the little girl replies "Earth, welcome." I laughed so hard I think I broke my water...I still chuckle when I think of that scene.
I say I think I broke my water because there was never the gush that most women experience. The baby's head was fully engaged and blocking anything from doing more than a trickle and when we were at the hospital I was told, if my water turns green to come in right away...
Well at about 11pm that Monday night my water turned green. Basically what that means for anyone who doesn't know. Green water is a sign that the baby has had it's first bowel movement which should occur after being born but in some cases it happens in utero and it's dangerous to the baby because if they inhale it on exit it can gum up their lungs and cause problems such as infection, so not a good thing.
At this point my contractions were a little more frequent but not unbearable if it weren't for the green water we would have waited. I wasn't about to take a risk on this one so off we went to BC Women's Hospital, a twenty minute drive from our house. So my official check in time at the hospital was 11:30pm more or less. The triage doctor was impressed by my enormous belly suggesting the baby would be five feet tall at birth.
We spent some time in the triage area until a room was available, once we were in and settled we were inundated with doctors and their students...it's a teaching hospital, somehow I missed that on the tour. Didn't matter having 13 doctors along with a handful of nurses in the room was comforting.
And so began Tuesday March 4th, me hooked up to an IV being pumped full of antibiotics to ensure the baby doesn't develop an infection and for a way to give me the anticipated pain medication or any other drug to make this process tolerable. The hours passed and nothing. My labour was sporadic stopping and starting, nothing regular so in goes the oxytocin to regulate my contractions, it worked and by 12:00pm I was in full labour...
Not fun! The doctor decided that after 15 hours of up and down I needed to rest or there would be no way I could push this baby out, enter epidural. Child birth is a cake walk compared to having a horse needle stuck in your spine. Not to mention they want you to bend over so your back is curved well good luck with a beach ball attached to your front! So after much discomfort and pain from the garden hose sized needle in the spine not to mention the flexible one they leave in, I'm numb from the waist down, more or less, I can at least relax enough to sleep, so I did.
Drugs are a funny thing they either work or they don't, after about 45 minutes of much needed deep sleep I recall dreaming I'm pushing a school bus up a hill. The next thing I know I'm wide awake and NEED to push. Panic sets in, the epidural is wearing off and the tube has slipped and there's no time to put another one in. The nurses are yelling at me not to push, I'm yelling at them I HAVE TOO! They're trying to explain that they need to be sure everything is ok with the baby, they had earlier in the day attached clamps to the baby's head to monitor it's heart rate but they kept coming off so they relied on the monitor strapped to my belly, not as accurate but good enough.
Ok, so it's probably about 2:30pm now and I'm on my side because the epidural site is too painful to lay on, the IV in my hand is in the worst possible spot we discover because I can't bend my wrist to push myself up so I'm one handing it, thank GOD my mother-in-law was present she helped hold my back when the time came to push. My ex stood next to the bed holding my right leg in the air and rolling his eyes for having the task...ya, that's right it was an annoyance for him, his arms were tired. His mom gave him crap, I was otherwise preoccupied trying to get the alien out of me.
Two and a half hours of pushing and on the second to last push the baby's heart rate dropped as expected but this time it didn't recover, the nurse yelled at the doctor words that still ring in my ears. "Baby need to come NOW!" The doctor was lightning fast he had the scalpel in one hand a needle with freezing in the other and told me, "I'm going to cut to get the baby's head out and I'll freeze you at the same time, he did and yes it hurt like hell but only for a moment. Out popped the baby's head, the umbilical cord was wrapped around it's neck not tight but none the less not a good thing either. So it was cut right away.
Then the worse possible thing happened, in my opinion anyway. The baby was stuck. Once this was discovered, the fact that there were several extra doctors in the room along with the chief pediatrician I was in good hands. Three of the doctors jumped on the bed and literally popped the baby out by forcefully pushing on the top of my belly. The time was 5:00pm on the nose.
The baby was whisked away to another area of the room and surrounded by what seemed like a million backs, because that's all I could see. No sound yet, no cries, I don't even know what I had, a son or a daugher? We wait for what seems like an eternity for that first sound...
