Every now and then I feel a very strong force pushing me to make changes in my life. Whether it be in my job, relationship or personally. Change is something I've come to accept and embrace. But deciding when and what to change is the trick.
I have been working at my current employer going on five years now. For me that's a long time at one job. I know it's not wise to change jobs too often but I get bored and stagnate and I hate that. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing, well, ok maybe a little bit. I certainly don't love it. That's probably why I loose interest and want to move on.
I recently cut about two and a half inches off my hair. I know that sounds silly but it's taken me years to grow it out and I finally get it to the middle of my back and snip snip it's shorter again. My reasoning, it's a renewable resource it will grow back and I'm in need of the change. So by taking the initiative and cutting it I've satisfied the need for personal change. For now. I'm working on getting back into my "skinny" clothes...that takes a little longer.
I dreamt last night that I was unbelievably fit. I had a perfectly flat rock hard stomach with little to no body fat to speak of...I wish! Believe me I didn't want to wake up from that dream. I know it's something I could attain if I put my mind to it but you see that's the trick, convincing my mind it's a good thing. I need to initiate a change in my attitude towards exercise. Or just keep dreaming about it that certainly sounds easier.
I'm one of those people who rearrange the furniture on a regular basis. I'm sure it drives every one crazy but for me it's necessary. I like moving too, new house, new location for me change is almost an obsession. I remember when I liven in Toronto for six years, I think I had something like eight different addresses, my mom got to the point where she used pencil in her address book for me. I like change!
Let me qualify that, I like the change that I can choose and control. I'm ok with forced change it just takes a bit to adjust. Change is good if it's good change. I don't try to change others, I'm busy enough changing myself and my surroundings. It's fun to watch someone watching me when I'm in one of those moods, usually they just shake their heads and walk away. Guess they just don't get it.
I need change, without it I become agitated and depressed. I can put it off if I have to, if circumstances won't allow the change I require. I can switch the focus of my change from rearranging furniture to painting the walls or tearing up old icky carpet. When what I would really like to do is pack up and move to a bigger better house. Not yet though the market hasn't recovered enough to justify a move. So I paint or renovate or whatever I can do to satisfy my need for change.
Initiating change when you are less motivated to change it tricky. I would love to change jobs, do something a little different or more exciting but there's not much out their in the job market so I try to switch things up at work. I take on new tasks that temporarily fill the need. Or I rearrange my daily routine to make it seem a little different. But the underlying desire for all out change still nags at me. Do I initiate or do I stagnate? I already know the answer to that one.
With much love, light and a need to change,
Tammy.
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