It's A Sad Day When...

It's a sad day when you realise all that you could have accomplished in your life has pretty much passed you by.

Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of opportunity but circumstance always stood in the way.  I could have gone to post secondary right after high school but I had big plans and that wasn't it.  I could have gone back on several occasions as an adult student but something always came up.  So why do I sit here now all sad about what I should have done?  Because short of winning the lottery there is no way in hell I could make that kind of commitment.

I work as an "Office Manager" sounds OK, but what it boils down to is I do all the crap jobs no one else wants and for less pay than I know I'm worth.  I have tried to make lateral changes when opportunities arise here but I work with 11 men and believe me when I say "it's a mans world here".  Recently I've been invited to take part in the annual strategic planning meeting we have but other than that I'm the company mushroom. (Kept in the dark and fed crap all day).

When I had my last review my boss told me I'm pretty much at the top of my pay scale for this size company and the position.  Fine.  All that tells me is if I want to improve my financial picture I have to move on.  Problem is all the crap that goes along with it.  Looking for a new job, updating my resume, you can't just say "tell me what you want done and I'll do it." references, that's a killer I don't know anyone who is still with my previous employers or how to find them, I didn't keep in touch.  Then there's the whole three month probation period where you're paranoid they are not going to like you as much as they thought they would.  Oh, and benefits, there's a fun switch. 

The positive would be hopefully more money and the potential for advancement.  The problem is at my age I need to start somewhere close to the top but without the ever elusive degree or designation I'm screwed.  There are allot of CGA, CA, and CMA's out there looking for work as well and they would certainly be chosen over me hands down.  So do I go back to school? Can't, I can't afford it.  Do I start job hunting again? Why I would only end up doing pretty much what I do now with the potential of working with people I really don't like. 

Yup, a sad day indeed.  A sad week, month, year, decade...lifetime.  Well, at least I have my health right?  Unfortunately it doesn't pay the bills, not directly anyway. To be self employed would be nice, be my own boss but what would I do? More so I would really miss my extended health considering my son's medication is about $100.00 a month it's really nice to not have to pay for it.  So I'll sit and day dream about winning Lotto Max and never having to work again, all the while plugging away at my pathetic paying dead end job.

I've enjoyed my little pity party, guess I'll get back to work...or not.

With much love, light and I think I need inspiration,
Tammy.