Not only were we concerned about heart rate but this is when disasters can happen, not enough oxygen to the brain and the baby can be inflicted with Cerebral Palsy, we knew that. We also knew that if the baby inhaled before the air passages were suctioned out that would not be good either, so we wait...and pray. At least I know that's what I was doing. My ex just stood in shock, later I would find out that because of his vantage point he saw the whole show including the vision of a grey lifeless creature seconds before it was whisked out of sight.
Then miracle of miracles, a squeak, then a real cry, only a few short bursts but strong none the less. And now..."It's a GIRL!" from someone off to my left it didn't matter, she was alive! I looked at her dad and said "You ok with that?" dumb question but we were so sure it was a boy I didn't know if he was disappointed. He was fine with it, phew, I couldn't imagine putting her back until the extra parts grew. That was kind of the joke for a while.
I got to see her briefly I didn't get to hold her, they wanted her in the NICU in an incubator and on antibiotics immediately. So I stayed behind to get stitched up and eat, finally, my last meal had been Mexican the night before. I was starving! All they had was toast and peanut butter. Oh well I was happy to have the whole ordeal over with. We waited in the delivery room for what seemed like hours, I was anxious to get upstairs to see my daughter, I didn't even have the stats on her yet, the room cleared pretty quick once she was taken up to the NICU. I knew she was in good hands, there were enough of them.
Another reason they waited to move me, I had hemorrhaged, a common issue in my family, my mom hemorrhaged as did my sister with their first so the floor looked like a war zone and I'm guessing they didn't want me seeing how much I had lost. Of course it looked worse than it was so I'm told because the rest of my water came out afterwards too and there was allot of that. I remember looking at myself in the mirror the next day and being shocked at how grey I was. Startlingly grey. When I asked the doctor how much blood I lost he said about 700cc's so a fair bit. Didn't matter, my baby girl was fine.
So much so that she looked strange amongst the pre-mees. My daughter entered this world at 9lbs 12oz, that's right, 4oz shy of 10lbs! 21inches long. She looked like a one month old and didn't fit in the sleepers I had brought. When we went to see her she practically filled the incubator, and had her leg up resting on the side, a very thick leg at that. No skinny chicken with this girl. She had a full head of jet black hair, which later we would learn was from the meconium (first bowel movement) the nurse had shaved the top of her head for the IV and cut a little pill cup in half and taped it over the needle because she kept knocking it out. She looked like a little old man...my dad to be exact, he was balding the same way.
We spent the rest of the week in the hospital. She was in NICU until the 6th and the last day with me in my room. I had to travel to her to feed her and the nurses were supplementing her with formula because I hadn't started to produce milk and she was starving all the time, and made sure they knew it! I heard allot of comments about how big she was and why was she in with the pre-mees? My only explanation, "She got stuck".
Today my daughter is 14! She's 5'10" tall, a straight A student who has just been accepted to the International Baccalaureate programme for grade 9 next year and is drop dead gorgeous with her golden brown hair, creamy complexion, big brown eyes and a killer smile. She is my pride and joy, every day I am in awe of her, she is all I had hoped for in a daughter and more. My wish for her on this day is a lifetime of success, happiness and the world in the palm of her hand. She may have come into this world grey but now shines bright like the sun.
With much love, light and birthday wishes,
Mom.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Beating A Dead Horse
Odd that expression but it makes a point...
Why bother? Is the horse going to get up and obey? Not bloody likely. Yet we try and try and try to what end? Releasing our frustrations or causing them to flourish in our attempt revive a dead horse?
The definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different out come each time. Love that one, we are all insane if this is the case! The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change our perspective. For example, not that long ago I was paying some bills on line and as each one was posted my bank balance grew smaller and smaller...not a pleasant sight but inevitable none the less. I started thinking about how I could do something differently to make it go in the other direction. I changed my perspective.
Instead of focusing on what I didn't have I started mentally listing all that I did have and further to that all that I had the ability to attain. You know what...it's working, it's slow but I'm seeing progress. Because I didn't focus on what I didn't have it wasn't reflected back on me. What I see now is ONLY abundance. I don't ask "How can I afford this?" I state "I have the means to afford this." Even if at the time I don't I still say it. You know what? So far I have had the means to do what is needed when it's needed...not necessarily more than that but I'm not left struggling. And believe me I have struggled.
This can work for anyone, it's amazing how just counting your blessings as it were can make such a difference! I was at the Health and Wellness Show a few weekends ago and had the opportunity to listen to a speaker give some insight into manifestation and one of the most important things he said was DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE OR DON'T WANT...you know why? Because that's exactly what you will end up with. Instead focus on what you do have and increase it mentally and believe! If you don't believe it will work, it won't work.
I have been through spots where I had doubt and you know what happened? I ended up financially strapped and stressed to the point of illness. It's unbelievably frustrating in the beginning but once you realise that you can initiate change in yourself and thus stop beating your dead horse you will be able to breath a sigh of relief and your troubles will passed. That doesn't mean you can stop doing the work, no way! Everyday you work at it, every day until it becomes part of you like breathing or blinking.
This is not an easy task to undertake. In the beginning it's painful and the benefits are slow to materialize but don't give up, never give up. Giving up is certain death. Be that insane person doing the same thing over and over until you see different results. It can happen you have to believe it will.
You know the expression 'misery loves company' well truer words were never spoken. I know this because I've been contemplating letting myself get sick and with all that's floating around it shouldn't be difficult. Why would I want to do this to myself when I've done such a good job at staying relatively healthy? Sympathy maybe, sick people get sympathy, more so I just want a day off to laze around in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. Dumb? Ya, really dumb. Instead I'm taking one of the two weeks my kids are off for spring break, much better use of my energy, focus on doing something fun with them and having the means to do so.
So my challenge to you TODAY...stop beating your dead horse, leave it to rot and dissolve into dust. Think of all you have and expand it. If it's money you require, think about your bank balance increasing don't focus on it decreasing. If it's better health, close your eyes and remember when you felt at your best and try to recapture that feeling. Tell yourself "I'm healthy, I'm happy and I feel GREAT!" you may have to say it a few times for it to stick but don't give up it will happen. If you want to attract your soul mate, put it out there ask for someone who is a perfect match to you and open your heart and mind. That person is there waiting for you.
The biggest mistake we make is looking over the fence. Expressions exist for a reason, to teach us lessons, sometimes we just don't learn. Here are a few of my favourite. "Be careful what you wish for." "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." "There's no point crying over spilt milk." "Count your blessings." "Never go to bed angry." "Actions speak louder than words." "Lead by example".
Some of these are kind of like warnings, others are just common sense. BUT there is a reason for each and every one of them. If we choose to ignore them we set our selves up to encounter exactly what we are being warned against. I've seen it first hand. I know people living with regret because they viewed the grass as greener, or what they wished for didn't turn out as they expected. They did it wrong, what we should wish for should be a reflection of all that is good and positive in OUR own lives not what we perceive in the lives of others. We can not wish to have what someone else has...that belongs to them...make your own variation and wish for that.
How many of you out there would LOVE to win the lottery? Not just a couple of bucks but the big one...fifty million sounds good to me! Now let me ask you this, how many of you have imagined what your life would be like if you did win? Pretty spectacular right? Well why not view your life right now as spectacular? When you wake up in the morning are you grateful you're still here? That's pretty spectacular! Do you have kids who love you unconditionally? That too is spectacular. How about a roof over your head? Food in the cupboard? Clothes on your back? Pretty damn spectacular if you ask me. See your life that way and it will be.
Oh and when you go buy your lottery ticket before they push the button on the machine ask for the "winning numbers only please" it sounds dumb and the clerk my laugh but how does that one expression go "Ask and ye shall receive"(?) Ok, I will, and thank you very very much, in advance!
With much love, light and a SPECTACULAR LIFE!
Tammy.
Why bother? Is the horse going to get up and obey? Not bloody likely. Yet we try and try and try to what end? Releasing our frustrations or causing them to flourish in our attempt revive a dead horse?
The definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different out come each time. Love that one, we are all insane if this is the case! The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change our perspective. For example, not that long ago I was paying some bills on line and as each one was posted my bank balance grew smaller and smaller...not a pleasant sight but inevitable none the less. I started thinking about how I could do something differently to make it go in the other direction. I changed my perspective.
Instead of focusing on what I didn't have I started mentally listing all that I did have and further to that all that I had the ability to attain. You know what...it's working, it's slow but I'm seeing progress. Because I didn't focus on what I didn't have it wasn't reflected back on me. What I see now is ONLY abundance. I don't ask "How can I afford this?" I state "I have the means to afford this." Even if at the time I don't I still say it. You know what? So far I have had the means to do what is needed when it's needed...not necessarily more than that but I'm not left struggling. And believe me I have struggled.
This can work for anyone, it's amazing how just counting your blessings as it were can make such a difference! I was at the Health and Wellness Show a few weekends ago and had the opportunity to listen to a speaker give some insight into manifestation and one of the most important things he said was DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE OR DON'T WANT...you know why? Because that's exactly what you will end up with. Instead focus on what you do have and increase it mentally and believe! If you don't believe it will work, it won't work.
I have been through spots where I had doubt and you know what happened? I ended up financially strapped and stressed to the point of illness. It's unbelievably frustrating in the beginning but once you realise that you can initiate change in yourself and thus stop beating your dead horse you will be able to breath a sigh of relief and your troubles will passed. That doesn't mean you can stop doing the work, no way! Everyday you work at it, every day until it becomes part of you like breathing or blinking.
This is not an easy task to undertake. In the beginning it's painful and the benefits are slow to materialize but don't give up, never give up. Giving up is certain death. Be that insane person doing the same thing over and over until you see different results. It can happen you have to believe it will.
You know the expression 'misery loves company' well truer words were never spoken. I know this because I've been contemplating letting myself get sick and with all that's floating around it shouldn't be difficult. Why would I want to do this to myself when I've done such a good job at staying relatively healthy? Sympathy maybe, sick people get sympathy, more so I just want a day off to laze around in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. Dumb? Ya, really dumb. Instead I'm taking one of the two weeks my kids are off for spring break, much better use of my energy, focus on doing something fun with them and having the means to do so.
So my challenge to you TODAY...stop beating your dead horse, leave it to rot and dissolve into dust. Think of all you have and expand it. If it's money you require, think about your bank balance increasing don't focus on it decreasing. If it's better health, close your eyes and remember when you felt at your best and try to recapture that feeling. Tell yourself "I'm healthy, I'm happy and I feel GREAT!" you may have to say it a few times for it to stick but don't give up it will happen. If you want to attract your soul mate, put it out there ask for someone who is a perfect match to you and open your heart and mind. That person is there waiting for you.
The biggest mistake we make is looking over the fence. Expressions exist for a reason, to teach us lessons, sometimes we just don't learn. Here are a few of my favourite. "Be careful what you wish for." "The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence." "There's no point crying over spilt milk." "Count your blessings." "Never go to bed angry." "Actions speak louder than words." "Lead by example".
Some of these are kind of like warnings, others are just common sense. BUT there is a reason for each and every one of them. If we choose to ignore them we set our selves up to encounter exactly what we are being warned against. I've seen it first hand. I know people living with regret because they viewed the grass as greener, or what they wished for didn't turn out as they expected. They did it wrong, what we should wish for should be a reflection of all that is good and positive in OUR own lives not what we perceive in the lives of others. We can not wish to have what someone else has...that belongs to them...make your own variation and wish for that.
How many of you out there would LOVE to win the lottery? Not just a couple of bucks but the big one...fifty million sounds good to me! Now let me ask you this, how many of you have imagined what your life would be like if you did win? Pretty spectacular right? Well why not view your life right now as spectacular? When you wake up in the morning are you grateful you're still here? That's pretty spectacular! Do you have kids who love you unconditionally? That too is spectacular. How about a roof over your head? Food in the cupboard? Clothes on your back? Pretty damn spectacular if you ask me. See your life that way and it will be.
Oh and when you go buy your lottery ticket before they push the button on the machine ask for the "winning numbers only please" it sounds dumb and the clerk my laugh but how does that one expression go "Ask and ye shall receive"(?) Ok, I will, and thank you very very much, in advance!
With much love, light and a SPECTACULAR LIFE!
Tammy.
International Baccalaureate
The International Baccalaureate aims to develop inquiring, knowledgeable and caring young people who help to create a better and more peaceful world through intercultural understanding and respect. To this end the organization works with schools, governments and international organizations to develop challenging programmes of international education and rigorous assessment. These programmes encourage students across the world to become active, compassionate and lifelong learners who understand that other people, with their differences, can also be right.—International Baccalaureate Mission Statement. http://www.ibo.org/
Yesterday my daughter received a letter. Not just any letter but one we have been waiting for with great trepidation. The contents of this letter would determine for her the next four years in her academic career. She's in grade eight right now and already thinking about university and what it will take to ensure she gets into the university of her choice.
On February 12th she, along with about 250 other hopefuls sat through four assessments required for the 120 seats available in the IB programme at Port Moody Secondary. This along with a very comprehensive application will determine if she or any of the students qualify for this somewhat exclusive programme.
Yesterday's letter indicated that yes, my daughter has what it takes to be an IB student. So what does this mean for her? It's a huge opportunity for her but she doesn't see it that way, not entirely. She's saddened by this news because it will mean attending a school that will not include many of her friends, well, none of her friends to be precise. She will have one classmate joining her, in fact she's known him since grade two and his mom is my BFF. They can rely on each other until they establish themselves amongst their peers.
She's resigned herself to the fact that her father will insist she take this opportunity, my position is a little softer. While I agree that this could be the opportunity of a life time I also understand what it's like to be an introverted teenage girl...very very different from and extroverted teenage boy! (her father) He feels she's too young to make such a decision. My argument is that if she's smart enough and mature enough to get into this programme she's also not going to make her decision lightly. Doesn't matter though, she and I both know there is no arguing with her father, a lesson I learned years ago.
So she'll bow her head and agree to attend, will she be happy? That's up to her. I think once she's actually going and realises it's not so bad she'll embrace this opportunity. Right now though, she's already missing friends that may or may not have staying power. I've told her, if they are really good friends, going to different schools won't matter. In fact that may make the friendship stronger because you're not "stuck" with each other all day long, that you will actually have something to talk about that hasn't been said a million times already.
She has had a door opened for her, it's up to her to walk through it...
With much love, light and a mothers pride,
Tammy.
Yesterday my daughter received a letter. Not just any letter but one we have been waiting for with great trepidation. The contents of this letter would determine for her the next four years in her academic career. She's in grade eight right now and already thinking about university and what it will take to ensure she gets into the university of her choice.
On February 12th she, along with about 250 other hopefuls sat through four assessments required for the 120 seats available in the IB programme at Port Moody Secondary. This along with a very comprehensive application will determine if she or any of the students qualify for this somewhat exclusive programme.
Yesterday's letter indicated that yes, my daughter has what it takes to be an IB student. So what does this mean for her? It's a huge opportunity for her but she doesn't see it that way, not entirely. She's saddened by this news because it will mean attending a school that will not include many of her friends, well, none of her friends to be precise. She will have one classmate joining her, in fact she's known him since grade two and his mom is my BFF. They can rely on each other until they establish themselves amongst their peers.
She's resigned herself to the fact that her father will insist she take this opportunity, my position is a little softer. While I agree that this could be the opportunity of a life time I also understand what it's like to be an introverted teenage girl...very very different from and extroverted teenage boy! (her father) He feels she's too young to make such a decision. My argument is that if she's smart enough and mature enough to get into this programme she's also not going to make her decision lightly. Doesn't matter though, she and I both know there is no arguing with her father, a lesson I learned years ago.
So she'll bow her head and agree to attend, will she be happy? That's up to her. I think once she's actually going and realises it's not so bad she'll embrace this opportunity. Right now though, she's already missing friends that may or may not have staying power. I've told her, if they are really good friends, going to different schools won't matter. In fact that may make the friendship stronger because you're not "stuck" with each other all day long, that you will actually have something to talk about that hasn't been said a million times already.
She has had a door opened for her, it's up to her to walk through it...
With much love, light and a mothers pride,
Tammy.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Lost And Found
Some thirty two years ago I lost something, or someone rather...today I found that person and I have to tell you I'm so happy I did. The occasion was not the happiest but the resulting "find" certainly was.
You see, my dad's parents, though having six kids of their own, also raised in part my grandmothers sisters four kids. The result of that was an extended family member that was more than a second cousin. As far as my sister and I were concerned he was an Uncle, his wife an Aunt and their kids were, in our minds, first cousins...of course the related difference is a little farther removed but who cares they are no less important to make up of the entire family.
Today my cousins laid to rest their dad, my Uncle. He perished in a house fire last July and today would have been his 71st maybe 72nd birthday no one there knew for sure, doesn't really matter it was an appropriate choice in days to honour his memory. For me to have had the opportunity to be part of it was an incredible experience.
It's funny though, I almost didn't go. I had a bit of a rough night fighting a migraine but regardless of how tired I was from two and a half hours of sleep I pulled it together and made my way to Maple Ridge. I'm so happy I did!
I have not seen these cousins since about 1979 when they moved back to the lower mainland. My Aunt and Uncle had six kids, five sons and a daughter, she is all of five months older than me...(though neither of us look our ages) we were friends as kids of course and over the years, after they moved away, I wondered what had become of her. Well today I found out. She's been living right down the road (more or less) all this time.
After thirty two years I found my cousin and all those years in between evaporated, we re-connected. Of course I had conversations with three of her four remaining brothers. The oldest died in a tragic car accident when he was thirteen, and the brother that was living with my Uncle when he died seemed to keep to himself, likely he just didn't remember me he is much. It was my Aunt however who spotted me first. Me mostly due to my resemblance to my mom, but I have to tell you it was a great feeling to be recognized after all these years.
Bittersweet as the day was I feel as though it was meant to be. If I could I would turn back time my Uncle would still be here for his family. It was because of their loss that I was able to find them again and that might not have happened otherwise. In a perfect world there would be no loss but this world is not perfect and I can't wave my magic wand and fix everything I wish I could...
So this was the event of the day, we parted company at the cemetery exchanging phone numbers and promises to get together...my mom and dad will be down in May so the plans revolve around that. For my cousin and me, well we're planning for a few weekends from now, we still have some catching up to do, about thirty two years worth.
With much love, light and treasures found,
Tammy.
You see, my dad's parents, though having six kids of their own, also raised in part my grandmothers sisters four kids. The result of that was an extended family member that was more than a second cousin. As far as my sister and I were concerned he was an Uncle, his wife an Aunt and their kids were, in our minds, first cousins...of course the related difference is a little farther removed but who cares they are no less important to make up of the entire family.
Today my cousins laid to rest their dad, my Uncle. He perished in a house fire last July and today would have been his 71st maybe 72nd birthday no one there knew for sure, doesn't really matter it was an appropriate choice in days to honour his memory. For me to have had the opportunity to be part of it was an incredible experience.
It's funny though, I almost didn't go. I had a bit of a rough night fighting a migraine but regardless of how tired I was from two and a half hours of sleep I pulled it together and made my way to Maple Ridge. I'm so happy I did!
I have not seen these cousins since about 1979 when they moved back to the lower mainland. My Aunt and Uncle had six kids, five sons and a daughter, she is all of five months older than me...(though neither of us look our ages) we were friends as kids of course and over the years, after they moved away, I wondered what had become of her. Well today I found out. She's been living right down the road (more or less) all this time.
After thirty two years I found my cousin and all those years in between evaporated, we re-connected. Of course I had conversations with three of her four remaining brothers. The oldest died in a tragic car accident when he was thirteen, and the brother that was living with my Uncle when he died seemed to keep to himself, likely he just didn't remember me he is much. It was my Aunt however who spotted me first. Me mostly due to my resemblance to my mom, but I have to tell you it was a great feeling to be recognized after all these years.
Bittersweet as the day was I feel as though it was meant to be. If I could I would turn back time my Uncle would still be here for his family. It was because of their loss that I was able to find them again and that might not have happened otherwise. In a perfect world there would be no loss but this world is not perfect and I can't wave my magic wand and fix everything I wish I could...
So this was the event of the day, we parted company at the cemetery exchanging phone numbers and promises to get together...my mom and dad will be down in May so the plans revolve around that. For my cousin and me, well we're planning for a few weekends from now, we still have some catching up to do, about thirty two years worth.
With much love, light and treasures found,
Tammy.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saint Valentine's Day
So here we are February 14th, Valentine's Day. For some it's the only time of year they feel truly loved and appreciate. To me that's really sad. One out of 365 days to feel that way? What have we been reduced to?
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I bought into the whole hearts and cupid love thing about the day, I've spent money on loved ones and made an extra effort to let them know they are loved.
I find however as I get older I become more cynical about the whole event. Considering this one particular day florists charge a small fortune for a dozen long stem red roses that will last a week if your lucky. I've been in receipt of such a gift, once. When I found out what the cost was I was sickened. Who in their right mind would spend so much for one day? It's ridiculous.
We have Chaucer to thank for this and his poem Parlement of Foules written in 1382 for Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia to commemorate their engagement. Big deal, so now we are obligated to acknowledge our lovers on this one day? All because 629 years ago someone wrote a poem for a pair of 15 year olds about to get married? Great, thanks.
In all fairness Valentine's day is better suited to the juvenile. They are still blinded by romantic notions and the sentiment of the day. Good for them, they'll see soon enough that love isn't just about one day. For some it's ever fleeting for others it's a lifetime commitment on a roller coaster of emotions. Love is conditional, it's easily lost with a wrong word or action. It needs to be embraced every single day that you are fortunate enough to have it. One day it will be gone.
I have been in more than a few relationships, some sucky romantic others a little more practical. My ex for example does not believe in Valentine's day. He also doesn't feel the need to buy flowers just because. Or any little trinket for that matter. Not a romantic bone in his body. You know, that was perfectly fine with me, I knew I was off the hook too there were no expectations and no disappointments.
My current partner is far more a romantic but that's changing too. Partly because of money but also because of my cynical view. Last year I told him I didn't want anything for Valentine's day, he didn't listen and bought me chocolates and a Canada flag for the van. The didn't get used because of the window visors on the van and the chocolates have gone pretty much untouched on my dresser in their heart shaped box. I'm really not a fan of chocolate and yes I know that's just weird but that's me, cinnamon hearts that's another story and one of my favourite things about today.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the sentiment it's more that I felt guilty for not returning the favour even though he was warned that I didn't want anything. So this year I don't know what to do, should I go get something however small just in case then have him feel bad because for once he actually observed my wishes? This is why I so dislike this day. If it were removed permanently from the calendar would anyone really miss it? Maybe Hallmark and FTD.
If Valentine's day is one of your favourite days then fantastic, enjoy. Tomorrow you can go back to ignoring your spouse or partner because you "did your duty" and produced the customary flowers, cards and chocolates...you are now exempt from the rest of the year, save maybe a few of the big ones like birthday's, anniversaries, mother's day, father's day and Christmas. So now you get 359ish days of not really giving a damn.
There you have it, my little Valentine's day rant. Tonight will be no different than any other night, no reservations are made no expectation of flowers or chocolates. House is on tonight I might watch that, have some dinner and go to bed. Likely just to sleep because my partner is sick and I'm determined not to catch his illness. And I'll wake up tomorrow and still tell my kids and my partner I love them as I usually do. When I think to...and the next day and the next and so on for the rest of the year or until they get sick of hearing it, which ever comes first.
My love for my friends and family is an every day occurrence and maybe it sounds like I'm justifying why I don't care for February 14th but really I don't need this one day to express how I feel for my loved one's I have 365 days (366 on leap years) to tell them and show them. Now, March 17th, there's a day to celebrate!
With much love, light and happiness all year long!
Tammy.
Monday, January 24, 2011
We Have So Much To Learn.
We are born and we grow up. Along the way we are taught. First by our parents then our friends, teachers and eventually by our own children if we decide to have kids. We experience so much in our life time as short or long as it may be that we tend to take some of these lessons for granted.
My parents taught me to love myself and others equally. My friends taught me that we are all individuals, unique, but all striving for the same goal, survival. My teachers taught me about the world around me and how simultaneously big and small it is. My children have taught me that I'm not done learning.
It's what we do with this knowledge that will make the difference in our lives. We are all attending this school called life and sometimes we misbehave and get "detention" you know what I'm talking about. Those experiences we have that we are not entirely happy about the "why me?" experiences. All part of learning. We need to have these experiences good and bad to determine what kind of individual we will be. Where our place in this classroom is when our last breath is exhaled. Are we the class clown, the bully, the popular kid, the nerd, the jock, the perpetual hall monitor, or the invisible kid?
I think most of us are the invisible kid. You know the one, he/she sits at the back of the class listens intently but says little. The one at your high school reunion you vaguely remember, it's not a bad thing, it's just the way it is. That's the person we should all strive to be, not invisible but existing in harmony with everyone, not needing to be the clown or the bully or popular or a nerd or jock and certainly not the hall monitor. Just being, and absorbing and taking with them volumes of knowledge to pass on to the next generation.
I was that kid, invisible for the most part. At least that's how I saw it. I'm still somewhat invisible. I try not to call attention to myself, however I suppose blogging and facebook has changed that for me somewhat. But what I really wanted was to be popular or smart or even the class clown. Didn't want the title of bully or hall monitor, but invisible...not my first choice not back then. Yet I sit here and am learning that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.
You see, I did a lot of observing, I tried a few things too but mostly I watched and waited. The one thing I observed is a lot of people out there are just like me...quietly sitting at the back of the class watching the other students and learning, absorbing and digesting so that when the time comes for us to step up, we have the answers. Are they the right answers? Maybe, only time will tell. What I do know is that as long as we keep a higher purpose in mind they certainly won't be the wrong answers.
My kids are relying on me now to impart the knowledge I have gathered so far on them. So far it's been a pretty positive experience. I also see where my negative experiences will help them make better choices for themselves, I've learned so they don't have too. But then maybe they need to as well, or maybe they will encounter a situation that I hadn't and they will teach me. Learning is a life long commitment. And for some, even longer.
When I'm faced with my graduation from this life to the next I hope to not only leave behind a lifetime of knowledge but to take with me these same experiences so when I return maybe I will get the be the popular kid, or the jock or even the nerd. So long as I'm not a bully I'll take invisible too!
With much love, light and what did you learn today?
Tammy.
My parents taught me to love myself and others equally. My friends taught me that we are all individuals, unique, but all striving for the same goal, survival. My teachers taught me about the world around me and how simultaneously big and small it is. My children have taught me that I'm not done learning.
It's what we do with this knowledge that will make the difference in our lives. We are all attending this school called life and sometimes we misbehave and get "detention" you know what I'm talking about. Those experiences we have that we are not entirely happy about the "why me?" experiences. All part of learning. We need to have these experiences good and bad to determine what kind of individual we will be. Where our place in this classroom is when our last breath is exhaled. Are we the class clown, the bully, the popular kid, the nerd, the jock, the perpetual hall monitor, or the invisible kid?
I think most of us are the invisible kid. You know the one, he/she sits at the back of the class listens intently but says little. The one at your high school reunion you vaguely remember, it's not a bad thing, it's just the way it is. That's the person we should all strive to be, not invisible but existing in harmony with everyone, not needing to be the clown or the bully or popular or a nerd or jock and certainly not the hall monitor. Just being, and absorbing and taking with them volumes of knowledge to pass on to the next generation.
I was that kid, invisible for the most part. At least that's how I saw it. I'm still somewhat invisible. I try not to call attention to myself, however I suppose blogging and facebook has changed that for me somewhat. But what I really wanted was to be popular or smart or even the class clown. Didn't want the title of bully or hall monitor, but invisible...not my first choice not back then. Yet I sit here and am learning that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.
You see, I did a lot of observing, I tried a few things too but mostly I watched and waited. The one thing I observed is a lot of people out there are just like me...quietly sitting at the back of the class watching the other students and learning, absorbing and digesting so that when the time comes for us to step up, we have the answers. Are they the right answers? Maybe, only time will tell. What I do know is that as long as we keep a higher purpose in mind they certainly won't be the wrong answers.
My kids are relying on me now to impart the knowledge I have gathered so far on them. So far it's been a pretty positive experience. I also see where my negative experiences will help them make better choices for themselves, I've learned so they don't have too. But then maybe they need to as well, or maybe they will encounter a situation that I hadn't and they will teach me. Learning is a life long commitment. And for some, even longer.
When I'm faced with my graduation from this life to the next I hope to not only leave behind a lifetime of knowledge but to take with me these same experiences so when I return maybe I will get the be the popular kid, or the jock or even the nerd. So long as I'm not a bully I'll take invisible too!
With much love, light and what did you learn today?
Tammy.
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